Last post for the year 2020.

My favorite Picture of us.

Hawaii, '17

I wanted to end the year with my favorite picture with a special time. July, 3, 2017. I had just retired, and planned this trip home for her. 

Sweetie's dad was career Navy and her best times were in Hawaii. That is where she considered home. So many good memories for her, and when we had been her 15 years ago, she would go on and on about her life on the island. I wanted her to have one more return to the home of her memories. 

Alas, she couldn't remember anymore. We tried to find her house where she was raised in, and could not. We did find Maili beach, where she swam, that was about it. I have this picture of us on the mantle and it doesn't bring any memories back to her. I am the Keeper of Memories for her. A title I bear well. 

I was talking to an old friend yesterday, when we were interrupted by Sweetie coming down unexpected. Told her who I was on the phone with, and she said "Hi." He has known Sweetie longer then I have, so you know we have known each other for a life time. He told me that he had lost his oldest son to cancer, and that was a heart breaker. I told Sweetie about his passing, and she teared up. Death of a love one still brings forth emotions, even if she doesn't remember who the person is. 

Took a drive up to the crest of the Sandia's yesterday. It seemed like a good idea, walk the mall, then a drive. She seemed to like it. As we neared the crest, there was snow on the ground and we watched kids sledding down the hills, and folks having a snow day. 

What I didn't count on, was the mountain road causing Sweetie stress. She was never a good twisty road passenger, and I should of known that. We have driven the road many a times, and she was always good. This time, I think her Dementia got the best of her. She seemed fine going and coming, but when she was out of the car, it was different. Wandering around the house, wanting to get out, did get out, had to shepherd her back into the house. On and on until she worked through her stress. She was able to finish the evening relaxed and on the couch. 

Just as a side note. While we were at the mall, Bath and Body Works is having a sale, and we stopped by and purchased two tubes of stress lotion. I think it might last the year. 

This is my last post for the year 2020. I want to thank you all for being with me, for your comments, your encouragements, suggestions, and out pouring of your love. It means so much to me. 

Driver knows this chapter is closing and a new and more difficult part of the journey is beginning. The closer to Dementia Town we get, the more twist and turns await us. Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worry for itself. I will think of the 24 hours ahead, and will take them one step at a time. So, for my first step, is out the door, into the car, and down the Road to Dementia Town we go. Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.    

 

Lava cools, cold water warms.

Favorite Christmas Picture of us.

Just had to put this picture in. It has to be at least 5 years old. It is the exact representation of how we were, Mr. and Mrs. Claus. How were we to know that such pictures would be the anchor for me and the love of life we shared. It is times like these, that give me the strength to continue taking care of her. 

We were far from the perfect couple. When we were in pre marriage counseling, the minister was worried, for our personality test showed me as an fiery personality, and she was very cool. Over the years we have become a warm puddle of water. Which is what should of happened. Lava cools, cold water warms, and we are now happy with who we have become. 

Yesterday, was another rest day for Sweetie. If there is one thing that I'm learning, is that even if she wants to sleep, she is normally aware of me being in the room. I think this is the time to start the regimentation of giving her her morning dose of Happy Medicine and letting her go back to resting. Give the CBD a chance to start working. 

I don't know if her shoulder is getting any better, I have been able to put either Ben Gay or Aspercreme on it. She is using her arm more, and wincing less. I'll take that as a sign it is working. Did I mention her ear is at it again? Red and looking angry. I've put Neosporin and a bandaid back on to protect it. I'll be so glad when it is properly healed. 

There are times, when we are in the car, that I'll look over, and she is like a statue, staring off into nothing. I know she is aware of what is going on around her, because she is tapping to the tempo of the music playing on the radio. I should be happy that she is still aware of that. Just another phase she is going into. 

More so than ever, she doesn't realize that when I pull into the garage, we are home. I have to tell her this is where we live, that she lives with me, and we are going to spend that rest of the day here. For me, it is a routine, for her it is a surprise arrival.

That is fine with me, for my Driver understands. He gives me patience to handle it all. He is there in the morning when the drive of the day begins, He is there at the mall, walking with us, and in the evening when we go to bed. He has our day already planned out, where the Easter Eggs are hidden, and will lead us to them. For it will all happen as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, keeping our Shiny Sides Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.      

 

 

Early morning.

Tucson Squadron Reunion. She's beautiful.

Today, tomorrow, and the next, and 2020 will close it doors, never to open again. If there was ever a year that, in most people's mind, should be closed and forgotten, this might be this year. 

For Sweetie and me, it has been a special year. We've learned about walking the neighborhood, playing golf, I am blogging, Sweetie is slowly heading to Dementia Town and her final resting place. New relationships have formed and new ways of getting out of the house, Zoom. 

I'm growing old, and then it seems that life is slipping by. I know that each day, is a day that should be thanked for. I think of Sweetie, what will she be like this morning? How I wake her and how long before the CBD takes affect? Will today be another rest day for her? All that stuff. Then when it is time for her to get up, all the thinking goes away, and action is the duty call. 

