Two for the price of one.

Santa n Gingerbread man. 

Here we are wearing our formal Christmas wear. I'm so happy that I can get Sweetie to wear her "Santa" sweatshirt, and I love mine. Prefer the sweatshirt over a sweater. Sweaters let the wind go right through them, the sweatshirt don't . They are easier to wash and take care of. And in case of emergency, I have a drawer full of Christmas T-shirts I can wear when the sweatshirt needs to be washed.

Found out why one of my projectors doesn't work, or should I say, seems to not be working. Well, it works, but the garage door that it projects on, is now green, and the light is eaten up by the dark green. So, I'm not sure on what I'm going to do. Maybe, do what I've been doing, wait until after Christmas and get another one, that projects better. Simple answer to a simple question. 

Simple just might be the answer to yesterday. Sweetie slept the day away. Had the same reoccurring symptoms from Thanksgiving. I think that when she was so engaged and excited to have her daughter over, and all the activity of decorating the house, it wore her out. 

One of the problems with her sleeping as much as she does, she wakes up mean and  argumentative, and that isn't fun with me. Even if I get her to take her Balance Medicine soon after she is up, it takes along time for it to start to work. I try to get her to take some as soon as she is up, then again after breakfast, usually 30 minutes later. If she goes back to bed, she will sleep the dose away, and I have to start over again. 

That is what happened yesterday, and after three doses with in an hour, she started to return to me. After dinner, I got her to rub some Stress Relief lotion on her hands. She soon became her sweet self again. 

We were able to go out and drive the neighborhood looking at Christmas displays. It is a shame what has happened to Christmas. Lights and displays are getting few and fewer. I can remember block after block being lit up with lights, Santas, Nativity scenes, reindeer, snowmen, etc. We did find some, and as I pointed them out to her, she just wasn't into it like I was. Disappointing yes, but, she was still there enjoying it with me. And that, my friends, is an Easter Egg at Christmas time. 

Two for the price of one. Got my Drive giggling again. One thing I know, is that He never stops enjoying my stories on how I've found those darn Easter Eggs. Like sitting around a campfire and telling stories to your friends. And that is what we are, friends on the Road to Dementia Town. laughing, talking, singing songs of praise, as we Keep our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

 

Straight and narrow.

Sweetie, daughter and Christmas.

As you can see, Christmas came to our house yesterday. It was better then I had hope for. Sweetie was all excited about her daughter being with us. To the point at one time, she wouldn't let me in the house. 

After we got the boxes down, the first thing we did was the tree. It isn't as full of lights and bulbs from other years, it is nice, simple and enjoyable. 

Next we got out "Santa". For years, one of my tradition was to buy Sweetie a Santa. We have Santa of so many styles. Big ones, skinny ones, father Christmas. From glass to wood to plastic. We put them out and that was about it. I didn't want to put so much out that it would take an hour to wrap and put away, and with Sweetie either wanting to help or just sitting and watching, it seemed like the best idea. 

Outside came next, and again, cut down the number of lawn display items. I have a the inflatable Nativity Scene and the projectors, but only two out of the three work, so one less to bring back in. Looks good, and we are doing our part to celebrate Christmas with our neighbors. 

Something that I've noticed about Sweetie, is she just won't accept dolls, cats, or teddy bears. We have a Santa that is from the Polar Express, squeeze his hand, and "Remember, the magic of Christmas lies in your heart." rings out. She used to love him, and now, nothing. Doesn't even want to hold him. To find a comforting doll would be wonderful. Something that she can cling to when she needs to be comforted. 

Lately, I've awoken and hear her tossing and turning in bed, and I'm afraid to say anything to her, lest she would want to get up. I think because it is dark, she just stays in bed. I'm thankful for that, because she won't get up and start wandering. At least for now. 

At least for now, Driver is keeping us on the straight and narrow. It is nice that when I talk my ideas and plans over with Him first, they seem to workout better. There are many other things I could write about, but He is the one guiding my thoughts and words. I hope you enjoy them. As we travel together, down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.   

 

True Believers.

Oldest daughter and hubbie.

Today can become something of a special day. Today is the day, I get up into the attic to get down Christmas, and that box of pictures. It is also the day the youngest daughter is coming over. 

I asked her to come and watch her mother while I get the decoration down. I know while I'm up there, Sweetie will get excited and want to help, maybe even try to climb the ladder to see what she can do. I'm so afraid of something like that happening, and her falling and hurting herself. 

I'm hoping that she will help in decorating the house. Keep it simple, that is my theme, but another hand and eye is helpful. If this works, maybe I can set in motion, a small tradition for the future. We'll see how it goes. As of now, I'll be looking for a few Easter Eggs while she is here. 

We returned to son's house yesterday afternoon for some pumpkin pie. DIL and I thought, because we had to leave early, it would be nice to come back for pie and coffee and it was delightful. 

Son had returned from purchasing their Christmas tree, a 7 footer, and was getting ready to bring it into the house. I was helping, and Sweetie was outside with us. That was a mistake, for it was blustery and she got cold in a hurry. Because I was outside, she had to be with me, and wouldn't go back in to get warm. It was the cause of our departure. It was fun while it lasted. 

We're predicted to have light rain and snow this morning, so I will need to either have Sweetie bundled up or staying inside. I'm hoping that she will stay inside. We have a large window looking out to the front yard, so she can watch from inside and stay warm. It shouldn't take very long to get all the Christmas decoration out and up. I have a blow up nativity scene and 3 projectors, all run by a timer. 30 minutes at the least, hour at the max. 

Inside, the tree, lights, and a few Christmas goodies around the room. Enough to see that Christmas is still alive, and we are true believers. 

