Singing along with Elvis.

Between heaven and earth.

Better. Because of the daily swings of today and yesterday, each day is better at some point of the day, and then again, it can be worse. With each day there is the spice of life and with each spice being added to the daily meal, the food gets its own special flavor. 

Wednesday

Watching Sweetie on my phone, I can see that she is awake. Laying on her back with her feet pulled up, and her knees making a tent with the blanket, and she is just laying there. She is, I think, in that place where she doesn't know where she is, and so she just lays there waiting. 

Not in a big hurry to get her up, so I walk in slowly, staying at a distance, looking at her, and she sees me. I can tell, she doesn't know who I am, so I ask and then give her hints to see if your memory will perk up and tell her I'm safe to be with. 

Telling her that I'm her husband doesn't have the same impact on her as it once did. Now I'm using terms of endearment that she gave me over the years. Right now the one that seems to help the most is "Mr. Man." She hears that and I can see the change in her eyes as she looks at me and remembers. 

Switched the A/C off and turned on the heater this morning. It wasn't that cool for me, but I knew it was cold for her. Ahh, fall has arrived. 

After yesterday's cooler temps, it is back to her wearing her sweatshirts. Want to keep her as comfortable as I can. 

At the golf course, we ran into a couple that I played with quite often last summer. Jim and Gracie. We have developed quite a good friendship over the years. This is the first time we've been able to meet up and play together. Sweetie lights up when Gracie comes over and talks to her. We're in for a good round. 

Back home, after lunch, there is a need to head out and buy a birthday present for the next grandson turning 13. 

Sweetie isn't having anything to do with it. She just wants to lay in her nest and rest. So I went alone. 

Out to Walmart, found a radio controlled car, card and back out to the parking lot. 

It seems that Tweetie has drawn a crowd. Talking with the men that came over to look, opening up the rear trunk lid to show off the engine, and just enjoying the moment. 

Back home, checked on Sweetie, she is still in her nest, then out to watch TV and wait for her to come out. 

Making some trips back to her nest to talk with her. Reminding her I'm home, and she is welcome to come join me. 

She does come out, and I give her her Hemp Oil on a as needed bases, which I figure is about once an hour until she relaxes and returns to me. 

Found a bunch of Elvis movies to watch. Just what she needs. Watched GI Blues, and now will watch another one tonight. 

Ended our day, sitting on the couch, singing along with Elvis. Nothing could be better. 

I'm impressed with His driving skills today. Always on top of the road conditions, knowing when to get off the main Road to Dementia Town, and taking a path less traveled. He knows the way, as we travel, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

 

More couch time.

The dawn of a new day.

My right arm hurts. It seems for no reason that I can think of, yet it hurts. Like I pulled something, lifted something, and now the muscle is reacting to it. Phantom pains. It is like when I first would work out, and two or three days later, those muscles would react to the workout. Now it is if I do something out of the the norm, I will get a muscle ache and not remember what I did to deserve such a pain. 

It seems that the longer I'm with Sweetie, and taking care of her, the slower my reactions are. For example, when she gets up and leaves me, I know she is heading for her nest. No big thing, there isn't much she can do there. If she lays down and tries to sleep, that is good. It is when she starts stripping the bed, I will get in and get her to stop, or wait till she leaves and re make the bed. For some reason, she likes to remove her top sheet and put it somewhere else. Today, I found it in the closet. 

Most of the time she is in bed, laying there, trying to sleep, then up, makes the bed, and back out to the living room, sits on a chair, and a few minutes later, up again. Time for some oil and lotion to get the locomotive slowed down. 

It is then, I will get some CBD in her. I've thought of just letting her go, and see just how far she will go, then again, why should I? 

Tuesday

It was a normal morning wake up call. She was awake when I went to get her. I wonder sometimes if I didn't get her up, because of my schedule, just what would it be like? 

I'm not eager to find out, because that will mean changing her as she lays in bed, and that isn't something that I am looking forward to. So, until then, we'll just keep taking it one day at a time. 

This morning, while in the shower, she sat down on the shower chair all by herself. No sooner did she sit down, and felt that it was cold, she stood right back up. 

Out to the table for breakfast. I decided not to have breakfast this morning, because I was feeling full from yesterday. She didn't seem to mind me not being there, which I would think as good. 

The rest of the morning was without incident. It was so good, that after our golf game, we went grocery shopping. She did real well in the store. We went a quickly as possible. 

I've created a shopping list on my phone, which makes for a more efficient shopping trip with less items being forgotten. We buy more now, but go less often. 

Its nice because before we go, all I have to do is check the items that we need, and we're ready to go. 

