Tranquility.

Sweetie and granddaughter.

Times they are a changing. As I search for pictures of Sweetie, I get sentimental. Wanting to turn the clock back, and as I've said before, there isn't a reverse gear in life. Sometimes life just swoops you up and moves you faster than you want to go. Wanting to stay and savor the moment, and like a vapor, it's gone. Then there are the times that I'd wish life would move faster then warp speed, and yet, life seems suspended in front of me, taking forever to go by. 

Most of the time, I'm happy to have Sweetie with me, then there are the times when I ask the question, "How much longer?" I understand that question is for my convenience, not hers. Is my wanting to be free from the weight of taking care of her a wrong question to ask? Understanding that I am her whole world, that she cannot survive without me taking care of her, and what would I do if I didn't have her to take care of? 

Imagining a life without her is a scary thing. With her in my life, and needs that I take care of for her gives me a sense of accomplishment. Simple things like waking her up, brushing her hair, all the needs of life are mine to give. Like a job that is secure and I'll never get fired. 

Last night, Mr. Sundowner came around, he didn't produce anger or wandering, he brought his good buddy, Fear. She was just fearful most of the evening and it didn't stop until we headed upstairs to bed. Once there, and with me beside her, she went to sleep and I could relax. 

Driver knows all about fear, for He knows what it produces: worry, anxiety, and depression. Driver also has the answer, it is His warm hugs, a comforting blanket I can snuggle up into. He knows the questions before I ask, and His answer is the same, His blanket is enough for now, and it is. He says we have a side trip this morning, to Lake Tranquility, going to stop and take a walk around it. Care to join us, in the caravan as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, as always, with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.