I bought a electric trimmer/shaver the other day, and used it on her chin and eyebrows. Sweetie, years ago, had eyebrows tattooed. So she could shave her eyebrows, and go. Now, I have the pleasure of that job. Anyway, the trimmer works well. Not a smooth as a razor, but smooth enough. I'm sure Sweetie will grow accustom to it. 

She is getting more resistance to me touching her. She pulls back, and when she does, I have to slow myself down and realize that she may have forgotten who I am, and is afraid. I've learned to steady myself, to lower my voice, and speak in as much of a calming tone I can. So far it is working. Some mornings it takes a bit longer to gain her confidence then others, with a constant soothing tones, she will allow me to touch her. 

This is one of the reasons I keep a bottle of CBD next to the bed. I give her a dose before she gets out of bed. Sometimes she fights me and then there are the mornings she takes it willingly. It helps with those early morning tasks. 

For breakfast, I've added toast to the meal. Just one slice, cut in half, and she is enjoying it. She may have difficulty with the cereal, but the toast is something else. I'm just looking at the idea she is eating. Eating anything is good. Now if I could get her to brush her teeth. She has forgotten how and why to brush. I offer every morning. Sometimes she does, but now most of the time she doesn't.

As I head for the car this morning, Driver is waiting, holding the door open. As I get in, He reminds me, it will be OK. I know as long as I trust Him, He will get us where we need to be. After all, He is the one that knows the Road to Dementia Town better than anyone else. As we travel, keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.     

 

 

Living with Sweetie.

Beauty with her handsome brute.

I've told you that one of Sweetie's pet names for me was her handsome brute. When we  watch the movie, Beauty and the Beast, I can have a slight insight into her heart. For she seemed to see something special in me that I could not see until now. I ponder to ask, did she know that she would need me to take care of her in the future? In the now? 

I cannot see myself doing anything else than what we are doing today. The time each day, wondering what we will do to get through each day, and then, when it is done, say, it wasn't that hard. As for me, the trick is to schedule all of the day, to get in stuff that needs to be done, to plan a time for some enjoyment. Maybe even a day car trip north, or south. There is a bird sanctuary not far from Albuquerque, it just might be a fun day trip. Maybe in the spring when the migratory birds come north.

I'm waiting for the top shop to call. We took Tweetie in to get a new top put on, and with the Coronavirus, they are behind schedule, and that is OK, we are not under any pressure to get her back. 

I think I'm going to start pulling the storage boxes out and start putting away Christmas. Going to leave the tree up through Friday, then down it will come. I hope to have everything sorted out by then. That which is special, that which is nice, and that which can disappear. Less to put up in the attic, so less to come back down next Christmas. 

I have a card on my desk and it reads: Husband of my dreams, Friend of my hart, Love of my life. It sits there and I can see it as a constant reminder of her love for me. How can I not care for someone that loves me that much? 

I was right, yesterday was a re-energizing day. Sweetie came down for breakfast, we had spam and eggs. I also tried some toast. It worked, she at her breakfast and a piece of toast, a filling meal. But then when we went up to brush, shave and dress, she went back to bed. Stayed there most of the day. 

Was able to get her up, a quick trip to the grocery store, and home. Made dinner, I'm falling in love with the 1/3lb frozen hamburger patties. Simple to use, make the right amount of protein. Add a veggie and or a starch, dinner done. Dessert, that quarter of a piece of cake, and we are filled and satisfied. 

Had a zoom meeting at 6 and by 6:30 Sweetie was yawning, and I knew, as soon as the meeting was done, bed was calling. With it the end of another successful day of living with Sweetie.

One day at a time, Driver reminds me, just one day at a time. I will plan some future event, and at the same time, plan of nothing. For with each day on the Road with Driver, it will be filled with Easter Eggs, and the joy of discovery when one is found. Even the long hours alone, when she is in bed, that in itself is an Easter Egg. Come, let us see what is waiting for us, as we travel the Road to Dementia Town. Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.     

 

Re-energizing day.

Sweetie and the Tree

Learned something yesterday. Sweetie will get out and back into bed by herself, if I don't come and get her. 

When I went up to help her out of bed, she didn't want to get up. So, I let her stay there. I checked on her a couple of times, and the last I went up and she was out of bed, put on a sweat shirt, and had wet pants on. When I changed her, she went back to bed. It was around 1 in the afternoon that I was able to get her up and down stairs for something to eat. 

Peanut butter and jam sandwiches, milk, and chips. She ate the sandwich, and then came applesauce. She ate it all. I was so happy to see her eat. 

Her shoulder isn't getting better, and I believe it is because I cannot get her to let me do some physical therapy on it. I can do some, but not enough. Regularity is the answer to any joint pain massage, and with her, that is almost an impossibility. Even giving her chewable aspirin is hard. I try, and she either won't take them, or spits them out. Such is life. 

I used to get mad at her, or beat myself up, and neither helps. I keep reminding myself that is isn't Sweetie, it is the disease. This horrible memory thief. I know I'm preaching to the choir, for we are all in the same way. Sometimes I feel like a parent with kids in the back seat, fighting over who is sitting closer to them. No matter what I do, I still have to drive the car. And the fight goes on and on. 