Our couch/nap time was nice, until she got up and headed for her nest. It meant that I missed her dose and would have to struggle with her to get her to take some again. I've learned she will quickly move her head and try not to get the oil in her mouth. So, I have to match her quickness with the squirt. Then, when the oil is working, I give her another shot and that timing seems to work the best. 

I had to help her with her dinner, loading the fork and she would then feed herself. After dinner, this time, I left the dishes and we had some more couch time. It was around 8 when she got up and went to bed. 

She isn't sleeping as well as before, and I'll wake up in the middle of the night to find she has taken all the covers and balled them up. Be glad when this stage is over. 

The Road to Dementia Town wasn't as tricky as it was yesterday. Driver didn't have to work as hard keeping up with traffic. There were plenty of things to do, some stops along the way, and at the same time we were always Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.    

 

The rules keep changing.

Sunrise out my window. 

I used the term "rollercoaster" yesterday to describe our life together. and today was just another up and down on that ride. 

No matter what is going on with Sweetie, I seem to find those Easter Eggs with her each and everyday. I'm glad that I made a deal with myself to seek them out. To find them and hold on to them. For is seems that they are getting fewer and fewer. 

What helped Sweetie two days ago, doesn't seem to work today. It is so baffling to me. I ask why isn't this working today, when we had such a good day yesterday, doing the same thing? 

That old saying about being quick on your feet comes to mind. In my care of Sweetie, I have to be flexible, to be aware of what she is doing, and to make sure she doesn't hurt herself or anything around her.  

I'm thinking of changing our eating schedule around. I sometimes think that I'm over feeding her. We have a good breakfast everyday. It is the lunch and dinner that seems to be the difficult times here. 

Maybe she isn't hungry for dinner, at dinner time, because she is still full from lunch. I can either give her something lite for lunch and have dinner latter, or skip lunch altogether and have an early dinner. 

Cause right now, she will come and sit, start to eat, get up and go back to her room. Sometimes taking her milk, or plate, or just her fork. Then I have to retrieve what she has taken back to the bedroom with her. The game goes on, the rules keep changing, and I have to keep my cool. 

Monday

I was greeted with a smile this morning, and pair of shiny eyes, with the promise of a good day ahead. 

Getting her up and moving was easy this morning. She seemed easy to handle. A little worried because I use her pullups as a measure of how much water she is getting. The weight tells me much. This morning, they were lighter than normal. So, the goal of this day, is to get her to drink more water. Easier said then done. 

She wasn't her lite and smiley face at breakfast. It was a stone face morning. One that I have to get her attention and make her look at me. She isn't smiling or being her light hearted self. 

Getting ready to go, she keeps heading for anywhere but the car. The idea that I should let her stay home crosses my mind. NO, she is coming along with me today. 

When we are on the course, she is her smiling self again. Getting in and out of the cart, waking to the tees and greens. Even to the point of being animated in her response to some of my better shots. 

Taking a chance on her ability to do our walk about, we head to the mall. 

Watching her carefully, measuring her energy levels, we start our walk. After the first lap, she is showing signs of loosing her energy levels quickly. Shortening the next lap to a half lap, we head for the car. 

On the way home, I need to get the oil changed, and the Jiffy Lube has the men out on the street, no waiting. Pull in, and because I won't wear a mask, we sit outside and wait. In less then thirty minutes we are back on the road again. 

Home, lunch, and TV seemed to be in order. 

Dinner time, and she gets antsy, back a forth, and just won't relax. Then when dinner is on the table, she starts and quickly gets up, takes her fork and leaves. Could it be that she just doesn't want to eat? Is this what she is telling me? 

I finish, clean up and she is still in bed. Heading for my Monday night meeting, she acts like she wants to go, and as we head for the car, she makes a bee line to her nest. OK, go alone. 

When I'm get home, she is still there, and when I go to bed she is restless, pulling the covers all around her and off of me.

Sleep does come after a tumulted  night  of up and waking about.  

What is going on today? Is Driver not paying attention to what is going on as we head down the Road to Dementia Town? Pot holes, swerving to miss debris in our way, He just doesn't seem to care what  we are going through. I know that isn't true, because we always arrive safe at the end of the day. No matter what, we always keep our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

One more step down the Dementia staircase.

Back for one more day.

This rollercoaster of life, never a dull moment with her. Even the quiet times are those times when I can capture them and put them into my memory box. 

If nothing else, I've learned that each and every day with her is precious. For at the end of that day, it is one less day that I will have her with me. 

