To take the wheel and drive myself.

Christmas '19

"Just leave me alone." "You never tell me anything." Then the tears. I get this a lot from Sweetie when the Hemp Oil wears off. The standoffishness, the pulling away, the pushing away are just some of ways she acts. Couple with my efforts to help her and her refusing my help is the most frustrating thing in the world. She won't let me touch her, let alone put the Stress Relief Lotion on her hands. I've become the villain and the one to be feared. She becomes a spoiled child who knows more than anyone else in the room. 

Yesterday, talked about how memory loss and try not to argue with them. I try to reason with her, and when she is in her Dementia world, nothing makes sense to her. So, I have to be sneaky as Gollum to get her to do what is best for her. When it comes time to check her pullups, I've found if I get her into the bathroom and just wear her down, not letting her out of the bathroom, is the only way to get it done. When finished, I always thank her for letting me take care of her. And, of course, she is happy the ordeal is over. 

She has begun to develop two new patterns. One is while she is eating, she will suddenly stretch, and get up and head for the bedroom, get in bed and go to sleep. That is all fine and good until the night comes. She spent last night in that back bedroom. I think she is moving herself into that room. I'm slowly moving things down stairs to accommodate her.

Her ear is still red, and because she refuses to let me treat it, it is getting redder, again. Maybe I'll have to trap her in the bathroom and wear her down so I can clean and apply medication to it. It will take a long time to heal because of her sleeping patterns, I won't give up. 

Either will my Driver. Giving up isn't in His vocabulary. I'm learning it too. Even when I blow up, I'm back quickly, for there is only me and Him to care for her. I know that I'd love to have some control on this journey, to take the wheel and drive myself, and then again, I don't know which off ramps to take and He does. For we are on the Road to Dementia Town with our Shiny Sides Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.