I learn from my yesterdays.

My Lover.

Writing this blog forces me to remember just 24 hours ago. Do you know how hard that is. Before, I wouldn't think about the yesterdays of my life. Why should I? They are yesterdays, not todays or tomorrows. Yesterdays are the past, and there isn't anything I can do to change them. 

So, why talk about them? The answer is simple, they are where the memories live. Fresh memories, not the dusty ones from years past, these are new ones. I can still feel the warmth of the  sun, see the flowers, and remember the smells, touch, and joy of those days.

It is here I can look back, see what happened, how I responded to it, and learn from it. Here is where, in the yesterdays, wisdom lives. For without the yesterdays, there isn't any learning. For I learn from my yesterdays. 

Friday

Friday was a sleep day for Sweetie. She seemed to be sleeping well as I was watching her. Even to the point of her being awake when I went to get her. 

She seemed to be in good spirits, and all went well for the morning. 

It was when we came home that her wanting to sleep came about. By the way she was acting, it seemed that she didn't get a good night sleep as I thought she had. She just wanted to sleep, and so I let her. 

Not wanting her to sleep all day, I got her up to get her to go walking. Checking her before we left, and found her bowels had been busy. I was so happy that I checked her before we left. It was bad enough, but if she would of sat, walked, and sat again, what a mess I avoided. 

After dinner, we went to our Friday meeting. It is a special birthday meeting. On the last Friday of the month, we have a birthday party, for those who had one during the month. Because of Covid, we didn't have any. So it was catch up time. 

There were so many people there that we hadn't seen in the past year it was great. Sweetie was just beaming, because of her greetings, and hugs, I could tell she was just having a wonderful time. 

After the cake and ice cream was be passed out, I had to feed it to her. She was more then willing to let me do it for her. She ate it all. It was such a good time for both of us. 

When we got home, we went straight to bed, said our prayers and to sleep we went. 

There were times of tricky switchback curves today while we were on the Road to Dementia. Driver handled them so skillfully. I remember the fun days, pre seatbelts, sliding from one side of the car to the other when we were on curvy roads. Driver was so good handling these curves that we barely moved. That way we could Keep our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

Blank stare.

My Sunshine.

During our walk about, the mall has these backdrops were stores like Sears were. I have just begun to use them as backgrounds for taking pictures of my Sweetie. I should get some selfies of the both of us, or ask some passerby to take one of us together. 

It is what I've gotten used to. It is just another way of living. Me and Sweetie, walking hand in hand, watching her walk, talking to her, getting her to smile, knowing that she can still hear and understand my words is very important to me. 

Because we had a fainting spell while on the golf course, I am weary of what might happen while we walk. I can judge how she is doing by getting her to look at me and smile. Then tell her how much I love her smile, which I do, and then she smiles the more. 

Thursday

It was the normal beginning of the the day. With a little bit more hesitancy in getting her out of bed. There are some mornings she just doesn't want to get up. I'm going to start keeping track of how she gets up to how the day goes. 

After breakfast, we were off to the golf course. Everything seemed fine. Sweetie's hand hold tells me how she is doing. A firm handhold tells me she is doing well. 

It was on the second green that she made a move towards me while I was putting. Looked up and saw that blank stare, and I knew she was going to pass out. It happened out of the blue, there wasn't anything that would of triggered it, it just happened. 

Instead of venturing onward, I picked up my ball, and put her in the cart and homeward we went. 

All was not lost on coming home early. I'd planned on mowing the lawns that afternoon, and this gave me a chance to get the job down before the afternoon heat. Always looking for the Easter Egg when something causes my plans to change. 

Sweetie came with me and I sat her down on the couches we have, one in the backyard, and the other on the front porch. It was after the mowing and some weeding, that she got up and started to walk off, when I quickly got up and was able to guide her back into the house. 

She seemed strong enough to venture out one more time. It seems lately that we have been doing the same thing as far as our walk about is concerned. We go, walk, and then grocery shopping. 

One of the foods I don't do well with is rice. Most of the time, I either over cook it, with a crust on the bottom, or undercook it. I'm trying something new, crockpot it. May take some planning to do it that way, but it just may work. 

After dinner, we went to a Thursday meeting. It was sparsely attended, so I was glad we made it. I got Sweetie to help with setting the room up, passing out the books, and making her feel helpful as much as I could. 

After the meeting, talking with one of my friends there, she told me that on Thursday, at 10 in the morning, they have a Bible Study. Asking if it was a woman's study, and it wasn't, and I got an invitation to come and see for myself. 

Just another way that Driver has little surprises for us on this journey. Not that He isn't engaging, it is just that He knows I need the company of liked minded folks. You know, it just be the thing I need as a change of pace, an oasis along the way. As we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Still in good spirits.