How to give without receiving is a lesson that is sometimes hard to learn. Long ago, I learned that marriage isn't a 50/50 deal. That if I was to make my marriage work, and be worthwhile, I'd have to give her 100% of me and expect nothing in return. Marriage and love is a 100% giving, not a "If I do this, you have to do that proposal." For that puts marriage on a performance plan, not a loving plan. 

Love should never be based on performance, for we are human too. Humans fail each other everyday, and a marriage based on performance is destined for failure. 

We are in the part of our marriage that has to be on a giving plan, because that is where we are. I am the giver, which is strange for me, because I was always the taker. As we walk together, hand in hand, I can no longer be the taker, for she doesn't have the ability to be the giver anymore. So I give, and she smiles and for now that is more than I deserve.

Sunday

After a long Saturday with Sweetie, I'm just going to let her sleep until I see movement, knowing that she is ready to get out of bed. 

It is now time for her to get up. Shower morning. 

Up, into the shower we go. She is as cooperative as she can be. While we are in the shower, I have her sitting on the shower chair, washing her hair, and the rest of her. She is as helpful as she can be. We are blessed because she is still letting me wash her hair. I'm dreading the time when I cannot do this. 

Done, out and dried off, dressed and out to the table. Put on our church programs for her, and its back in the shower for me, my turn. 

Sunday is our egg and spam breakfast, with biscuits morning. As she watches church, I'm cooking, trying to time everything to come together at the same time. Almost make it, the biscuits are the slow ones this morning. 

Sweetie is more like old self and I'm willing to take a chance on her making it out of the house for a change. 

Taking Tweety out means some extra work for me in helping Sweetie into Tweety. I have to make sure I can open the door all the way for her to get in and out. If I want to drive both of them, I don't mind the extra effort. 

Once in, we head for the mall, this time we can only do a one and a half lap. She just gets too tired when we do the full two laps now. Just another sign that she is wearing out. 

Back to Tweety, in and now for a drive. I have a pattern that takes about 100 miles round trip. It is out to the Laguna Reservation, down through the reservation, next to the train tracks, then to Los Lunas and home. In the past, I would point out the cars on the track, or a train moving along the tracks, and she would watch with interest. Now, it is just a nod and maybe a glance. Today was a glancing day, and a nod off to sleep day.   

Sunday is our Marinara pasta dinner night. Sweetie needs a nap, and so that gives me time to start our dinner. 

Dinner time, and she is doing her start and stop, get up, wander and return. This time, when she gets back, I try feeding her, and it worked. She sat and ate as I fed her. Again, one more step down the Dementia staircase. 

We finish the day in our scripted way. It seemed like the most perfect day in a long time. 

Driver was on His game today. No swerves, no close calls, no pot holes to bounce with. Just a wonderful day on the Road to Dementia Town. Singing and laughing all the way with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

A new way of being difficult.

Love her.

This is madding, the current ups and downs with her. We have been on a nice plateau for quite awhile. She has been giving signs of changes coming up and it seems we are at the jumping off place. 

A new way of acting, a new way of being difficult, and now for me a new Sweetie for me to learn, to find solutions on how to help her and keep us living the happy life.

Saturday

She doesn't want to get up, won't budge. Let her alone, she is sleeping most of the time. Today, I have her caregiver coming and this will be interesting. 

I'm not too worried about not showering Sweetie, because of last night. She should be fine. I'm always worried about UTIs and that is the main reason I wash her. A clean beginning should lessen the chance of her getting one. 

I tried just about all my tricks to get her up with no good results. In desperation it give her her morning dose of Hemp Oil. Sneak it between her lips and quickly shoot it into her mouth. My hope is that it will help her get going. She, of course, fights me when I squirt it in. She is in her "I won't do what you want, but I don't know what I want" and her "Just leave me alone" mode. 

Knowing that I will have a "free day" I get ready. Put my golf clubs in Tweety and wait. It seems like forever before her caregiver shows up. I know it is just me and a wanting to be by myself. 

She is here, and telling her about what is happening, she seems to take it all in stride. She goes in and talks with Sweetie, and she smiles and is happy to see her. She doesn't try to get up, just stays there. 

The me and her caregiver talk about what has happened with her. The rough day yesterday, and the idea that she may have had another small stroke. We'll just have to watch and see has she does today. 

I'm off, and it feels so good. 

The course is crowed, it is a Saturday after all. There is a large group on the tee before I can get off, so I get a bucket of ball, and warm up. 

After I teed off, and am walking to me ball, I hear someone yelling "Hey you" turn to see another golfer yelling at me to wait. He was told to join me as a twosome. 

Turns out, he is a much better golfer than me, and it makes me crank up my game, but it can't match his. We have a good time, talked about life, and find out he is the manager of the Santa Fe men's prison. Had some interesting conversation. 

