Frustrations.

Us. 

What a morning it has been. I got up and my IP wasn't working. No internet, no connection, after making numerous attempts to resolve it on my side, I just gave up. Frustration is not a good thing for me. I tried everything, to the point of using 2 other computers, my phone, and finally giving up realizing I would have to wait, and I hate waiting. 

This morning was allowing me to unveil  my pent up frustrations with caring for Sweetie. I can't get mad at her, and I can't get mad at God, even though He has broad shoulders, it doesn't do me any good. It doesn't change anything, Sweetie had Dementia, and I have Sweetie. If I didn't go crazy every now and then, I'd be crazy being happy all the time. I'm happy I can come here and look at what I'm saying, because I can pour out my frustrations here. 

It has been over a year since I've had time, real time, without her. Everything from the Corona Virus, to being stuck in the house, to helping Sweetie with all her tasks, the cooking, the feeding, the bathing, and I get tired. She is still asleep and I've been up for awhile. I feel that these days are like a prison sentence. I'm free to do anything I want as long as I take Sweetie with me. Its like being the big brother and I have to take my little sister with me. Nothing become enjoyable. 

Today is not a good shiny side up day. It may turn out better then it has started. I realize just how fragile I am, how easy it is to become unhinged. God, I miss my wife, my lover, my friend, and Sister in the Lord. 

My Driver knows how I feel, and I know that "this to will pass." He knows I need to cry and he has done the same. For the shortest verse of scripture, "He wept". So why shouldn't I? For the tears can be used to wipe away the hurt, so the Shiny Side can be seen. As we go, Down the Road to Dementia Town. Anyone got a hankie? Love Ya, and God Bless.