Sweetie is sleeping more these days. I've gotten complements on how good she looks, it is just a shell. Sweetie is slowly leaving herself, and I know it. I'm going to enjoy this season for I think it will be the last one for us. Just preparing myself for what is still down the road. 

Driver and me, that is how I prepare for what is down the Road to Dementia Town. One day at a time, don't look to far or hard toward the future. Driver lets me know, the future is not mine to behold, just trust day by day, and we will get through all of this. Best of friends, traveling together, on the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

 

 

Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving '20

It was a good day. We got there earlier then were expected, and it did call for an earlier then wanted exit. We did have a good Thanksgiving dinner and conversation. 

Toward the end, it was so confusing for Sweetie. Times were that she seemed comfortable with all that was going on around her, and then there were times she just had to move. Not knowing where she was going, or what to do. 

I have a bottle of Hemp oil in the car, and even with a dose early in, it wasn't enough. She was just too frail and wanted to leave. I didn't want to press her into staying, for I knew the consequence if we stayed too long.

When we got home, I was able to keep Sweetie on more of an even keel. We had some dessert brought home, so we enjoyed it. Watched TV and went to bed. 

I know that this was the day my Driver had planned. For it was full of Easter Eggs, good company, good food, and good memories made. Yep, Driver knows how to make the sun shine through. As we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

 

The little things.

Was before her haircut. 

If you are like me, I look forward to the big stuff, the holidays, the birthdays, the homecomings. Times that I can plan on, and look to being around family and friends. Today is one of those days. The Thanksgiving gathering. 

It will be the first for our son and family. In their new home, where we will gather, and talk like we haven't see each other for years, and in some cases, that is true. Hopefully, defensive shields will be dropped, and knowing where not to go, conversations will be lite and joyful. 

Being that I love to cook and like being in the kitchen, that won't happen while I'm with Sweetie. We will just find a place to sit, and enjoy watching the meal take shape, and move to the table for turkey, stuffing, and goodies. 

I'm working on a path to get Sweetie into the shower this morning. Yesterday, was a bit of mixture of good stuff and sleep. I let her sleep until she came down. That is when I cleaned her up, changed her, and had breakfast. Where she promptly went back to bed after she ate.

Didn't have time, or should I say, I didn't push for the shower. Instead, I got her new coat out and we went for a walk to the drugstore. We're out of Tea Tree Oil, and just around the corner is a drugstore. A good walking distance for Sweetie, and so that is the first thing we did. 

When we got back, out into the backyard to whittle down the Wisteria. Every year, it just becomes a bramble of intertwined branches. This year, I'm going to get it down to a stub, it never was one of my favorites. 

I found if I can engage Sweetie into something that is part of what I'm doing, she will do that. So, as I hacking on the Wisteria, I'll hand her the cuttings and she puts them in the trashcan brought in for that, we work well together, a team. 

Sometimes, it is just the little things that happen to make the day a day of remembrance. Last night was the perfect ending to another good day, and Driver is so pleased that I noticed it. The evenings are when we are almost a normal couple. Cuddled together, not talking, yet loving each other. That brings a big smile on Driver's face. It is when I see it, that makes us both smile. 

Life is such a journey, that once your on it, you don't know where it will take you. That is why I trust my Driver. For He knows the way, and I'm just along for the ride. As we Travel the Road the Dementia Town, me and Him, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

 

Those darn Easter Eggs.

Sweetie in the fall

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a unique American Holiday. Where we as a nation will sit with family and friends, to enjoy a hardy meal, enjoying the plenty that we have, and the melting pot this nation started out as. 

Our plans are to go over to son's house, and there enjoy the company of family. Sounds easy, and in the past it was. This year, I'm not so sure. One question I have for myself is, when do I get Sweetie into the shower. Do I want to do it today, and not have her all upset, or tomorrow, when she will be clean, hair washed an looking great and hope she will be in good spirits for the meal. Or will I let her make the choice either way, or the least of my choices is a wet one pit bath on Thursday, I'm just going to let circumstance drive the decision. 

I'm wondering just what is going on with Sweetie lately. She is sleeping longer and longer, harder to get her up, and if I don't get her up and change her, she will leak and get the bed wet. What we are doing now is getting her up and changed, breakfast, and then she heads back to bed for a couple of hours. 

I'm wondering that because we don't have the ability to get out and do our normal stuff, that she isn't sleeping at night, just lying there, and in the early morning she finally get asleep. Because of the lock down, and the cold temperatures, it is hard for us to get out and do some walking. I know that would help her work off some energy, so sleep would come easier to her. 

I bought her a coat and maybe it just might be the right time for us to try it out. I'm thinking of bundling her up, and see just how far we can get. I know her pretty well, and if she is baulking at anytime, I can just turn around and  head back home. It might take a couple attempts to get her used to walking in the cold, so time will tell. 

After she got up, we had a pretty good day. Took a long car ride, and was able to kill some time. There is a stretch of road, where there are usually trains for Sweetie to see and watch. Got a special this time. Found two trains, going in opposite directions. Was fun to watch her eyes light up. Easter Egg. 

That is what Driver has taught me to watch for, those darn Easter Eggs. They show up and the darndest times and sometimes right out in the open. When you have something good to look for, life is easy. Even with Dementia alone for the ride too. So, we get in the car of life, buckle up, and let Driver show me the way. For He Knows where we are going and how to get there. Sometime quickly, sometimes slowly, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

 

11/24/20

This is my Sweetie.

How could I not love her? Just look at that face, that smile, those eyes. She is my world. Even today, when the smile isn't as bright, the eyes, not so shiny, and the face not so full, she is my love. 