Tell him about Tweety, and his eyes lite up, asked if that was the one that pulled in in front of him. Yes. 

After the game, we are walking to the parking lot, and he is right there with me. Asked if he wanted to take a look at Tweety, and he was like a kid in a candy store. 

Opened her up, and he stood with his hands behind his back just looking. I know the feeling, and I told him to get in, it was OK to do that. Took some pictures of him in the car, the trunk lid open, and more of the engine. He told me what a beautiful car Tweety is, and was thankful for letting him sit in it. 

When I got home, Sweetie was still in bed. The caregiver gave me her report on the day. She did get up and eat breakfast, not at the table, on the couch, her right arm wasn't working, so she made adjustments and fed herself. She was amazed at her ability to solve the problem of her arm not working. Sweetie is still as smart as ever. 

Tried several times to get her up, and failed. So I let her come to me. She did get up, sit with me and made it seem like all it well, and it was for a short time. 

As the day went on, she was fine until she abruptly got up, and that was it, she was walking with Mr. Sundowners for the rest of the day. 

Up and down, walking here and there, back and forth, and I knew it was going to be a rough evening. She finally went back to her nest for the night. When I went back to get into bed, there weren't any covers to pull back. She had taken them off, and was under the fitted sheet. Got her up, fixed the bed, and she went out to the living room. Tried to get her come back to bed with me, and of course she wouldn't come with me. Knowing that the more I push, the more she will resist, so leave her there knowing she will come to bed by her self and she did. We prayed, and went to sleep. Day was done. 

It seemed like there was a lot of cars on the Road to Dementia Town today. Swerving in and out of traffic. Driver was on his driving game today. Slowing down to let cars in, speeding up to get to an open space between groups of cars, so we could enjoy some quiet time. All in all, it was a good day to be on the road, after all, we Kept Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

What does Dementia and Mules have in common?

Together again.

I am happy. That is the only way to start this page. I am happy. It is all because of the day before. 

So much of my life is swayed by Sweetie's attitude. How those feeling will color the next day. 

Anger has no place in my caring for her, frustration, yes, not anger. It is when she is in the throws of Dementia, and I want her to do something, and she won't. It is then, I have to somehow give in to her stubbornness. 

I can now ask the question: What does Dementia and Mules have in common? Stubbornness! 

Once Sweetie gets something in her head, there isn't anything I can do to change her mind, at that moment. I have to learn to give up and wait for a more calm time. 

Friday

We left off on Thursday night with Sweetie going to bed without getting her overnight pad in. Watching her, she doesn't seem ready to get up, so I will take my chance and see how she gets up.

To my surprise, she is ready, smiling and willing. The bed is a mess, as I thought it would be, and so time to get all things going. 

This morning, I was met with a BM about the size of a softball. Good, I've been waiting for one, then I sit her down on the potty, and get an extra BM while she is sitting. With that, she is smiling and helpful as we get her in the shower, and ready for the day. 

She is perky at the table, eating like she is starving, which could be true. She didn't eat much last night. 

With this happy Sweetie in tow, off to the golf course we go. She is smiling all the way there and she seems like her old self. 

It isn't until we get to the seventh hole, I see that she is nodding off. Not just a light nod, it is a full nod, slumping over in the cart seat nod. Of course that means my game is over for the day. 

I struggle to get her in the car and home. Then I struggle with her again getting her from the car to her bed. Take her shoes off, and night night she goes. 

She sleeps for about two hours, and when she gets up, she is bright eyed again. Thinking that it is time for our walk about, we jump into the car and head out. On the way there, she is napping again. To the point that when we get to the mall, she is in full sleep mode again. No walk today. 

When we get home, I feel it is time to check her pullups again, and again, I find she has done it again. Three in one day, and I am wondering what did she have to cause this? It seems now that she is empty, life should be good again. 

We sat, watched TV, napped on the couch, and then it was dinner time. 

Prepared dinner, pork chop, veggies and rice. She had difficulty with it, so I helped by loading up her fork for her, she did the rest. This is becoming common for us. She will start, and I have to help her finish. How easy we slip out of one stage and into another. 

Off to our Friday meeting. She is happy to be with me, and we have a great time. Birthday night, so that means cake and ice cream. I end up feeding her our share of the birthday cake and ice cream. 

Home again, and checking her, she did it again. She was so messy that the best thing to do is put her in the shower to clean her up. If you're keeping up with this, that is number 4. I didn't know she had that much in her. Best out the in, as they say. 

Dried off, and out to watch just a little TV to end the day. 

