Sweetie Pie and me.

Sweetie Pie and me.

It has been 86 days since Sweetie went home to be with her Lord. As each day passes, and my heart his getting used to the emptiness of her exit, I stop and remember the times when she just filled my heart with love and joy. 

As summer comes, and days get longer, my feeling of loss is the same. Thou I walk each day without her physical presence, she is with me. And that gives me comfort. 

Thank you, my followers, my friends that stayed with me on this journey as we went on our daily trip driving the Road to Dementia Town, and back. From home to the Roll call in the Stadium, where Sweetie was called home. To my tears and lonely days and nights, as I struggled with the loss of my Lover, my Best and life long Friend, and Wife. 

This trip isn't over yet. I know that all of my readers know that. There are still struggles yet to work through, there are new people to meet, and there is a new love waiting for me. 

Driver will not let me finish my life as an empty shell, for He knows the end of this new Road to a New Life, and is keeping it a secret from me. For you see, yesterdays is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a present, so I must open it and see what wonders are to behold. I will check back in from time to time. In the mean time, you can see me and my Driver as we head down the Road to New Life, all the while Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.   

 

Cockroaches

President Nixon's Library 

It looks like my life is going to have a new twist to it. All the time I was taking care of Sweetie, I didn't have time to help others.  

Then, I was still grieving Sweetie's passing, and wasn't in the right mental state to get involved with others. Well, it seems that My Driver has other plans. 

Monday

Had a appointment with my dermatologist for a skin check. But in the meantime...

It was time for me to fog the house. I started fogging the house with home bug bombs. I started when I found cockroaches in our pantry. I tried the roach motels, and sprays. Plus there were the ants that kept showing up. Out of frustration, I decided to use these home insecticide foggers. 

How successful are they? Well, in the past years I thing I've had two crickets in the house, no ants, and a few spiders. In the garage, which I also bomb, I find bugs halfway to the house on their backs legs up. Yea, they work. Do it twice a year, spring and fall. 

Knowing that I still had things to do, it was time to do them. One of the brake lights was out on my mini suv. It was time for me to fix it. I knew that there wasn't any auto elves that would come in a fix it for me. 

This was also a good reason for me to unpack the new battery powered screwdriver I bought over a month ago. Was disappointed when I open the box to find that the saw didn't have a blade with it. Which means I'm going to have to get one before I start working on the flooring in the attic. 

The battery had some charge on it, but I don't think enough to get the job done, so plugged in the battery, and headed for the auto part store. 

While I was there, I also got some polish for Tweety. When I go to California for my birthday, daughter knows of a car show and wants to put Tweety in it. So, I'm preparing to keep her shiny bright for her first date. 

Back home, got the drill out, and went to work. Soon I had it working, and back together. It felt good to be working again. 

Had a good rest of the day, and went to bed tired. Driver wants to be ready for the next day. So, until then, I'll be traveling down the Road to New Life, Keeping my Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God bless. Arthur.    

 

...out of the corner of my eye.

Smells so wonderful, she just resist it. 

That's my Sweetie, loving God's creation.  Everywhere we went, if there were flowers she wouldn't even attempt to stay away. If there is one thing that I will never forget about my lover, is the draw of the flowers on her. 

She is with me more now then right after her passing. It seems that when I'm in a drozy state of mind, I feel her presence more than ever. That glimmer out of the corner of my eye, that almost seeing her walk by in the living room when I'm watching TV. I don't feel so lonely. 

Saturday and Sunday

Over the weekend, I was busy to the point that I didn't have enough time to do any posting. 

Saturday, I was having brunch with guys from work. Some retired, some still working for the company, and some that moved on. It was just a lovely time. 

After the brunch, went a played golf, and met up with friends I used to play with. They asked about Sweetie, and were sorry for her passing. As expected. 

After that it was home, dinner, and off to a meeting. I'm now taking a new man with me. He has asked me to help him stop drinking, and I will help as much as he will allow me to help him. 

