Memorial day.

Happy Memorial Day.

Something different. This is the vest I had made, using my old Navy Squadron patches as a reminder of my service and those that I served with. Those few month of my life have created a history in me that still influences me today. 

During those too few days, I did things that I'd never thought possible, never imagined, and would shape many of the things I do today. I'm very thankful for my time in the Navy. 

Sunday 

What a week we have had. Some of the new behaviors that Sweetie is now developing, the slow energy drain, and then on the other side, she is now having regular bowl movements this week. She is eating less again, so that can contribute to her lower energy levels. 

Got the drapes and put them up right away. What a difference they make. I was amazed at how much light they block. It will even make going to bed at a normal time easier. 

With daylight savings, the evenings last so long, that going to bed when it is still light out, may confuse Sweetie. Now, all I have to do is pull the drapes close, and Wa Laa, its dark. 

This morning was the first test to see if she would sleep in later than what she has been doing. And yes, she did sleep longer than she has been lately. Will it work from now on, I can only hope so. 

It was also shower and shampoo day for her. She did well at the beginning. It was after I shampooed her hair, when she went limp, and down. Everything went OK, let her rest, got her up and finished washing her. Because of that is happening more often, I've ordered a bath chair. So next time, she will be seated and I won't have to struggle to keep her safe in the shower. 

At breakfast, she has begun to put a spoon full of cereal from the bowl to the plate where I put her toast. Sunday, she took the bananas out of the cereal on put them on the toast. I had to interrupt her movement, and had her take a bite of the toast and banana. It was as if she was caught in some kind of cycle, not knowing what she was doing, and if I didn't break it, she may have put the whole bowl of cereal on the toast. She also is now stirring her milk, just because. So, now I have to monitor her, let her do what she is doing, and try to make sure she still eats.  

Over all we had a good day while driving with my Driver. Things could of turned for the worse and we could of ended up off the Road to Dementia Town, in a ditch, needing a tow. But Driver is too good for that to happen. He was able to keep us heading in the right direction, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.   

 

Morning having two strikes.

When life was still simple

When life was simple. I thought when I retired and started to share my life with Sweetie on a full time bases, I thought it would be simple. 

No worries, no cares, just her and I living together, doing as we pleased. How I wish that was true. It is no where near that. Just getting up in the morning, knowing what is ahead, and yet, not knowing what is waiting in the weeds of our living today. 

Knowing that she will never get better, knowing that it is a waiting game doesn't take any of the stress away of what we are going through. Plus all the other normal pressures of life, pushing in and wanting their share of attention. 

Saturday

I spied Sweetie early in the morning and found that she was awake. She was moving around in bed long before the sun was up, long before I was even ready for her to be up. 

I kept an eye on her and waited. When she was getting out of bed, I went to meet her. If she was up, it was time to get her going. 

This meant a long morning for her, and I wasn't sure what it meant for me either. 

Then the text came. My caregiver couldn't make it. She had emergency which I totally understood, now what? 

With the morning having two strikes on it, I was thinking what else could go wrong? 

After stripping and making the bed, put in a load of washing, I went and check on Sweetie. She had left the dining room chair and was asleep on her favorite chair. 

Knowing these things; 1) she was awake way too early, 2) what she needed was sleep, and 3) she was safe in the house with me being gone.  Put my clubs in Tweety's trunk, and headed for the course. 

I have to tell you, it was nice to drive the 'vette, with her top down, sun shining, and alone. Had a good half round, and then the wheels came off on the last 3 holes. Keep my days of pars going, Day 5 and that was something I needed to salvage out of my game that day. 

I had watched Sweetie move from the living room to her safe spot, the bedroom. When I got home, checked in on her and she was still asleep. So, I went to the kitchen, made a sandwich, grab a coke, and turned on TV. When she got up and came in, I headed her to the bathroom, the afternoon check up. Glad to report that I found we were 3 for 3, as the BM count goes. 

The rest of the day was somewhat normal for us. Accept it is getting harder to get her to want to go for a ride in the car. I was able to get her going and we did our mall crawl, a drove and found the Buffalo were out grazing, 

Got home and finished the day in style. The light blocking drapes arrived and I put them up. What a difference they make. Now, I hope, they will allow Sweetie to resume some normal, better sleep. Time will tell. 

Driver knows about the attempts to keep things on a balance and somewhat normal bases. For, as He navigates the curves that come to us, I trust He will keep us safely moving down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Colors of life.

Precious to me

What am I learning, while being a caregiver to Sweetie? One thing I know for sure, that life is not what I wish it could be, for it is what it will be. 

This morning picture is a good example of that. This is what retirement looks like. For what it is, is a couple struggling with Dementia, and if you didn't know that, just another couple out enjoying themselves on the golf course. 

This picture is an example of an Easter Egg moment. In it you can see us as we are, enjoying a day out on the golf course.