Momma and birthday daughter

Yesterday was such a good day. We broke our routine just a bit. 

When we went over to Sweetie's daughter for her birthday, she asked if I had any old cooking receipts that her mom still had. I told her I had a stack of old cookbooks and we could bring them over for her to look at. 

We arranged time after my golf game to go over and do the "book" thing. I cleared out all but one, cookbook, an full size crock pot, and some metal mixing bowels. I was going to take them to the Good Will if she didn't want them. 

To my surprise, she took all of that which we brought over. Everything from the Betty Crocker cook book, to the BBQ and Southwest Chili cookbooks that I'd acquired over the years. A very productive trip. 

Little by little, I'm clearing away the things that are becoming dust collectors. The way I look at it is, if we don't have it on display, and it is a surprise to open a box, or file, and find pictures, notes, or old love letters and they don't mean the same today as they did back then, then the time has come for those to be the memory, not the item in the house. 

Wednesday

I'm watching and she is looking at the camera, getting out of bed and heading for it. What is wrong? I get in the room, and the camera is beeping. I must of touched the speaker button on my phone to set off the alarm. Getting in, turning off the beeping, and putting her back to bed all went well. She went back to sleep.

She stayed asleep until I went back to get her up for the day. Up, to the bathroom, showered, clean pullups on, and then dressed and out to the dinning room for breakfast. 

I told her of the plans for the day including our excursion over to her daughters house after the round of golf. She seemed excited to do that. 

After breakfast, I got out the things we were taking over to daughter's place. It was then I had been thinking about the crock pot, and other dishes. I figured if she didn't want them, there was a Good Will not far from her place, and with a hop, skip and jump, I could donate those there. As you read earlier, that wasn't necessary. 

On our way over to her house, I was thinking that I don't have any CBD with me and how will Sweetie do without her afternoon dose. I thought that she would do OK as long as there wasn't anything that would upset her. As it turned out, I was correct. 

She was happy to see her daughter, which always amazes me. She can't remember me, but with her daughter that she may see once a year, there is instant recognition. 

It wasn't until I was looking at the picture above that I was able to see the family resemblance in her and her daughter. 

Afterwards, we headed out for lunch. The first time in a sit down, fast food restaurant. I got her some chicken tenders, and me a huge double meat hamburger, lettuce, tomato and onion with fries and a soda. It was so good to eat someone else's cooking. I was full after a few bites, but I keep going until it was gone. Sweetie had a slow start on her tenders, because they were so hot, and wasn't sure on how to eat them. Once she figured it out, they were gone. 

From there we headed for our walk about, some groceries, and then home. It was after 3 when we got home and she had been without her CBD for over 5 hours. I was happy that she was still in good spirits and behaving well. 

The only thing new was, when we went out to get the mail, we took a walk around the block to get to the mail box. You see it is right out in front of our house, and the walk was to drain her energy level a little. 

After the mail, back inside, turned on the TV, and did the catnap for the next couple of hours. Had dinner, and then, when it was time,  off to bed. 

I gotta tell you, Driver did an excellent bit of driving today. No bumps, no hard curves or sudden stops. Just a very pleasant day, driving through the lovely valley, one of many, this day. As we motor down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.   

Many prongs.

Out on the course with Sweetie. 

I was asked "What am I trying to achieve while writing this blog?". Am I trying to see if anyone will read it? Am I judging my pride and ego on my reader ship? Am I using it for therapy? Just what is my goal here? 

Like any fork, there are many prongs to this blog. For me, it is to find ways of see that what we are going through isn't uncommon for anyone else that is on this Road to Dementia Town. 

Those of us who care for their Loved Ones that are in the same situation that I am in. Those that have struggles with help, with meds, with everyday chores like toileting, bathing, meals, sleeping. To dressing, and going on outdoor adventures, or the insane routines, the same thing day after day, and never knowing how that day will go. 

My goal here to is tell you what we did, how she was, and what we are doing to keep somewhat of a good life together. At the same time, I get relief by telling our story. 

Tuesday

I was greeted with a smiling face as I came into the room. It seems that she was awake and ready to get up. Again telling her who I am, and what our plans are, I got her up and walked into the bathroom for our morning starter. 

She seemed more willing and was helpful through out the morning. When I told her I was going and would she like to come with me, ( I let her make the decision.) she was eager to join me. 

Up from the table, into the car and off we went. It was a good day on the course. Overcast sky, warm temps, and a light breeze. Could not have asked for a better weather conditions. Shot a 38, which is a good game for me and was content, and Sweetie was tired by the time we ended the round. 

The rest of the day was a good day. The run to the mall for our walk about, the long drive home, then relax on the couch waiting for dinner and the end of the day. 

We enjoyed the day on the Road to Dementia Town. It was because of some great driving by our Driver. He makes it so easy, that we can forget that He is there. Behind the wheel, guiding us all the way, with Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

A gift of flowers.

