...and yet here we are.

She's a keeper.

Yes, she is, a Keeper. We've been together so long that I cannot think of not keeping her. With all the trials that we are going through, that we've been through, and those that still are ahead, I will not abandon her. 

She saved me way back when I didn't know I needed saving. Now that I've matured into the man I think I was meant to be, I can now face the future with her without dread. 

Dread, and interesting word. It, to me, is the fact of knowing that something fearful is coming my way. Anticipating fear. The fear of knowing that this isn't an easy life to live, to care for Sweetie as I do. 

Sometimes it is a very lonely lifestyle. Sure, there are those I know and meet with on a daily, or weekly, or periodically that fill some of the social needs I have. It is only a few that understand this loneliness. 

Dementia, Alzheimer's, are thieves. That not just take away those precious years that, as a couple, we've planned to spend together. Watching the sunset on some mountain, or beach, or just in our back yard. To grow old, to spoil our grandchildren, to watch our children become independent and successful.

Along with their thievery, they add to it, the second life of the spouse, of the sibling, or of the close friend that has stepped into that dark pit to help. It is because of their great love for this person, that they sacrifice their lives for them. Getting up, making sure they are cared for, cleaned, and dressed. I for one, never thought we'd be here, and yet here we are. 

Thursday

She is being difficult this morning. Fighting me all the way, until she is standing. That is when the fight leaves her, and she stands holding on to me. Round one is over, and I'm ahead on points. 

It is as if she is between sleep and being awake. She is going through the motions, and I'll take that. Getting her ready for the day is the most important thing for us right now. 

Today is our Bible study day. Looking forward to it. I find it to be a welcome break in our routine. For anything that allows me to have adult conversation is so welcomed. Sweetie seems to enjoy it too. For she will tell me about some point of the lesson that interests her. '

After that, it is back to our normal routine, heading for the golf course. 

We're solo today, and I'm glad. Sweetie is still in a mood, and I'm not sure what she will be like on the course. I'm uneasy about what she might do. A couple of times, when she is out of the cart, she starts wandering off. It is hard to concentrate on my golf game, while worrying about what she is going to do.

We make it through the round, head home for lunch and recovery. After lunch, it is to the grocery store and Costco. 

Costco is where I buy our meat, and we are all out of meat. I get our pork, beef, and salmon there. Bring it home, cut into servings sizes, wrap in plastic wrap, and into the freezer they go. I keep zip lock bags in the freezer, one for each meat. That way, we don't have to eat the same thing day after day. Yet after a while, it seems that we are eating the same thing day after day. 

While I'm taking care of the meat, Sweetie is taking her nap. Worried a bit because of the lateness of the day. I worry that she will be cantankerous when she gets up. 

Well, she doesn't disappoint me, she is grumpy to the max. Won't do anything. She does eat her dinner. I had to put it on the table and she ate by herself. When she was acting like she wanted more, she wouldn't let me take the bowl and give her more, so I used a second bowel to get her more food. When that was done, she headed off back to her nest. The good thing was I was able to give her a dose of CBD and was waiting for it to kick in. 

It is meeting night, and I'm in charge of opening the building. Thinking of leaving her home. Then, as I watch her, she is taking pillow covers off the pillows, attempting to do something with the covers, and generally being too busy to leave alone. 

Taking control, which isn't control with her anyway, I get her into the car and off we go. Upon arriving, the CBD I gave her is starting to do its magic, and we end up having a good time at the meeting. 

Getting home, we have our dessert, watch a little TV, and off to finish the day with my under the cover lover. 

It seems that we found some rough roads today. Which is more normal than not, for we are on the Road to Dementia Town. Driver handled it well and we were still able to Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

 

What an Easter Egg that was.

At the ninth tee.

Just when I said I'd stay with the same set of photos, I downloaded a few new ones. Life will keep on going, even when I'm ready to pause. 

I love to read your comments on my posts. To hear what you're saying, gives encouragement to keep on posting. For we are special people. We didn't ask for this, and at the same time I find myself being drawn into the life of being a caregiver to the greatest love I've ever known. 

The idea of feeding Sweetie like a child has a joy that can't be understood until you do it for yourself. Finding joy in knowing that it is just one more thing that she can't do for herself, is strangely enjoyable. 

We have eye contact, we smile at each other, how willing she is to let me feed her is amazing. I remember a saying about feeding your lover, that it is a sign of love when they let you feed them. The other side of their love, is if they return the gesture, and feed you back. Knowing that she isn't able to return the act, I find my encouragement in how she accepts my effort to feed her. 

Wednesday

Because of what I've been feeding her lately, I'm expecting to find a dirty bottom this morning. And my expectations are fulfilled. To the point of smearing on the sheet when I get her up. 

She is up, and in the shower she goes. She is a bit hesitant as I wash her, which is normal. She doesn't remember one shower from the one the day before. So, at one point, as always, we struggle to finish the cleaning. This I do know, is that she always feels better when she is out and has clean clothes on.

Because her bowels are so loose, I'm cutting back on the fruit for breakfast. Still keeping the banana on the cereal, just the mixed fruit until she binds up a little. Now, if I can find a good medium of fruit and firm bowels, that would be nice. 

There are times when I'll find her spooning her bowl looking for more cereal, and so she is surprised and happy when I bring her, her toast. It helps her to know that breakfast is over. 