My love, people see that when we are out. I've been told time and time again, how much they enjoy the way I treat her, that my love for her just shines through all that we are going through. I am humbled when people tell me that, that I'm an example of what love looks like. I can see that same love when we play golf with other couples, and they are the people I would rather be around. 

As I get myself ready for the coming Thanksgiving, I cannot let the pressure of the family gathering grow inside of me. I am hoping for a good time, hoping that I won't be totally responsible for Sweetie, hoping that her daughter might try to talk to her. Who am I kidding, I am the only one who knows her, what she needs, and how to take care of her. She will sit next to me, hold my hand, and be scared out of her mind. 

I think the room will be a cacophony of noise, and she will need to be near me. I wonder if someone might think that Dementia is something that you can catch. Everyone is so defensive today with the Corona Virus floating around. Or am I being too sensitive?

Yesterday was a good day. Because it was gloomy outside, I turned on most of the lights in the house. At least Sweetie wouldn't be brought down by what is outside. It was a wet morning for her, so it became a early laundry day for us. Plus it was a short grocery shopping day. 

My portion for the Thanksgiving dinner is to bring the sparkling grape juice. As we drove to our favorite Walmart, I was watching the other stores as we drove by. Long lines, because of the lockdown and I was worried about standing in a long line, in the cool weather, with Sweetie. I decided not to do that and headed for our little Neighborhood Walmart grocery store. 

Amazingly, there wasn't a line. It was a wee bit crowded with a good mix of shoppers and employees. I've been using my smart phone's notepad to make a shopping list, and this time I suck to it. Got what was on the list, and got home. 

I've been buying the pieces of chocolate cake for our dessert. It is big enough to cut into quarters, and have it for two nights. Just enough to satisfy my sweet tooth and Sweetie can still eat it by herself. 

My Driver knows about the sweet things in life. He also knows how special it is to enjoy it with one that you love. So, I'm sure, He is enjoying watching us enjoy those little Easter Eggs we collect along the way. Life will make turns you don't expect, and where ever they lead, I can always depend on certain things. One, my Driver know where we are going, and if I look hard enough, there are Easter Eggs to be found. As we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.   

 

11/23/20

Sweetie, tree, and leaves.

I will never have this picture again. For you see, the elements of this picture are no more. Yes, Sweetie is still with me, yet again, she isn't who she was in this picture, the tree is gone, and thus the leaves will be no more. 

Had the tree taken down earlier this year, and yesterday, the stump was ground down, and a new tree was planted. It will be years before I have a yard full of leaves, for it will take years for it to grow big enough to do that. 

The Flowering Pear tree is so different from the willow we had. It has white flowers in the spring, and in the fall, the leaves turn different shades of red, gold, and rust. For me it will be a wonderful reminder of Sweetie and the years we had together. 

I was unprepared for what happened yesterday. It started somewhat normally. Sweetie laid in bed until I got her up. She stayed so long, that she leaked and had wet pants. Ominous beginning of the day. I gave her her first dose of CBD, and we had breakfast. Shortly after that, she went to the back bedroom, and laid down. She spent most of the day in bed. When she got up, she seem pleasant enough, but I gave her a second dose. It was shortly after that, I suggested that we go for a car ride, just to get out of the house, and that is when Mr. Sundowner showed up. 

It was you go for a ride, I'm staying here. And so it began. For the next hour, it was uncomprehendable conversation, pushing, and angry demands. 

I was able to get some more CBD into her, and because it was cold, got a jacket on her, and went walking outside. What is amazing, and I've heard it from others, is that she is so friendly to strangers, and then she will turn on me in an instant. As she walked, the CBD started to work and Mr. Sundowner was loosing steam. 

Once back it the house, I got her to rub some Stress Relief lotion on her hands, soon, she was back to being sweet herself. Maybe she just sleeping well enough these days. Her ear is getting red, and I've found dried blood from it on the pillow. I've started a regimentation of Tea Tree Oil on her ear, in the morning, and attempting to put it on when she goes to bed. She must sleep super hard on that side, for this is a new issue with her. Also using some cortisone lotion on it. Got to get her somewhat regulated, for Thursday is Thanksgiving, and I don't want her to miss it. It could be our last one. 

Driver says that everyday is a day of Thanksgiving, for Sweetie is still with me. So true. Each day is special, how alone I will be, when that day comes and she is no more. What a oxymoron, can't wait for her suffering to be over, and yet, at the same time being left alone is so frightening. For today, I have her, and today will be the best today we can make it. The is the best I can do, as I go with my Driver as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.    

 

Kerplunk.

At the zoo with son & grandson.

Kerplunk, and I'm happy to hear that sound. It means that I got Sweetie to the toilet in time. As you know, I've been having a time with her bowel movements. She is so not regulated, it is frustrating. I remember when I could put her on the toilet, read to her and nature would do the rest. Now it isn't so easy. If I try to get her to go, she complains and wants to get up, and if I check too often, she gets belligerent, and won't work with me. She gets that way naturally, so it will take some 5 to 10 minutes of talking, soothing, and then the crying stage before she allows me to check and take care of her. 

Lately, she is getting stubborn as to allowing me to clean her up. She won't lift herself up so I can wipe her, and I have to encourage her to help with the process. Oh the times ahead. 

This disease is so frustrating. Because of the fact it is a sliding disease. Always progressing down ward into the darkness of Dementia, yet at the same time, there seems to be a concentrated effort, to return back to a earlier time. The looks, the eyes, the tenderness of words she will use. She will notice things that she hasn't noticed in 6 months, and then she won't remember 5 minutes ago. I know, I know, short term memory is the looser here, it is just that I keep getting that little spark of joy when she has those moments of remembrance. 

