Adjust and adjust again.

Do I have to say anything? 
 

What was Sweetie like before dementia? As caregivers we want to remember those times when our loveones were alive, over flowing with words, deeds, and love. It seems that the more she goes down the Road to Dementia Town, the less of the bad stuff about her and our marriage I remember. Is it sorrow that I have to live with the shell of the women that I married over 32 years ago that is allowing me to be so melancholy? Or is it the fact that all those good times and bad times made us what we are today. 

To dwell in the past is a luxury that I cannot afford. If I do that I find myself getting angry about what has happened to us. When I get angry, I start feeling sorry for myself, and then I ... well, it just doesn't end well emotionally. When we got married, this wasn't the way it was suppose to end, it wasn't even a box to check on the list of thing we were going to do. 

Yesterday was a so, so day. She seemed a bit off from the day before. Yesterday, she was aloof, always seemed to be on the edge of sundowners. Walking along the edge, not jumping off, more like looking over the edge and wanting to step off into the abyss of nonsense. She was bossy, not listening, didn't need help in the potty, and that scares me. She didn't want me to help her do anything and that scares me too. I know as she moves into this new stage of her Dementia I'm going to adjust everything. 

I feel stupid as she moves down the road because I know she is going to do what Dementia tells her to do and when to stop moving. I would like to say, here is where she is going to stay for a long, long time. Because we've been at this for 10 years now, I know each step will happen and with each step, the steeper and faster the decline. 

Did have some Easter Eggs yesterday. Met some new neighbors, the introduction of "We're the Alzheimer's" helps when Sweetie goes into her makeup world conversations. Nice to know people understand. Who knows we might get the reputations of that crazy couple. Wouldn't mind that. 

Driver should be showing up soon, and I've had enough coffee to now have to get rid of it. Don't want to keep Him waiting. I know He doesn't mind me not being on time, for He has all the time in the world. Just wondering which car He'll bring today. What I do know, is that I'm just riding Shotgun, wearing my cool sunglasses, as we drive the Road to Dementia Town, keeping my basket near by as we are Keeping our Shiny Side Up. If you see us, try flashing your lights and we will wave. See you tomorrow, Love Ya, God Bless.