There are the times when Sweetie is under the influence of her Happy Medicine. I can see it, feel it, and the calmness of it. These are the times when getting her to do, to sit, to eat are enjoyable. When it is time to put her night time pad in, I try to give her a dose about an hour before hand. That way there isn't too much fighting to get her to cooperate. 

It seems that Christmas drained her battery, and yesterday, and more than likely today will be a re-energizing days. With that in mind, and knowing that the longer she stays in bed, without being changed, the odds are she will leak through her pullups and I will have to wash sheets. So, if nothing else, I'm going to get her up long enough to change her. What happens after that will be up to her. 

I maybe wondering what will happen, Driver isn't. He is better than Goggle Maps, He knows not only what road to take, but has the arrival time down pat. With that in mind, I climb into the passenger's seat, buckle in, and watch and behold what wonders will be there waiting for us around the curve as we drive the Road to Dementia Town. Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Just to let you know, I've opened an account on Parler and am posting there also. So, if you don't find my latest post on Facebook, you can find it there. My account name is machaggus7.    

 

A very pleasant Christmas.

Thank you for allowing us to share our lives with you.

What wonders to behold us next year. 

I'll be keeping the tree and decorations up until the New Year. 2021ad. When I was younger, all I could think about was, how old I'd be at the turn of the century, what I was to do, and all the wonders that would be waiting us. That concept wore off some 19 years ago. Now, what I was hoping for, and kinda of planning on, is no more. Life goes on living its way and if I'm lucky enough, I can find the current that will get me to where I want to be. Then I have to remember, that same current that gets me there, is also the same current that will push me past that point in life. 

Life never stops, it keeps moving. Every time I think I've found that sweet spot, its gone. Yesterday was a great example of that. Christmas is a sweet spot in life, the fun, the sharing, the food and, oh yea, the family. 

This was the smallest Christmas we had ever had. The family here with us, is splintering. With one daughter going with her husband to visit his family, the other is MIA, that leaves just the son, his family and us. 

A small gathering, and I've learned to find the joy is what is there, not what I was hoping for. There was just us, and that was perfect for us. Giving gifts was wonderful. All were excited by what Santa had given them. Hit bulls eyes with all of them. From the youngest to the oldest. It tickled my heart to watch and see, and hear the expression of surprise and joy.

After the gifts, we stayed and talked, let the grandkids, come and share there joy with us. The son and wife sat and talked, and talked and talked. There wasn't a dinner, just a banquet of conversation. I would say, a new Christmas tradition has begun to create itself. I believe that Sweetie was the center of keeping her family together during the seasons, and now with the matriarch no longer able to keep it together, they are searching for a new center, a way they will find for themselves, and as long as they will have us, we will be there. 

We've had our rise of family gatherings, and the crescendo. Now it is time to allowing the children to pick up and take it their way. Our time as family leaders to step aside, and enjoy what they will build, because it will be theirs. 

Sweetie and I had a very pleasant Christmas. I'm sure it was our last. We maybe together through the year, and even make another Christmas. It won't be the same, so I'm cherishing this one. Encouraging the kids to come and gather any Christmas decoration they would like, for I'm thinning the stock. 

Driver knows what I'm doing and He will help, will strengthen me as I do what I think is necessary. The coming miles may get long, twisted and bumpy. But as long as I'm in the passenger seat, and Driver is behind the wheel, all of us will make it to our destination as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.         

 

Merry Christmas to all.

Merry Christmas

Yes, it is Christmas Morning. I am down in my office, I was searching for a different picture, and found this instead. Wearing my Santa shirt, with one word, Believe. That is something we both do, Believe. 

Believe in Santa Claus, for as in the movie, The Polar Express, the idea that "The magic of Christmas lies in your heart.", is a truism. Santa only represents the one who gives the truest gift, His Son. For without it, we wouldn't have all that we have. 

Whether you believe in Jesus, or your don't, just think of the good that comes from those that do. The Christmas Season, a time of good cheer, of gathering of love ones, the sharing of love for each other in the giving and receiving of gifts. Accept Jesus, or don't, you are a recipient of the celebration of His birth. Merry Christmas.  

Our plans for today are few. I'm going to get Sweetie up, load her up with Happy Medicine, and somewhere around 11:30, herd her into the shower, get her washed and shampooed, into Christmas clothes, and head to the son's house. We have been given instructions that the gathering will be held at 1pm. I was asked to be more aware of the time this time. Thanksgiving, we were way too early, so will set my clock accordingly. 

Dementia is doing its best to suck all the joy out of the season, I won't let it. Sweetie is lost in the meaning of the season, let alone the season itself. I watch her as she will go over to the tree and look with wonder in her eyes. Wondering what it is and why is it here. I've put all the cards on the tree, it looks beautiful. 

Where do we go from here? Next week is New Year, and we start '21 with what? Joy of another year? Or a Bagh Humbug for a continuation of what we have now? 

I don't know. What I do know, is that I'm here with my Sweetie, and my Driver. We will face 2021 together, as a couple, or as a single, only He knows for sure. That is my truest heart felt idea of what next year will bring. With a Merry Christmas my Driver greets me, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping the Star on the Tree. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

 

Alive and well.