For it seems to me, that as Sweetie fades, I get more focused on what my purpose in her life is. I am to love, care, protect and cherish her. For as her vessel fails, I'm there to make sure, her heart is well taken care of. 

Friday

Friday was just another day on the calendar. We had our early awakening, early shower, and the likes. The only difference is, we had another bowel movement, twice in two days. I was happy to say the least. 

I don't know if what we are now eating for breakfast helps, but I know I'm not going to change anything. I found a box of bran flakes, non raisin, and added that to our cereal mix. Along with insure on her cereal and I mix what is left over with prune juice. It taste good, kinda. Anyway, until further developments, I'm going to continue this meal for now and into the future. 

I have to be on guard at meal times now. Sweetie will do "things" that if I'm not watching will make messes. She has tried to pour her drink on bread, sitting on the table. Or she will pick up her plate and head for the bedroom. I know she doesn't understand when I get in between her and the direction she is going. There are times when it is easier for me to let her go, and just retrieve her dishes later. 

Had what is becoming a normal morning. After breakfast, she goes back to bed, and when I'm about to leave, go and wake her one last time so she can come with me. 

When I get her into the car, I buckle her in, tell her that she is safe and won't fall out of the car. A kiss, and then I get in and off we go. 

Got my string back to 5 days in a row with a par. Sweetie is now at a new normal of running out of steam around the 7th hole. I can just see it in her face, and her head starts to nod forward, and her eyes look heavy. I know she's a trooper, and will stay with me and I her. 

Driver is slowing down these days, giving me more time to enjoy the scenery as we drive by. Not in a big hurry these days. It seems that there are more flowers, more colors in the fields as we pass by. I just want to drink in the colors of life as they pass by, for we know fall will come, and the colors will fade, but not now. Let us enjoy what we have now. As we continue our journey down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Hope springs eternal.

Seventh Tee with Sweetie. 

Life is like golf. You hit some good shots, and make some great putts, and as I have said before, it is what you do with the in-between times that make up the game. Walking or riding, it is just the same. 

I wish I could hold these truths in the front of my mind. Knowing and waiting are two different things. Knowing at each tee there is going to be a tee shot, which may determine how well I'll do, and then again, there is the second shot, the recovery shot, which gives me a chance to make par, or I blow it. I never know until the ball leaves the face of the club and is launched or muffed on its way. My attitude makes the difference on how I see that shot. Golf, like life, is one shot at a time, and eventually, I'll get the ball in the cup and head for the next tee. 

Thursday

Its becoming more and more obvious that I need to get those light blocking curtains for the bedroom window. Sweetie is waking up earlier and earlier. Still with the routine of the morning getting done sooner, it still sets the day. 

This morning started with a splash in the toilet. Even though is was way too early for her to be up, the splash meant she just might have a better disposition this day. 

After the shower, changed, and attempted to put her back to bed. She wasn't ready for any of that, so, TV to the rescue. As I finished my morning routine, I was watching her through the Nanny Cams. Soon, she got up and went back to bed by herself.   

When I was getting ready to leave, I made three attempts to her her going, to have her come with me. It was on that third attempt that I was successful. Groggy and tired, she got up and came with me. 

There on the course, the lady that was with us, attempted to engage Sweetie with simple greetings, and low and behold, she smiled and answered. And then it was gone. 

We had the same experience with her energy levels. On the sixth hole, she wasn't eager to get out of the cart, and I could see in her eyes and face, she was running out of steam. So, I kept her in the cart to the end of the round. 

After we got home, had lunch, she headed off to her safe place, and a nap. It is spring, and that means the grass is growing and needs to be mowed. It is at this time I got the lawn mower out and took care of business. 

 I wrote about moving Sweetie's rose bush from out of the shadows into a sunny part of the yard. I thought the bush had died and was getting ready to dig it out and buy a new one to replace it. To my amazement, I found a new sprout coming up from under the old dead stump. Hoping to get some roses next year, glad I didn't remove it and had waited to see the miracle.

Life renewed. Hope spring eternal. Isn't that what we have? Driver knows about Hope springing eternally. That is what He is all about. Never give up, never give in. Wait for the miracle to happen, be on the lookout for the Easter eggs. There are there, as we travel on down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.

Love well lived

She captured my heart.

This picture was taken while we were on a 3 day cruse, back around '86-87. What memories they kindle. I look at her, and wonder how she could of loved me. What a beauty she was, a prize to win, and a joy to be with. 

We have had our love tested many times since then. If this was a heavy weight match, I'd say our love is still strong and going the distance. Even when the match is over, love will still be there. Holding the towel, comforting the loss, and making strong the memories of a love well lived. 

I have heard over the years that love is an action word, and much much more. Love comforts, love understands, love cares. Love takes my hand and says its going to be all right. 

Wednesday

She was up before I was ready to have her up. I realize now, that if I take care of her needs, I can get her back to bed and she will sleep until I get her up. 