Well, this is the week of Thanksgiving and hopefully we will be thankful. I know I am, for we are still together, still enjoying each other, still able to do some traveling. Our life together is, on a scale of 1-10, I'd say about a 5. As in a prayer of mine, the Serenity Prayer, there is a line, "That I maybe Reasonably Happy in this Life..." I keep repeating that to myself, for as I weight everything, I can say "I am Reasonably Happy" and that is good. 

I can see out of the side of my vision, the little grin on Driver's face. Your getting it, is the message that He is sending me. For He knows the other part of that line, "And Supremely happy with You, forever in the next." Dementia Town is only a jumping off place. And wherever you jump off to, may you be Supremely Happy when you get there, and forever more. We won't know until we get there, as we drive down the Road to Dementia Town, with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.   

 

11/21/20

  Christmas Cottage.

As you can see, we painted our house. I think it looks good, and with the red brick, does it or does it not look Christmassy? Didn't think that way until I took some pictures to send to my kids. Just look at it Red and Green, Christmas colors. 

When I chose the colors, it wasn't any thinking it just came out, "Green". After it was done, some logic to my choice came about. Shortly after we bought and moved in, Sweetie painted the front door green. My office is green, I live in a blue and green house. So, in reality, Sweetie had conditioned me to green, and it worked. And if nothing else, we are now a navigation point on the block. Giving direction of "We are the house next to, or across from the green house." Cool, ya think? 

Today, I've hired a landscaper to come and remove the stump from the front yard and plant our new tree. I'm excited to get all this done. Then, I think we are done for the year. I still have a couple of projects to get done, but with winter coming on, I think I can put them off until spring. 

Had an interesting day yesterday. We were going to hook up with our son, and play some disc golf. To help Sweetie, I gave her three shots of her balancing medicine. I don't know if it was her being excited to be with him, or the walking, but she went off kilter real fast. After we had finished the round, we headed over to another course, and Sweetie lost it. 

Had to take a long trip home before she settled down, and came back to me. It was when we got home and I checked her and found she had a load in her pullups. After I cleaned her up, she was able to relax and balance herself better. These are them times I say to myself, "Why didn't I check her before we left?" I can beat myself up pretty good over stuff like that. Then again, how am I to know? When she has a movement, there isn't any straining behavior, any reaching or grabbing her backside, it is just when I check her, down with the pullups and there it is. Get cleaned up, wash up and on with the rest of the day. 

Driver tells me, that beating myself up isn't worth it. "Lean on me, on my love and understanding, for I've overcome all that.". He's right. Yet, I am a man and I should be able to do something right, then I realize it isn't the doing, it is the heart. Let my heart concentrate on His words, and the doing becomes a labor of love. I sit comfortably in the passenger's seat, wearing my cool sunglasses, eyes closed, listening to His voice, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, while Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

 

My Sanity.

Beauty and the Beast

"My Handsome Brute", that is was my pet name that she gave me. How she was able to put those two words together and make me smile when she said them. Only she could tell you and that is just a small peek into her wonderful world, of creative thinking. Oh how I wish I could hear her say that again. I never thought I was a handsome man, and with brute in her mouth, is was music to my soul. 

It was her cold motor start yesterday, it took her a couple of times to get going. When I went up to check on her and she was wearing her glasses in bed. We have spats about her wearing her glasses to bed, I'm just afraid that she will break them, and she just cannot remember that. It is one of those battles left for another day. Most of the time, I can try, she fights me off, and in a few minutes, I can gentle take them off of her, and put them away. 

After breakfast, she headed outside and wanted to walk. Our home is on a oval. There is only one way in and out. So, we can walked the oval, around and around, three times before she tired and was willing to get back into the house. She doesn't recognize it as our home. I have to keep reminding her that this house is where she and I live.  

Feel so bad about last night. We went for a drive, got the Tweetie out and drove around. I have a route that is over 100 miles, so about 2 hours in the countryside of New Mexico. 

When we got home, I had decided not to check Sweetie, knowing she might of dirty herself, and it could be a big upheaval for her. It was during dinner when she was agitated, so I took her to see what her undies were like. Sure enough, she was dirty, and had been sitting in it for I don't know how long, but it was too long. Amazing how a clean bottom can settle a person down real fast. So goes the life of a caregiver, hit and missing signs that can help my sanity.

This is where my Driver's words come into play. For He has told me, "Don't worry about tomorrow, for today has enough worries for itself." I have to attend to that which is right in front of me. Watch the road, for if we don't we can drift either right or left, and that could be mean disaster for us. So, I listen, with my trained spiritual ears and heart, to all that He says, and keep my eyes on Him for He will not lead me astray. Keen eyes are needed as we travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Sides up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.     

 

Best Approach to take.

Luv you, Sweetie.

What is it that allows me to show so much love and comfort to Sweetie? How is it, that after all the years, all the battles, joys, and heartaches I still find the need, the desire to care for her? Is it the way she depends on me? Do I feel some insane pleasure of her inferiority? I think the answer is a resounding NO. 

I think it is like the Grinch, when he was just about to make his great getaway with all the Hoos Christmas, he was caught trying to save Max and the sled, he heart grew 7 times its size. That is what is happening to me, and it is still growing. 

The more I care for her, the more I put my heart out on the line, the more love it produces. I can't get away from all the evidence that is around me. In my office, I have pictures of us, of her, all over. Reminders of the times we had, times of great joy, and as in the old saying, we go to togethers likes peas and carrots. We have grown together, like two trees planted so close to each other, they become one. 

I had the front yard tree cut down, because the bark beetles have killed it. In its place, I'm putting in a Flowering Pear tree. Like the one in the backyard, the one that Sweetie wanted. So now when I pull into the drive way, that reminder of her and who she was will always greet me. I'm putting up milestones as reminders, as if I needed any. 

