The monster arose from within.

We were so happy.

How can a day that seems so good, go so wrong. 

My spirits were lifted high after Thursday feeling of success. Thinking that I had found the golden orb of peaceful coexistence with Dementia and sundowners. It was the timing of medication, that was the key and I was ready for two days in a row where I could just enjoy the afternoon and evening with Sweetie. 

Oh how evil Dementia can be. It seemed like she just wasn't herself all day, just a little off, nice, but edgy. Spent some time at the driving range with moments of normalcy, and lunch was OK. It was as if she was miles away from me. Knowing that I was there, but no real connection. We did have one success, didn't have to put dry pullups on her all day. To me, that is one huge gold star day. 

It was in the evening when I got up to fix dinner. She has been shadowing me so much that it is normal that she gets up and comes with me into the kitchen to help. This time she stayed on the couch and watched TV. My antenna went up, and put myself on alert. Sure enough, just around our bed time, sundowner, who was stalking her all day long, stuck. I caught her trying to get out the door. When I stopped her the monster arose from within. The Kids, the eternal bemoaning of what she had to do, that I wasn't helping her, and no matter what I said, it didn't make sense to her.  So it is a gentle voice, gently blocking her from getting out of the house. At the same time, getting some Stress Relief lotion on her, and a dose of Hemp Oil in her. She fights me all the way, but I am successful, and she slowly returns. Last night, she slept in her jeans for the first time ever. It was a battle, I wasn't willing to fight. 

I'm ready, and my Driver is here now. He wants to take a drive into the mountains this morning, says He knows an Oasis there where I can walk with Him, and talk with Him and He'll tell me I am not alone. Just to have those quiet moments, where the world makes sense, with Driver, the one who created the universe, at my side, and I have His ear. Then back in the car, refreshed, putting on my cool sunglasses, as we pull back on to the Road to Dementia Town, seeing the sun bounce off the hood, for we are Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. If you need to, look for the Oasis sign, pull off and refresh yourself with your Driver, as you head down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Take Care, Love Ya, and God Bless.  

For better or worse.

There's my Sweetie.

As I was looking for a picture for this post, I found this one and said exactly that. This captures a spirit of the woman that I loved, married, and lived my life with. Over all the years that we have been together, over all the fights, the ragged sleepless nights, over the tears of family passing, the children, the love of the grand children, the buying and selling, through fat times, and slim times, we hung in there, together, and when there wasn't anything to hold onto, we held onto each other, because that was all there was. Now, it seems that I am the one holding on for both of us.  

I had to get a refill of Sweetie's prescription, and spent some time talking with the pharmacist. I notice on the bottle the phrase "As needed." I've heard of the term "other uses." bantered about lately, and was courteous as an anti-seizures medication was being used for anxiety or depression. He explained that seizures could be caused by those conditions, it was an old medicine and had other uses. The as needed meant that if given on a regular bases and stopped it could cause problems. Also, the time that the medication took affect was about 1 to 1.5 hours after taking it. 

With that information, I started a regimentation of twice a day, once in the morning, the second pill taken around 3 in the afternoon. What a difference it made. It works well with the Hemp Oil, and we had a great day yesterday. 

As noted, just because something works today, doesn't mean it will work tomorrow. I know that each and everyday, Dementia is hard at work, like a parasite, destroying her mind and will eventually take her away from me permanently. 

Until that day come, I'll be here, by her side, feeding her, chasing her down the street if necessary, wiping her bottom, walking her, and cuddling with her on the couch, watching children shows. For better or worse, richer or poorer, through sickness and health. Until death do us part. I'll be there for her. 

What a smile my Driver has. He's looking over my shoulder and saw what I just wrote. He give me the strength to see each day though, the will power to remember, this to will pass and I'll be better for it. Taking care of Sweetie has changed me, for I know without the help of my Driver, I'd never be able to do what I do. For He knows what is on the Road to Dementia Town, and I have learned to trust Him as I slide in the passenger's seat, wearing my cool sunglasses, and He takes the wheel, as we go, sing songs and hymns down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. Hey, are you able to carry a tune or a bucket to catch the tune in as you head down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Let's hear it. God Bless and remember I Love Ya. 

Sphere of our Dementia World

Its her smile that got me.

Living with Sweetie in these closing years of our lives isn't the easiest way to spend our golden years. There are times when it seems like we are a normal senior citizen couple walking hand in hand, doing an afternoon walk, or in the grocery store and all seems safe and sound around us. 

It is only when you enter into the sphere of our Dementia World, then that is when the chaos become apparent. For those that are privy to know our world, they are sympathetic, they think they understand what we are going through, and I apricate it. I have you and other friends that tell me that they are praying for us. How in such high regard they hold me for what I am doing. 

They don't know how quickly I would switch places with them. I put on a mask that looks like life is good, but we know it isn't. Sometimes I feel like a broken record (Old people saying), hitting a certain spot and skipping back two or three tracks and doing it all over again. 

Yesterday was a good example of what I'm talking about. For some reason, Sweetie was going potty by herself, locking the bathroom door. She told me she was OK and doing it herself. That my friends was the skip of the record. When I was finally about to get in with her, what a mess I had to clean up. Of course, it wasn't her that did it. Amazing, the rational she comes up with to explain how poop got everywhere. Then last night she got out when I was in a different room. By the time I realized she wasn't in the house, she was halfway down the block. Not knowing where she was or where she was going, I was able to talk her back to the house. 

Now it is the next morning and I'm here sharing with you, and my Driver is here with me. He's ready to relieve me of my cares for a short time. He told me to depend on Him, for He knows my burden and will help me carry it. In the best way possible, we head for the car, the closer I get, the less weary I feel. For in the vehicle I can relax and let the worries of the past flow out, and His being just strengthens me. All of this while we are driving down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. Hope you are being revived as you too head down the Road to Dementia Town. Drive Safe, Love Ya, and God Bless.