Sweetie got a gift of flowers.

My youngest daughter, who lives in California, sent Sweetie a gift of flowers, just because. She was hoping that they would put a smile on her face. Not only a smile, a twinkle in her eyes at the same time. She smiled, smelled them, touch them, and was happy to have them. They now adorn our living room, and there are flowers once again in our lives. Thank you Daughter. 

Kids do the darnest things. Just when you think you have them figured out, they will step out of the mold I've put them in and break it. 

The gift of the flowers is wonderful, and a reminder that all is not lost on Sweetie. She may not remember the flowers from yesterday, because it was yesterday. It is this morning when she gets up, I can present them to her again, and again, with who sent them until they are no more. 

Monday

It started so well. Going in and talking to her, telling her who I am and what the plans for the day are. Getting her up and into the bathroom. She was very cooperative as she got into the shower. It was there she began to become resistful. 

That resistance kept growing, and it didn't matter what I did, she just kept getting upset with me. After breakfast, she would did not allow me to clear her dishes, she was just in a snit. 

After I was able to finial clear away the dishes, I left her at the table. Doing my thing to get myself ready, I would come it and try to talk to her, it just didn't work.

She was mad at me and I don't know why. Then again, emotions, especially anger, doesn't have to have a reason. It could of been we left the birthday party too soon, or she didn't like dinner, or just something she saw on TV that got her going. 

Knowing that she is safe in the house for a few hours, I went ahead and left her at home and headed for the golf course. I was hoping two thing would come about of me leaving her alone.

The first, she would get over her anger about whatever caused it, and second, be happy to see me when I came home. It worked. 

We had a very good afternoon. Gave her an applesauce for lunch, went on our walk about at the mall, then back home where she went back to her safe place and stayed there. 

Being comfortable with where she was, I had an appointment with some weeds growing where no weed should grow. 

Putting a potato on to boil, and two eggs, I set my phone timer and headed out to remove the interlopers in my yard. 

Did you know that one medium size potato will be enough to make potato salad for two people for two meals? I don't usually add two eggs, for one is enough, just thought it might help stretch the dish. With some chopped celery and dill pickle, mayo, just a dash mustard, chopped onions, S&P to taste, and my side dish is in the refrigerator to cool for tonight. 

Have a meeting to go to at 7, so I need to get her up, CBDed, and feed before we go. 

It all went well, dinner was just right. She was hungry, and cleaned her plate in record time, and only left the table once. Giving her time to let the CBD kick in, and doing the dishes, we were set to head out to the meeting. 

All went well, Sweetie help putting books out, and setting the room up for the meeting. Friends came over and greeted her, which always puts a smile on her face. 

After the meeting, home, and to bed. A shot of CBD, stress lotions on her wrist and hands, we were ready for a good night sleep.

As Driver pulled into the parking lot to where we are going to spend the night. We got out, headed to your room, and off to sleep we went. Knowing that Driver is going to watch over us and the car. Knowing that tomorrow we will spend another day back out on the Road to Dementia Town. Where there are sights to be seen, curves and hills to go over and around, as we travel, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

The birthday party.

At the mall.

Everything came together for this picture. She was dressed for the daughter's birthday party later that day, I brought my phone/camera with us, and the mall had put up this background for selfies. If I'd planned a background for Sweetie to have her picture taken this day, I could not have planed a more perfect combination. I know who did. 

I find it sometimes funny where I can get a vision of what my life with Dementia and Sweetie is, and how I can handle it. 

We were watching Kung Fu Panda 2. Po and Shifu were seeking inner piece. At the end of the movie, Po had found his inner peace and was able to catch and return the cannon balls that the evil peacock prince was shooting at him. I think that is where I am with Dementia. It keeps shooting cannon balls at me, and I can deflect them, and still love and care for Sweetie. 

Sunday

Up early as normal. Went to my office to do my morning devotions. I find that is always amazes me how fast my alone time passes. 

Between the time of putting on worship music, reading my daily devotionals, and then writing my prayers and doing this blog, two to three hours have passed and the day is on me. 

Then there is the zoom meeting at 6:45 am, and by the time that is all over, it is about time to get Sweetie up and moving. Revved up and tired at the same time, I head towards the bedroom. 

Waking Sweetie, sweet taking to her has she gathers herself and is aware of who I am and I attempt to tell her what our plans are for the day. 

It is hair washing day, because it needs it, and we are going to the party. I want her to look as good as she possible can. By the picture above, I think I did it. 

I've tried and found something for breakfast that works. I dice Hickory flavored spam into small, very small pieces, almost like a hash, cook it crispy, then pour scrambled eggs over it and finish the eggs and spam together. With the spam so small, it enhances the eggs, not overwhelms them. Along with biscuits, butter, and jam, we have breakfast. 

