A fitting farewell.

When we were young.

I've been rummaging around and found this picture of Sweetie and me. We had been married for about a year when this was taken. 

I had won a company performance prize, with which included a trip to Las Vegas. This was in a casino, and the photographer ask if we would like a picture. Being close to our anniversary we said yes. 

Over the years, I had forgotten how beautiful she was. As we grew old together, and as time went bye, we change. I have many pictures of my Sweetie, but this one, this one, tells me how much I loved her and how much she loved me. It was there for the whole world to see. 

I was so blessed by this beautiful woman, and I didn't even know it. There is a saying about men who marry beautiful ladies, "They married above their pay grade." And boy did I do that.

Thank you to all that have been with me as we traveled together on the Road to Dementia Town and back. It was the out pouring of love from you who were there with me in your own car. 

We found joys, laughter, and sadness together. You put up with our down times, celebrated with our good times. When on the road together, to the beach, and of course, the golf course. You have been my constant companions on this sometimes difficult journey, and I was blessed by your participation.

With Sweetie now in her new home, and I'm on the Road to a New Life, the purpose of this blog has been fulfilled, it is time for me and Driver to say farewell. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.   

 

Sometimes you just have to know, when it rains, it pours.

The top is my youngest, and the bottom is my oldest

with granddaughter and husband.

Here I am just minding my own business, taking care of my end of this life thing. Sweetie must be settled in in her new digs, and I'm still learning how to take care of things down here. Reading the book "Never Alone" A man's companion guide to grief. Going to my meetings, and playing a lot of golf. You know, "normal stuff for me. 

 

My girls are very good at being my new caregivers. They call often, scold me when I'm not eating right, in their opinion. They mean well, and I love the attention they give me. 

 

It is because of the great communication we have developed, that I've learned about their mother. It isn't good news. 

 

After she had cataract surgery, she notice something that wouldn't go away. After returning to her doctor, and then being sent to another, she was diagnosed to have cancer. 

 

With the strom clouds forming, and some rain on the windows, she is sent to another doctor for some more test, and the results are back. Stage 4 lung cancer. Treatment is being scheduled as I write this post. 

 

Even with our divorce, because she is the mother on my daughters, she is someone special in my life. We haven't spoken in years, yet because of my daughters, she is still part of my life. I feel like I'm going to go through another loss, different, yet the same. 

 

Right now, my prayer is for her and my daughters, they will feel her loss first. Second is for us to speak and becomes friends one more time. 

 

Driver told me that I can never keep what has been given to me freely. Sweetie gave her love to me daily, now it is my turn to give it away. He hasn't lead me in the wrong direction yet, so why shouldn't I try. Isn't this part of my journey to New Life, and this is a stop that needs to be made. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.

 

Together again.

Tweety and me on Route 66

I know it has been a couple of weeks since my last post. Things are moving along at what I feel is a good pace. 

Lets start off with my missing my Sweetie Pie. It sometimes is worse than those first days. I believe that is the way I process things. Using the imagery of a BBQ. Putting the charcoal in the pit, adding the lighter fluid, and then the match. 

The coals explode in a fireball, and in a short time, the fire goes out. What is left is a pile of bricks with a ting of gray on their edges. If you stay and watch, or walk away, the gray areas grow, and in time, you have a hot bed of coals ready to cook on. 

After Sweetie passed, my tears, my broken heart, the waves of loss pour in and out and on me. No matter how much I had prepared for that time, it wasn't enough. For those of you who have been through this stage know exactly what I'm talking about. Those who are still in the waiting room, you will find out soon enough. When the waiting is over, there are not enough words of comfort that will comfort the hurt that suddenly arrives at your hearts front door.

For me, my mourning is about where the BBQ is. A bed of red hot, ready to cook, and waiting. Here is where I put my memories, my pain, the regrets, the resentments, the amends to her, all go on the grill and with careful turning, take them from a cold plate to a meal of delights that refresh the soul and give strength for another day. 

Now that I have my Sweetie Teddy Bear, when I travel I take her with me, sitting on my hip, while we car seat dance to the music. 

Driver, Sweetie and me on the Road to New Life, together again. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.