We're back to small poops almost daily. Every time I check her, she has a small amount on her panty liner, so I know she is eliminating something. I've gone back to prune juice for breakfast, and cranberry juice with lunch. My goal is to keep her body functioning well. 

My golf partner couldn't make it, so we went out as a single. Met another single and joined up with him. A pastor, and ready to retire. He seemed to be looking for someone to play with on a regular bases. I think we are going to be a threesome soon. Made it to 3 days in a row for par. 

While we were playing golf, Sweetie began to loose energy, and for the last 4 holes, stayed in the cart. I think of the progression of her energy levels. When we started, we would walk the course, then riding with her coming with me to the tees and greens every chance she could, and now, with her losing energy, needing to stay in the cart. I'm just enjoying the time we have together, no matter what. 

For everyday, Driver has hidden Easter Eggs for us to discover. It could be as simple as Sweetie saying something that makes sense, to sitting in the backyard watching the birds. The one things that remains is love. He knows that, and will hum love songs for us, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

An island of peace in a wind blown sea.

How could I not love her?

From sunrise to sunset, how could I not love her. As that old song goes, "I've grown accustom to your face.". How could I not? We've been married now for 34 years, but we have known each other closer to 50 years. What a beauty she was back then. 

I knew in my heart that we were going to spend our lives together. Oh, we had our struggles, and even our wars, yet we keep together. Came close to ending it accouple of times, but it never happened. I think, no, I know we were guided by that Hand that knew what laid ahead.

Tuesday

We had another early up, and back down morning. I just know she is dipping down deeper and deeper into her Dementia. So, it seems now, that she will awake around dawn, and I will have to do our morning bathroom, shower, change, and then I can get her back to bed for some more sleep. 

I'm thinking of purchasing light blocking drapes for the window in our bedroom. It faces east, so the morning sun just pours in. With some extra light blocking drapes, I hope she will be able to sleep in later. 

We had a semi good day. Sweetie went back to bed after breakfast and was asleep as I got ready to go out. At first, she didn't want to go with me, and after getting her up the second time, she was ready to go. Made it to the golf course, had a good round, par streak back to 2 days in a row. 

The ripples began at lunch, she just wasn't right. So, after lunch, I wasn't surprised that she went back to her safe place, the bedroom and laid down. It took only a short time before she went back to sleep. 

Had a few little nagging chores to do, just stuff that isn't pressing, but still needed to be done. While I was in the backyard working, she came out and sat on the couch as I finished my labor. There we sat, watching the birds come to the humming bird feeder. Finches, I think are monopolizing them, and every now and then, a humming birds shows up. 

We must of sat there for a couple of hours, watching the birds, pointing them out to her when they were in the trees, and just enjoying the afternoon together. 

Such is the day that such simple pleasures come. Driver and me, with Sweetie, hand in hand, enjoying that which only Driver could provide. An island of peace in a wind blown sea. Easter Eggs to behold. As we travel, Down that road which leads to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.    

Slap on the back of the head.

5/24 hole #4 tee. 

I have neglected to up date our photos, and so here is another updated one. I had my golf partner take this of us. Something interesting about Sweetie's shirt. It is her Maui shirt. I put it on her all the time, it helps me remember that last vacation we had in Hawaii. 

I was reading this morning, in one of my meditation books, about self pity. How it cloaks itself in other emotions. It can show as anger, self depicting yourself, and resentment. Self pity can re-direct itself, to make you feel better about being sorry for yourself, and gives reasons to continue to act that way. 

I think I've been getting that way, putting on the smile, greeting people with up lifting sayings, while all the time, knowing that it isn't true. This morning's reading was a slap on the back of the head. 

Monday

I was in for a surprise. Sweetie was up 2 hours earlier than normal. Not only up, but active. I got her and did our morning thing. And with a shot of happy medicine, got her back to bed. 

It was there I found that she had gotten two glasses of milk and spilled some on the bed stand. Just more evidence that she is getting active while I'm not with her. Also found the PB&J sandwich on a shelf, covered with a piece of paper. I've heard of some of the crazy behaviors, and it looks like we're well on our way to getting more of them. 

Lets change direction here. When I got her up the second time, there was that great smile on her face, evidence that it just might be a good day. 

On second thought, maybe not. Because when she was done with her breakfast, she headed back to bed. At this point, I was thinking about doing that which didn't pan out so well last time, going without her. 

As I was getting ready to go, I went in to check on her, and she was awake, and wanted to go with me. From that point on, it was a bird singing, sun shining day. It even ended well, with me back in bed with my Sweetie. 

When it seems that the winds are blowing and the clouds are covering the sun, it is then that Driver will reassure me that not all days are stormy days. And the second lesson I need to remember, is the sun will always shine after the storm. Lessons that are often forgotten in the pitch of the storm. Lessons to remember as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God bless.

Kicked me out.

My Lover

Gone, just gone. It was a battle all day long. We were doing just fine, when she let go of my hand, and that was it. The mood was gone, the knowing who I was, gone and the pacing began. 