Sunday, was church, then went to Blake's for the best breakfast burrito in town. Haven't had one in years, and so, being single, why not. 

Later met with my new man, and did some AA studies. Then we went to a meeting, and home to finish the day. 

All in all, Drive thought it was a very good weekend. So did I. Didn't stay home too much, was busy enough to keep me busy, and just enjoyed the weekend on the Road to New Life. For it was an easy time Keeping My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur. 

 

 

 

 

 

Sweetness of the berries.

Almost shortcake time.

I can remember the days that strawberries were a seasonal fruit. That in late May the strawberry farmers would open their street stands, and we would go and pick out our berries. The sweet aroma of walking into the fields to get to the stands, seeing friends and neighbors waiting in line and the bushels of delicious red strawberries just waiting to jump into my waiting mouth as I would savor the sweetness of the berries. I can't tell you just how many never made it home. 

It brings back those memories of Sweetie and me living in California. I am native, and she was a transplant, but a native to the beach. We lived in what was call "The Strawberry Capital of the World." It was a big tourist draw, and over the Memorial Day Weekend, we held the Strawberry Festival.  Old time Americana. Sweet memories. 

Friday

I felt it was another time for me to get out of the house. What better way then to make my old morning meeting. Dawn Patrol. They meet at 6:45am, and this way, I'd be out and be letting the day sweep me along with it. 

The meeting was good, and afterwards, went for breakfast with a friend and two new people. 

First off, I headed in the wrong direction because that was where we had always met. It turned out that location had been closed during the past 3 years, and there was a new restaurant going the other way. Turned around and found it. 

After breakfast, called and made a tee time. It gave me just enough time to go home, get the other car with the clubs in it, and head to the course. 

While I was with a threesome, I ran into some old friends just starting out. Excused myself from the other group, and went to play with them. 

Hadn't seem them in awhile, and they asked about Sweetie. They were saddened by the news of her passing, and then lifted me up with a comment on how well I took care of her, which I took my comfort in. 

We had a great day, playing, talking, and just the joy of being around friends. 

Encouraged by my golf game, went home, and rested for a bit. Still working on building up my endurance. I think I've turned a corner with wanting to get outside more. 

Went to my Friday meeting, and met a young man who is taking care of his mother, who is on the Road to Dementia Town, and after the meeting, we talked. Told him about the blog, and sent him a link. Hope they read it, and find strength in it. 

Driver was full of surprises this day. See, you can get out and have fun. I know life is moving, for I can see the scenery go by as we travel this Road to New Life. Sometime fast, sometimes slow, but we will get to where we are going, in the right time. All the while I will be Keeping My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.   

Pizza day with Grandpa.

Highland games, maybe.

 Was up early enough to get most of my morning routine done. But not early enough to make my posting. So here it is. 

Decided to go to a meeting. Just get out of the house. 

It was a good meeting, and went for breakfast afterward. Met a couple from out of town, and we started talking about taxes. She hadn't filed in two years, I told her to go to my old tax company, they can help. 

Went home, and went out to play some golf. More on this tomorrow.

Thursday.

Started the day, determined to get outside and more the lawn, but it would have to wait. 

It was going to be a busy morning, if I was to do all that I had planned. After doing my morning routine, I had other things that I used to do with Sweetie. One of which was our Thursday Bible Study. 

Out into the garage and off Tweety and me went. I found myself being involved with the study. I wanted to let the comfort of the fellowship pour over me, and it did. 

Then it was time to head out to the grandson's, for it is Thursday Pizza day with Grandpa. 

As each of the boys reported on what had happen since I was over last. 

The oldest has a summer job with the City, counseling young boys. It is more of making sure the children in the parks don't get into trouble. 

The middle got a job at a veterinarian clinic. He is a animal lover, and it is up his alley. 

The youngest, learned how to play poker, wanted to know if I'd play with him. So after lunch, that is what we did. 

Home, meeting, and to bed was the order of things to end the night. 

