The wailing, wailing up inside.

At home on the beach.

I was thinking that I need to change the reason of this blog. While it Sweetie was alive, it was our travels down the Road to Dementia Town. Now it is the Road back to Life. 

Before is was a love story that ended with the passing of my Sweetie Pie. Like all love stories, there seems to be a tragedy before the ending. My tragedy, was her passing, leaving me alone with my broken heart.

Then I remember our life, on how we were one person, rarely did anyone no see me and Sweetie together. We went and did everything as one person. And now that she is gone, I feel like only a half person. 

Then I think of the way she made her exit. On how her kids and grandkids were able to come over the day before, to fill her ears with love and caring for her. Then the night, and waking to find her still with me. Waiting for the right moment when she would go and be with her Lord. 

She also waited so that it would be with me, so I could hold her, to feel her breath, and her heart beat its last beat on earth. One last thump, and she was in the arms of her Lord, and I was left with a broken heart. 

There wasn't enough tears to wash away the pain, the sorrow I felt, as she journeyed onward. 

Today the hollowness is not pushing at the edges of my emotional self, the urge to wail isn't as strong as it was, for I know, there are still things to do, and I need clear vision to get them done. 

Sunday

OK, Sunday morning, day 3 of my new self. My day of dabbling with being alone. 

Making plans for breakfast, and going to church for the first time in a very long time. Ups, ran out of time for breakfast, with a quick shower, I'm off to find that there is a pot luck after service, so breakfast is taken care of. 

While I'm there, pastor, tell the congregations of the passing of my Sweetie Pie. And the ladies come to me, and tell me about their husbands that have passed and what they went through. It encourages me to know that grieving is personnel, everyone does it as they see fit. Just loved my time there. 

Now what? Need laundry detergent, so off I go to the store. Did some minor shopping, and then home. 

Daughter had taken Sweeties urn to decorate it and wanted to bring it back. That way it was ready when I was called to come and pick up Sweetie's ashes. She did a great job. 

Afterwards, it was watch TV, a meeting, and then home. Because it is pasta night, I made my pasta, and watch TV, as I used to do with Sweetie. 

I've brought over a large pillow and put it where she would sit. That way, I can rest my arm on her leg as I did for all those years. It isn't her, and at the same time it is. 

As Driver and me get into the car, we pause and watch the traffic move out of the parking lot. With a heavy heart, I buckle myself in. I feel the wailing wailing up inside of me, and just let it go. He holds me tight, and comforts me, for in time, those tears will water the flowers of sweet memories of Sweetie and me, as we traveled the Road to Dementia Town, and now it is time for us to remember to Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.