Does a fish know?

Sweetie @ Knott's Berry Farm '17

Feeling a little empty this morning. The evaluation is what I thought it would be. Not yet. Sweetie is on the edge of Hospice, but just not there. Scheduled a follow up in June. To tell the truth, I don't think she will be ready then either. Sweetie just has too much life left in her to move her into the end of life phrase.

It is a good and bad thing. For I am looking forward to the time when this trip comes to an end, and it might as well be a wishful thinking that we are closer to that end, then we were yesterday. 

In my support group, it is said that the yearning for the caring to end is normal. It is part of this journey. Not wanting Sweetie to suffer anymore than she has to, and again, she doesn't know she is suffering, I do. It is like asking the question, Does a fish know it is swimming in water? Or is it us that are out of the water that know that? 

Sweetie is living day by day. I get her up, clean her up, feed her, and care for her during the day. To her, that is living, and that is where I have to find my joy. 

Tuesday

It was a day full of surprises. Knowing that we had the hospice doctor coming over after lunch, I turned the day around. We went to the mall first. I knew that we had time for that, and wanted her to get her daily exercise in. Then home.

While home, she wanted to go for a walk, and because she had only a t-shirt on, she got cold and wanted to go back home. 

When the doctor arrived, Sweetie sat close to me, and listen. When it came time for the doctor to examine her, she could only do about half of the things he wanted her to do. 

With the exam done, and alone again, we settled into doing our routine. Sweetie is starting to go to bed earlier these days. The good thing is, she doesn't need me to go to bed with her. The bad news, I'm staying up longer than I should. If I'm not careful, I won't get enough sleep, and I can get cranky, and that isn't good. 

I'll leave it up to Driver to know when to pull the car off the Road to Dementia Town, to find the right time to sleep, to get that good nights rest. For we still have a long ways to go. Keeping our Shiny Side Up is the motto of the day. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.