 Sweetie and Santa '16

Vibrant, happy, full of the Christmas Spirit. We were getting the house decorated up for the season. Sweetie was the geneses for our interior decorations. I'm sure the ladies who read this, have this uncanny knack of knowing just where to put items so that they are a full representation of the season. I don't have that gift, just do the best I can. 

Its Christmas Eve day, I will do my best to make the best out of it. Yesterday was a day of rest for Sweetie. I let her stay in bed for most of the morning. She didn't have any energy to even want to get out of bed. I finally got her up around noon, got her going. For what I asked myself. It is cold, windy, and she isn't for one that likes to watch TV all day long. I just knew I had to get her up, otherwise, we might be up all night long. 

I know the day is coming that she will not be able to do anything. That we will be relegated to the living room, the bathroom and the bed room. The time when leaving the house will be a challenge. As it is now, getting her buckled into the car is becoming more and more difficult. She sometimes remember, like a habit she will get in, lock the door, and reach for her belt and buckle in. Now, about half the time, I have to show her the belt, and demonstrate how to use it. If she has enough Happy Medicine in her, she is fine. It is when she just won't do anything, that is the time of trouble. 

We did get out to do a mall crawl late in the afternoon. It was crowded and there were some people in their Christmas sweater, Santa hats, and gayly decorated attire. Good to see that the Christmas Spirit is still alive and well. 

Alive and well, that is what my Driver is tell me. We are alive and well. Life is going on, and we are moving with it. It doesn't matter what each day holds. What matter is we know where we are going. Smile, no smile. Laughter, no laughter. I'm riding with the Maker who knows the joy that awaits Sweetie and me. Where there will be no more tears, no more pain, it awaits us, just beyond our destination. I have to keep that in mind, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya Luv ya, and God Bless.   

 

Smiled all the time.

Sweetie and Santa

2016, a good year, as you can see. Sweetie was still able to help, understand what was going on. She even knew who she was holding. I'm not sure where we pick up this Santa. He is a reminder of what the Christmas message is, in the Polar Express. "The magic of Christmas, lies in your heart." That is what he says when you push his button. 

I tried to get Sweetie to hold him the other day, and she was so uncomfortable holding him that when I took him away, I could she how relieved she was. 

Holding hands is right now the big thing with her, and it always has been with us. It is a measurement of how we are doing. I can use it to determine how she is wondering in her Dementia forest. The stronger the grip, the more she is on the edge of the forest. When she isn't, I know the forest is calling, and she is allowing it to draw her in. 

I'm finding that when I go to get her up, if I ask "Do you know who I am?" as one of the first things I say to her, and of course she will more then likely say no, so I introduce myself to her. Tell her my name, that I'm her husband, and that I'm here to take care of her. Then a shot of CBD. With that, we're off for another exciting day. 

CBD, Hemp Oil, and now I call it her Happy Medicine, which is really my Happy Medicine. It is becoming more and more needed. Usually with in the first hour, I've given her 3 doses and it gets her through most of the day. I'm trying to get ahead of the Dementia behavior. It seems to be better to front load the medication, then trying to keep up with it. Once her Happy Medicine kicks it, it is easier to maintain her level of understanding of what is going on around her. 

I was able to get in some more golf yesterday afternoon. It was cold, but the sun was out. She was also in the "zone" and willing to go. Bundled her up well, and gave her one more dose before we were on the course. Had a great time. She got cold, but smiled all the time. Easter Egg. 

Cold weather, sunshine days, that is what my Driver is driving through. I'm just glad He doesn't put the window down. It seems that the road ahead is looking good, and we can relax for a little while, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Holding hands.

Sweetie with bass player from church

Yesterday was going to be a busy start. For we had ordered a new top for Sweetie and we had to drop her off to get it put on. The plans had been made for the son to pick us up and take us back home. I was worried for Sweetie. There was going to be a lot of movement, commotion, and just different activities that she isn't used to. For someone with Dementia, as I've found out over the years, a different activity can cause Mr. Sundowner to show up and create a rough time for all. 

Because I knew what might happen, I took some preventative action, that's right, extra Happy Medicine. Lots of extra Happy Medicine. The trip there and back could not have been better. By the time we go home, she was just a nice as nice could be. 

I was just thinking about Christmas and the taking of the gifts over to the son's house. I was worried about loading them into the car. We have a couple of big and awkward gifts to put in the car. With Tweetie out of the garage, there will more than enough room to unload the golf clubs, and make room for the gifts. Cool. 

As for the rest of the day, it went well. We even went to the course and I was able to get accouple of holes in before Sweetie got too cold. 

I'm finding that after dinner, and doing the dishes, I have her put Stress Relief lotion on her hands and rub it in, then we will have a great ending of the day. It just seems to calm her, we will sit on the couch, holding hands, while waiting for bed time. Just a lovely way to end the day. 

Driver isn't ready to put the car on cruise control just yet. It maybe getting simpler, and seem easier to have good days with Sweetie. We both know there are traffic jams ahead, maybe a detour or two still waiting on the journey ahead. Not to worry, we'll get there when we get there. In the mean time, it is smooth sailing and we travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.   