With time to kill after watching church services and Sweetie in a good mood, I thought it would be a good time to do some more weeding in the front yard. Getting a chair for Sweetie to sit in, and I gathered my weed pulling tools, out to the front yard we went. 

As I was kneeling and pulling, I kept talking to Sweetie, telling her what I was doing and what I'd hope to accomplish. When I'd look up at her, she was either smiling, or she was napping. Both were good signs for her. 

The Birthday party didn't start until 4 in the afternoon, so we had to do a normal day. So, after the yard work, went to the mall for our walk about and photo shoot (I did plan on taking a picture of her for the blog, looked like someone else had planned this one too.). Because we were out of milk, it was another short grocery stop day. 

When we headed out to the party, I had given Sweetie her CBD so it would be in full effect while we were there. She found a place for us to sit, and she and I sat down, and she was hanging on to me. It was when the son and family showed up, she loosened up some. Got up and walk around, and sat at another stop. 

We were there long enough to sing Happy Birthday, and have some cake. It was when Sweetie went looking for her bedroom, I knew it was time to head home. What was nice was daughter and family understood why we were leaving. No muss, no fuss, just loving goodbyes and home we went. 

The only thing of note, after we got home, was I had made some jello for desert, and was going to see if she could eat it. It was difficult because we were sitting on the couch. I feed it to her, at first, then she caught on and would take the spoon and feed herself. Next time we well sit at the table to eat it. 

A little CBD and lotion, and off to be we went. Good ending to a good day.

Driver likes birthdays, and He was happy we made it. The Road to Dementia Town was smooth, with gentle curves, rolling hills full of flowers as we went by. Such a good day to be on the Road, for it was easy to keep our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

Feeding her cookies.

On the course.

As I look at this picture, I feel very lucky that I can still match colors pretty good. Simple, pretty, and famine. She looks good in pink, and those shoes I bought her sometime back help complete the look. 

I've seen too many seniors dress like the are either color blind, or have no sense of what goes with what. Two different plaids that can make you have motion sickness just watching them go bye. I pray that that will never be with her, not as long as I'm dressing her. 

Saturday

She is still sleeping and I'm getting ready to leave. I made arrangements for our sitter to come an hour earlier today. It has been so hot lately that an earlier hour just might help keeping me cool. 

I got there in time to hit some balls on the driving range, and time on the putting green. Don't know if it helped, but it was a start. I know I need the practice, and maybe an early start on Saturday, with that time to do some practicing won't hurt. 

Played with a man and his high school son. They asked me if I was a single and would join them. How nice it was for me, to be asked not to ask them. We had a good round, all of us walked, and good beginning conversations. They even asked if I'd like to go to lunch with them. I declined because of the time restraints I have to live with. Maybe some other time. Hope to join them again. 

When I got up, Sweetie was sitting at the table, waiting for me to get home, and was so happy to see me. 

The report was that she had a big BM, and she cleaned her up as much as she could. It was our sitters first time experiencing that, she felt she did a good job, and from what I saw later, she did. 

After we were alone, I took Sweetie out for our walk about, some shopping at Costco. Then home. 

One of the things I like about Costco, is their meat selections. I got us some salmon and some pork chops for future meals. 

Upon getting home, because there is no way for us to cook and eat that amount of food, I cut up and wrap individual portions. This way, we always have enough protein for one meal. I've been doing this for years and it helps keep the food budget intact. 

We ended up having salmon for dinner last night. I think I over cooked it, but it was good enough to eat. Sweetie is having more difficulties with eating with a fork. I some times have to help her, put food on the fork, and she will then take the it and feed herself. I look at it as another step down into that hole known as Dementia. 

Ended our evening, sitting on the couch, watching "Cars", and feeding her cookies. 

Bed time was a good time. She was ready, gave her some CBD, and lotion on her hands, and off to bed we went. A good ending to a good day. 

Ever feel that the other shoe is going to drop any minute? Driver told me not to worry about it. He has got it covered. Just keep going and doing what we are doing now, and the shoes won't matter. Because He is behind the wheel, and we are riding with Him, On the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

Thunder and Lighting.

Scottish Thistle

I chose this one, because of my Scottish heritage. One of the things that you can't run away from is your family. I am a Scot by birth, even though I've never been to the homeland, I've grown to hunger for it. I watch travel logs about Scotland, we go to Highland games when they come to town. I even have a kilt that my uncle had made while he was in Scotland. Maybe, someday, Driver willing, I will make it there. 

I believe that Sweetie is either Welsh, or some other English clan. Her brothers and me talk about our ancient history and try as we will, pull and one up each other on who was closer to the royalty. 

