Bring a tear to my eye.

At the Grand Canyon

Ever wonder if there was something that "if I'd did" this, that or the other thing, that we would not be where we are now today? Was Sweetie destined to have Dementia and there wasn't anything we could of done to prevented it. I could beat myself up over and over again about some of the bad times we had, and think that they were part of the reason she is the way she is now. 

To me, some people get all the good stuff, and some people get not so good stuff. Like my Sweetie, she was so smart, witty, cleaver, and maybe just used it all up in living with me. Now that she is used up, it is my turn to take care of her. There are times that she will find a small pool of that wittiness and will say something out of the blue that will surprise me and make me have a belly laugh, or express her love for me, that will bring a tear to my eye. I know her sponge of life isn't completely dried out, for those moments, that spark, those Easter Egg continues to show up. 

The daycare supervisor came over and dropped off a Halloween goodie bag for Sweetie. We were discussing how much longer the senior center would be closed. She said she had heard 2 or 3 years before they open back up. I have worries about getting respite care for Sweetie next year. I do have some travel plans and I can't see me taking Sweetie with me. Then again, Lord willing, there will be a way. 

We had a real good day yesterday. Sweetie had a good breakfast, lunch and dinner. Each evening is a learning experience. If I turn the lights on early, she is just content to sit with me, but if I don't and the room gets dark, she wants to go to bed. 

When we do dishes after each meal, and I'll wash and dry them. Then I give each dish to her and guide her to where they go. It is getting harder and harder for her to figure out where they go. We have two bowels for some meals, and she will put them in two different places, she cannot see that they are the same. As long as I know where they are, what difference does it make, she is helping and that is all that matters at this point in time. 

At time point in time, I wonder what my Driver has up His sleeve. Now that we have found a spot to rest at, is He now preparing a roller coaster ride? Or are we going to have a smooth road ahead for awhile? I never know. This I do know, I will not be in any danger with Him at the wheel, for He is the one that knows the road. The pot holes, the cracks, the swerves and dips. For He is my Driver, and if you follow us, we'll get to our destination safely. Leading the way of the caravan as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town. With all of us, Keeping our Shiny Sides Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.