What is it with this crazy disease? It was as if her sundowners was coming back. I haven't experienced this behavior in months. 

Sunday

It started somewhat as a normal Sunday morning. The exception is, Sweetie is getting up earlier, and she is getting herself out of bed. Just the other day, she needed my help to sit up, let alone get out of bed. 

I was able to re-connect my phone to the nanny cams, so I could see that she was awake and moving. It is normal for her to be out of sorts when she first gets up, so I treat her in a way that we can get the morning changing over with quickly. 

Because it is Sunday, I have our church on TV, and she is watching and paying attention. Fix breakfast, and moved her to the table so she could eat and watch at the same time. 

After breakfast, I couldn't get her to join me on the couch. She just watched the sermons. 

I can usually get her to recognize me by introducing myself to her, and it will jog a memory of who I am and we connect. After that, I was able to get her on the couch and watch The Mickey Mouse Club show. 

I'm learning that if she is happy watching TV, I can get things done. I had some yard work to get done, and after explaining where I was going, and she didn't want to join me, I went out and did what I needed to do. 

She's just not eating. She ate part of her lunch, and some of her dinner. When she acted hungry a half PB&J sandwich, her favorite, and she took a bit, left, and then we had fun with her taking it into the bedroom, or just walking around with it in her hand. 

Ended up taking it away from her, and cleaning up the kitchen. Had to throw the sandwich away. When she was in the bedroom, and I went in to see what she was up to, she kicked me out and shut the door. 

Slept upstairs, and had a good nights sleep. Rested and ready for the day. 

Driver knows what is ahead, as we prepare for the day, Down the Road to Dementia Town we go, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Snoring...music to my ears.

Two smiles, one heart.

I liked this picture better than the one from yesterday. It is darker, then again, it is the one with both of us smiling. I think I need to take at least one picture a day of us from now on. 

It is the constant tug on my heart that gets tiring. Because of her Happy medicine, and how it can change her personality is that which is the heaviest drag on me. 

She will go from telling me to leave her alone, and swatting my hands away, trying to get away, to a loving spouse that wants to hold hands and be close together. Those are the times I'd wish she would stay in. Without the dips and heights, life would be boring. 

Saturday

My Nanny Cam app quite again, and spent Saturday morning setting them up again. When I talked to product support, they suggested that I don't use it as much as I was. I had to admit that that could be the answer. I'm like a kid with a new toy, on, off, on, off. Working on a new behavior pattern on its usage. 

Sweetie surprised me this morning, she was up, and because I didn't have the cameras working, I almost walked right into her. I was able to get her her meds and down she went. 

She just eating much these days. I prepared spam and eggs, toast and jelly, ensure, for her. She ate the toast, drank some of the ensure, and some spam, then off to bed she went. Didn't touch the eggs at all. 

Amazon had sent me a second set of cameras thinking the first were defective. Received my return code, and headed to send them back. Went to Kohls to return them, wrong place, code was for UPS. Oops. 

So we headed for our UPS store. When we got there, there was a line out the door. Not wanting to wait, we left, to return on Monday after our round of golf. 

Got home, and had another chore to get done. Our flag holder was missing a screw, and with the winds we have been having, it is now a good time to resolve that problem. 

Back into the car and headed for the hardware store. Sweetie in tow, we found what I was looking for, back home and job completed. 

After reading a post about sleeping problems in the Dementia Family Support, and a suggestion of using Stress Relief to help sleep, I thought why not give it a try tonight on Sweetie. 

About 15 to 20 minutes before bedtime, I put some on her wrist, and neck. When we went to bed, she cuddled up to me, "I love you" kiss, and to sleep we went. When I got up, she was snoring. Believe me, it was music to my ears. 

Well, as we came to our resting place, Driver stopped the car, and opened the doors for us. Tired from the day, He found just the right time and place to stop. To make the best, all I have to do is listen to His soft voice guiding me onward. For He knows I needed a good nights sleep. To wake up refreshed as we again will head down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

Moon rise.

At the zoo, 05/'21

For me, it is just another day. A day of taking care of Sweetie. She is becoming less active. Is it the affects of the CBD or is she just by the fact Dementia is weighing heavy on her? 

She seems happy to just sit quietly and watch TV, and then she will attempt to tell me something that never seems to make much sense to me. So I watch her face, her expression so I can gage my response to her. Just how much she understands is a mystery to me. 

Friday

We had a stranger then normal beginning to our morning. She was up way early. Not wanting to get her riled up, I turned on her favorite show, and went to finish my meditation and prayer time. 

When I was finished, I went to take care of her. She wasn't in a good mood, so I gave her some Happy Medicine, and got her into some dry clothes. 

It seems that our outing to the zoo ran her batteries down to near zero charge. So it wasn't a big surprise that after breakfast, she went back to bed, and asleep. 

