Dark tunnel of Dementia.

You are my Sunshine.

That she is, she is my sunshine. With my whole being setting itself to guide and protect her, at the same time, to love her as each day comes and goes. 

The sun doesn't tell me what type of day it will be, it only gives me light for this day, and is gone when the day is done. Only to return on the morning. 

Once heard someone say that in marriage, the husband's job is that he should be a constant study of who his wife is. For though we may know every inch, every cranny, every wrinkle, on her body, it is the mind that we need to know. For years I tried to control that mind, to force it to think in my ways of thinking. It never worked. 

Today, I'm studying in a different way, her mind. This time to learn how I can cox her out of that dark tunnel of Dementia, if only for an hour or two, or even 5 minutes, to know she is still in there among the Dementia voices that drive sanity away. Still her love for me shines through. 

Wednesday

Yesterday, she was up and making the bed when I came and got her. This morning, she is awake, but laying on her back, knees up, making a tent, and not willing to get out of bed. With some loving encouragement and a strong arm that will not take no for an answer, I got her up. 

Up, CBD'd, clean and with clean clothes on, we had breakfast. We were earlier than normal, so I took the extra time to do some house work. Funny how that is, even with my two ladies, I still find things to do. It is now my nature. 

With breakfast done, and time to get going, asked if she wanted to go with me. She did. So we went. 

On the course, the pattern of behavior is becoming simple, she is happy for the first two or three holes, then she gets her stone face on, doesn't seem to be happy at all. I used to worry about her getting our and marching off to "Never, Neverland." 

She doesn't do that now, she stays in the cart and I still keep an eye on her for you never know when the band will strike up a tune, and off she will go. 

Done with golf, and took a chance on getting our walk about done before heading home. It turned out to be the right move. 

Once home, we ate, and she went back to her room and bed. Knowing how she burns energy quickly, it wasn't a surprise. 

I had other things to do, edge and mow the lawns. Got that done, checked the humming bird feeders, and relaxed for the rest of the day. 

After dinner, she went back to bed, and stayed there. I ended up the evening with my solitude, and watched blurred TV. It wasn't anything good, just a blur to end the day with. 

Another day on the Road to Dementia Town. Nothing too spectacular, nothing too boring, just another day. A boring day is a good day, for a day without drama gives a body a chance to prepare for those drama days when they come, and they will come. That way, it won't be hard to Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

 

That's more like it.

That's more like it.

Living with Sweetie, is like being on a swing with her. The days that move up to the ugly days, and then as soon as we hit the peak of the swing, we go into the beautiful days.

At first I didn't see the mood changing, it was too late by then. Now I see the subtle changes. It is not one thing, just a bunch of little things. How she takes her CBD, or how she follows me around the house, holding my hand. The ease in which I can check her pull ups. 

They are not just a wake up, and she is either good or bad, it is which way her pendulum is swinging. 

Tuesday

I was talking with a friend of mine, when I happened to check my phone to see how she was doing, and she was up, making the bed. Time to hurry and catch her before she went into the living room. 

She is at the point of not knowing who I am. To her I'm the nice guy that she sees every morning. So, when I came into the room, she brightened and smiled at me. With an introduction, a hug and a kiss, we were on the way to getting the day going.  

For breakfast, she gets a bowl of cereal, half a banana, and juice. When she is finished with that, I give her a biscuit cut in half, toasted, with butter, CBD, and jam. She always seems surprised that she gets that, smiles, and shows me her heart. 

She was happy, yet not ready to leave the house this morning. Gaining confidence in her ability to stay home, I left to do my morning golf game. 

The golf was very enjoyable this day. A friend showed up, teamed up, and off we went. My game was better then yesterday. Like anything, golf is a humbling game, an unforgiving game, and a game of rewards. For me, yesterday, I birdied the 8th and 9th holes.

The 8th is a par 4, I was on in two, and sunk a 6 footer. The 9th is a par 3. My drive was on the fringe, just off the green, yet close enough to putt from there. About a 10 foot putt, and in the hole it went. The first ever 2 birdy golf game in my life. Damn, I'm good, and with that, I've cursed my next round.