The best part of the day, was when I crawled into bed, she was on myside waiting for me, curled up around me and off to sleep we went. Slept like a baby. 

Driver had to makes more stops than normal on this day. Each time we stopped, out joy increased. It isn't the speed, it isn't the time, it is the trip that matters. The Road to Dementia Town doesn't have a destination, it has a story to be told, life to led, and joy to be found. That way, we can Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

The Road to Dementia Town wasn't friendly.

A sunshine day.

It is pizza day with the grandsons and I'm ready for a break in the routine. When I look at the day, and yesterday, and the day before that, they are all the same. They start with a wake up and end with a going to bed. It is what is in between the start and the stop that is good, no matter what. 

To make plans for the future seem like circle of smoke rings being blown. At first they seem solid, then quickly dissipate and disappear. I believe that I can only plan things that are part of what I do on a daily bases. That which is familiar, which is done more or less by habit. 

Up, turn on the coffee, open up my computer, find hymns, psalms, praise music to listen to, and do my prayer and meditation time. Then to sit and write out my thoughts about life. Theses are the things I know I will do today, tomorrow, and so on. This is my life. Thank you for allowing me to share it with you. 

Thursday

Sweetie is awake but not really aware of where she is. I could see that she wasn't eager to get up. So, I spent some extra time telling her about our plans for the day. I keep getting a blank stare from her and I wonder just what kind of day we will be having. 

Getting her up and moving takes extra care this morning. She still has that look of emptiness about her face. Not knowing who I am, but following my lead. 

At breakfast, she is still in this funk and I am thinking, is she going to be up for the day? 

Lately, her days go from up and at'em, to real low energy days. She needs extra time to recharge her batteries. Could this be her recharging day? 

I'm able to get her to eat her breakfast while I make the bed, do the dishes, and get myself ready to go. When I bring her her shoes, she seems willing enough to want to go.

She seemed to wake up some more in the Bible study, and that was good. After the study, we went home and I got her some more CBD, just to be on the safe side. 

Pizza, lunch, and my monthly dose of like minded adult conversation, then home. 

When I got her out of the car, she wanted to wonder around the neighborhood. Knowing that I can't let her out of my sight, I herded her back into the house. Where she headed for her nest. 

I spent the rest of the day, trying to calm her, to help her out of her Dementia fog. I was looking into blank eyes, unknowing eyes, wondering who I am eyes. Such a helpless feeling. 

She won't take her oil, and I try the lotion. She just doesn't want me to touch her and she pulls her hand back. Oh how I know this place we are in. It seems we are here more times than I would like to be. 

She is uncooperative, and all I can do is wait. There was a time when she did come and sit with me and I loved it. For it was only the eye of the storm we were in. 

Taking advantage of her willingness, I got her to drink some water, for she had not been doing so yesterday and today. 

It was when I got up to make dinner, she got up and she wasn't alone anymore. Mr. Sundowner's was with her. If I'm up doing something, she cannot sit still without me. The up and wandering begins and the more she walks, the crazier she gets. 

This morning I know I'm going to find her really messy. Wasn't able to get her top sheet under her, or put in her over night pad. I'll deal with it when the time comes, I'd rather have her get some sleep then fight her to get her up and put all that right. Sleep is more important, I'll deal with it later. 

The Road to Dementia Town wasn't friendly to us this day. Just when the drive was looking like it was going our way, a detour loomed up upon us. Even with Driver's skill, it wasn't the greatest of days. Even though we did everything we knew to Keep Our Shiny Side Up, we did finish the day that way. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.    

A good day "Plus".

She makes me smile.

It is different everyday, yet at the same time it is always the same. As I put Sweetie first in my heart, and let the rest move, fall, or twist where they will. As long as I remember that she is the one that I love and care for, as long as I remember our wedding vows, and that I will never be given more than I can handle, I'll make it through this day, and the next until I won't have to carry this burden any longer. 

She isn't a burden that I dreg, it is a task of love. For all those years she stuck with me, letting me play out my idea of what the good life was all about, she was there. 

When we moved from California to New Mexico, it tore her heart out to leave her children there and to start over again anew, alone, with me. She was there. 

With all the toil and troubles we went through, when it seemed like we were going to crash and burn, she stood by me. For all those times that seemed wasted, she was there. 

So, now that she can no longer do that which she did for me, I am there for her. The scales will never be equal, for I owe her so much more than what she gave me, I will give until there isn't anymore to give, because she was there for me, when I wasn't for her. She was there for us when the "us" was in jeopardy. These are just some of the reasons why I am now here for her. 