This morning I ran into a fellow that I played with some time ago. So, we had a threesome today. 

When he came over to introduce himself to Sweetie, he asked what her name was and before I could say anything, she said "Diane." and he asked her about how she felt and normal greeting questions, and about her Thanksgiving. I stood there with my mouth open, as she answered each question clearly and with the right answers. That was the longest conversation she has had with anyone for years. What an Easter Egg that was. 

As we played, there was a pleasant tension on the game. Our new member was a good player and helped me work on my game at the same time. Still working on my putting and it is getting better. Still, I missed a birdy and a couple of pars by "Just that much." (Maxwell Smart again.)

After the game, we headed off for lunch with some old workmates. One of them has another Corvette, and it was going to fun putting them side by side. 

At the restaurant, we exceeded Covid rules by having too many people at one table. So, we had to split the numbers up and move others to another table. I suggested that we bring the other table over so the conversations wouldn't be yelled back and forth. They couldn't see why not, and that worked out for all of us. 

Had representatives from all layers of workers. From my boss, to an old supervisor, a specialist, and foot soldiers, and like old soldiers, the war stories were flying fast and furious. 

After the lunch, we were in the parking lot showing off our toys. That is when I noticed Sweetie wasn't next to me. With a panic quick look around, I found her wandering off not knowing where she was going, just that she was going. Called her and got her attention. She turned and returned to my side. Got to remember that the wandering is getting stronger within her. 

When we headed home, she was tired, and ready for her nap. Home, checked her out first, and then put her down for her nap. 

When she got up, it was almost past dinner time and I wasn't really hungry. Came up with hot dogs and Mac and cheese. Worked well, fast easy, and gone. 

And here we found ourselves, at the finish line of the day. Me dosing, and Sweetie ready for bed. Off we went, hand in hand, as sleep found us. 

I wonder if Driver is getting bored with these days on the Road to Dementia Town? Smooth days, easy off ramps to resting areas, and lite traffic. He could leave the driving to me, but I know I'd get into trouble if I took over driving. Because when He is behind the wheel, it is easy for us to Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.   Arthur.   

 

An ending that is becoming our normal.

My Love and Me.

 Over the past postings, I have used just about all of my pictures of Sweetie and me. Of our life events, so I think I'll keep with just a few until I have something new. Yes, to answer the unasked question, there are still some that haven't been used, they just wouldn't make sense here, on this blog. 

Sweetie is entering into a new behavior pattern, which isn't something new for her. She is getting belligerent with me. Refusing to do what we normally do. It now, sometimes, requires me to take her by the hand, and guide her to where she needs to be. Once she is up and moving, the resistance goes away. 

It is as if she is locked in a "I don't want to do that..." and she is stuck where she is sitting. Once up, her whole attitude changes. Even her physical being relaxes. It is almost as if she is telling me "Thank You for getting me to move." 

I think that this is the next level of change for her. From what I gather from my support group, getting mean and hitting might be on the way. 

I hope not, but if it is, there isn't anything I can do to stop it. Right now, my reliance is on our old standby, CBD. It seems that I'm giving her more each day. It still keeps her calm and loving, but the period of time in-between doses is shorting. 

She has always been taking naps and now she is sleeping more than ever.  Before, it would be an about an hour or so. Now it is a two to three hours that she naps. It could be the winter that is bring it on, or it could be that she is getting tired more easily. 

On our walk abouts, she will get about halfway and there is a change in her. She shuffles on till we get to the car. She isn't responsive to my chitchatting with her, and she looks like she is going to keel over an any second. I think she is running on fumes by the time we get to the car and that is why she naps as long as she does. 

Tuesday

She seems cheery this morning and I have my work cut out for me. One of the good things I've done, is getting her to sleep in a tee-shirt and pullups. It makes it so much easier for both of us when we're in the bathroom. 

This morning, we will be returning back to washing her bottom in the shower. Her bowels are working again, and that means, she will have a dirty bottom for the next couple of mornings. So, the cycle goes.

She is eating more in the morning. I now give her either a cup of applesauce or mix fruit before her cereal with bananas. When I mix in prune juice, it does help her to get things moving. 

Time to get going and she isn't willing to go. Thinking that it will be one of those mornings, I continue to get ready. I know if she doesn't want to go now, I'll wait and ask again. Most of the time she will be eager to come with me. This morning it isn't that way. So, I take her hand, move her and she is now ready to come with me. 

We are a single, and she is standoffish in the cart. Waiting for the extra CBD to kick end, I think she is OK, and will warm up as we play. And she does. By the end of the round, she is back to being herself. 

Home, lunch, and then to the mall we go. 

Our walk about is as I described above. By the time we are on the last half of our walk, she is head down, pushing to the end. 

Home, and to bed she goes. It is around sundown that she comes out. 

Not planning on anything for dinner, we have oatmeal. At first, she doesn't want anything, and like I said, wait and she will change her mind. Sure enough, the second time I offer it to her, she is ready to eat. 

So, we end our day, with an ending that is becoming our normal for the end of the day and that is just fine with me. 

We seem to be on auto-pilot lately. Almost as if Driver took the wrong turn, and we are in a loop. Going over the same, but different part of the Road to Dementia Town. If it wasn't for the change of scenery, I wouldn't know what day of the week it is. That is just fine with us, for it makes Keeping Our Shiny Side Up easier. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.   Arthur.