Needing some time to be alone, and knowing that she was safe without me being there, I took off for the course. I had my phone and could monitor her that way. 

It was a bad decision on my part. Had a terrible time on the course, my mind just wasn't on the game. I believe that my Driver was letting me know, I had made the wrong choice. 

Sweetie was fine when I got home, she didn't seem to know that I was gone. I needed to do some grocery shopping, so after lunch, that is where we headed. 

When we go there, and was attempting to put her mask on her, she rebelled. Thought we'd have to go home and do it another day. I was able to talk her into wearing her mask, and out of the car, into the store we went. 

Once out of the car, she clung to me for dear life. If I let her hand go to reach for something, she'd quickly latch onto it when she could. 

I tried something different for dinner. I got our regular size dinner plates. It seem to help, the same amount of food, not close to each other, seemed that there was less. I'm going to run a test, for the next week, use the larger plates, and then switch back to the smaller red plates. 

We watched Joe verse the Volcano last night. My favorite part is when the moon rise comes. Joe has a moment when he is thanking God, of whatever His name is, for his life. I thought about Sweetie and me, floating on a raft of luggage, and it was me watching that moon raise, I could say the same thing about my life. 

I think my Diver understands that moment. Could it be it was meant for me last night? I don't know, He is closed mouth about His influence of the days events. To see this huge moon, and the smallness of man, humbles me. Knowing that I'm with Him, and He is in the driver's seat, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our luggage bound together, floating on the sea of life, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

Blessings and joys.

Sweetie and the Flamingos

I want to thank those who posted about my frustration with waiting for the conclusion to this journey we are on. That I've mentioned, or suggested something about the ending of our adventure. 

You've made me aware of how I'm sinking into a funk. What you did, is pricked me into awareness of what I is happening to me. It made me very sensitive to what my morning meditation was saying to me, that His ways are not my ways, that His thinking isn't my thinking, that my job is to take care of my Sweetie by being His agent. 

When I look back and see all the blessings and joys that Sweetie and I have been through, it seems like it is the ones that we prayed about, planned and then prayed over the plans were the best. The timing of all never seemed to happen when we wanted them to happen, there was always a waiting period before the blessings appeared. I had forgotten that. 

The 3 "P's". Pray, Plan, and Prepare. I'm in the prepare part of the P's. The hardest part of prepare is the waiting. I have to stop thinking about the future, and start living in the now. Trying to remember:

 That Yesterday is history 

Tomorrow is a mystery

And today is a present.

A gift to be lived in its wonder.

Thursday 

The days are starting to run together, same routine. Wake, wash, and breakfast. Then out to the golf course. 

Yesterday started earlier then normal. Very early, about 2 hours earlier. I hadn't finished my "stuff" yet, so I put Sweetie on the couch and turned on The Muppet Show. She will sit for hours watching it. She's happy, I'm happy and life is good. 

At the golf course, achieved my goal for the day, and my string of pars is at 7 days in a row. Sweetie was better this day then the day before. She even answered question with the knowing what she was asked and said. She was perky and was enjoying her time out. 

We went to the zoo for the first time this spring (the picture is from our outing.). She had to be reminded to where we were, and the different animals kept there. She started strong, then quickly ran out of steam. I can see it in her face, it gets set, and has stopped taking in the sights around her. That is when we enter the danger zone, the weak time and she will go down. I was thinking that I might have to get her a wheel chair when we walk around. 

The evening went fairly well. At dinner, she wasn't as eager a eater as I'd hope, but she ate quite a bit. I've now gotten to the point that when she gets up and leaves, I load her fork up with the food that has the CBD on it so when she comes back, she eats it. Now it is two times leaving and then I just clear the table and start cleaning up (BTW, red plates don't seem to help her eat more. Been using them for over a year.). 

Bed time was a challenge. For the first time in a long time, she didn't want me to sleep with her. She asked me to sleep somewhere else. Can't reason with her, so I just went to bed, and waited. Sure enough, she came in and crawled into be. I'm finding that if I act like it is no big thing, she will come to bed of her own free will and we don't get involved in a fight of wills which never leads to a good result.   

Yesterday's notes, and this morning, talking with my Driver has put a new light on the days ahead. As we get up early and have our morning coffee, we can talk about what is ahead. He will ensures me that things will be what they are to be. No matter the road conditions, we are heading in the right direction. For it is a new day on the Road to Dementia Town, as we go, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.     

How much longer?

Hi Honey.

We made it through another day without too much drama. It is the nights that seem to get longer. With that I'm at my wits end in dealing with them. 

We still have our moments, the hand holding, the little kisses, and of course, the occasional "I love you" still can be heard. The question that sits quietly in the the back of my mind, "For how much longer?". 

Its not the question of longevity, but the phase she is in. I watch her walk around the house, and she is like a little old lady, walking bent forward, waking slowly towards where ever she is going. 

