Better is a word left in yesterday.

What a great day it was. Learned some things about my blog page. One is there is a counter on how many people come and read it. It lies. From talking to some of you, I've found out that you do come and read. To all that are still following, a Big Thank You. 

To have you search and find other ways to get here tells me of the love that we share. That Dementia can be a "good" thing, sometimes. 

By that, in my case, I realize that I've learned to love. The things that I've gone through, and am going through, has taught me how to love without expectations. 

Long before Dementia, I have to say, that I based my love on how much, or how good our sex life was. The more loving I got, the better I treated her, and the better I treated her, the better I treated those around me. 

It got to the point that sex was the only thing that mattered. I even got to the point that, I was addicted to it. 

Now with her in the throws of Dementia, there an't no more sex. My one and only gage for love was now permanently broken, I have to find, develop, and be guided by my Driver, on how to love without rewards. 

Because my rewards were always on the physical side, a act that was, in itself, rewarding, is no more. How can I love without it? 

As she sank slowly into the Dementia darkness, I had only one direction to take, serve her. It was the only way, a forced way to answer the "What am I going to do now?" question. 

As each day went by, and I found myself doing more and more for her, knowing that she couldn't do each task for herself anymore, and the biggest reason was, it wasn't her fault. She couldn't help herself to get better, for better is a word left in yesterday, and is not going to be in tomorrow. 

Saturday

My sitter is coming this morning, and I'm eager to get the day going. Sweetie was restless as I watched her. She had taken off a pillow case, balled up the blanket and was laying on the bed without covers and acting like she is cold. 

Before I got her up, I switched on the heater to warm up the bathroom, so she wouldn't be cold. 

Upon awaking, she wasn't all there. Somewhat of a normal waking, yet, different. She wasn't as engaging as she normally is. Got her ready for the shower, and got her in. Was getting her cleaned up, and she just wasn't there, more of a shell of who she is. 

She had that fainting look on her, and I knew I had to get her out of the shower, now! Had to sit her down on the edge of the tub, and gently pulled her out of the shower, and on to the floor. Where she was able to get up, and I got her dressed. 

My sitter showed up, just at this time, and we were able to get her back to bed, where she promptly went back to sleep. Catastrophe avoided, and all is well. 

When I got back home from golf, she was still in bed. She saw me come in and just smiled, happy to see me. "Your home." was the message she was sending me. 

Was going to take a drive, just for something to do. In Tweety and off we go. Need gas, so we head for Costco, and as we go, I look over and she is asleep again. OK, get gas and go home. 

On the couch for nodding theater. I would nod off, and wake up to see that she is doing the same. Movies go by real fast that way. 

Trying something different for dinner. We're sitting on the couch, and I start feeding her. She eats, and waits, then eats some more. To keep her willing, I eat out of the same bowl, and we share the dinner. It worked out well. As did the rest of the evening. Went to bed earlier than normal, and that was fine, because she was ready, able and willing to laydown and sleep. 

We had some sputtering, and stalling in the morning for a rough start. It seemed like the engine was cold and when it warmed up, it ran smoothly. Can never judge the day, by the start of the day. Driver kept us on the Road to Dementia Town, just ahead of the storms of life, where we can Keep our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.   Arthur.