Burst into flames.

This is how I see her everyday

In the movie "Ghost", Sam would never say "I love you." He would say "Dittos." At one point, we even adopted "Dittos" as part of our love langue. We loved that movie. How even in death, it couldn't stop Sam from saving his love. As Sweetie trudges down the path of memory loss, I sometimes feel that I am Sam as I look after her.

The one part of the movie when Sam and the fortune teller merge so Sam can dance with her, are like those moments when Sweetie will have a flash of reality, and will tell me she loves me, and then gone. A moment of joyful reality, just enough to warm my heart and then it is gone. I do know that those moments will keep me sane for another day. 

Monday

I had the warning that things might be different and didn't see it. You see, Sweetie usually sleeps on her back, and this morning she was on her side. Still deeply asleep when I came in to get her. That should of been my first sign of difficulty and I ignored it. 

I thought she would get it together by the time we left for the golf course. It was a mistake in my judgement. 

We were able to get to the car without much difficulty, and even to the course. As we played, she just wasn't right, running out of energy, and at one time, started to wander away. 

I chose to leave early and head back home, and to bed for her. She seemed just out of it, and she was. At one point she headed for the backyard, thinking I had nothing to worry about, thinking she was safe. 

Then, that nagging feeling that I should follow her, and I was right. For I had forgotten to lock the gate, and out she went. Barefoot, 100 degree temperature, and hot cement walkway, I was off chasing her, got her corralled and back into the house safely. 

I was hoping that I could get her into the car, out to the mall for a walk about, that wasn't happening either. She just wanted to rest, then wander the house, then back to bed. 

This went on for most of the afternoon until I was able to get her Happy Medicine in her. As she settled down, and the Oil did its job, we were able to enjoy dinner, desert, and the evening. 

If nothing else that I've learned is this. The more she gets upset, if I stay calm and help guide her, she will come back to me. If I fight her, her Dementia feeds on my anger and my frustration to the point it only aggravates her and stokes the fire more. 

Is that the reason that Driver has a fire extinguisher in the front seat? Who is it for? Her or me? In the right time and place, He will choose who to use it one. If I'm too hot, it is for me. For I need to cool off. If it is for her, because I'm doing all the right things, it is His job to choose when and how to cool her off. As long as I keep going with the flow, Driver will be there, ready, able and willing to make sure the day ends in love and harmony. For it is just another day on the Road to Dementia Town, trying not to burst into flames, and we travel with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.