Yesterday was better. Sweetie didn't sleep as long as she did the day before. Was able to get her into the shower and was her hair. We went to play some disc golf. She doesn't quite understand what I'm doing, so she wants to wonder some. Friday, with our son, I'm hoping it will be different. She is getting distracted when I try to potty her, and I'm figuring out the best approach to take. 

The best approach to take is listening to my Driver. It is hard when He has the window now, and I have to strain to hear Him. He says that it is training for my spiritual hearing. To train myself to hear His voice over, under and through the noise of life. It is working, for I hear His voice in the middle of an uproar. Soft, still, quiet voice that calms and comforts. For it is needed as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

Before CBD.

Happiest Place in the World

While she still could get out. Even now, if I was to plan such a trip, I'd be fearful of what would happen. So far, she will keep her seat belt on, and then again, every now and then, she will attempt to take it off while we are going some where. If she won't wear a seatbelt, our travels will be short, and maybe won't happen anymore. 

I'm in a funk this morning. Yesterday, Sweetie slept most of the day away. I was able to get her up for some breakfast, and after I got her to brush her teeth, she went back to bed and stayed there. 

I spent the day watching TV, waiting for her to come down so we could do something, anything, walk, go somewhere, but she stayed in bed. 

I think it was that long walk two days ago. I don't think she has recovered from it. I was able to get her up for a car ride, then dinner. When she was done, something grabbed her, as if she was reacting to her body, got up, and went to the back bedroom, crawled into bed, and as I'm writing, she is still there. 

I slept alone upstairs, fearful of her waking up, and getting out without me knowing it. I locked all the exit doors, set the door alarms, and went to bed. I had tried to get her to come with me. She wouldn't move out of the bed. So, instead of causing an uproar, I let her alone. So far, so good. 

Does this mean, she is moving closer to stage 7? I think so. I've also been pondering the question, does my giving her CBD, is it slowing down the progression of her Dementia? That is one of the things that we had discussed while she was still lucent, and had agreed not to do. To let the disease progress naturally. 

Two years ago, before CBD, we suffered terribly with Mr. Sundowner. I started using OCT sedative, basically sleeping aids. They helped, but not all the time. It was shortly after that I read about CBD and was willing to try anything to smooth out those terrible Mr. Sundowner evening times. 

After getting and trying it out. The results were amazing. We could sit and watch TV, go for walks, do things that didn't take the yelling and screaming by her to get done. Toileting, showering, changing, all of that was done in relative peace. Even the smiles and the "I love You." came more naturally. 

Within the past couple of weeks, a change has come over her. She is getting more unpredictable. More agitated, and now sleeping more. My hope is that we can have this last Thanksgiving and Christmas in some ease. For I fear what is to come next year. That she will sink into that morass called Dementia, and not be able to come back at all. I know it is a reality and I need to prepare myself for it. 

The future isn't mine to see, just an educated guess. Driver knows my fears and sorrow that is ahead of us, as we travel this Road to Dementia Town, rounding the bend, and into the sunrise. Where we are Keeping our Shiny Sides Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.        

 

Darkness of Dementia.

Friends forever.

She had a smile that would light up the room. It is still there, I still see it. It isn't the same. Before, her smile was full of life, of joy, of the certainty of a strong woman. Now it is still there and I know it is just a facade, a keeping up a good impression. For inside, the life, the light, the humor is being pulled away into the darkness of Dementia. 

We are in shutdown for the next two weeks. That puts us into a scramble of what to do with Sweetie, and new routine needs to be established. What are my options? As I mentioned before, walking the neighborhood is now on the table, and we have already established that and did some walking yesterday. What else is available? 

Disk golf. Our son is into it, and I've gone with him accouple of times, and I was rewarded with a 3 disk starter set for Christmas. No better time like the present to put them to use. There are disk courses in the parks around town. It does us both some good. I throw and we walk. 

Our first outing was yesterday, the course was difficult to figure out, so we played a few holes and left. Going to try it again today. After talking with our son and finding out that he's off on Friday and is eager to join us. He told me about some easier course around town. We are going to try one today, and join him on Friday for a round. Knowing him, he will be bringing at least one of his sons with him. It will be a small family outing. Beats sitting and watching TV. 

I took Sweetie on a walk around the neighborhood yesterday. It was more than she was used to. Towards the end, she wouldn't hold my hand, and that is trouble. I was able to get her home, and she went to bed for a nap. It looks like I have to plan better. She seems to like walking outside better than walking in the mall, so I think a greater distance will help her, and me, use up the stored energy from your non activity. Which will help her sleep, and hopefully, increase her appetite. All in all, I have to say we had a pleasant day. I'm going to see if I can copy it today. 

She is becoming more and more resistant of getting into the shower, I haven't given up yet. Gave her a wet wipe pit cleaning yesterday morning so if nothing else, those will work for a time. Next time I try some better timing. Mainly after I give her her balance medicine and lotion. When it takes affect, then try the shower again. 

"Work with me" he said. That's my Driver's advice. "When it is dark, I have a light for you to use, to light up your path". It is a way of guidance and trust. For the light doesn't show all the path, just the next step, to make it through each day, step by step. Learn not to fear that which I cannot see, for if I fear, I'll turn away from the light. Like water over the rock, it is smoothing out the edges, as we go. Traveling down the Road to Dementia Town, Driver, you and me. Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.   

 

Turn around.

Grandma and her boys.

How time flies. As of now, #2 grandson is taller than grandma, #3 is as tall as grandma, and #4 about chest high. It seems that as soon as they can breath air, they are sprouting like nothing can compare. 

