Hoping for a better tomorrow.

Us.

There are times when it is so hard to sit down and write about this. Am I whining and complaining, and if so, why? The old BMC (Bitch, Moan, and Complain.) comes to mind. Then there are the mornings when the words just flow and it is easy to say something. Then there are the days that are hard to get going. This is one of those mornings. 

One of the funnier parts of the day was when I was talking to an old friend and he asked me about what I'm going to do after Sweetie passes. I told him that I was going to be looking for a woman that "has some bounce in her bosoms." Little did I know his wife was in earshot of our conversation and over heard what I'd said. Report back was it made her laugh. So, that was a good thing. 

I miss the comfort of a good woman. I know that is normal, but facing it, saying it, helps with the loneliness. I know that Sweetie has those same feelings, because she does her best to express them to me. I think she knows what is happening to her. Not all the time, just those brief moments of reality that come and go and for those brief seconds, she knows. 

Thursday

Woke up to find her on the edge of the bed, again. Moved her to a safe place for her to sleep. She went back to sleep, and I to my computer. 

We had a good morning, and so it seemed. I can never be sure of just where Sweetie is each morning. Sometimes it depends on what kind of night she had, how much rest she gets. 

I've come to the see that there is a difference between sleep and rest. I can wake her up in the morning and she will be tired, after a night of restless sleep. Then again, I can get her going for a venture outside after she has been sitting on the couch, and she is lively and ready to go. Then again, there are the times when it is just the reverse. 

Yesterday was a little scary at the golf course. She just wasn't herself. She didn't want to walk with me to the first tee, so I left her in the cart. When I turn back to check on her, she was gone. Quickly scanning the area, I found her walking back to the club house. When I caught her, she didn't want to return to the cart with me. I was able to shepherd her back to the cart. After that, we were able to get out and play a round of golf. 

The rest of the day was like that. Not knowing just where she would go, or what she wanted. Think she is sliding down to another level of her Dementia. 

After dinner, we usually have cake for dessert. As you know, she has been using her fingers more and more. So, as we were watching TV, I got us our cake, and gave it to her without a fork. I didn't bring one for me either, and we ate our cake without forks. I led the way and she quickly followed. If she is going that way, why fight it. 

The last bit was going to bed. All seemed fine until I lead her to the room, and she smiled and went back to the living room. I had my choices, either force her back to bed, which wasn't a good idea, or let her stay up until she came to bed by herself. I choose the latter. 

Sure enough, she came to bed like a ghost, lightly getting into bed, and then she didn't want me to touch her either. So, off to sleep we went, hoping for a better tomorrow. 

I was so happy when we had come to the end of this day. More twist and turns then the day before. My Driver tells me not to worry, for He knows the road and won't let anything bad happen. For what I may think is bad, I will ultimately find the Easter Egg hidden in it.  That way we can stay on the Road to Dementia Town with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.