Driver and me had a good day, got out and felt like the drive on the Road to New Life was getting better. Because of that, it meant that Keeping My Shiny Side Up was also easier. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur. 

 

 

No ifs, ands, or buts.

Then there were two.

Sweetie and her two younger brothers. Don't know why I picked this picture, I just did. I've told you how much I miss her, and that is normal, a broken first, then a tender heart that is left. 

Today, I'm again, going to attempt to mow the lawns. I've moved in that direction yesterday. Big step, went and got some gas for the mower, forced myself to stay outside and finish pulling weeds. Now the lawn is ready for the mower, and I'm ready to do the mowing. 

If all goes well, I've got a stuff planned for this day. When I'm done here, outside, and mow the lawn! No ifs, ands, or buts, it has to be done this morning. 

After that, it is heading to the church to the Bible study. It doesn't take much to get that done, and to finish the morning, it is pizza day with the grandsons. 

If I get all of these accomplished, it will be a Gold Star day for me. Life, it seems, is seeping in whether I want it to or not. Life isn't a snapshot, or a still life painting, it keeps moving forward. 

Wednesday

I did plan on pulling weeds this morning, but found myself easily distracted from that idea. The only real thing on the agenda today is having a movie date with a old buddy of mine. Many years past, when Sweetie and me were separated, because of my drinking, he stepped in and we would go to movies on Saturday mornings. 

Now that covid is in it less and the movies are opening back up, we are reviving this tradition. But, because we are retired, it is discount Wednesdays for him. I'm good, company is good, and I need to keep in-touch with him. Friends are my life source. 

Over the years, movies with male friends have been a part of my social life. Before the pandemic, my blind friend, Sweetie and me would go to the movies almost once a week. 

It was when the pandemic hit, theaters closed down, and our whole life changed. Yesterday, meeting with my old friend was a good reminder of what it was like before Covid. 

Got home, pulled weeds, and got gas for the mower. It seemed that I spent all my energy pulling weeds. I had to sit a couple of times, but made it through. I had to fight the urge to go back inside and rest. I knew if I did that, the weeds would be there in the morning. 

For me, it is a time to push forward, a time to step up and quite putting life off. Driver is ready to help, and so, I'll tap into His strength so I can do that which needs to be done. This way, there will be a better day on the Road to New Life, and it will be easier to Keep My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur   

 

My lady friend wept.

Ribbon falls, Grand Canyon.

After visiting with my old Hike Master, I seem to be getting the itch to hike again. It would be easy to do, and healthy for me, too. 

I have all that I need to do some short walks into the foothills. Water bottles, hat, energy bars, and a hour or less to start. Just to see how out of shap I am. 

Before I do anything, I first have to go outside and do that which I've been putting off, that which I didn't like doing when I was a boy, mow the lawns, then wash Tweety. It is time to re-engage life. 

Right now, I know that if I don't do this stuff, it won't get done, and the longer I put it off, the more work I'll have to put into it to get it done. 

Tuesday

Up in plenty of time for the day. Have one thing on the calendar, lunch with old friends. 

Got to the resturant earlier then expected. Had to wait for them, outside. The resturant wasn't open, so I sat and played solataire until they came. 

It was good to see them. they are here visiting old friends, and I was on their list. Yea! 

As expected, we talked about Sweetie, her passing, my life, and how it is. As I was telling my story, my lady friend wept, they wished they had been here for the memorial, and this was the time for them, their private memorial with me. 

As we ate, and talked, the years melted away, and we got caught up and just like that, time was spent and time for us to go our ways. 

On the way home, I became very drowsy, and fought to keep awake. Strange, if felt that way, I had plans for that afternoon to keep busy. But right now, it was a nap that was calling me. Got home, got undressed, and down I went. 

I napped for about 3 hours, which surprised me. I felt that I've been sleeping well lately, and to be that exhausted makes me wonder if I'm in as good of health as I think I am. Or, this is still the effects of my last Covid episode. If nothing else, I'll put it on my list for when I do see my doctor. 