 

Love blossoms yet to behold.

Helping Sweetie with her love for birds.

Christmas four years ago. Looking for something that would make her happy. Found this blanket, with a Cardinal on it. Success, she loved it. We still have it, and when I've brought it out, she has since lost the meaning of the blanket and the bird. I haven't and that is the point of both, the picture and the blanket. 

For the past couple of years, at Christmas. We would shop together for our gift exchange, wrap them up, together, and put them under the tree. We was fun for us, and a special time. We would have our Christmas morning. Giving and unwrapping and acting surprised at what we got. I've tried to make our last few Christmas's together joyous and memorable.

This year will be somewhat of an empty Christmas. I didn't get anything for us to open, because I'm sure she wouldn't know what was going on, and I don't want her to be unduly pressured. It is going to be enough for us to head out to the Son's house, and exchange gifts there. I'm hoping we will have a good time, and Sweetie will have some memory of what is going on. Not looking that far ahead, just trying to map the day out. 

We had our hospice interview and Sweetie isn't there yet. I was able to glean some helpful information about something that Sweetie has been doing. Her fainting. The nurse that did the interview, said it could be a mini stroke, or a vascular restriction. Where the blood vessels contract, slowing the blood to the brain, and out she goes. Then when the vessels return to normal, all is well. I told her what I did, and the only thing she could add was to put a pillow under her feet, to elevate them, to help with the blood flow.

We talked about using CBD, and the Stress Relief lotion. She told me that I'm so far ahead of the curve. She is a proponent of CBD and how it has helped so many. We talked about end of life, how when that time comes, what they will do, and had I thought about what we want. Of course, and again, she was surprised that we had gotten that far. It seems that most couples only think of today, and maybe a week ahead, not the time to say our final good byes. In a way, I was glad to hear that we were making the right moves. Anyway, because we didn't make the cut, they are going to back and re-evaluate her in the next 3 months. 

Not surprised that we didn't make the cut, for I know Sweetie still has a lot of living left in her. And I for one, am grateful that she does. Our love isn't dying, it is growing, and there are flower yet to bloom. 

Driver knows, for not only is He my driver, but He is also a fantastic Gardener. He can bring life back to a flowering plant, to bloom once more. I've seen Him do it and I know there are still love blossoms yet to behold. We will watch them grow, and pick the prettiest bouquet when they flower. All as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.      

 

Sweetie didn't fight her.

Sweetie and youngest grandson.

What a day it was. Easter Eggs galore. From the time I got Sweetie up, to breakfast, to the end of the day. I was a good day. 

It was also my day of rest, with our sitter coming in to take care of her and give me time off. To do something without the pressure of caring for her. 

Sweetie did her normal thing of going back to bed after breakfast and was there when my lady arrived. I went back, told Sweetie I was going and her friend was here to take care of her while I was gone. A kiss and out the door I went. 

Met up with "The Boy" and headed for a disc golf course. I'm really just a novice at this game and am using it as a distraction for my mind, and companionship with him. We are the only bell ringers that are active to do outside sports. He is so much better at this disc stuff then me. He throws his disc twice as far as I can, he is also there to encourage me, and I'm out to enjoy being outside with him. A great time was had by both of us. 

When I got home, Sweetie was still in bed, and the house was clean. My lady asked for some household chores she could relieve me of. Sweeping and vacuuming was all that I could think of for her to do. She did a great job. 

Her report about her time with Sweetie was encouraging. She let her sleep, when she got up, she came out, had lunch, and said she just talked and talked and talked about this mysterious family, the boys, and stuff. Then she went back to bed. The good part of the report, is that Sweetie didn't fight her, or was belligerent towards her. We both agree that because she was with her once before, she semi remembers her, and that made a huge difference.     

Today is going to be a busy day. We have the hospice care coming over, and son wants to come over and watch Mandalorian. Then to top it all off, I host a meeting on Zoom at 6pm. For someone that doesn't have very many demands on his time, this one is going to be a squeaker.

It is going to be a good day, today, while we are in the car together. Driver is smiling, I'm smiling, and Christmas tunes on the radio, what a great way to travel. Down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Sides Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.   

Difficult start, great ending.

Sweetie and her mom.

I smiled when I found this picture. Going through her old desk, it was in a tin, with other memories. Never thought it would end up in my blog. 

I guess you are all wondering about the doctor's visit. We didn't get to see her. Sweetie was irritable from the very beginning. I even started her off with a dose of hemp oil before she got up. Breakfast went surprising well. We had Coco Pebbles with banana. She at all her cereal and was pleasant. 

It was when we head for the car, her irritability began. She wouldn't put on her seatbelt, and was snapping at me. When we got to the doctor's office, she fought her mask and I was fearful of the way she was going to be in the office. Well, we never made the office. There was a Covid check in. They wanted her to put on a new and different mask, take off her hat to be scanned for a temperature, and we were told to stand against the wall. All of which was scaring Sweetie, and she just lost it. 

We had to leave because she wouldn't follow their protocol. But on the good side, set up a video office visit. 