Wednesday

It is the first full day that we now have Tweety back from the shop. I want to drive the wheels off of her. Secretly wanting, hoping that Sweetie will want to stay home, so I can be alone with Tweety, I get her up and we prepare for the day.

At first, she doesn't seem too willing to leave the house, and I nudge her that way. I continue on my preparing to head out, and keep nudging her in the "stay at home" mode. 

It didn't work, because she wanted to be with me today. So, I got Tweety out so she could get in easily, and was ready for us to get going. 

To the course, finished, then to the mall and our walk about, and home. 

Later in the afternoon, I suggested that we go for a ride and got ready. Thought we needed to put some gas in her tank, and headed for Costco. Waiting in line, and when it was our turn to get to the pump, I couldn't figure out how to open the tank cover. No pull this, no push that inside of the car, couldn't see just how to open the door, so we pulled out, parked, and got out the owners manual. There it was, the instructions, push in the cover and it will pop open. Easy, when you know what you're doing. 

Back in line to get gas again, and Sweetie is just sitting there next to me, holding my hand, and taking it all in stride. There are times when she is just a trooper. Hangs in there, doesn't seem to get flustered. She is so good for me. 

As we arrive back home again, she is showing some wear for the day, and heads for the bedroom and laydown to get some rest. 

Today was a good day "Plus". Driver hit all the signals green, wasn't surprised by other drivers pulling out in front of us, or being cut off. He just keep us moving Down the Road to Dementia Town as we kept Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Had some ups and downs.

My taste of heaven.

It is the different days that make me more aware of what she can't do as much as knowing what she can do. She can make me happy, fulfilled with a look, and then when the look is gone, what I can't do. 

While she is in a "good mood" we can do anything. Walk, sing, eat, and enjoy each other. It is when she leaves that zone, is when the problems begin. 

Reading her is like looking out the window, and seeing what the weather is like. It isn't until you go outside, then you know what it is. From inside, it is cloudy, and windy, it is when you step into it, you find it is hot, not stormy cold.

Wednesday

Tweety is ready to be picked up this morning. I'm all a fritter about getting her back. I have to keep my excitement under wraps. I don't want to excite Sweetie too much. 

Son is coming over to get us. We had made plans the day before to get Tweety in the afternoon, but his boss let him have the morning off so we can get here earlier then planned. 

Sweetie was so excited to see her son, she glommed onto him and wouldn't let go. A good start for her. 

Putting her in the front seat with her son, we were off. Down the driveway we went, and with Sweetie and son in the driver's seat, the short trip was made longer by my eagerness to get my the Corvette back.  

At the dealership, paid the ransom to release Tweety into our care, out the door, got Sweetie into Tweety, with me in the driver's seat, we headed for home. 

Home and it was time for me to put Tweety's name tag on her. Off with the temporary tags, on with the permeant one, "Tweety 1". Home at last. 

From then on, we had our ups and downs of the day. 

On the golf course, Sweetie had a walk away event. I had to force her into the cart and headed home. Dementia was at her heels, yapping and snapping at her. She wanted to get away and couldn't. Got her home, and did what I had to do, and batten down the hatches until she return to sanity. 

Just one more thing to do, groceries. Not enough time to make a list, so we got what I knew we needed, anything else can be picked up latter. She did quite well in the store. Home, she helped put away the groceries, and then went to bed. 

We had some ups and downs for the evening, but finished well. 

The Road to Dementia Town got a little bumpy as Driver steered us this way, then that way, but missing all the big bumps and tight turns. Through it all, we were still able to Keep Our Shiny Side Up, C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.   

She is my everything.

Balloon on my shoulder.

Here we are, with one more day of living with my Sweetie. She is becoming so soft in her ways these days. She isn't that resistant to what we have to do on a daily bases. 

Our way of life is so easy now. I think it is a combination of me knowing her, and she just accepts what we do as normal, which it is. 

This is one of those times when I just sit in front of my computer, and wonder what to say. I feel that I've said all that I can say about living with Sweetie and her Dementia. As the days go bye and each one seems to be like the last one, or the last week seems all the same. What else is there to say. 

I'm afraid if I stop posting, that I may never pick it up again, or if I do start again, it will only last for a short time, and stop again, never to pick it up again.  

I find this time of writing about what I feel, about how I react to Sweetie, my frustrations, my joys, how I've poured myself into taking care of her. How taking care of her has shaped my emotions, my way of thinking, living with her. 

With her, I am never alone, having a purpose is what is keeping me here. She is my ship on the sea of life, she is the rudder which steers the ship, and she is also the wind that fills the sails and moves us onward. She is my everything. 