As I'm writing this, a song comes to mind. Its "Turn around" by The Kingston Trio. I don't know why, it touched me. I googled it and listened and teared up. The song is about life, and it seems so short. Turn around, and you're 3, Turn around and your a young wife with babes of her own. 

It is for me, when I turn around, Sweetie is heading out that door. She is leaving me and her family and her little ones. It is a message that I know so well. It is a grasping of love that is so fleeting, yet so permanent in my heart and mind. I grab to hold on to Sweetie, to hold her near, to love her, and yet she is ever so slightly, moving away. Those times where CBD and Stress Relief Lotion are being used more and more, and the joy of their effects is getting less and less. 

She is starting to wander around the house, stopping to look at the pictures on the wall. When I tell her who they are, she smiles, and agrees. I've decided to let her go outside when she reaches the front door. Might as well. As long as she isn't walking with Mr. Sundowner, it will do us both some good to get out of the house. 

As the weather turns from autumn to winter, and the simple fact that Dementia doesn't like the cold, our walking days will soon draw to an end. We are back in lock down, and with the malls and golf courses closing, walks around the neighborhood are back on the schedule.

 Fixed a small pot roast for dinner, last night. Wrapped it in foil, and cooked it at 250 degrees for about 6 hours. Mash potatoes, with their skins on, and mixed veggies. Gave Sweetie more meat then normal, and with some encouragement, she cleaned her plate. She is still telling me she doesn't know what she is doing, I have to tell her to put the food in her mouth and eat it. She then watches me, and copies me. 

Reminds me of when my girls were little, and how they watched every move I made, copy cats they were. The difference is Sweetie is going in reverse. For the day is coming when she won't know what a spoon or fork is for and I will have to feed her. 

One of the things about being on this road is that it is one way, I can't turn around. Driver knows that, and He is here with me. Got a box of tissues, and cassette tape of Oldies, as we drive this road. Knowing that memories are precious, that will bring tears, the tissues. The music does both, tears and smiles. Smiles and miles as we travel the Road to Dementia Town. Driver, me and you. Thanks for joining us this day, as we motor on down the Road to Dementia Town, as always, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

 

Future is a fickle gal.

Christmas at the beach.

The future is a fickle gal. These pictures are proof of it. Of course they are of times we wanted to remember, to be put away, to gather dust, in a box, to be forgotten and surprised when found. To remember how precious those days were, and how they can bring a tear or a chuckle and a smile as we look at them. 

I can remember sitting with my grandma, as she would get out the family photo album. Of when my mom was a child, and how she would gentle turn the pages, and with a smile, a gasp, and tell of this uncle, or aunt, or whoever was on the page. Telling us the history of each picture. That is what I'm doing with you, telling you our history, our story, and now my story. 

It saddens me, when I see Sweetie as bright, as active as she was just a short period of time ago. She is but an empty vessel of herself. This, today, is what I have, and I've volunteered to be the caretake of this precious vessel. 

Sweetie still knows when I'm talking to her, and, bless her heart, she tries her best to answer. I know that she is still in there, some where, amongst the clamor of forgotten memories and the noise of Dementia.

We had a good day yesterday. I let her sleep in, and waited for her to come down when she was ready. I did go and check on her, just to make sure she was OK and she was. She has gone from knowing me for a short time first thing in the morning, to being stand offish. I have to move very slowly, and speak softly, reminding her who I am, and what we are doing.

When I change her pullups the first thing she has to get over the idea of me taking her clothes off and putting new ones on. This is the time, I can give her a cleaning. Using flushable wet wipes, I clean both front and backside of her bottom. That way, I know she starts the day "Clean and Fresh." 

This is my honorable duty and joy of being Sweetie's everything. It may not have seem that way at the start. It was a natural progression, for I was guided by my Driver. Those days with Him, changed me. Like water over a stone, smoothing and polishing it, Driver's words have done that to me. He comforts in bad traffic days, and we sing on long straight stretches' of smooth pavement. As we travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

 

Change of seasons.

Three generations

Here we are, three generations of Sweetie's family line. As a young man, the talk of generations wasn't important. Now as we are in the twilight time of your lives, how important to see our linage continue. As we move along the scale of life, knowing that we will be remembered by our grandchildren gives us sense that we will live on. 

We had our house painted and they finished last night. We how have a green house. Rather shocking at first, and then that is because it is new. Each day the eyes will become familiar with the color and it won't be so shocking. Love it. 

Because of the change of the seasons, I'm going to try and move events around. First, I'm going to let Sweetie sleep in more. No sense in getting her up, when there isn't anything to do. Just let her sleep or stay in bed until she is ready.

I'm going to move our mall crawl to the first event of the day. It gives us time for her to get her body moving. She is like a walker in a race. She sets the pace and off we go. She gets going and I just keep talking to her, telling her what a good walker she is, how much I love walking with her, and just like that, we're done. 

Going to attempt to play golf in the afternoon. When the temperatures might be more agreeable with her. Her sweatshirts and jackets are not enough to keep her warm, so I bought her a heaver coat yesterday, now I have to get her to wear it. Like anything that is new, she questions, rejects, and then slowly gets use to it. 

The other day, for breakfast I fixed toast and jam with Ensure. She liked it and ate it without too much complaining. Because Ensure, to me, is the most important protein of the meal, I just might start using that for breakfast. Maybe substituting a bagel or English muffin, along with the Ensure. As we know from the past, what is good today, is bad tomorrow. 

So looking forward to December 22nd. Why you ask? Because that is the day, days officially start getting longer, and with shorter evenings, the battle to stay up lessens. Then again, with the progression of her Dementia, will it make that much of a difference? 

Only time will tell, and the only thing I know for sure each and everyday, is this. I have to get into the car, sit down, and buckle up. Driver knows the way, as we spend another day, together, traveling down the Road To Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.      