In the parking lot, she wouldn't get in the car, and once I got her in the car, we tangled as to the seat belt, where we were going, and on and on it went. Once home, she still was on the rampage, and so we went outside to walk. Once around the block, I was able to get her to stop and get my phone. It was good thing I did. 

Doctor called as we were walking, and we did a audio office visit. It was her weight loss that triggered her hospice inquiry. Because she hasn't seen Sweetie in over a year, and she has loss over 25lbs, it shocked her. Said that because of her weight loss, she may qualify for hospice care. I agreed, she put in a request for a visit and assessment. They are coming tomorrow. 

After we walked, Sweetie began to relax and be herself. Because I had given her extra balance medicine in the morning, it started working to ease her anxiety. Had lunch, watched some TV, went for a mall crawl, and had a quite enjoyable evening. Difficult start, great ending. 

Today, I'm going to play some disc golf with "The Boy." Sweetie is staying home with our new sitter. Have to come up with some housework for her. I think vacuuming the living room, and maybe get the dust stuff out. We'll see. 

Yesterday was one of those, "Where in the world are you taking me?" type of day. I didn't recognize the road, the scenery, and all seemed gray. Driver told me to just hold on and it would get better. It did. He doesn't mind questions as long as I follow direction. Simple, but isn't so, the simple stuff always turns out to be some of the hardest to do? As we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Driver and me, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.        

 

I'm going down.

Getting close.

I would like to say, all went well, and it did and it didn't. 

It was a day of waiting. Sweetie was in good spirits two days ago. The VA visit, lunch, mall crawl, car ride. All of it seem well. Not over taxing her, just enough to help her sleep good. It may have been just that, too much for her. 

When I got her up yesterday morning and got her ready for breakfast, she was all right. It was in the middle of breakfast, she began to wander, and wouldn't come upstairs with me to brush, and get ready for the rest of the day. I caught her trying to go outside. When I stopped her, she went back to bed. Thinking that this is becoming a normal thing, I let her go, and kept an eye on her. She stayed in bed the rest of the day. 

It was when I got her up to have some dinner, that is when it got harry. I was doing my normal routine, talking to her, cooking dinner, and I saw it. That "I'm going down" look. I grabbed her and sure enough, down she went. Lowering her to the floor, I saved her from hurting herself. She wouldn't move, so I got her a blanket and pillow, made her comfortable, and let her lay there. 

It took some time to get her moving to the point I could get her back into bed. And there she stayed. She scared me, because she is so weak, and watching her, there are very little signs of life about her. At one point, I thought she had left me. 

So glad I'm taking her to the doctors this morning. I'm sure, her weakness is because she doesn't eat. Even with the Ensure, it isn't enough. I'm going to plan my trip very carefully to make sure we can go and get back safely. 

Whatever happens, I know my Driver will be there, He will take the wheel this morning, and what happens will be what is suppose to happen. Acceptance is the answer. For on the Road to Dementia Town, there are many turns, detours, and road hazards. Driver know, and takes the best road for us. Traveling down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

 

Easter Egg visit.

With Santa, 2019.

Here's something you don't see this year. Sitting next to Santa Claus. He is back this year, and they have set up a Coronavirus set, with a plastic shield between the kids and Santa. I've gotten to know Santa, and he is sad, for business is slow. The pandemic seems to be sucking the joy out of Christmas. 

I was worried about yesterday's visit to the VA. I was worried that Sweetie would misbehave and cause problems. That was the whispering of Dementia. I had given her extra balance medicine before we arrived at the hospital. It was the right thing to do and it worked.  

She seemed to know the seriousness of what we were doing and behaved quite well. She sat with me in the waiting room, and when we went into the exam room, she sat in the chair provided for her. She was so good. That was an Easter Egg visit. 

We did something we haven't done in a long time after leaving the VA. Went over to McDonald's for lunch. Went through the drive through, got lunch and parked in their parking log and ate. I rewarded her for being such a good girl. I didn't tell her that, then again, she didn't need to hear it either. 

I thought since we're out of the house, lets stay out of the house. So, we took a drive and ended up at the mall for a walk around. After that, took another long way home. 

We did have one blemish on the day. When it was time to check her, she was a mess. The cleanup was extensive. I had to put her in the shower, and she didn't want to go. I went into my shepherd dog routine, herding her into the shower and washing her was difficult. We did get the job done, and with her shirts getting soaked, and water squirting everywhere, I can say success. 

Of course, when it was all over, she was happy again. She used up a lot of energy fighting me, and in the middle of dinner, she had to lay down, and of course she did. I just took it all in stride, and put her to bed. 

Thinking that she was down for the night, I did the dishes, and sat down for an evening of TV watching by myself. 

It wasn't long before she came into the room and wanted to be with me. I was glad, and rewarded her with a piece of cake. As of now, food is food, and whatever I can get her to eat, I give it to her. 

It seems that Driver found a lovely side road to take yesterday. Found some Easter Eggs and some bumpy roads, yet all in all, we arrived happy and safe at the end of the day. There are never uneventful days as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town. We just make sure our Shiny Side is Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

 

326 days in a row.

Putting her touch on the retaining wall.

