Luv you, Sweetie.
What is it that allows me to show so much love and comfort to Sweetie? How is it, that after all the years, all the battles, joys, and heartaches I still find the need, the desire to care for her? Is it the way she depends on me? Do I feel some insane pleasure of her inferiority? I think the answer is a resounding NO.
I think it is like the Grinch, when he was just about to make his great getaway with all the Hoos Christmas, he was caught trying to save Max and the sled, he heart grew 7 times its size. That is what is happening to me, and it is still growing.
The more I care for her, the more I put my heart out on the line, the more love it produces. I can't get away from all the evidence that is around me. In my office, I have pictures of us, of her, all over. Reminders of the times we had, times of great joy, and as in the old saying, we go to togethers likes peas and carrots. We have grown together, like two trees planted so close to each other, they become one.
I had the front yard tree cut down, because the bark beetles have killed it. In its place, I'm putting in a Flowering Pear tree. Like the one in the backyard, the one that Sweetie wanted. So now when I pull into the drive way, that reminder of her and who she was will always greet me. I'm putting up milestones as reminders, as if I needed any.
Yesterday was better. Sweetie didn't sleep as long as she did the day before. Was able to get her into the shower and was her hair. We went to play some disc golf. She doesn't quite understand what I'm doing, so she wants to wonder some. Friday, with our son, I'm hoping it will be different. She is getting distracted when I try to potty her, and I'm figuring out the best approach to take.
The best approach to take is listening to my Driver. It is hard when He has the window now, and I have to strain to hear Him. He says that it is training for my spiritual hearing. To train myself to hear His voice over, under and through the noise of life. It is working, for I hear His voice in the middle of an uproar. Soft, still, quiet voice that calms and comforts. For it is needed as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.
1 comment:
I lost my Sweetie 10 days ago and I still feel my love for her drow every day!!
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