 

Stop the old.

Oldest to youngest

Yep, the little heart breaker is at it again. He just comes along, and there it goes, he's got grandma's heart. And it is just fine with her. 

It was a day of light heartiness yesterday. I let Sweetie sleep in, for there wasn't a real reason to wake her any sooner then normal. We were off to spend most of the day out of the house. I didn't plan on staying out as long as we did, but that is all fine and good. 

Yesterday was our pizza lunch with son and his family. It was a fine time. We sat and talked and talked. Our DIL and I have become the bestest of friends. She is smart and wise, and our son has a keeper. As we ate and talked, the rest of the crowd filtered away, it was just her, Sweetie and me. Sweetie keep close to me as we talked. Every now and then, we would say something to her, and she would answer back, so she knew she was being addressed. She can actively listen, and at the same time she has loss the ability to respond. We take it in stride and thank her for being part of the conversation. 

Got our Thanksgiving invitation. DIL has decided to have it at their new home. Just wondering if there will be peace in the family, for phony family wars still rages one. It just drives me crazy, but then again, it is family. Sweetie's brothers, the last two, have both come to the conclusion that life is too short of continue this type of family relationship. They are going to try. 

One thing that I've learned is that old behaviors don't just roll over and die. It takes time to stop the old and begin the new. Like a child with a top that has a pump handle, the more it is pumped, the longer and faster it spins. It takes time to stop, and then if you just pump the handle once, off it goes again. Lesson, life has to slow down and stop before it can start the new direction. 

I think that is what Driver has been doing with me. Before we got to where we are now, I had to put away all of my plans, dreams and expectations for what I wanted in the future. He knew what was going to happen, and put me on a path of slowing down, coming to a stop, and starting up this new road. A road of caring, of putting myself last, a road to being like His son. With the love, care, and the wisdom to do it everyday as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya and God Bless.  

 

Christmas music.

Dehydration trip to hospital. 

I think I better explain this picture. It was over 4 years ago when we experienced our first dehydration collapse. Scared shitless, I call 911 and we ended up in the emergency room. Of course I called the son, and next thing I knew, and expected, the phony family wars called a truce and everyone showed up. After we got out of the hospital, the wars renewed.

Is it me, or am I wishing for the impossible? Then again, it this normal? It all depends on how you look at it. In most cases, I'd as it is abby-normal, but in this case, that means it is normal.  I try to not let them bother me, because it has been this way for the time Sweetie and me have been married. So I carry on as best as I can. 

Today we are going over to the son's house for pizza and conversation. I so look forward to these outings. I may not be away from Sweetie during these outings, but it is the next best thing. I think it is the openness and adult conversation that makes the time with them special. I feel so refreshed when we leave. I have to remember to dote over the grandkids. They all bye for our attention when we arrive, it is so nice. 

There is also a secondary reason for me, Thanksgiving. It is on the calendar and coming soon. I am attempting to milk and invitation somewhere. Otherwise, it will just be another day with Sweetie. As you can guess, the holidays don't mean much to her. 

One of the local radio stations is already playing Christmas carols, and I'm loving it. Christmas is my most favorite times of the year. So, for now, I have our Alexia playing Christmas music, and in the car, listening to the same. Sweetie will just sit there look out at nothing while we are in the car. If I start to sing along, which I do, with the tones, she will join in with me. If I'm not singing, she goes back to looking out the window. 

Found out the hard way, and it just came to me. Dementia doesn't like the cold. Yesterday while on the course, Sweetie acted out again. It was colder then I though. She was OK for awhile, then the acting out, wanting to get away, yelling at me until I got her back into the car. She calmed down and it wasn't until I telling you about this that it dawned on me. 

Because Sweetie doesn't know what to do, or what to tell me, she awakes Mr. Sundowner and together they put on a show. The show is titled, "I'm cold, and don't know how to get warm." I forget about her comfort, because I'm able to understand and handle the cooler weather, she cannot. I believe that Dementia cools the body so that it might feel 5-10 degrees colder then what it really is and no matter how much I bundle her up, she is going to be cold. 

Isn't He sneaky? Driver, He uses everything to educate me about Sweetie, even this blog. He is willing to do what it takes to keep me together, for we have many more miles to go until we reach our destination, Dementia Town. I get so wrapped up with my wants, that I don't see what is happening right before my eyes. I'm so thankful for His wisdom and the way it shows up. I give thanks for my Driver, as we travel together, down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

 

The blessings?

Sweetie and her tree.

Sweetie loves trees and just about anything that is green and growing. When we first bought our home, it was the view across the Rio Grande, of the Sandia mountains that was outstanding. She wanted trees, and I didn't, as you can see who won that argument. We still have a view, not as much as I would prefer. As I sit here next to the window, there is quite a spectacular view of the mountains framed between trees. 

As the trees grow, it makes the view that much better. If I want to see more, all I have to do is go outside and get between the trees and there it is, in its full grandeur, the New Mexico mountains of the Sandia's and Mountaineer. 

I get to watch the sun move north and south up and down the mountains as the seasons change. Right now, when the sun comes up, it comes up so far south, it is almost off the Sandia's. Soon, it will reach its low point, and begin its trek north. Back to shining into my room, and lighting up the gloom. 

When the sun comes north this year, what will come with it. How much will Sweetie decline next year? Will that be the year I put her in a faciality? Or will it be I'll keep her home with me and bring in help? These are the questions that I have to face, not yet, but put the old gray matter to work in the background of my mind. There it can work on a solution and feed me information as needed. 

Our day was interesting to say the least. We went through our normal morning of waking, and trying to get her to eat something for breakfast. She ate about half her cereal, and drank her ensure. I think I'm going to start giving her not as much cereal and more Ensure to supply her nutrition. 