Sweetie was never shy about showing her faith. We had put a retaining wall around our front yard. I was tired of the water running off and into the street. We were doing some home improvement stuff, when she found some paint and painted a cross on the wall. Simple, not blaring, just something that people would see and know who lives here. 

Stuck, the old gray matter just cannot think of something to say today. Its like that. I've written now for 326 days in a row. My biggest fear, it saying the same thing over and over again. What I don't want to become is a merry-go-round of ideas and sayings. I try to speak from my heart and share with you, my friends, how this slow trudging down the Road to Dementia Town is like. 

We are one big family, locked together is this life story. It can be like fingernails on a black board, and then there are the bright times when a moment of clarity happen, and we see our love ones for just a moment, and then gone. 

I worry about those days when I can't get Sweetie up, when she tries and falls right back into her pillow. Those morning when she is so confused and doesn't know me and I have to talk softly and get her over the fear of me. I have to build trust back into her each and every day. These are the days when I am so glad that I wrote my promises to her. I can point to them, read them to her, and as I say each line, I'll stop and point to myself and repeat those promises to her while I touch my chest as I say, "I will take care of you", and with the "you" I'll touch her chest. "I will protect you". I'll touch my chest and then put both arms around her and tell her I'll never let anything harm her. The last line "I will love you, no matter what." I repeat that last line, with my hand on my heart and then move it to her heart. 

I think she begins to see who I am, and isn't afraid. We can get the morning started and that is the biggest stumbling block to get over. 

Today, I have an appointment with the VA, and I'm hoping all will go well. I don't have anyone to watch Sweetie so she comes with me. I think it is the best for both of us. I don't worry about what she is doing, and she is comforted being with me. Of course there will be extra dose of her balance medicine to help get us through the appointment. 

We had a good day yesterday. I got her into the shower, washed her hair without too much difficulty. Her ear is healing finally, and is sensitive to the water, and once that was overcome, the rest was easy. 

Walked around the mall, a long car drive, watched a couple of trains on the way, and home. That just about sums it up. A good day. 

Good days is what it is all about. Finding the Easter Eggs, and not worrying about the rest. Driver knows the way, and I trust Him to make it to the end of each day. As we travel together on the Road to Dementia Town. Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.      

 

Nothing to loose.

@California Country.

Had an interesting conversation with one of my readers. They are interested in CBD and the Stress Relief lotion. It was nice to talk with someone that is a reader of this blog. I feel I must put this disclaimer in. I am not a doctor, nor do I prescribe anything. I'm just a husband and caregiver who is sharing his experiences with you. Beyond that, I do believe that we are not as helpless as some of us think we are. 

Two years ago, I was battling Mr. Sundowner every night. I was a more of a sheep dog, trying to herd her away from danger. Taking the brunt of her obsessions and hallucinations and worrying what she would do next. Making sure she couldn't get out. Those of us who have and are now struggling with those conditions, know what I'm talking about. 

I know that there are drugs on the market that are for Dementia patients, that in reality don't help. I started to think, I need a sedative for her, something to calm her down. That is where my research started. Goggling, I found a OCT sedative, Diphenhydramine readily available as a sleeping aid. It is the main ingredient in Walmart's sleeping aid. I've used it myself to help me get to sleep and found it effective, but not over powering. 

I started giving it to Sweetie, and things seemed to smooth out. It wasn't until we went to the doctors for a check up, when I was told she might get dizzy and loose her balance. 

On the Dementia Family Support site, I started reading about Hemp Oil, and the positive effects it had. Again, understanding, I didn't have anything to loose, give it a try. That was over a year ago, and we are still using it. 

The Stress Relief lotion came from her daycare. They were using it to calm her down when she gets agitated. Again, with nothing to loose, I got some and tried it at home. With both, they seem to work well and keep life at a enjoyable level. 

Which brings me to yesterday. It was another day of repetition. Before she got up, I gave her a dose of Balance Medicine, got her changed, and headed down stairs for breakfast. Trying some Coco Pebbles cereal this morning. She likes the cholate cark, so why not try a cereal? Well, it didn't go like I'd hope it would, so we now have a box to finish off and maybe she will grow to like it. 

We went to the two malls for a walk about. It was a change of pace for us. One of the things I've noticed this year, is the lack of Christmas apparel. I'm wearing my Christmas shirt and Santa hat, and I'm the only one. Then again, I love Christmas and won't let that get me down. With a loud "Ho, Ho, Ho." I announce Christmas. I've had little ones point and wave. I do dearly love playing Santa with them. 

At the end of the day, He is with Sweetie and me, sitting there, watching TV, I know we aren't alone. You see, my Driver isn't just in the car, He is with us all through the day and night. For He is walking with us always. As we travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Grinning all the way.

Breakfast at BK.

You might say, I'm a photo hoarder. I have hundreds of photos either on my phone, or saved on my computer, and even a couple of memory sticks full of them. As I look through these pictures, it takes me back to days of memory. Like this one. It is October, a few years back, and it is Balloon Festival. We don't go to the launch area, we found this Burger King, not far from the launch site. As we waited for the balloons to pass overhead, we would have breakfast. Sweetie would ooh and ahhh as they passed. She still gets excited seeing a balloon, and I try to make sure she sees any that are in the air, but it's not the same. 

