Prayer, the tool that molds me.

Happier days at the zoo. 

How does one live with their life partner when they don't remember you? For me, there is only one answer, that is my faith in my God. This isn't me. Before Dementia, I was a very opinionated man, I had my way of doing things, my plans that I could swirl around Sweetie and convince her that they were her plans. Retirement look a whole lot different what we thought it would be to what it is today. 

As with anything in life, there are Easter Eggs in everything. Sometimes, like the Easter Egg hunt in the back yard, you won't find the all the eggs and they pop up later down the road. 

My Easter Egg hunt began almost 5 years ago when I was searching for a form, a regimentation, to have a personal, private meditation and prayer time. In the beginning, I would write letters to God, crying, begging, lieing about what I was happy about, what I wanted, and tried to find the magical way, the body position, or my attitude to get my answer the way I wanted my prayers answered. I soon realized that I was a selfish child sitting on Santa's lap with an impossible Christmas List. How could I have time with my God and not be so self centered? 

As you know, I'm an alcoholic and in AA, there are prayers, many prayers in our literature. I wanted my heart and mind to be centered on what my God had for me. I had to get myself out of the way. So, I've developed a way of journaling my prayers, starting with the Serenity prayer and ending with Saint Francis prayer, or the 11th step prayer. At the end, I ask my prayers for the day and future. 

I've been doing this for almost 5 years and I do believe this is the source of my yielding to being Sweetie's husband, friend, and most of all, her caretaker. The things we as caretakers do to those we are caring for is something that I'd never thought of doing. Doing it without even a second thought. Because of this, I can say, life is good. 

Sweetie had another good day yesterday. She did have some beginnings of her sundowners and with quick action, a dose of Hemp Oil, and a walk, we were able to short circuit the eruption so that it didn't ruin the day. I can't tell you how many times I used to have plans for some simple event, and by now all events are simple, when she would need something, a trip to the bathroom, or the need to take a walk, just some Dementia thing would pop into her head and take both of us on some Dementia road trip. When that happens, turn off the stove, grab the keys, and away we go. Whatever we were going to do, can wait. And that is a huge lesson to learn. Waiting, patience, molding myself to Dementia's demands isn't something that comes easy. 

Look whose here? It's my Driver. He likes to read what I'm saying to you, and this time He is nodding His approval. That makes me feel good. He told me that simple is good, it is more truthful and He likes that. So, off we go, looking for my cool sunglasses, didn't put them back like I always do, now I gotta look for them. I see Driver has them and He's smiling. Into the passenger seat, down the Road to Dementia Town we go. Driver and me and as always, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. Today is the day for you to keep going on your trip to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya, God Bless.