Full of fear.

 Thank you for all your notes, your prayers, and for letting me know you are with me on these last days of our journey. So it goes. Day 3. Woke to find Sweetie had soaked the top sheet, which meant that I had to change her. It is getting difficult to even move her. So, this morning I got out a pair of scissors and cut her pull-ups off her. 

Even in doing that, she was in extreme pain. More so then ever. I was able to get her on her side to slip the new diaper on her. I feel so bad doing it, for the pain and fear on her face saddens me so. It is something that I have to do, and so, I suffer through it. 

I tried the morphine to see if it would help, and it didn't. Now I don't know if she just remembers the pain and is afraid that it will hurt just as bad, I don't know. One thing I did observed was it made her very sleepy. 

Something else is her eating. She just chews and chews, and so it takes time to get her to finish a meal. As if feed her, she gets chipmunks cheeks. She pushes the food to one side, and then takes another bit. So, from now on, I'll wait for her to finish what she has before I give her more. 

The bed and chair came, and the young man that brought it was very nice, then again, if I'm nice, people seem to be nice back. For me, it was a welcomed distraction from caring for Sweetie. 

He had to return to get a couple of parts that were missing or broken. We chatted while he set up the bed, went over how the bed worked, and the controls. Nice kid. 

When it came time to move Sweetie, I believe the morphine was wearing off, so I gave her some more, and waited for it to go to work on her. 

It didn't seem to help, so we struggled through getting her out of bed, in the chair, and wheeled out to the new bed. She cried out with any jerking of the chair, and was full of fear when she was moved to the new bed. 

Not sure on how she will take to sleeping away from me, so that will be watched by me very closely. 

No another front, because of her not able to join me on my evening meetings, I have asked her kids to come a sit with her while I make my meetings. The response is, so far, as I'd expect. Two that I know would be willing stepped right up, Still waiting for the third, and to tell you the truth, I don't have much hope in that one. 

It seems that we are headed for some difficult parts of this Road To Dementia Town. The skies seem more cloudy then yesterday, and Driver seems more careful these days. As we try to Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.