Then up to brush our teeth and get ready for the day. One of our things is I shave her chin and so far I don't have any real problems doing it, and she cooperates with me getting it done. I worry about when she won't let me do this simple service for her. I just cannot image her with a goatee. 

I'm struggling with her and brushing her teeth. She'll get started and then stop, act as if she is in pain, and stop brushing. I've tried getting her to brush with and without tooth paste, and that didn't help. I just worry about her dental health. The men in my support group, say that it is normal, they all have been through this stage. 

Had some difficulty at the golf course yesterday. Things were going fine, until the last hole. Sweetie wanted to stay in the cart when I was teeing off, not normal. Hit a great shot, par 3, and was on the green. When I went back to the cart, she was wanting to go, and I knew Mr. Sundowners was waking up early. I had to stop her from wondering around the course and trying to talk to everyone. I got her back to the car, gave her a dose of CBD, and in about a half hour she was coming back to me. It seems that I need to give her her balance medicine more and more these days. What a blessing Hemp Oil has been for us. 

Blessings, isn't that what life is for, being blessed. Just what are they, the blessings? As my Driver puts it, they are seeing the beauty of a sunrise, or sunset. Finding an answer that seems to come out of nowhere, and at the same time being able to say, "Thank you Lord." for that idea or solution, or that friend that shows up and an unexpected time just when you need it. For me, it is something as physical as Hemp Oil. For it allows us to have somewhat of a normal life. The simple fact of waking up and going asleep and the hours in-between. The simple stuff that my Driver shows me as we travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.     

 

Few hours of tranquility.

Sweetie loved rosters. 

Its cold outside. The weather seems to have gone straight from pleasant cool autumn to cold winter. It looks like because of the temperatures being a low as they are, outside activities maybe curtailed. 

It is strange how Sweetie seems to be two different people. In the morning, she is becoming more of a curmudgeon then the sweet woman I know and love. The breakfast routine continues. So, I'm looking for something that she will be willing to eat. For now, I'll just have to muddle through, but her apatite does seem to improve as the day goes on. 

I was able to get her in the shower yesterday. I did the old routine of "I'm going to take a shower, you like to join me?". She was more than willing to get into the shower with me. Another reason I am persistent about the shower is, I can get her naked and on the scale. I track her weight at least once a month and am happy to report, she weights the same 114lbs for the past 3 months. She is skinny, but she still maintains that weight. Maybe I shouldn't be that concern of her eating habits yet. Weight consistency seems to be under control.

It is when she wakes up and is light headed when she sits up, and the length of time for her to get her feet under herself is what is the real problem. She is like an old car that you have to start over and over again before it's motor fires up and stays running. 

Last night was a wonderful time. After dinner, she stepped in and started washing the dishes. Yes, I said washing the dishes. So, I picked up the towel and dried and put away. After that we sat and cuddled on the couch until bed time. It was as if I was being rewarded for taking care of her. An Easter Egg for sure. 

And there He is again, for all the trouble, for all the heartache, He washes it away with a few hours of tranquility. I know my Driver was in total control last night, and with that grin on His face, He knows that I know. I know that there are also more curves ahead, and as long as He is behind the wheel, it is going to be OK. As we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, sitting back in the passenger's seat, with my cool sunglasses on, we are gone, with our Shiny Sides Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.             

 

Twilight sleep mode.

Sweetie at work

Somedays it is hard, then again somedays are  harder. Gathering my thoughts for this posting is a mixed bags of what is going on in my life. They are separate and yet again, they all contribute to my mental health and my caring for Sweetie. 

Since it was Sunday, I got to watch my men of God giving their messages. One is always giving an uplifting message on how God is empowering me, to put a positive outlook on the day, for the future is bright. The second is more about my Christian Character and how I project it, and who is watching, and the last is an expository preacher, a verse by verse divining of the the scriptures. It used to be, I'd wouldn't spend much time watching, but because we don't go to church anymore, this works as a replacement. 

I'm looking for a sitter. Since I fired the company, and have talked with a friend that does that for a living, I'm still not happy with what I'm doing. This is going to be a whole new avenue of learning. I know there are people and others that will help, it is just getting the information that is a bit difficult. The damn pandemic has shut down many streams of information gathering and is frustrating.

I let Sweetie sleep, or rest as long as she wanted. Her first rising was later then normal, and she wasn't functioning well. Was able to get her ready and downstairs for something to eat. Her new eating habit is to start strong, than about halfway through the meal, she starts her can't do it routine. I know now, that no matter how much I try, she is done. She isn't eating enough to keep herself strong, and keep the weight on her. So, I substitute Ensure for milk, and try to get her to eat some snacks. She just isn't interested in eating. She went back to bed again, and I just left her alone. I would go and check on her, and she seemed to be in the twilight sleep mode. Not awake and at the same time, not asleep. When she got up this time, she seemed better. 

I'm going to try something with her, instead of showering, of course I will when we can, I'm going to try using wet wipes as a way of giving her a sponge bath. In the morning, I'm already wiping her privates down with wet wipes, so I'm hoping doing her underarms will be an easy addition to that time. I've said something is better than nothing. I just have to get creative. 

Where do these ideas come from? Left up to my own understanding, I am just a lump of clay, waiting to be molded into that which I am not. Driver knows these things. I can't do it by myself and He knows that. That is why our daily car rides are not just for relaxation and recovery, they are where he can whisper a idea into me, as He breaths the breath of life into my soul, and a fertile idea arrives. It is crazy as we spend time together, He's behind the wheel, I'm sitting back with my cool sunglasses on, as we drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Love ya, and God Bless.