I remember the Alzheimer's training I took shortly after I retired. The different stages, the different types of Dementia. Finding out that Alzheimer's was just a type of Dementia not the other way around. 

Of course the big question that was asked, was how long does it take?

I think that is the is the hardest, toughest question of them all. Unlike most disease, there isn't a set time line, and the behaviors are as numerous as there are people who have it. So, anything said is set in sifting sand. For us, the expression I'd use, is the wet sand. For the ebb tide of Dementia keeps washing in and taking Sweetie's love notes to me away. 

Wednesday 

Decided to give Sweetie a full shower this morning. I watch her on the cam, and see that she is scratching her head, so I thought a shampoo would help. I'll see as we progress. I am thinking about switching back to a anti-itch shampoo, see if that helps. 

It was the woman's golf league turn to play golf morning, so I got a later tee time, 11;30 (which I believe to be too late for Sweetie. Will reset for next week.). Here we have another slide, Sweetie not wanting to leave the cart to join me on the tees and greens. It just worries me that when she stays in the cart, that I'll turn and she is gone, out walking. Not good for us, we'll see what becomes of it. 

Tried to have a repeat dinner with her eating everything, no such luck. Made mash potatoes last night. I now buy our potatoes separately because they are more uniform in size. I am just amazed at the amount of mash potatoes they make.

Even when I put a small portion on her plate, it seems to over whelm her visually. She was up and down again. After she ate that part of the meal I had put her CBD on, I waited for her to get up and cleared the table. 

Things went well for the most of the night. Then about 1am, she was up and walking about the house. When she would come back into the room, I'd wait to see what she would do. Up and down, and again and again. About an hour before it was time for me to get up, she came back to bed went to sleep. As suggest by you, she might have a UTI. I have some cranberry extract, I will start putting that in her food, see if it helps.      

I know where my help comes from, for He is the one driving this car. I know that I'm the co-driver here. When He does give me a chance to drive, I always seem to get us lost. He will just give me that gentle smile, and guide us back to where we are meant to be. Sweetie, Me and our Driver. On the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Sweetie is still with me.

Tending the pin

I do believe this is the only picture I have of Sweetie still knowing what to do while playing golf. Tending the pin. That was about all she could do back then, over 3 years ago. As the days roll on, she doesn't know how to do that anymore. 

I'm still blessed by her present, it is just some of the things that she still does, that keeps me thinking that my Sweetie is still with me, still alive and around me. 

Tuesday

When I first went in to wake her, she wasn't in the best of moods. So, I left to get her stuff ready for when I did get her up and moving. 

The second awaking was better, she was smiling and eager to get up. Still, with her morning soreness, I got her out of bed and into the shower. Dressed and headed out for breakfast. 

Things were going well, and so, off to the golf course we went. My friends couldn't make it, so I teamed up with a fellow single golfer. The surprise of the day, was when a weather front moved in and rained on us. It started raining just after I got my first and only par of the day, making my string now 6 days in a row. It was after that we called it a day. Good thing, because when we got home, the sky opened up. It rained for a good 4 hours, a slow and gentle soaking rain. And as the saying goes, we can use all the rain we can get. Especially one like yesterday. 

Seeking something to do, I called and we went over to son's house, taking some stuff that we won't use and they can. DIL was out picking up the boys from their other grandpa's place, so we sat and visited with our son. Good conversation, covered many topics and Sweetie just listen, and every now and then interjected her opinion. We both smiled and nodded in agreement. 

The best part of the day is the dinner. I cut down portion, still enough to satisfy, and enough for her to get a full stomach. She ate the meal, cleaned her plate without getting up from the table. Made me so happy to see her eat. 

Some of the best days on the Road to Dementia Town, are the ones that fill in the gaps of time that aren't planned. Little did we know the rain would change the directions we were heading. Driver skillfully turned the corner and into the wind of change. Finishing our travels for the day in the most comfortable way, cuddling in the back seat, as we rode, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Loving her all the more.

Soulmates 

Have you ever had friends that are just that, friends for life? There isn't anything special about them and at the same time, they are so special that words cannot describe them. This couple and us have been attached at the heart from the first day we met them. When most people move away, the friendship will wilt because of the distance. With these two, it has grown stronger each day. When I talk with Jack, I can empty my heart of its acks, and have it be refilled with love and understanding. 

I need people like these in my life now. I speak with Jack once a week and have done so for the past 15 or more years. When I am unencumbered, they are one of the first destinations that I'll be taking, to hit the road and travel. I just might get out the old maps of Route 66, the mother road, and take it from Albuquerque to Chicago, then back. Put that in my bucket, and see if I can pull it out at the right time. 

Monday

Sweetie is usually awake when I go to fetch her. She wants to get up but the pain of moving is present and she is afraid. I know that if she stays in bed any longer than necessary, the pain will get worse. With gentle urging, and a strong arm for her to hold, we get her out of bed. 

