Life is joy found.

I do love my Sweetie.

Why do I do the things I do? Seems like a simple question, but it isn't. If my life with Sweetie was going to be the simple life of two people growing old together, spending time enjoying what life has to offer, with the grand children, going on trips, walking hand in hand on the beach, doing all those things we had talked about in our younger years. That would be the simple life. 

Life has thrown us a curve and simple now isn't the simple we had dreamed about. Simple now is making it from sunrise to sunset without a confrontation of wills. I struggle everyday knowing that sundowners might just be around the corner of each and every evening. Conforming my life to what her needs are, and being able to combine my simple joys with her abilities to be with me. 

Maybe this is the best for both of us for right now. I have my quiet time to reflect and write. I have to figure out what to do each day, and so far, I think I'm doing a good job. Preparing meals, dressing her, brushing her teeth, keeping her as healthy as I can. Making sure she doesn't hurt anyone or herself are my two biggest concerns. 

I just wish we were more of a couple. I can take her places, out to eat, to the golf course, walks around the neighborhood, but we are not a couple. It is me and my ward. We can't share those moments together, mentally. There isn't the back and forth as to what the food was like, did you like this or that, for I'm talking to a babbling brook. She responds and what comes out isn't anything that makes sense. I feel so alone sometimes. 

The best thing about taking care of Sweetie is that she gives me a purpose to my life. I don't know what it would be like if she wasn't with me. If is wasn't for the hugs in the morning, the kisses through out the day, the looks that tell me she is still in there, that is what fill my day. She makes me full of joy. 

The need to find happiness, joy, and companionship is very present. If I concentrate on what I don't have, I will be forever bitter so I need to celebrate what I do have. For as each day passes, that light grows a little more dim, and so while there is still light, I will celebrate what we have. 

My Driver has told me the same thing, and as often as it is, it isn't until I tell you, that is when I get it. And He's smiling. At last! You got it Old Man! He knows I'm dense, so He keeps at it. Life is joy found, and finding the joy is part of that which I find joy in. He's smiling again, for I've just unlock another secret. You know it is going to be a great ride today as we head down the Road to Dementia Town, me in the passenger seat, wearing my cool sunglasses, and my Driver sitting tall, with His great smile, as we Keep our Shiny Side Up. Keep on smiling as you drive, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya and God Bless.