Monday

When I came into the room, she looked at me and was smiling. I just love these mornings. Her smile and the way she greeted me, meant she was going to have a good day. 

The morning went well, there were no surprises, no resistance to her shower, just one smile after another. 

From getting up, to breakfast, to golf, to our walk about, it could not have been a better time. Sweetie was holding my hand, engaging me, and I would answer the best I could. You know I can hear some words in between the Dementiaies, and find an answer that pleases her. Always learning about her and what she needs to be happy. 

Our walk about went well for I was singing songs, making up limericks as we went, making her smile as we walked. Now that is the secret of getting our walk done on a happy note. 

The rest of the day went well until dinner. During our meal, I swallowed wrong, and set on a coughing spell that scared her. I could see it in her eyes and face the fear that I was in trouble. As I recovered, I kept reassuring her that all would be well. When I was able to clear my throat, and calm her, the rest of the evening went well. So well, that it ended like it should, holding hands, cuddling, watching TV and to bed we went. 

Driver is stringing days together of smooth roads, missing pot holes, and beautiful scenery as we motor down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Her smile lifts my heart.

Her smile lifts my heart.

Captured live at the mall, the one that lifts my heart. Her presence with me, allows me to leave my worries behind and concentrate on the now. 

It is so easy to want to put down the weight of the daily living. To be free from the daily things, those that make me want to yell. Those things that make me fill hollow inside. 

I may feel this way, when I am alone, writing this blog and then it is time to get her up. Then all things change. The hollow is filled, the directions are clear, and life is alive again. 

I am grateful that we have some direction to our lives. Activities to do, places to go, with those things happening, the day goes by quickly and before we know it, the day is done. One more day for the memory book. 

Sunday

It is our shower day. Sweetie is a little hesitant about getting in this morning. I think I may have to put down some tub stickers. 

Getting her in, wet and soapy is more difficult. I think she doesn't understand. Then with gentle words and hands that guide, we get the job done. I am so grateful that I got the shower chair. It makes the task of washing her hair so much easier. 

Another thing that helps, is bringing her clean clothes into the bathroom. This way, I can dry her and dress her all in one room. No getting up and out to do something that can now be done in the same room. Makes it some much more easier. 

The grocery store finally has Hickory flavored Spam and I got two cans of it. For Sunday morning is special breakfast morning. 

By chopping up the Spam into little chunks and frying them, they make a nice base to have and to pour scrambled eggs over. Almost like corn beef hash. Add some biscuits, butter and jam, and a feast to behold. 

With breakfast done, clean up complete, it is time to figure out the rest of the day. Can't watch golf anymore because Football season is in full swing. I don't watch football anymore because it has become so political that I cannot, will not, support something that was meant to be an distraction from what it has become. 

So, a quick trip to the mall, our walk about, and home. Watched "Gillion's Island" for two hours, and that about sets the rest of the evening for us. 

We watch "Up" to finish our day. I love that movie, sometimes I feel it is about us. Especially the beginning. I was the loud out going one, and she was the shy one. There is one part in the movie, near the end, of Ellie seating on a chair, just looking out to nowhere, and I cannot help myself of thinking of Sweetie. It captures my heart so much that I can feel the tears swelling up. With "Up" done, we can now end day in our wonderfully scripted way. Couch, dessert, TV, and bed. 

From sunrise to sunset, the day on the road to Dementia Town was a peaceful smooth day. So it was just as easy to Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

... and away we go.

Whisper sweet nothings.

If only that was possible. Remembering some of the things she would whisper to me, loving things, sexy things, whispers of love, of wanting a fun romping in the bedroom, and I was always eager to fulfill those her desires. 

Of course, she would tell me at a time when I would have to stew in desire until we were in a place to release that passion she has so stirred. She was a mistress that knew when I needed her so. From a quickie just before leaving for work, to a all night romp leaving us both spent and sweaty. What music we made. 

Saturday

She is soaked. The top sheet is soaked, thank goodness for that top sheet. So it is shower time, and away we go. 

#2 lady is here, and I'm eager to take off. Not a care in the world this morning. Knowing that Sweetie is in good hands and that is why I do it. 

Had a good game, played with a father/son twosome. As they played their game improved. It seems that there is a shaky start when playing with someone you don't know. As it was with them, and as it is, their game improved as we became more comfortable with each other. 

Home again to find Sweetie and #2 outside in the backyard, sitting and enjoying the day. Fall seems to be starting on schedule. A cooling of the day, making sitting outside a joy. 

With leaves starting to turn, temps in the 80's, and the time to just sit and enjoy life. Fall is a magical time of year, summer is almost over, the cool of winter hasn't begun yet. And all is at rest. 