These are fun things to talk about, to let loose the burdens of today. There is one thing that I do know about Clan MacNeil, is that we have a castle, Kisimul castle on Berra Island, in the Outer  Hebrides.  That is something that they don't have, which, in my mind, is the point of royalty. No castle, no royalty. 

Friday

I wasn't paying her the attention I'd should of, when I spied on her to see she was up and out of the bedroom. 

Cursing myself, I quickly got out and retrieved her. With a warm smile, a cheerful greeting, then guiding her back to the bathroom to begin the day. 

One of the things that I enjoy about the mornings is, her willingness to do what I ask her to do. Every morning it is the same thing, and with her every morning it is something new for her. 

I've found that after I sit her on the potty, I can get most of her hygiene done. Feel good medicine, shave her whiskers, attempt to clean her teeth, hoping that she will have a BM while we are working on her top half, her bottom half will work all by itself. I don't know how long I have to keep her there, I just know it is a chance, not a reality of that happening. 

Showered, clean and dried, then dressed and out for breakfast. 

That done, kill time before we leave for the golf course where the course seemed to the victor this day. 

Then the second half began. Sweetie was very tired while on the course, so, I wanted to get her home, fed and down for a nap. Knowing that she would be real cranky by evening time if she didn't get a nap. 

After the nap, headed out for the mall. The weather report called for thunder storms that afternoon, and they were right. 

Driving towards the mall, I could see we were heading right for a big, wet, thunder and lighting cell. We arrived just in front of the down pour. While we were walking, you could hear the rain just beating on the skylights. 

My plan was to do our walk, while it was raining, and finish just as the rain moved on. Good plan, but the rain didn't co-operate. It was still pouring when we were done, and after sitting for a short while, made a mad dash for the car. 

I was worried about Sweetie getting wet, not understanding what rain is, and getting halfway to the car and stopping. She didn't stop, and we got in the car and home safely. 

We're still having rough evenings, she likes to get up and will start walking the house. That is when I give her some CBD, and it will calm her down. 

Last night we went to a meeting, and she was her gentle self when we got there. I think she likes the meeting because people will come up to her and talk to her. You can see it in her smile, and for me, her eyes. 

When we got home, and headed to bed, we had some difficulties getting her to bed. Once that was accomplished, off to sleep we went. 

What a miss this rain has caused us. Driver says He is going to have to wash the car, with all the mud and road muck getting on her. Then again, nothing seems to bother Him, for He knows the trials and tribulation that come from being on the Road to Dementia Town, wet and dirty, we will still be Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Fresh flowers in the house once again.

More irises.

We haven't had any Irises for about 2 years now. Over the years, the trees have grown, we built a 7 foot tall wall, and because of that, there isn't enough sun to get them to bloom. 

Sweetie would love to come down to the living room to see a vase of roses and irises on the table. 

Now, because of the lack of flowers, there aren't any flowers to put in a vase to brighten up the room. 

I've decided to pull up the irises and move them this fall. We have a garden in the middle of the patio that was one of her ideas. This fall, I'm going to dig up a potion of it and replant the iris bulbs there. Hopefully, there will be enough sun for them to bloom. If so, for that short season, we will have fresh flowers in the house once again.

Thursday

I was in the middle of my weekly phone call with my friend when I checked on Sweetie. She was up, and out of the bedroom. Cutting the call short, and he understood, been doing this for over 20 years. He knows everything that is going on here, so there isn't anything else he needs to hear. 

She was in the living room, sitting on her chair, waiting, staring, and not knowing anything. Do you know what I mean? That stare off into space. Makes me think, just what is she staring at? 

Anyway, she was happy to see me, and off we went to get the day going. 

Because we are going over to the son's house for lunch, this mornings shower was going to be anther top and bottom pit shower. 

Getting her on the potty, this is something new for us, I then take sometime to get things ready for after the shower, and I'll trim her whiskers, run a Q tip across her teeth in an effort to remove food from her front teeth. We have long ago quite even trying to brush her teeth. I do what I can. 

This morning, taking time with her while she was sitting, I was rewarded with her morning BM. So nice to have it where it belong for a change. Up and into the shower. 

I'm sorry ladies, but I am a man, and I enjoy seeing my wife naked, and touching her as the lovers we once were. Cleaning her, washing her, I still get some sense of intimacy we once knew. 

With the shower done, dressed and out for TV and breakfast. The table routine is working so well, that I think it will stay that way until she decides to change it. 

Because of our lunch date, no golf today. So, I spent the extra hours out in front, doing yard work. Sweetie seems content to sit and watch TV, I'm in the front yard pulling weeds, and life is good. 

After lunch, it usually comes down to the DIL,  Sweetie and me at the table, talking. As I was telling her about our visit to the clinic, Sweetie chimed in. She look right at DIL, and began weaving one of her tales. Both of us sat and listened as she talked, waved a napkin, as if it was some sort of document, and told us her tale. 

