To be happy where I am.

Love the colors.

Life and all its glory, and its failings, is all in the way I look at what is going on. The first thing I need to come to grips with, there is a God and I'm not Him. 

Now that we have that established, the other fact is, God will give what I take. Like the old bungy jumping. I'll give to God all that I have, and in the next breath, I'll jump off the ledge, with those bungy bands tied to my legs, and take back that which I gave Him. Then where am I? I'm left hanging, twirling in the air, not going anywhere.  

Fear of waiting for His plan, His way of getting things done is what is driving me. I know what I want, and I know when I want it, and it is now, come hell or high water. 

For sometime now, I've begun a new way of living, and new way of looking at what is happening to me, to us, to our family. 

Have you ever watched a shepherd dog? They are a magnificent creature, smart, cunning, and quick as whip. To see and get the sheep moving in his direction. They just know what to do, and get it done. 

As for me, I'm not as smart as a shepherd dog, I have to learn slowly, painstakingly slowly. I resent the time it takes for me to learn how to live a life that doesn't take me to the moon, to be happy when it gets me just a few feet off the ground. To be happy with where I am, and who I'm with. That is the lesson I'm learning. To be the clay on a spinning wheel, letting my Driver mold me into what He wants me to be. 

Monday

It rained last night, and the clouds are still hanging around. It is dark, clouds are dark, and as I look out my window, I think it looks more like November then August. Then when I step outside, yep, it is August. Hot and humid. 

I see Sweetie is awake so it is time to go and get her up. 

I enjoy taking to her in the morning. Most of the time she sees me and smiles. I'll sit down, introduce myself, again, and we talk. She is becoming quite the chatty Kathy. Of course, what she tells me doesn't make any sense to me, but she is telling me something. 

After our morning of chatting, it is up and get it going. 

I checked the weather report, and rain should be leaving the area soon. But as all good plans of mice and men, they went astray. It was still raining at the golf course, so instead of going back home, we went to the mall for our walk about. Mixing things up, doesn't hurt every now and then. 

Sweetie has developed a small hitch in her get-a-long. Every now and then, her shoe will catch on the floor, and almost trip her. I noticed it when she gets her shoes wet. Not sure what this is all about, it just makes me ready to catch her. Just another new thing. 

When we got back to the course, the rain had stopped, and off we went. She was her old self again. Walking to the tees and greens, sharing in my excitement as I made good shots, sad when I blew it, and over all, we had a wonderful day on the course. 

Home, lunch, yardwork, nap, shop, and then it was dinner, desert, meeting, home and to bed. Just about covers it all. 

Took a short detour today while we were on the Road to Dementia Town. Just to avoid some weather. Driver knows the way and all is good. As we go, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.

Intimacy's of marriage.

Flowers rearranged. 

I'm going to tell you all about something that usually isn't talked about. Putting two ideas into one may seem out of place, or even wrong. I may even offend some of my readers, or on the other hand, give some relief to others, thinking that they are not the only ones. 

One of the things that I've learned in life, is that I am not the only one doing or experiencing this or that. Feeling embarrassed to say anything because of being ridiculed and thinking that they will loose some friends for your actions. So, you keep it to yourself, and keep thinking "Am I the only one that does this." and if so, does it make it wrong? 

I told my lady and she thinks it is good that what I do is good for Sweetie. 

I trim Sweetie's bush. I have felt that shorting her hair was good for her and me. The shorter the hair, the less poop gets caught up in it. Easier to clean, and on that forbidden side, I get to have some intimate touching with her. 

First of all, I couldn't do anything without her permission, and with her allowing me to touch her, is her way of giving me permission to do it. Also, I know she enjoys it herself, she gets wet, and when I discovered that, it was a thrill for me. To see, feel, smell and taste her again was the thrill of life once again. 

Life without my Sweetie is hard, we all know that, as a spouse, the intimacy's of marriage relations are gone, so anything that can bring some of those memories back are so welcomed. 

Sunday

Saturday night we had a good rainstorm. Lots of thunder and lighting. Not the distant rumbling of thunder that came after the flash of lighting. These were light up the room and clashing thunder that was right after the flash. They seemed to be right on top of us. I even jumped when it hit. 

After it passed, we were able to get to bed and sleep. 

In the morning, looking out the window, I could see just how much rain had been deposited on the ground. As of now, we are having one of the wettest monsoon seasons in a long time. 

Knowing how easy it is to pull weeds with the wet ground, I made plans to get out there in do some weed pulling later in the day. 

