Still learning.

Us

I have no choice but to love and take care of her. For all those years that she poured herself into me, teaching me, showing me, how to be a better self then where I was. She saw in me more than I saw in myself. 

For those years, she kept teaching me a better way. Now that she can no longer teach, I am  still learning from her. Her love for me is still overwhelming. Her eyes, her face, the way she holds my hand are constant reminders of her love for me. She may hug others, and smile at those who she recognizes, but for me, there is something else, something more meaningful that sets me apart from all others. 

Maybe it is the way she stays close to me, or always holds my hand, it is just different. I feel it is her love that draws me like a magnet. That is the power that keeps me caring for her. 

Wednesday

When I came in to wake her, I found that she had bundled up her top sheet and was cuddling it. I was very thankful that she didn't wet through her overnight pad. She was more willing to get up and get going. 

After getting her cleaned up, we headed out for breakfast. Again all went well. 

It was after breakfast things went somewhat astray. It was cloudy and chance of rain. I was hesitant to take her with me and as it turned out, she didn't want to go either. 

Instead of forcing her to come with me, I repeated my offer to her. Every time it was refused. I offered her my hand to help lead her to the car and she wouldn't take it. 

She was content to sit at the table and watch TV. I've come home before when her sitters would be there at the table, with her, and tell me she stayed there all that morning. Another morning without her, and another morning watching her on my phone. 

When I got home, she was still at the table, the difference was she was happy to see me. I think it took her brain longer to recognize me then it has in the past. 

After that it was just as it has been in the past. Same old stuff until dinner time. She still gets anxious when I'm not sitting and will fret about not knowing where to land. I've given up on telling her where to sit, because she just cannot understand why I'm doing what I'm doing and not sitting with her. It is like a dance, and she is looking for her partner. 

Dinner, dishes, desert, and a movie. Then to bed to finish the day. Another good ending. Love those good endings. 

Getting used to starting out my mornings by sitting in the shotgun seat with Driver. We will chit chat about the day before, and I'll ask what does He have planned for us today. He never tells me the full detail, says I need to let it unfold for myself. So it goes, as we make our way down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.