With Sweetie and her Dementia, I feel that I'm in some way in limbo and of course, I know that I am. I've seen it, I've read about it, and I've heard you in your comments, about being here in limbo. Heathy and wanting to do things, to travel, to visit the grandkids that live out of state. The feeling of being tied down, for who is going to watch Sweetie while I'm gone? Especially now in the pandemic. Just another hill to climb, and this too will pass. 

Saturday was a wee bit different. Sweetie didn't get up until mid afternoon. When she did get up, I tried to get her into the bathroom to change her pullups, and she fought me hard. To the point she went back to bed. When she did get up, I fixed us some Spam and eggs. This time she ate the meal. It was difficult to get her to eat these days, and because of that, she is getting weaker by the day. I got some eggnog for us. It was at one time her favorite holiday drink, I'm looking at the fat and calories in a serving, hoping it will give her a boost in her energy levels. 

We went to the mall to do our mall crawl. I've gotten to know the man that drives the train around the mall, and he has offered us a free ride, and I usually turn him down, because Sweetie didn't want to go on it. Last night, she wanted to go. So, off we went. Going around the mall, waving at mall goers and kids. I was grinning all the way. 

As the dawn come up and shows itself, I find myself in the passenger's seat, with the sky getting light on the horizon, and the promise of life coming at us, as we drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Driver and me, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.   

 

Sprinkle of happiness.

Ft Lauderdale, Sweetie and Tweetie meet.

The back story, as they say now a days. It is Saturday morning, we flew to Ft Lauderdale to get Tweetie. This was our first stop after we had driven her off the lot. October 14, 2018. Sweetie still had most of her memories, and capabilities to be good company and a joy on this trip. One of those jewels on my memory crown about her. 

It is hard not feeling sorry for myself. To compound this feeling, all I'd have to do is look back at all the disappointments in my life and beg the question, "Why me?" or "What else could go wrong?". Would that make it any better? Would that change anything that I have to do today? Feeling sorry for myself, only lets the monster Dementia engulf me and makes both Sweetie and me miserable. 

If I concentrate on the good things, then life has a purpose, life has its rewards, life will be lived on a plane that is about the murkiness of sorrow. I've said it before, and it is so true today. Without the sorrow, how can I experience joy? Without the tears, how can I enjoy the laughter? Without the dark, I would never know what walking in the light is about. 

Dementia is a monster that is devouring my Sweetie, and I can't do anything about that. What I can do, is enjoy those times we have left. The good times will be sandwiched in between the sad and sorrow times, but it will be there, I just have to find them. A continual Easter Egg hunt. 

Yesterday was a mixed bag of ups and downs. To begin with, breakfast. I cooked up some diced Spam, hash brown potatoes, and scrambled eggs for breakfast. Because it was something new, Sweetie just poked at it, ate some, and just didn't like it. Then the good times began. A trip to the grocery store, a walk at the mall, watched "The Santa Clause" movie. A good dinner, with chocolate cake for dessert, and bed. A great evening, with a end of a good day. 

There is a sprinkle of happiness all about. Driver wants me to make sure to find them. When there are sprinkles of tears, He turns on the windshield wipers, to wipe away the tears, which leaves the eyes sparkling. I don't know what today will bring, what I do know is that while I'm on the Road to Dementia Town, Driver and me will be together, as we keep our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.   

   

House is a prison.

At the movies.

Coronavirus 19 has done two things for us. One, it has limited where we can go, and two, because of Sweetie's Dementia, we welcome the places we can go to. Because of the progression of her disease, those places that are open to us, fit our capabilities appropriately. 

It was another sleep day for Sweetie, not as much as yesterday, but a lot. She seemed to come down for meals, than back to bed. So, I get my cleaning bug out and will see some area that I've been going "Ugh" and next thing I know, out comes the cleaner, the towels, and elbow grease, and away I go getting it done. Also I was also able to strip and wash the downstairs bed sheets. You know, it feels good to do that stuff. Feel like I accomplished something. 

Sweetie was up long enough for us to make a trip to the mall and a walk about. Sometimes I feel like the house is a prison, and I need to escape. It is getting too cold to walk the neighborhood, and to play golf. So the mall is the only open space available to us. Why not take complete advantage while I can. For I know that the day is coming that she will not want to leave the house, and we will be there 24-7. 

Health update, her shoulder is getting better, and I just have to keep the regimentation going, and her ear is almost healed. 

Have to tell you this. Our grace before meals has been a little tune:

Dear Heavenly Father 

hear us sing.

Our song of thanks for everything.

Thank you, thank you

thank you Heavenly Father

Amen.

The report is she is beginning to forget this tune. It is one that she taught me and she has been singing it her entire life. It reminds me of anther song from early Rock and Roll. "Slip sliding away." Her memories just are doing just that slip sliding away. She is becoming more and more of an empty vessel. 

That is OK, for as she slips away from me, Driver is catching her as she empties. He lets me know, that there will be a day that we will be together once again. She will be whole and beautiful. Waiting for me on the other side of Dementia Town. It is a long Road to Dementia Town, and we'll get there, as long as we keep going with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.