To live again.

                                                 I'm alive. 

A month and a day has passed, and I've done nothing really for me. I've been living taking care of my Sweetie Pie for so long, that I just can't seem to get my feet under myself. Sure, I have been doing the minimum that is needed to sustain life, but anymore than that isn't happening. 

Tweety needs a bath, and it sounds so simple. Just back her out of the garage, get the hose and stuff needed to clean her, and get at it. You would think that would be easy and yet I don't do it. 

I have weeds starting to grow in my lawn, for after all it is spring, and that is when the weed infestation begins, and yet I do nothing. 

I look and see the things, the simple things that I should be doing, and I don't. At least I do the dishes after meals, and I do take the trash out, but I don't find any pleasures in life, there isn't any sense on accomplishment. 

It is the things like, finishing up the painting of the kitchen cabinets, getting the vacuum out and vacuum up the bird feathers, the clutter on the floor, the picking up that needs to be done. 

I can remember a time when that wouldn't happen, that I kept a clean house, washed the cars, watered the grass. I took pride in my home, and now it seems like an empty hallow. 

I have a little dust collector, a small bowel, with two birds on it named Sweetie and Art, and the words, empty nesters. I keep it as a reminder of when we were empty nesters. Now it reminds me that I am the empty nester. 

I know I need to go outside and live, and at the same time, I find excuses to not go outside. I feel the struggle within me, like that of the metamorphism of starting over. I've been living in the cocoon of caring for Sweetie for so long, I need to break out, to escape, to live again as a single man. That frightens me.

I make plans, like to day, to do that which I always talked about before Sweetie went home, then when I get ready to go outside, my heart calls me back to where the memories are the thickest, where the comfort is easiest, and I sit and do nothing. Wish me luck, for today, I am going to be a victor over sitting, to do the great outdoors once more. Arthur.