Riding the Merry Go Round 

At the Mall, Christmas '19 

 

Life, is that precious gift that we have been given to all of us. We all have it for an undisclosed period of time. How we live it, is really up to us. Every morning, I'm lucky, I get to spend time reading devotionals, scripture, and other reading material that gives me insight to my thought process and life style. I find that this quiet time gives me strength to get through the day, to try a plan some sort of sanity that will get me and Sweetie safely and enjoyably through another period of Sunrise to Sunset.

 

If I was asked what disease I would like to have at the end of my life, Dementia wouldn't be one I would choose. Sweetie, I know, didn't choose Dementia, didn't choose a disease that strip away all that she was, and what could have been. Dementia steals not just the past, it destroys the future. 

 

Instead of making plans for a trip to Vermont to watch the fall colors, or a trip to Hawaii to see her smile as she goes home again. Instead of fighting over the Christmas Presents to buy for the grandkids, I'm the one making the choices, I'm the one wrapping the gifts, I'm the one....  

Lord knows I've accepted my roll in the twilight years, accepted the fact that we won't be doing those things together. Lord knows, that I'll love Sweetie each and everyday that she can still draw breath. Lord knows how much I hate this disease, how lonely I am, how much I feel that this is unfair to both of us. 

I also know if I let those feelings marinate for anytime, I won't be able to show my Sweetie how much I love her. How much I care about her by, brushing her hair, helping brush her teeth, getting her dressed, making meals for her, keeping her clean. There is a difference in the care that comes from the love in my heart, then those that do it for a living. They may do all the things that I do, but they don't know her like I do. They don't know the love, what a passionate lover she was, the hate, the fights, the make ups, the tears of both loss and joy. They just don't know. 

 

Today is daycare/golf. I've a friend who is going to meet me today at the course, it should be fun. I've have to tell daycare that Sweeties anti-anxiety meds come today after 1. I'm going to try doing something I used to do. I'm sending a note with Sweetie, and the second, a first for me, being firm with her, telling her to be a good girl until I come to pick her up. I don't know if it will help, and if it does, for how long? 

 

Life with Dementia is forever changing. Sometimes for the good, but mostly for the opposite. But I know there will always be Easter Eggs to find, and a well polished ride as we go, down the road to Dementia Town, keeping my Shinny Side Up. May you have a Blessed day, and you too, keep your Shinny Side up. God Bless.