Of course we didn't understand most of it, but we listen intently. She had our complete attention. Soon, her voice faded and she ended her story. DIL told me that was the most she has hear her talk in two years. It surprised me too, because she just doesn't talk much these days. When I told DIL, that the doctor at the Neurology clinic gave his assumption that Sweetie was healthy, and would live for anther 3 or 4 years, she looked at me and told me she thought that was too long. It is what it will be.   

After lunch and in the car, she continued her rambling. It is as if she had found her voice and had something to say. She would talk and if I wasn't paying her enough attention, she would touch my arm, as if to say, listen, this is important. At that point, I have to make a judgement call. By looking at her face, hearing the emotion, I have to make some response to her. Most of the time, I guess close enough to what she wants to hear, and she goes on. 

She was like that for most of the day. In the car, while walking the mall, watching TV. She would talk, and talk, and talk. I had the joy of hearing her voice once again. 

Last night was rough. She was up, removing the covers, wandering, and going in and out of the bedroom. It wasn't until I told her to get into bed and go to sleep that she finally did. It seemed like she was stuck, get headed in the right direction, then she would stop, not knowing what to do, so she just left, only to come back and do the her bed thing again. I was so happy to get her back into bed and asleep. 

Driver came to the fork in the Road to Dementia Town. One lead to the mountain top, the other to the valley. Asking if we had a preference, I asked for the Valley Road. We had our views of the flowers on the hills, the streams we had to cross, and all in all, it was a pleasant day for us as we drove the Road to Dementia Town, onward, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.

Parrange.

Flowers from the past.

How things have changed. The irises and roses are not there anymore, even the wooden fence is gone. This is a great picture of how our backyard once was. Nothing is the same, including the grass. I've gotten rid of most of the crabgrass and it is lush and green. The only thing same about this picture is the person who took the picture, me. Then again, I'm not the man I used to be. 

This was taken in '15, 6 years ago, and things were different then. Sweetie's Dementia was just starting to show up. She was have memory problems, word finding evaded her, not to the point of alarm, just the thought that old age was setting in. 

She had been retired for 5 years and was beginning to build her new social life. She had some friends that were attending bible studies, and that was right up her alley. I could see that she was happy, and she would be so excited to tell me what she had learned, and the group of women that had taken her in. 

I had been worried about her, after she retired. Work, me, and the kids and our one grandson, was her world. After she retired, I was so happy that she found someway to fill in her time when I was away. Then her Dementia started to show up. First it was her inability to take notes, to understand the teaching, and then the difficulty to read. 

I knew then, there was something seriously amiss. Reading was one of her passions. She is the one that got me to read again. We would lay in bed and read. Me, and my one book, to her and her 3 books. She was a veracious reader. Devouring books was her delight. That is another thing on the list of things about her that I miss. 

Wednesday

When we went to bed last night, I found her top sheet crumpled up between us. I thought, thank goodness, I have the other pee sheets between the fitted sheet and the mattress. I thought how funny it is getting to be. Layers of protection is the wet night answer. It would be worthless for me to get her to move and replace the sheet. So, close my eyes and to sleep I went. 

She slept good, again. As I monitored her through out the morning, she didn't move. No tossing and turning, just sleep. 

I've learned that when I go to wake her, I don't just come in the room and pull her out of bed. I come in, cheery and pleasant. Greeting her with soft words, watching her see me, and then smile. That, my friends, is the best part of the morning. 

Go and sit next to the bed, we talk about who I am, what we are going to do, and what the plans of the day are. There are times when she doesn't want to get out of bed, so I have to be persistent, getting the blanket off of her, and helping her sit up. Then out of bed and standing. Helping her stand until she gets her balance, and walking her into the bathroom. 

Here, I put her on the potty, and undress her. Trying to give her time to let her bowels work, sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't. 

Then it is into the shower where we have our washing time. It is here, I usually find some product of elimination clinging to her butt. When I first started washing her, I was somewhat grossed out. Now, I know I'm doing us both a good thing. I can see she is still working, and she will have a clean butt to start the day. Making her more comfortable, and less chance of getting a UTI. So, it doesn't bother me anymore, I just toss it in the toilet, and carry on. 

There has been a change when we go into the living room after I get her dressed. I put her at the table, where she can watch TV, and I can just bring her her breakfast. 

After breakfast, I leave her at the table. She doesn't mind, and for me it is one less thing I have to do, move her back to the couch. I can get up, do dishes, get myself ready for the day, make the bed, or change it if necessary.

To summarize the rest of the day, it went well. My day on the course was outstanding. Four pars in a row, some really good shots, and of course it was my putting that was the weakest part of my game. Coined a new term for me. Parrange: Meaning, that the ball in on the green and close enough to the hole that a par is almost certain. Therefore, you are in "parrange" on that hole. 