After I got up, finished my day with a meeting, and headed for bed as soon as I got home. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get to sleep, because of the nap, and that was quickly put to rest, for it seems as soon as I put my head on the pillow, I was back asleep. 

Sleep, it is what I need, and Driver is there watching over me. Sleep seems to be the medicine I need to refresh me, and keep me going down the Road to New Life. Keeping my Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.    

 

Emotions dont go away.

Me and my Hike Master.

Yesterday was a good day. My health seemed to be much better. Did a covid test first thing, and only one line appeared, which meant, I wasn't carrying the virus anymore. My cough seems less and I don't ache as much. All in all, good for me. 

Have a busy day ahead. Lunch with some old friends from church are back in town. I'm sure the conversation will be more or less about how I'm doing. Taking care of myself, and sharing stories about Sweetie and times with them. 

I don't want to prepackage the time with them, it is just that I have come to the realization that it is for them as much as it is for me. The love of a lost one isn't a beam of light, it is like the sun and brings light to all that are out in it. 

That was my Sweetie. She could brighten a room just by being in it. Of course, that is how I see her. 

Monday

Over the weekend, I sent a message to the towing company, requesting payment for the damage done to Tweety. This morning, I received a phone call from them. They wanted to know how I wanted to be paid. Easy, I'll come and get a check. Getting their address, off I went. 

It turns out that they are not that far from my old church. Wondering if Hike Master was there, headed over to pay him a visit. 

Happy to see me, we set up a lunch date for later in the day. I wanted to deposit the check, and get some cash, so off I went, to return at his lunch break. 

Having the need to reconnect, I was back and we headed off for lunch. We talked about his divorce, and sequence new love, and that he had a new grandchild. He wanted to know about Sweetie, and I shared with him the passing, and how blessed I was to hold her when she shrugged off her mortal gown, and was issued into her heavenly home.

As we sat and ate lunch, the time seemed to pass too quickly. Before we knew it, it was time to take him back to work. Where we sat and talked some more. He told me of a lake he found in northern New Mexico, around Taos, and asked if I might like to join him. A fairly light hike/fishing trip. Sounds like fun. Thinking about it. 

Home, and relaxed, for it was a good start of the day. 

After my evening meeting, I stopped off at my neighbor's house. She was out working in her yard. I like her, she has been a widow for 17 years, and a good one to talk to. I told her about my heart being tender, and she shared with me about her husband, the emotional ambushes, and the loneliness it prompts. The emotions don't go away, they just become less prominent. 

Our drive on the Road to New Life, took a unexpected turn. It seemed that we were turning into the sun just a little. The Road was lit up, and seemed friendlier, and it seemed that it was easier to Keep My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.         

 

 

Don't want to loose her.

Need to tee it up.

Two lives became one, and now there is only a half left. We were so inseparable for those last years of her life that I can't do anything that doesn't remind me of her. 

From the simple of meals, to doing the laundry, playing golf, shopping, doing a walk about, everything I do today, I did with her. 

When I was a boy, I tripped and fell into the milk bottles on our front porch. I have a scar on my left wrist from the accident. When the doctor took the cast off my arm, the scar was almost as big as my wrist. Now years later, I have to think about it, and look just to remind myself on how lucky I am to be able to use my left hand. 

This is the way I am with Sweetie these days. With me talking about her so much, I don't want to loose her. I don't want to move ahead, yet by the nature of life, I will, and with that, I skip back a groove or two on the record of life, to play my sorrow again and again. 

Sunday

There just wasn't anything new for the day. The one thing I wanted to do was finish watching the new program, Lincoln Lawyer on Netflix. So, I did. 

Sunday was also pasta day for me, and so it was, and I enjoyed my pasta. 

Keep telling myself, get up, do something, take Tweety and get her a bath, mow the lawns, do something, then the spirit says tomorrow, for there is always tomorrow. 

