Being fearful.

Queen of my Heart. 

I'm reminded of just what this woman means to me each and every morning when I sit down to write. 33 years is a lot of water under the bridge, and as I sit and watch the water go by, I see things that weren't noticeable earlier. To look back and see the things that kept us together, through it all. It is her smile, her eyes, her way. These are the things I'm cherishing right now. 

For even as she is still physically with me, she is disappearing. Her listening and understanding skills are slowly being confused and it is getting harder to have her understand and do simple things. Putting away dishes, going potty, eating, swallowing pills, being fearful when her shoes are missing, because she put them with my shoes. I tell her that they are keeping my shoes company and she'll look over and see them and be satisfied for the moment. Soon it begins again, and to ease her mind, I'll get her shoes and put them where she knows normally are. 

Yesterday morning, I took a shower all by myself. This may sound strange, but it sure felt good. I washed, shampooed, and rinsed at my leisure, and it felt good. Not having to compete with having someone else there was a joy. Because I've been showering with Sweetie, and putting her first, I have to race to finish mine. Always aware that at any moment, she will want to leave and let Dementia sweep her away. 

We had a good day yesterday, met a couple on the golf course that made for an enjoyable day. The woman didn't play golf, so she accompanied her husband while he played. We made a good foursome. Maybe we'll play again. 

Worried that Sweetie seems to be running our of steam lately. She had to sit down on the grass at the 9th hole, and later when we went for a walk, I could tell, she wasn't going to make a long walk, makes me wonder if her mobility is losing its mobility. 

Mobility, that is what I have with my Driver. He just knows all kinds of new roads to follow as we head down the Road to Dementia Town. And He is waiting for me as we speak. When times are tough, it seems that His presence evermore felt. In the car, there is peace, and I know there are days I don't bring it in with me, so it is my Driver that brings that peace with Him. Peace that smooths my restlessness. Peace that fills my heart with understanding that it is today, don't barrow trouble from tomorrow, let it be there until it is today. I need to see that, as we take a leisure drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. If you need to, just relax for awhile, as you drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Till tomorrow, Love Ya and God Bless.