The afternoon could not have been better. We did our normal routine. We finished the day watching TV, sharing a desert, and then to be. No miss, no fuss, and to sleep we went. 

It seems that Driver has found a nice smooth stretch of the Road to Dementia Town for us that day. If we were on a sailboat, it would have been smooth sailing. Unlike a sailboat, we are in the car, with Driver at the wheel, moving a the right speed, as always, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

   

She got sideswiped.

Purple variegated Iris. 

If I could only capture it and put it in a bottle to save it and give it to her at the right time, I would. Oh for those days, hours or even minutes of the gentleness of being with her. 

Sometimes she is like a glass of water, just sitting and still, seemingly pleasant, and then she will get up, or I'll attempt to do something with her, and off she goes, spilling water all over the place. 

It is usually in the afternoon, as it is the time that Sundowner's syndrome happens. Maybe because it is summer and days are longer, especially the evenings, and she is having a hard time dealing with the longer evenings. 

We are past the summer solstice and heading to the shorter end of the evenings. If there was someway, somehow, to intervene and head off that behavior would be nice. 

Tuesday 

She seems to be sleeping well, again, I hate to wake her. When I came into to get her, she was awake and turned to greet me. It was another morning of "Do you know me?" and then the introduction. Letting her know who I am, and what we are about to do helps her to know that she is safe and we are friends, if nothing else. 

She seems to be in good spirits this morning and is helpful in getting the bathroom duties done. She is back to having small BMs, and I have come to that understanding that some elimination is better than none. 

Getting her bowel schedule isn't easy. For it is the norm that when I check her, she usually has a small movement that has dirtied her liner. When I first started, what seems like a life time ago, it bothered me. Why doesn't she have one big movement and be done with it. I've since learned that is not how she functions, and that is that.  

Anyway, the morning went especially well. She is in good spirits. So, off we go. 

She was happy, talkative, and active. Walking with me to the tees and greens. We made it through the 9 holes without me worrying about her getting tired or wanting to wander. That alone was well worth the round of golf. 

Home, lunch, and then to the mall for our walk about. She was well on the happy side of the emotional seesaw. It was when we got home, that Dementia was able to break through and she got sideswiped. 

Down the Dementia rabbit hole she went. Not to panic, with a little feel good medicine, and lotion, we were able to keep the ruckus at a minimum.

She napped, and then was up and down, and she repeated that for quite awhile. There was only one time that I worried about her. It was when I gave her a dose of Oil, and she bit down on the glass tube. Fearful that she would break the tube, I let her take it. Once out of her mouth, the battle to get it from her was on. Knowing that loosing my temper was not the answer, I had to find away to let her give it back to me. By telling her that the tube had to go back in the bottle worked. 

For the rest of the evening, it was batten down the hatches, and ride this sundowner's storm  through. It wasn't until it started to get dark is when she started to return to being herself again. 

Things went well, watching "The Polar Express", she sat and held my hand, and all was good until bedtime. It is turning into such a fuss. There is always something new that she will do. Now, it seems that she doesn't like sleeping on her pee sheet. I'll find it just about anywhere except under her. Glad I have them under the fitted sheet. 

Driver is watching the road for any potholes that maybe in our path. Sometimes they are unavoidable. I know that, He knows that, and here we are. Dodging and sometimes hitting potholes on the Road to Dementia Town. Hard as it is, we still are Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

Healthy as a horse.

What a beauty she was. 

Love these pictures of her, when she was her. That old saying of "You don't know what you have until it is gone." haunts me. Appreciation of what was in my hand, at the time it is in my hand, was never my strong suite. I wasn't able to give my whole heart, because I wanted more. 

The inexperience of youth, the greed for more things that I thought would make me whole are far from me now. Life has done an amazing thing, Dementia has done an amazing things to me. For now, I can see what I have, where we are going, and be content with the path we are one. 

Now is the perfect time for us. For the pull of making a living is gone, the drive to get ahead has been abandoned, and the company of my lover is all I want. These are the gentle rewards of not running away from life, of the ability to fight the yearnings of what is on the other side of the fence. 

I was told once, that if the grass seems greener on the other side, then I should get busy and do some yardwork on my side of the fence. I needed to get on my hands and knees to pull the weeds out, not just use a herbicide. Do the work needed. Pull the weeds, roots and all, fertilize the grass, water the lawn, and mow, edge, and learn to love what I have. 

Monday 

I've been watching her all morning, and she seems to be sleeping well. I hate to wake her, because I know she didn't have a good night. She was up, taking the blankets off, removed her pee sheet, and put her shoes on, as she walked the house. I too was up some of the time with her. I don't know when she came back to bed to sleep. Now it is time for us to get going. 