After lady left, we too got up and headed out to the mall, as it is, for our walk about. Today was a good walk. I was able to Waa Wa her most of the way through, and that she was smiling at the end was a sign of happiness for us both. 

Finished the day as it was scripted. Couch, TV, holding hands. Who could ask for anything more? 

The day was smooth going as we traveled the Road to Dementia Town. Seeing the birds in the air, the light clouds scurrying across the sky, and fill with the joy of life. As we go, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

Whoot Woo.

All about her.

Yes it is, it is all about her. She is the one that gets me up in the morning, the one that deems it necessary for the things that I do. 

It is the long view, the next day, the changes that are coming. I've written much about Sweetie's changes. On her speech, her ability to take care of herself, her memory. As each of those abilities decline, I find myself stepping up to deal with each episode of her new normal. 

Change isn't just her decline, it is also my soft loving care that is increasing. What would happen if I left her to her own understanding? Where would she be if I left her alone for a whole day? or two days, or, heaven forbid, a week? She wouldn't have the where with all to take care of herself, let alone feed herself. 

As a new flower emerges from the branch of it limb, it first appears as a bud, then the bud grows to the point it burst into a flower. For me, that is the way my character grow each day. New flowers to show the love that is needed to care for one so special as my Sweetie. 

Friday

This morning is on the low side of good. Knowing each day is either a good, not so good, to a bad morning, I prepare myself for all three. Sweetie isn't in the best of moods, yet at the same time she is what she will be. 

At breakfast she is in that neutral position of not happy, and not sad, just there. I get her to sing with me our grace song. There are times when she mouths the words, and then there are times she will try and sing with me. This morning was a mothing morning. 

For me, any response to the song is a good one. That means the memory is still in there and is still active. 

She just wouldn't come with me as I got ready to go to the golf course. With a hug and a kiss, off I went. 

Came home to find her in bed. So what else is new? That is her nest, her safe place, and I find comfort in it. Knowing that she isn't walking the floor until I get home. 

Up, lunch and to the mall. Did a good walk about, she was having a good time for awhile. Then the drudgery of walking started to set in. As we walked it became harder to get a smile out of her. As we got close to the end, she pointed it out and was eager to get to the car. 

The highlight of the day was on the way home, there is an intersection with a large dip in it. As we got close to it, I was giving a audible notice of here it comes, big bouncy bounce. As we went in and were on the other side, I got a Whoot, Woo from Sweetie. I just burst into laughter. She has never done that. Never! She has always been afraid of unexpected movements. 

Driver is full of tricks to make the boring fun again. Even for a second. I'll never forget that moment, the Whoot Woo from Sweetie that day, that moment in time. That snapshot of her joyous face with that great smile of hers. Life at the moment was perfect as we laughed and Whoot Wooed ourselves through another day on the Road to Dementia town, Whoot Wooing Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

The bottom to bounce off.

Me and my friend.

What is it like, to live with someone that you love so much, that it hurts when you see how this disease is taking her away, slowly, piece by piece. When her speech becomes a cluttering of sounds that mean so much to her, and I can only wonder what she is saying. 

Let me ask, what is it like living with something so different, so terrible, and you wouldn't wish it on even your worse enemy? Then, as you adjust to that thing, the horrible thing, you find peace, you find love and joy. At the same time you find the bottom to bounce off of, so you can find the precious Easter Eggs that are hidden in the darkness of Dementia. 

There is a school of thought that states that our lives are predestined to what we are, and in some cases that could be true. It is what we do that may or may not continue that life line. 

I want to believe that we are lemons and we can either be sweetie lemonade, or sour juice. I'd rather be the former. It is my choice.

Thursday

It is our Bible study today, and I want to make sure that Sweetie is up and ready and willing to go. I have a goal and a plan to, hopefully, get her there. 

She is laying on her back, knees up, so when I walk in, I know she is awake. Introduction as to who I am, and then time to get her up. 

Sit up, turn, feet on the carpet. Hold her until she seems balanced, then walk her out of the bedroom and into the day. 

As we eat our breakfast, I tell her what is planned for the morning. That we are going to a Bible Study, to learn about God, to see friends, and generally talk up what the plans of the day are. 

Smiling, cheery notes in my voice as I take to her. As the time comes, I ask that question, "Would you like to come with me?". The timing is just right, the mood set, and the answer is "Yes." 

Gathering all that we need for the day, into the car, and off we go. Speeding down the Road to Dementia Town. Driver is behind the wheel, navigating the bumps, curves, and other cars on this busy highway of life. A day of Easter Eggs yet to be found, stopping and walking in the clear meadows along the day. All the time Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.