The tear.

I just love her.

I wonder, is it all the years that we have had together, or the need to take care of her like a mother chicken takes care of her chicks, which is it that keeps me going? 

Or is it just the simple fact, love is the  motivation for my willingness, my desire to care for her? Or is it what God is putting into my heart? I think it is the latter, but He had to have something to start with, so it is also the former. 

Sometimes I think it is because there isn't anyone else to care for her. Is that being ego centric? It doesn't matter now, or does it. Just got to concentrate on the now, not the what ifs. The what ifs don't matter because they are not what is happening. What is happening now, is me taking care of her and that is all that matters. 

Said this before, that sometimes she has an emotional memory and when she is out of sorts, for whatever reason, she has to show her dislike somehow. As I review yesterday, I think she didn't like being left with a "stranger" on Saturday. 

When I returned from my golf game, she saw me and had a tear rolling down her cheek. That was a first. When I think about the tear, and what we went through on Sunday, it kinda makes sense now. 

Sunday 

It started good. Sweetie was amiable enough, got her up, and she performed well enough in the bathroom, shower, clean clothes on, then out to the couch for Sunday service and breakfast. 

Well, we got half. Sunday service. She wouldn't be drawn away for breakfast, and there wasn't anything I could do to get her to the table. She was lasered focused on the preacher and wouldn't take her eyes and ears off of him. 

Giving up, I put some food and milk on her stand with the hope she would eat something. She didn't.

She was aloof all day long. I had to guide her into the bathroom to check her pullups, she wouldn't sit still, wandered back and forth from the living room to the bedroom. Sometimes trying to lie down and sleep. Only to be up and back to the living room. 

I did get her to eat half of a PB&J sandwich with an applesauce. We were also able to go to the mall for a walk about, then home. Again with the wandering back and forth. It is a little nerve wracking to watch her doing this back and forth. 

Sunday is going to be our spaghetti dinner night. As you know, she can't eat spaghetti, and I use shell pasta as a substitute. To my joy, after I put it on the table, she came and ate it all gone. I purposely gave her more than I'd normally give her, first to see if she could eat that much, Second, if it was enough. She emptied her bowel and was full.  

After that, and with some more CBD, Lotion, and calming TV, Shan the Sheep, Veggie Tales, and the like, we made it off to bed. Holding her hand, we knotted off to dream land.    

Driver was able to avoid some of the bigger pot holes in the Road to Dementia Town yesterday. It wasn't as smooth as it could of been, but we made it to a good place by the end of the day. Wearily ending the day, we headed for the bed, to rest and refresh for yet another day lays ahead. Knowing that we have arrived after spending the day, motoring down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up, C'ya, Luv Ya, and God bless.