Once up, we now wait for her to regain her balance and strength to walk. I've noticed her gimping on her right leg as she gets herself centered. So it is easy does it until she gets going. 

The morning routine seems to be working well. Up, the bathroom, then to the living room, couch, Muppet Show, breakfast and then I do what I have to do. That is usually putting cloths in the washing machine, making the bed, and stuff like that. 

As we head for the golf course, I judge our time by how Sweetie will let me touch her. I usually put my hand on her thigh, and she usually puts her hand on mine. When she doesn't do that, I know we are in for a rough morning. Yesterday was a good day.

I played with two friends that are not as good as I am. When they make a good shot for them, I tell them what a good shot it was. The lady friend asked me why it was a good shot. Because it went straight, got in the air, her swing was good, ect. 

On the last hole, she had a good drive for her, and again the complement, and again, I had to explain myself to her. When it was my turn, I nailed a drive, and she said now that is a good drive compared to hers. Its like she just doesn't get it. 

For me, I've learned to take complements even when in my eyes I don't deserve them. It is an adjustment of the ego. Humility is the key for accepting complements on caring for Sweetie. Keeping the goal in sight and working for it. Knowing that she depends on me for everything, and right now it is so natural for me to do the things that need to be done, sometimes I can't believe that I'm doing it. Not just doing it, but lovingly doing it, and loving her all the more. 

When you in the car with Driver, your a captive audience. I get to choose what I want to hear and learn. If I think I've got it hard, I think of Sweetie, and what she is going through, and then at Driver's hands and see His scars, and then I ask myself, is it that hard? Thoughts to ponder as we motor down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.      

Precious moments

Sweetie at Disneyland.

Stuck, I'm stuck in how to begin writing this morning. On of the little tricks I've learned over the past year on getting started is to just start writing. Letting you know the we are doing fine. It seems that I get stuck in trying to figure out how to talk about the same thing day in and day out.

Yesterday was a day of normal, sad, surprises, confusion, and joy. So, lets just get into it. 

Sunday 

It was the day that the boy's came over. I wanted Sweetie to be ready, but as you can think, how do you prepare someone with Dementia that some people are coming over to invade her sanctuary? If you haven't figured it out, you can't. 

No matter how many times I would tell her they are coming, she would forget. Oh well.

Sweetie was up earlier then normal for her. So we did our morning drill, and then off to the living room to, what else, watch TV. Being that it was Sunday, and here is where we now go to church. As soon as I turned Joel on, she seemed memorized by his message. Then, to Sagebrush to listen to Todd's message, again great interest. Finishing with Skip's message on marriage. Sweetie was aware, and paying attention. 

We had French toast for breakfast. First time in a long time for something other than eggs or cereal. She is eating more slowly these days, so I have learned to get up, clear my plate, and let her finish at her pace. 

When the boys and dad showed up, it overwhelmed her. Such a clamor of activity and voices. Bodies all over the place filled with excitement and movement. Her first reaction was to head of the bedroom. 

When she returned, son had brought his guitar and was going to serenade her with Christian Praise songs. As I gathered the storm of boys outside, he sat with her and she sat and smiled at him. Now, I wished I had taken a picture of the two of them. Precious moments. 

Meanwhile, out in the back yard, it was "Grampa, what do you want me to do?" The two oldest boys, it was do this or do that, and all I had to do was monitor, and advise. The youngest, was a little more creative stuff, like pull weeds, and in the clean up, he got to use the blower to clean up the clippings and dirt. He did a good job, I was impressed. 

Ended the work day with going to Sonic and getting treats. Sweetie didn't understand her mini blast, so it is now in the freezer waiting for a more quiet time to bring it out. 

The fun event was when they were leaving, Sweetie got out. I thought she was going to say good bye, silly me. She turned and went the other directions. I had to scramble and get her back into the house, for I was barefoot and wasn't ready for a walk. 

No sooner did I get her in the house, put on my flipflops, she was out again. Being prepared, we went on a walk. 2 times around the loop, and she was done. I could see it in her face and eyes. 

We finished the day in our comfort zone way. Couch, TV, and cuddling. 

When we went to bed, it was different then normal. She rolled over and we spooned for awhile. Me curled up around her, arm over her waist, and her holding my hand. We haven't slept that way in years. When I woke, she was still there, next to me, how wonderful it was. Easter egg at night, and first thing in the morning. 

We did some traveling yesterday, on the Road to Dementia Town. Went through sections where the flowers painted the ground with their yellow, blue and purple petals. Joys to behold, as we go, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.   

Eagle opportunity

Sweetie and the "Per" boys.

The Er boys. Remember the movie "Ben Hur"? Charleston Hesston, was in the family last name Ben Hur. Well, if not by accident or coinstances, each name of the boys ends in er. The are left to right, oldest to youngest, Asher, Dexter, Jasper. The Er Boys. If you didn't notice, they love their grandma. I am so pleased that they welcome her in every time we show up. DIL, wants them to know who she is, and have memories of grandma's visits. Makes me feel all warm all over. 