The morning went surprisingly well. Because we have an appointment at the Neurology clinic this afternoon, I wanted Sweetie to be clean, and when I took her shirt off, got a whiff of BO, so it was going to be a top and bottom pit shower. 

It was a fun time, this morning. Sweetie got into it, and took the shower nozzle and got herself wet. I soaped up and washer her, then she rinsed herself off, I had to do just a little to make sure all the soap was off her. 

Dried off, dressed, and fed breakfast all in good order. She was in a good mood as we went through our routine. I was able to get all the things done, and then off we went. 

Had a good round. No birdies, but shot a 39, anything under 40 is a good round. 

After lunch, we headed over to UNM Neurology clinic. I hate doctors appointments, as much as I hate Dental appointments, or any type of appointment that makes you wait. No matter when you get to their office, you wait. And never do you go right in at the time of the appointment, you wait. 

While we are waiting, Sweetie is scared. She is clinging to me like a vine. If I stood, she stood, if I sat, she sat. And sit we did. When we were called, it is the Doctor's assistant. Taking, or should I say trying to take Sweetie's blood pressure, pulse, and any other vital stat he could. Sweetie just won't let anyone touch her that she doesn't know who they are. 

After all of that and he left the room, we waited again. After which seemed like a life time of waiting, the doctor came in. He asked questions, I answered. He asked Sweetie some direct questions, and then I asked the doctor; "Why are we here?". It seems that our family doctor had sent in a referral to be seen in 2019 and again in 2020. So here we were. 

We talked about our history, how long have we been on this path, and what is going on. Came to the conclusion that there isn't anything more that could be done for her, and we didn't need to see each other again. If nothing else, she got a good report, as far as her physical health is concerned. Heathy as a horse, as the saying goes. 

That brought a smile to Driver's face, of course He already knew that. Just a needed check up along the way, as we get back on the Road to Dementia Town, heading into the sunset, with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Time is both my best ally and enemy.

In the Sandia's

Never know what picture to put at the beginning of the post. Like this one of a dead and decaying tree stump. Who knows what brought about the end of life for this tree. What is left is the only a small stump of what must of have been a great tree. 

I feel that it is a good graphic of what is happening with my Sweetie. As her Dementia advances, she grows weaker ever week and is getting harder for her to know who I am. 

I would wake her, or during the day, asking her, "Do you know who I am?". That question sometimes will make her stop and think, and, if I'm lucky, I will see a look of "Yes, I do.". And like all of that is Dementia, it is quickly whisked away. 

I find myself lieing to her, and myself. I've been telling her that she is sick, and I'm here to take care of her, and the lie is, and that she is getting better. It just seems to relax her so we can get things done when she is off center and acting up.  

Sunday 

Sunday was a mixed bag of goods and not so good. She was sleeping when I went to get her up. I'm trying to keep her sleeping clock in order. If I don't get her up and moving, she will be up most of the night. Waking me up, removing the covers, and generally being Dementia's fool. 

Because it was Sunday, and church is on TV, I got her up, put on our church services, and sat her down at the table to let her watch. 

We had scrambled eggs with Hickory flavored Spam, with biscuits and jam. As she ate the biscuits, I'd butter, jam another one, and she would eat it. When I didn't she found where they were, took one, and continued. She had a good breakfast, ate her eggs, and 3 biscuits.

Had a hard time getting her dishes away from her. They were hers and she wasn't about to let them go. I knew if I tried to just clear them away, she would claim them as her own and not let them go. Not that important in the value of things in life, I just waited until she left the table and then did the dishes. It seems that time is both my best ally and enemy. 

It seems that Sunday was her rest and sleep day. That is both good and bad. She gets run down easily, and then there are the days that she needs the sleep to recharge herself. On the flip side of the coin, she won't sleep well at night. 

I would get her up to eat, and she would eat, then back to bed she would go. When it was dinner time, I made the mistake of setting out for her a bowel of pasta while I ate on the couch. She came out saw where I was sitting, sat on a chair next to me, and ate. Not bad, it was when she took the bowel back to the bedroom with her that worried me. 

I could see pasta and sauce all over the sheets and covers. Then trying to get her back to the table was impossible. Fortunately, she finished, and put the bowel on the bed table. 

The rest of the evening went well, until it was time for me to go to bed. She didn't want to, and that meant, it was going to be a long night. 

The only solution is for me to turn off the television, lights, and go to bed. She would follow soon afterwards. 

This behavior has me rethinking of taking her on a trip. If she gets up in the middle of the night while we are in a motel, can she unlock the door and wander off? Would she? How can I prevent that, or set an alarm so if she does get up, I can get up with her and protect her from getting out and getting lost, or worse hurt. Something to think about. Something to think about. 

Driver knew that there were going to be rough spots on the Road to Dementia Town. He knows the road, and will get us through safely. After all, as long as we are Keeping our Shiny Side Up, we are OK. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.