Got home to find Sweetie in bed, as usual. Fixed us some lunch, and then off to do some grocery shopping. I'm glad I didn't try to add a walk about at the mall, for she was sagging at the grocery store. She tried to be friendly, just wasn't quite there. Back in the car, home, she was with me, and that is the best I can describe her energy levels. 

Home again, did some laundry, and got ready to finish the day. 

Shoes off, socks off, feet up, sitting on the couch with her by my side. Watching "Monster Inc." We napped through most of it. With nothing on the evening schedule, we were able to just relax and have a good ending to a good day. What a difference a day makes. 

When we got into the car, I noticed the matts were vacuumed, the windshield was bugless, and Driver had a grin on His face. I knew that we were going to have a good day. When you're on the Road to Dementia Town, and the windshield is cleaned, you know it will be an easy day to Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Construction zone.

Love shines through.

"How do I love thee, let me count the ways." A sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I've only heard the introduction line, one of the most popular lines in poetry. How about the rest? 

How do I love thee, let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right.

 I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right.

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,

                             I shall but love thee better after death 

I have not, to my memory, ever read the poem, just the beginning. It could be the title page of everyone of my blogs. 

I've learned that this poem is about a love that has been in the hearts of the couple for a long time. It isn't an instant love, a puppy love, or the love of a child when it is born. 

This is a poem about a love that has been to war and returned home. A love that has been wounded and yet survives, a love that had it all and then lost it all except the lover. It is about a love that goes beyond sight, beyond life, to a forever love. 

Monday

Monday is a day of schedules, of getting the get go going. So, let's get the day started. Sweetie isn't in a get me up mood, and so it is up to me to get her going. 

She fought me until she had her feet on the ground. It is tough for her to get her balance today. Holding her hands, I guide her to the bathroom and start the morning process of getting going. 

She didn't seem just right as we headed for the table. I could tell she wasn't happy about being up, hope that will change after breakfast. 

She seemed a bit more up after she ate, but then she didn't want to go with me to the car, or anywhere else. This is where my teaching has taught me to leave her alone. If she is forced to do something, she will be in a worse mood then if she is left alone. 

Had the worse round in a long, long time. I know it is because of my lesson and trying to put what I was taught into practice. 

Back home, and she was still sleeping. Leaving her to her sleep, I went and watched a movie. 

Did get her up, and we went for our walk about. We made it and she was still not at all friendly. She didn't play, joke, or talk much as we made our rounds. She had her stone face on and was relieved that we were in the car. 

I'm hoping that tomorrow will be better. It seems that this is her new pattern. One real good day, then the next two or three of recouping. I'll just keep adjusting myself to her. Knowing when we need to be somewhere and planning her energy usage accordingly. 

Our evening wasn't as nice as it could have been. She ate most of her meal, then got up and took her milk back to the bedroom. 

After I retrieved her mild, she came and got it again. After that, she took her meat, wrapped in a napkin, back to her room. I knew I had to go and get the milk and meat. 

Found the milk, had to look for the napkin and found it in a drawer. She seemed bewildered by what was going on. She was like a ping pong ball, bouncing here, this way then bouncing off something and going a different direction. 

I had a meeting to go to, and thought for a brief moment, she would come with me. Got her to the car, and she abruptly turn and wouldn't get it, "Its not right." she would say, and I knew there wasn't anything I could do or say to get her in the car. The best thing would be to leave her in the house, and go to the meeting. 

Watching her in the meeting, she was laying in bed trying to go back to sleep. 

The evening wasn't our best. She wouldn't sit next to me. After some coxing, she did come over and sit. We had our cookies and milk and was thinking "At last." thinking she was in a good place, and relaxed.

9 o'clock came, time for bed, and she wouldn't have anything to do that. Damn that Dementia. So, turned off the TV, lights, and headed for bed. When we were in bed, wouldn't let me touch her, and I asked her if it was alright to say our prayers? It was, and I led us to finish the day.

It seems that there is come construction going on up ahead, as we travel the Road to Dementia Town. Driver and me will have to take it slow and easy until we reach the end of the construction zone. Slow and steady, with Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.