Being fearful.

Queen of my Heart. 

I'm reminded of just what this woman means to me each and every morning when I sit down to write. 33 years is a lot of water under the bridge, and as I sit and watch the water go by, I see things that weren't noticeable earlier. To look back and see the things that kept us together, through it all. It is her smile, her eyes, her way. These are the things I'm cherishing right now. 

For even as she is still physically with me, she is disappearing. Her listening and understanding skills are slowly being confused and it is getting harder to have her understand and do simple things. Putting away dishes, going potty, eating, swallowing pills, being fearful when her shoes are missing, because she put them with my shoes. I tell her that they are keeping my shoes company and she'll look over and see them and be satisfied for the moment. Soon it begins again, and to ease her mind, I'll get her shoes and put them where she knows normally are. 

Yesterday morning, I took a shower all by myself. This may sound strange, but it sure felt good. I washed, shampooed, and rinsed at my leisure, and it felt good. Not having to compete with having someone else there was a joy. Because I've been showering with Sweetie, and putting her first, I have to race to finish mine. Always aware that at any moment, she will want to leave and let Dementia sweep her away. 

We had a good day yesterday, met a couple on the golf course that made for an enjoyable day. The woman didn't play golf, so she accompanied her husband while he played. We made a good foursome. Maybe we'll play again. 

Worried that Sweetie seems to be running our of steam lately. She had to sit down on the grass at the 9th hole, and later when we went for a walk, I could tell, she wasn't going to make a long walk, makes me wonder if her mobility is losing its mobility. 

Mobility, that is what I have with my Driver. He just knows all kinds of new roads to follow as we head down the Road to Dementia Town. And He is waiting for me as we speak. When times are tough, it seems that His presence evermore felt. In the car, there is peace, and I know there are days I don't bring it in with me, so it is my Driver that brings that peace with Him. Peace that smooths my restlessness. Peace that fills my heart with understanding that it is today, don't barrow trouble from tomorrow, let it be there until it is today. I need to see that, as we take a leisure drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. If you need to, just relax for awhile, as you drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Till tomorrow, Love Ya and God Bless.   

Chockfull of Easter Eggs.

It was like this yesterday. Sweetie's daughter
and her hubby.
 

Gotta tell you about our visit with Sweetie's daughter and her husband. It was wonderful, loving and truthful. First and foremost, was the surprise of the day, Daughter has been reading this blog. OMG, what great news. She said she doesn't read it everyday, enough to keep up on what is going on with mom. It was when we were talking about what has been going on that she said something, and I asked how she knew, and that was when she told me that she had been reading my blog. Wonderful!

Yesterday was so chockful of Easter Eggs. Our visit, the conversation, the forgetting my phone and had to make a second visit. Making up for loss time, I guess. Now to work on getting together with the other daughter. Little successes can be a great driving force to see just how much can be accomplished. 

One of the things that is of note, is the length of the day. When Sweetie gets up in the morning, she is usually very pliable, she rarely objects to taking her Hemp Oil or her anti-anxiety meds. It is usually in the close of the day, when her sundowners is trying to escape its cage. The evening timing is very critical for a good evening. 

Last night was a close encounter with sundowners. She was wanting to get out and I kept her in the house. Was able to give her more Hemp Oil and apply Stress Relief lotion to the back of her neck, and she then she went to bed. Again fully dressed. I worry when she does that, that she will wake and head out the door before I can get up. So far these fears have yet to show up, but by what others have told me, it is a good possibility they will. 

Well, it is time, time to get going and head for the door. My Driver is waiting, as always, with a trip down the Road to Dementia Town. He is different, yet at the same time, He is the same. I know if it wasn't for His being with me on this trip, I'd never make it as far as I have. For He is such a good Driver, knowing when a fun ride is needed, and slow and caring ride, or what ever, singing at the top of my lungs, making a joyful noise is the best way to describe my singing and Driver just smiles and sings along with me. I lifts my heart and spirit to make another day. As we head down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. You, yes you, is your car sounding like a choir or cats in the alley? It doesn't matter, for your Driver loves it all. Take care, and Keep You Shiny Side Up today as you travel down Your Road to Dementia Town. Love Ya, and God Bless.     

Troubles are enough for today.

This is the closest she ever got to Chip and Dales.

Well, today is the day we are going over to the oldest daughter's for a visit. We haven't been there since Christmas. I'm a little apprehensive about going there. We have never been close over the years her mom and I have been married. I'm not the greatest at mending relationships, and that is part of the problem. Great at building walls, not taking them down. 

I had a friend that would turn to me for advice about his wife. They had a contentious marriage and after listening to his complaining about their relationship, I told him that they needed to stop building walls between them. And start taking them down. That is the hardest thing to do. Taking down walls must be done one brick at a time. If you bulldoze it down, the other person will build it back up just as fast as you tear it down. This will be the first brick. 

It was really windy yesterday, so instead of playing golf, we took along drive. They work, but not as good as walking. Walking is the whole package for Sweetie. She is out, we are together, and she gets to burn off energy that sundowners won't be able to use. 

In the afternoon, the wind died down, so we took a walk. She wasn't happy about the wind, but I encouraged her until we got one in. She started to slow down and that was a sign she was almost to end of her energies. This is where water becomes a battle. I can tell she is de-hydrated and needs water, but she is repelled by it. We were able to finish our walk, and she went right to bed as soon as we got home. 

Here is where she gets confused. She is tired, hungry and thirsty, and I have to put all the pieces together. Had dinner and then up to bed. After I got her in bed, she kept wanting me to leave. Time for Hemp Oil. This is now my go to when she is tired and confused. Soon, she was asleep, and I could relax and sleep myself. 

It's morning and I'm here, with my Driver, talking about the day ahead. He brought a bag with a label that says "Trouble, enough for today." He says put all my troubles in it, and throw it into the trunk. It will be there anytime I want to pull it out and go through them. Other wise, lets get going. Here's my cool sunglasses, and He says I'll need them because the of the brightness of the day. Into the car, sliding in on the passengers side, and off we go. Down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. If you throw your troubles in the trunk, you to can take them out, if you think you need to, as you travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Well, that's all for now. See Ya Later, Love Ya, and God Bless.