Driver is here, and then I get out, and head to the house. My security blanket, the house where all my memories live. Where I greet her when I come in, and at the end of the day, sleep with her. I find my comfort there, as I hold on tight, driving down the Road to New Life, Keeping Sweetie close, and my Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.    

 

A Sweetie Luv In.

Sweetie and me. 

Remember me saying that I feel like a record that keeps skipping back and playing the same song over and over again?  When it comes to picking out a picture for the post, that is where the scratch is, and I keep slipping back into that which is no more. 

Reminders of that love, that companionship that is gone. I don't want to post without pictures of my Sweetie, and if I don't, it just doesn't feel right. 

When we were together, it was so natural for me to pull the camera out, and take selfies of us. I'm so glad I did, but now that time is gone and the camera lays silent. 

I have some travel plans for next month, a return to Texas, a trip to Cali and an Angel game for my birthday, and then to Corvette Driving School. Should be able to get some more pictures of life after Sweetie. 

Saturday

Woke up and seemed like I was going to get out and do some yard work, and my lazy butt keep me inside for the day. 

Did my laundry, changed the bed, and cleaned up the kitchen. 

I even made some biscuits. I'm so damn tired of staying inside. Will make another effort tomorrow. 

Did get to the drugstore and get some cold relief meds, and I do feel better. My voice is starting to sound normal again. Still raspy, and maybe two octaves lower than normal. 

Breathing is easier, and so, I believe I'm close to going outside. I just might give Tweety a bath, she so needs it. Little by little, baby steps, and that is all. 

Called Sweetie's brother, actually saw that he was on Facebook, and rang him up. We talked, and it was good. He misses his sis too. We share a tender heart for her. Talked about taking my other car and driving out to see them. Have to take that one, because of where he lives, in the mountains of Central Cali, and Tweety can't make those roads. Too rough. So, maybe in October or November, I'll head his way, and we can have a Sweetie Luv In. He is my kindred spirit. 

As the day comes to any end, I get out of the car, and Driver walks me into the house. We didn't go far, maybe around the block, but we always seem to end where we started from. Day by day, little by little, life comes back into my being. Driving on the Road to New Life isn't as easy as I thought it would be. That is OK, for I am striving to Keep My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.    

 

For me, she is dangerous.

I feel this way without her.

I'm not wishing that, it is just so lonely without her. Feel like a broken record that keeps skipping back and plays the same line over and over again. 

And yet, at the same time it is easier to move just a little bit further ahead. No one ever said that life was going to be easy, and yet there are times when it seems that life has it easy sections, and I want to stay in them. This is not one of those times. 

For the first time since Sweetie went home, I feel like doing something, taking on a chore that will make me fill alive. Like mowing the yards. Going to give it a shot. 

Friday

I'm up, and feeling blah. You know not up, but not down, more down then I'd like, but livable. Which seems to be the way I've been feeling ever since I got back from Florida. 

Went to my support group meeting, and met a new man, who also is an AAer, like myself. We talked and seem to have a bond. Good for both of us. 

After that, went home, and made the day go by. I did go to my Friday night meeting, only to get the money so I can make a deposit, and pay the rent for the meetings. Gives me something to do in the morning. 

As I was going, stopped to chat with the neighbor lady, she is someone like myself, but with more time in the senior single life. She is very active, and was telling me about the ladies she does stuff with. Like biking, and all the activities she does. For me, she is dangerous. Cute, talkative, and friendly. 

Got to the meeting, got the money and went home, feeling like crap. 

Once home, ate, watch TV, and to bed. I've got Ocean's Waves on my speakers, ambient noise. Soon, it reminds me of Sweetie, on the beach and sleep comes easy. 

Driver isn't in a big hurry, rest, and remember your love, is what He tells me. She is with me, and she loves you. He tells me, and soon the Road to New Life will open, and we will find enjoyment again. Just remember, I'm going to Keep Your Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.    

 

Survived another day.

