Mighty sobs coming from me.

Sweetie & Tweety 1, both gone.

It is the first day without my Sweetie Pie. I am alone, and I am lonely. This isn't the way I thought it would be. I knew of the tears, of the broken heart, of the loneliness I would feel. It is someone telling me to stay away from the hot stove, that it is hot and will burn you. It isn't until I touch the hot stove, will that meaning have some weight. 

That is how I feel this morning. It wasn't until Sweetie's passing, and the build up of pain, that is happening now. 

Firday

I'm up, and for the first time in many years, I don't have to be quiet. While Sweetie was still with me, everything I did, I did quietly for I did not want to wake her. Let her sleep, for she needs it. 

When I came into the living room, spying the bed where she used to lay, a pang of sorrow came upon me. No tears this time, turned on the coffee, and back to my morning routine. 

It isn't until I come out, the room is lite with the morning sun, and I see her bed, empty, and I can't hold back anymore. I lay across the bed, and wail out my pain. Tears flood from my eyes, as I'm laying there a emotional mess. 

I knew what I needed, the touch of another person. I quickly dressed and headed out to my old morning meeting. When I got there, they were surprised that I was there. Friends from the past, those who knew us, those who loved us, and those who would help me with their embarrasses. 

I got just what I needed there. When I got home, it was a different story. My home isn't the same. Again, it was the empty bed that triggered me. I wailed again and again, over and over again, and again. I am horse from the wailing. 

After my cry, went to the golf course, first round truly alone, but I wasn't. Soon I was talking to the clouds, singing my walking song to Sweetie, and I felt good. Didn't have a great round, but did manage 3 pars, lost one ball, then again that's golf. 

Back to the house, loaded Tweety up with bags of clothes for the Good Will. I'm going to take my time in removing those items that were hers. Going to move on, at our pace. I know she is here with me, helping me as I go. 

After all of that, I came home, and rested, called a friend. He said that I needed to keep busy, read a book, watch those movies that I couldn't because it upset Sweetie. His heart is in the right place, and I know what he is trying to do. 

Ended my day at a meeting. One of my dear friends had gotten sympathy cards, and were signed by the study group, my AA group, and one from her, the most special one. 

On the way home, called my youngest in California, and talked all the way home. Still on the phone, we talked, so I wouldn't be alone when we came into the house. 

She is so loving, worried about her Pop. 

After the call, and before I go to bed, I lay on her bed, hold her kitty, and tell her I love her, and good night. I smell her scent, and almost feel her hand and hear her say, "Good night, my handsome Brute."

As Driver and I head back to the car, walking slowly, He is there comforting me, my shoulders quake with the might sobs coming from me. We both know, Sweetie is now whole, she is in the better place. Safe, sound, with her family that went before, waiting for me, when it will be my turn to be call to the podium. Until then, I will do my best to Keep My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.