Hired our second caregiver for us yesterday. The jury is still out as to how she will fit in, but from what I saw, she will work out just fine. 

Just to let you in on a secret, I'm tight with money and have been looking out more for my pocket book, then for my relief. The first experience with our first lady, and the freedom that she brought, I was able to see that we can afford it, and the relief it brought only made the second caregiver a natural idea. That means the cost to solution is well worth the value it brings to me. 

Saturday 

I was nervous about leaving Sweetie with the new caregiver, knowing Dementia doesn't like change. Adding or subtracting can be causes of emotional upheaval. At the same time, leaving her with her known caregiver gives me some relief. 

Gotta tell you about my golf game. How things progress is amazing. When I first retired and started playing again, I was spraying balls all over the place. I had one goal back then, play the round with the same ball I started with. Easy goal, you would think, it wasn't. then it was to have more better shots then bad. Then I had my first par, and then it was games with a par in a row. Yesterday, on the par 5, I was on in 2, and was putting for my  first ever eagle opportunity (that is 2 under par). So exciting for me. That will be my next big goal, to eagle a hole. 

Got home, and set about getting a working arrangement for lady #2. After they left, it took awhile for Sweetie to relax. 

I made her a half sandwich for lunch, and she ate it quickly, so good to see her eat. Later we took Tweety out for a drive with the top down. It was nice to get out on the open road and just drive. 

When we got home, I don't think Sweetie had completely unwind from the days experience with the new caregiver. I think this will pass as she gets to know her better. 

After we went to bed, I was awaken by the motion of her getting out of bed, she was wandering some, got up and checked on her, and she was fine. She soon came back to bed and back to sleep. I've learned that if I try to herd her back to bed, she gets defiant, and that gets her awake more, and the merry-go-round starts up. Tis better to make sure she is safe, and not worry about it. I know she will come back to bed when there isn't anything else to do, and she knows I'm there too. Between the bed and me, she knows she is safe. To me, that is all that counts. 

Safe, and the ability to relax, that is what I find when I'm riding with my Driver. Out the windows of the car, I see the land go by, with it, there are the beautiful landscapes, and the rut, fallen trees, and dried plants. They are as much of life and are the green flowering areas. As long as I'm with my Driver, they continue to go by, just like life with Sweetie, it just keeps on going. He knows when we will arrive at our destination, so we sit and watch the world go by as we are on the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

   

My heart just melts.

The Look that melts my heart.

The funny things about living in a blessed moment of time, that many times the blessing isn't seen, felt, or realized until after the time has past. Like this one, the capture of the way Sweetie is looking at me. When I turn and see her face, her eyes, her love watching me, my heart just melts.

I was talking to someone about Sweetie, and I used the term "I serve her." I'd never thought of that. I know I do just about everything for her and to her, but never thought that I was serving her, just taking care of her. 

To me, a servant is an underling, a non seeable entity, that takes care of those they serve. With Sweetie, I serve her love. For it is that which stays, even after the body is gone. Love with humility makes the best servant, for there isn't expectation of something in return. When there is a acknowledgement, it just lifts me up. For me it is her eyes, her smile, and the words: "I love you."

Friday 

I was hoping for a good day, it was suppose to be breezy, but it wasn't. 

When I got Sweetie up, she had wet her self, the bed, and drop cloths. In other words, a shower was needed. 

As I washed her, I could tell that she was going to, at last, have a bowel movement today. Sounds icky to say that, but I'd never thought praying for a BM and finding that the answer to that prayer would happen this day.

After breakfast, got ready, and out the door we went. Off to the golf course. 

Sweetie has been acting weak lately, and the ride in the golf cart seems to help. This time, she was nodding off in the cart. This is something new for her. I accept it as just another step down into the darkness of Dementia. 

When I was at the car, getting ready to get her out of the cart and into the car, I was very fortunate that two me saw Sweetie and asked if they could help. It couldn't of been at a most opportune time. As I was helping her out of the cart, she collapsed, and they jumped in and got her into the car. In the car and home. I put her in bed, and waited. Knowing that her batteries were down to zero charge.    

I let her sleep for about 90 minutes, woke and off to the grocery store. I rushed through our shopping, keeping a wary eye on her, thinking that she could go down at any minute. She didn't and we made it through that adventure. 

When I made dinner, I was hoping she would be hungry and eat. She was not and did not eat that much. I got her to eat the meat and some of the vegetables. I know about this stage of not eating and there isn't anything anyone can do. 

I had been giving her ensure occasionally, and I think this is the time I should start giving it to her daily. And so the story continues. 

It seems that we have hit a rough part of the Road to Dementia Town. Driver and me know what is happening, and I hold her tightly to me. As He always says, "Don't worry, I'll take good care of her, until then, you're doing a great job." He is my comforter, my strength, and shoulder to cry on, when needed. As we move down the road, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.