May 2013

We were at a friends "Spring Celebration" party. I remember it well, for it was the first party we went to after I quite drinking. My friend knew that, and he acquired my favorite beverage for the gathering, Henry Weinhard Root Beer. At that time, I was still investigating in non-alcoholic beverages that would work for me. 

Looking at her, seeing her smile, just makes me miss her all that much more. Even in her later day, in the ending of her part in our lives together, she still had that ability to smile at me and make my heart either melt or sing with great joy. 

Thursday

Done with my morning stay at home stuff, and now what? I know that I must get to the VA and finish my paper work. One more reminder of me being alone. 

If nothing else, it gives me a reason to get out of the house. Dress and off I go. After I get the paper work done, I get back to my car only to find a couple of guys admiring her. So, I do what I love to do, open Tweety up so they can admire her. These guys were a couple of gear heads, and were uhh and ahhing all over her. High praise from them. 

While I was out, did some grocery shopping, and that was about the end of the day for me. Home, put stuff away, and got ready for my time in front of the TV. 

Woke up in front of the TV, know that it is time for me to make that walk down the hall and into bed. I survived another day. It may not have been a red letter day, but I got through it. One day, I will shrug off this winter cold, and let the light of the life come in. 

Driver is here and it is time for us to get my ass in the car. This may not be the best or easiest part of the trip, it is a part I must pass through. For we are on the Road to New Life, and there are times when it is a struggle to Keep My Shiny Side Up. Don't worry, with Driver by my side, it will happen. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.   

 

Divine appointment

Young lovers.

 I don't know how we ended up saving this picture, over all the years, over all the moving, over all the fights, it stayed. How I can look back a know that we were in Las Vegas, and had our picture taken by the casino's photographer. What a babe she was when we got married. 

Now I am old, and she is just a memory. Sounds like a line out of song or movie. I wonder just how many songs and movies are made from this prospective? A young couple meet, fall in and out of love, fall back in love, marry, and live the life that neither had dreamed of. At the end, one is left to bear the burden of that life, that love, those wonderful memories and the trials to make those memories wonderful. 

During our life together, there were times when we both felt that it wasn't worth living and were on the edge, just one more step, one more drink, one more... and it would be gone. 

Driver has told me that there always needs to be a contrast to bring out the brightest stars. For you see, those dark days made the ending of our days together, to be that bright star flaming across the sky to celebrate a once in a life time love.

Wednesday

I was so sure, today was my appointment at the VA, to sit down with my doctor and discuss what is going on with me. That didn't happen. I blew the time. I thought it was at 11, and it was suppose to be 9:45. Oops. Anyway, was able to reschedule for July. 

Did get some information on a form the VA sent me after Sweetie's passing. I have to give them a Death Certificate and remove her from my disability payments. So, finding that out, I will return tomorrow and get it all taken care of. 

Not wanting to return home, I headed for the mall, and was going to do a walk about, alone. I was a little bit scared to do this thing. For, I was going to do something that just isn't right. Walking around the mall alone. It felt empty, but I did it anyway. As I walked, and watched others go by, I began to sing to her, and I felt better. 

Decided to go to Costco and renew my membership. While I was there, got a hot dog and soda. It may sound strange, haven't having one in all those years, it was one of the best meals I've had in a long time.

Ended up sharing my table with a mom and her air force son. As the conversation grew, she told me of the lose of her father, and, of course, I told her about Sweetie. It was one of those divine appointment with a angel. She just encouraged me to keep going with my ideas and plans for the blog. 

Had a good day, and Driver is happy that I'm starting to engage with daily life. Got some plans for this day, and the next, and the next. Driver will always lead, I will always follow, for we are on the Road to New Life, and as always, Keeping My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.       

 

A love that contunues to grow.

Me and Sweetie's Iris.

I am feeling really good this morning. Normally, I'm up, do my morning prayer and meditation, then do my post. After all of that, I go to my morning meeting on zoom. I slept in, and so, after the meeting, I'm posting. 

