She still loves me.

Grandma and granddaughter.

Another day in the books, and we're still here. Still in the house, still in the kitchen, cooking. Still getting up early to have my quiet time. Most of all, I'm still Sweetie's husband and caregiver. That is my purpose in life right now, a position which I honor. 

From what I've read in the Dementia Family site, I must be very lucky indeed. For Sweetie isn't mean, she can be talked into doing things, she doesn't head for the door every 5 minutes. She enjoys being around me, and as much as I can obtain, she still loves me. 

She wants to help in whatever we are doing. If we are shopping, she wants to help push the cart. If I'm cooking, she is right there at my elbow, watching. If there is something real simple, I'll encourage her to try it. Which last about 30 seconds, and she says she doesn't know what she is doing, and I relieve her of the task. 

After meals, she used to take a towel and dry and put away the dishes. Now, I tell her to wait for me to dry the dishes, and I'll help her put them away. She struggles to remember where each dish or glass goes, so I point her on her in the right direction. When we are done, I give her a hug and tell her what great help she was. Like telling a toddler what a good job they have done. 

One of the things that has become noticeable is her footwear. When she has been sitting for awhile, she starts looking for her flipflops, or slip-ons. Depends on which one she has on, and remembers the other foot apparel. She starts to look around, I have to tell her she is OK, that the others are over there, and they are safe.  She settles down, and in about 10-15 minutes, starts all over again. This is her behavior loop for now. If that is all that I have to go through, I'll be happy. 

In my morning prayer, there is this line, "That I maybe reasonable happy in the this life..." That is what Driver keeps drumming in my head, for this life is just temporary. The next line sums up the waiting. "and supremely happy with You forever in the next." When I stop and look at me life, I am reasonable happy. That should give me the strength to get through today. There is a twinkle in Driver's eye, for He knows that I know, with Him all things are possible as we caravan down the Road to Dementia Town, keeping our Shiny Sides up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

 

Fired.

Grandson's boot camp graduation. 

I would of liked to have been there. I was still working and on the outs with the kids. Long story that does look like it was the best thing to happen to me and Sweetie. 

I seem to rub most of my kids the wrong way, and it seems like most of the relationships are lukewarm for many different reasons. Because we are a blended family, and that in it self is a good ingredient of the different levels of friendship I have with the kids. Distance, miles, with my two, they live in a different state. Sweetie's two daughters are all wrapped up in themselves and don't spend anytime with their mother. 

The best and closest is with my step-son. Maybe it is because he and I are men. I think it is his caring personality, his real love for his mother, and willingness to help out. He is open and gregarious, and most of all, his love of God. 

Do I want more? Sure I do! I don't want to carry this load by myself and some timely help from the daughters would be nice. At the same time, I don't want to nag at them to come over and give me some time to myself. Damned if they do, and damned if they don't. Oh well. This is one of those things that I can't control and I already have enough on my plate and don't need to add anymore to it. 

Fired our sitter company yesterday. Was to have a sitter and when no one showed up, I called to see what was going on. They didn't have us scheduled at all. With all the problems that we have been having, I just fired them on the spot. I was supposed to give notice, but since they didn't have us scheduled, that was notice enough. Now, I will be looking for a new sitter. 

Driver knows what is going on, even when I don't have the slightest clue. He's there guiding me and that is a hard job. I may say that I'm willing, but then again so is a donkey. That just about sums it up as to my relationship with my Driver and just about everyone else. I can get stubborn, mean, bucking at the load I'm carrying, then with His gentle voice and hand, I soon settle down and follow. Putting His yoke on, for it is gentle. He's waiting outside in the car, and I'm off. Getting into the passenger's seat, cool sunglasses on, and leading a caravan of like minded fellows, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Sides Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

 

Will not surrender.

Balloon Fiesta '15

I can remember these days. When we were together, even when we weren't together. The freedom to come and go and not worry if she would be OK. These were also the days that Dementia was starting to grow. It hadn't blossomed into full memory loss, but the signs were there. 

My oldest asked if she didn't want her and the family here, because she seemed so stand offish. I told her she was having problems and I thought she might be coming down with Alzheimer's. This was before I had her tested. 

Come to think about it, I just knew she was heading that way. You can't live with a person for all those years without knowing or sensing that something is wrong. Even when we found out, there wasn't anything we could of done to prevent the change that was coming our way. 

Dementia, Alzheimer's, and the rest of the memory stealing diseases are cruel turns of life. Yet I will not surrender Sweetie to a facility, a home, for as long as I can keep her with me. I hate the simple fact that these "Golden Years" are being stolen from us. 

Yet again, with this disease, I've learned so much more about how to love my Sweetie. Yesterday, while on the course, I was singing to her, little choruses from old songs, and "You are my Sunshine" came to mind. Singing please don't take my sunshine away, just hit home. That is when she turned and sang it with me. I was an emotional wreck. That sealed it for me, I will keep my Sunshine Sweetie with me until her sunsets. 

My Driver knows that without pain, you cannot know the joy awaiting. Like after every storm, there is sunshine. Even during the storm, there are rainbows promising a better time ahead. He is willing to drive me through the storms and into the sunshine as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Sides Up. Caravan is moving, join us as we go, down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.