In the meeting, made a big impression on one person to the point was asked if I got a hair cut, to the point that my appearance was the topic of discussion for a short while. that was the impetus for this picture this morning. Even sent it to my daughters. 

This morning, I feel like some of those emotional restraints have lessened. Feel free to enjoy life for a little while. 

Have my VA doctor's appointment in a couple of hours from now. So, I need to put together a list of things I'd like the doc to test for. You know, how many times I've done things and forgotten something, and had to wait to get it done. 

I normally don't do this, but I feel I need to respond to a reader. I identify with you, about this date, our anniversary's, and the none acknowledgment from your family. I went through that myself. I know the isolation it can make you feel unloved and alone. As the years progressed, and as she traveled down this journey, I just found that my love for her grew and grew. May you find what I did, A love that continues to grow and comforts.

Tuesday

Had all the good intentions to do something today. It was just that I did do anything. As a matter of fact, I felt low, and tired by mid morning I felt a nap was needed. 

4 hours later, I got out of bed. Feeling better, and thought to myself that was surprising. I don't know how many times I've found myself napping on the couch while watching something. This time I wanted to sleep, and sleep I did. 

I think I've been running on a half charged battery for so long, that I didn't know I needed to spend time recharging my battery. 

I spent the rest of the day, playing golf on the X-Box. This is a first too, for I've ignored it since I returned from my travels. 

This morning, Driver is ready to do something new for a change. And so am I. I think the simple fact that I've someplace to go, something to do, always makes a different. Who knows, I just might go play some golf today. Whatever it is, you know, I'll be Heading down the Road to New Life, and as always, Keeping My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.     

 

A love card.

Would of been 35 years today.

I knew it was coming, and now it is here. Happy Anniversary Sweetie. I was hoping that you would make it to this date, but it wasn't meant to be. 

I felt good this morning when I got up. I had been planning the morning, and I knew it was going to be a day of remembering. A day of happiness, a day of love and care for my heart to share with her memories. 

One memory that I'd like to share with you is what I found when we went to Floridia. When I would travel, Sweetie always sneak a love card into my bag, of course without me knowing. 

It was one of those travel bags that I took with me. It wasn't until we had checked in, and I was going through the bag, when I found it. A card that was left in the bag from years ago. "It is a fine memory, and I think I'll keep it." 

I feel that my heart is going from being broken to being very tender now. I feel the healing and the as life touches me, it hurts. 

Monday

Didn't get out and weed, but I did have some successes. I had to go to the VA and do a blood draw, and that meant getting dressed and become presentable. 

Getting dressed, brushing teeth, and the hard to do normal things for me got done. 

Out into Tweety, and off I went. Took longer to drive there then to get the blood drawn. 

Stopped at the barber, and got myself sheared. Hair, beard, and eye brows. I swear it took 10 years off my appearance. 

The other thing that for me was, I cook lunch and dinner for myself. Big deal, for me. 

One of my followers suggested that I set out a 30 minute weeding program, and start there. Sounds good. I think I can do 30 minutes. 

Driver and me ended the day with a quiet celebration of life. Dinner, TV and me. Another day down the Road to New Life, and it seems to be moving just a little bit smoother. For after all, I have to Keep My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.     

 

 

Mope around.

Her beauty's.

 

I've got to get out. I know that I have to do those things that make it a life. Yet, I do not want to do anything. It seems the more I want to do something, the less I do it. 

 

Take for example, the backyard. The weeds have blown in, and are not about 12" tall. I've watered the lawn, in my attempt to soften the ground, so it will be easy to pull them out. Then I don't go do the deed. I am making progress. 

 

Sunday

 

I got out and deposed a check, and was going to get myself sheared for a cleaner look. But the barber was closed. So, I went and got myself a manicure and a pedicure. So, I did get some grooming done anyway. 

 

I did pull some weeds out of the front yard, and if I just go and do some in the back, I will feel that I am progress somewhat. 

 

I find if I have an appointment, or plan on meeting someone, it is easier for me to get up. One of my difficulties is my covid. I'm sure I'm over it, but I haven't tested yet. If I don't know, then I have a reason to stay in the house. Simple. 

 

Driver and me are doing just fine, He isn't going to let me mope around and waste away. Because I don't have Sweetie with me, giving my life meaning, doesn't me I just sit and wait. I've done that for too many years. Soon, and I know it is soon, I will be back on the Road to New Life, where it will be easy to Keep My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Love Ya, and God Bless. Arthur. 

 

 

Color seeping in.

Sweetie's first Iris
Happy Mother's Day 

Success, and she isn't holding my hand as I went out to see her first flower with more to come. Right now, there is only one plant giving me this one, and how special it is to me? How about a big Easter Egg? With this one Iris my heart can rejoice everytime they bloom. 

Today being Mother's day, would of been a day with the kids coming over and the mothers in the family would relax and me and son would cook and/or take them out to get something to eat. That isn't happening today, and I'm just going to sit here at home, and with Sweetie's Iris, enjoying the day. I just might get out and do some weeding and act like it is important to me. 

Saturday

Up as usual, and that is about all there is to say. I was thinking, and hoping, that I'd get some house/yard, and even shopping done. That didn't happen. 

What did happen, was everything that I could do on the computer. 

Did watch a couple of movies, found a new TV series, looks good. I still think I'm starting to move forward, baby steps. 

Tomorrow is yet to come, and I know my time is coming. When I get ready to step out, I will. Driver is still behind the wheel, I am still in the passenger's seat, and I think I can see some color seeping in as we go from black and white, to living color. After all, we are on the Road to New Life, Keeping My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.  

 

Cannot ease the pain of a broken heart.

Hermit's Creek, GC. 

I think I'll be sharing pictures from my many hikes into the Grand Canyon for awhile. You see, in a couple of days our wedding anniversary will be upon us. Which will be another first for me, my first without her. I'm sure that that day will be a day of sorrow. We would of been married for 35 years. 

Life, and in all its wonderfulness cannot ease the pain of a broken heart. Time is the great healer, and right now, that is something that I have in liberal amounts. 

This I do know, that I can use it anyway I want. As of now, it seems that I'm, like a spinning top, slowing down, letting the emotions that I've been running ahead of catch up to me and I need to allow them to cover me, swallow me up, and let the tears flow. 

Friday

Home and awake in my own bed. My first morning home, alone, and wondering how my day will go. For the first time in two weeks, I'll be starting my day like I've started so many times before. Coffee on, computer on, read headlines, nothing new there. Check to see how the Angel's are doing (in first place, for how long? They do start fast, but fade just as fast. We'll watch and see. Maybe this is the year?), Put on background music, and start in doing my meditation and prayer time. 

Meditation done, do my post, and make phone calls. To the VA, they say they will return my call later in the day (they didn't, had to call back in the afternoon.). Got a call from the tow truck company and wanted to pay me directly for the damage on Tweety, that works for me. So far day is good. 

I was watching a channel on YouTube, and it was on how to change a person's mind. A: you can't, and B: only they can, if they want to. Even for something as simple as "Is there a Santa Claus?" whatever the belief is, it is always tied to their core values, not whether it is right or wrong, left or right, up or down, it is a part of who they are, and unless they are willing to change, there isn't any thing that can be said, shown, or any pressure brought to bear, change them. 

I spent the rest of the day, doing laundry, and playing solitaire and listening to Bob Seger. I'm finding that as I listen to old Rock & Roll, I'm finding more and more of his music speaking to me, opening doors that have been shut for the past two months and as I listen I begin to feel the loneliness begin to build up and the tears burst forward. Hot tears, flowing tears, down my cheeks, into my hands as I wipe them from my face. 

I'm getting tired of sitting on my ass all day, and hope to get busy doing that which needs to be done. The yards have been ignored far too long, and working in the sun just might be what Driver has planned for me. As we travel down the Road to New Life, C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.