I got Sweetie up, and we had a normal morning. Sunday brings about a different breakfast. This is our scrambled eggs and Hickory spam morning, just to break the monotony of cold cereal. Sweetie could careless, it is more for me, then her. 

After breakfast, we just sat, watched some TV, and around noon, headed for the mall. 

After we got back, took Sweetie and had her sit on the front porch bench while I got busy pulling weeds.

With all the rain, everything in the yard will start to grow and I wanted to give the grass the best opportunity it could have by removing the weeds that want to take over.   

Got done with what my plan was to get done. Emptied the bucket, and back inside we went. 

I had a meeting to host on Zoom and Sweetie wasn't happy with me doing it. She wouldn't sit in the room with me at all. She would go between the living room, and back to her safe spot, the bed. 

You see, she wants me in "My spot" so she can sit with me. If I'm not in my spot, she won't be happy until I get done doing whatever it is, and go to the couch and sit. Then she will come over sit down, take my hand, and be happy. For all her ducks are in a row. 

There are things in life that aren't meant to be shared, and Driver knows that. He has given me permission to share with you just a glimpse into my life with Sweetie, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up, C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

  

Twist of the day.

"You are my Sunshine."

How is it, that someone that cannot communicate well with words, can only hold your hand, and I have to help her with everything, and still be my sunshine? 

Found out that words are not the only way to communicate. There are the other ways, the smile, the tightening on her hand in mine, looking into those eyes of hers, especially her eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. When she turns to me, smiling and I fall into her eyes. They drive away the clouds, the rain, and bust forth in sunshine. 

When we are doing our walk about, I will sometimes sing to her. One of the songs I sing is "You are me Sunshine". It is an old song, so it is still in her memory and she will hear me start it and soon will join me, and sing it back to me. Now that is the sunshine breaking through to light our way. 

Saturday

It is my "by myself" day. I'm up early, as usual. Getting done with my morning stuff, I check on Sweetie. I'm so glad I have these cameras in the house. I don't have to go into the bedroom to see what is going on. Open the phone, open the app, and there she is. 

This morning she was making a tent with her knees up. Not sure what was going on, I went to get her and see. 

With our morning introductions done, I pulled the blanket away and found she had pulled her pants and pullups down and peed. Most of it was caught in her pullups, a lot wasn't. So, up we got, headed for the bathroom, and got the day started. 

I left the bed unchanged because my sitter was coming in and she has told me to leave things for her to do. And that is what I did. 

This lady just loves Sweetie. She tells me how easy it is for her. They "talk" and watch TV together. I can tell that Sweetie likes her too. For when she see her, she lights up. 

I asked her to pull the dying flowers out and rearrange them into a smaller vase.  I also told her that I wanted to replace this big clear bowl with the new vase. When I got home, both the new arrangement was done, and she cleaned and set the new vase just where I was going to put it. She is such a blessing. 

Sweetie was in bed when I got back from my golf game. I was gone longer than normal, because of the traffic on the course. 

I had a man and his son following me. He was new and didn't know about golf curtseys. So, I let them play through, and wouldn't you known it, they played slower than when they were behind me. 

There is a point on the course where I can turn and replay the second hole, and add some extra holes to my game. That is where I met a young man and we joined up. 

As we played, we talked, and soon I found myself talking to a younger me. As we played, we talked and we found that we played at the same skill level. It was great day on the course. We exchanged phone numbers, and plan on playing together again. 

After I sent the sitter home, I tried to get her up. She wasn't having any part of it. I did get her up long enough to put some CBD in her, and let her go back to bed. 

When I was able to get her up, she didn't want to have anything to do with me. I've spoken about her having this emotional memory and how she will be put off with me, and she doesn't know way. The sitter said they watch a movie with an emotionally sad ending and she cried. Add to that my being gone longer then normal, I think that may have set her off. 

Anyway, on my second attempt to get her up, I was successful. Still being upset with me, I was able to get that second does of oil in her, and put her in the car, off for our walk about. 

By the time we got to the mall, the CBD was doing its magic. We were able to do the walk about without incident. 

Here comes the fun twist of the day.

I had a 5 o'clock meeting to hit, and was going to head home, do a quick turn around and head out to the meeting. Well, the clock wasn't on my side, and we had to improvise. 

Headed for the closes Mickey "D's", got a bag dinner, headed for the meeting place. When we got there, we went into the room and had dinner while waiting for the meeting to begin. All worked well. 

When we got home, we watched TV, had desert, and went to bed. I'm starting to give her a dose of CBD, and put Stress Relief lotion on her hands just before we go to be. It seems to help her relax and go to sleep. 

It was a good day yesterday on the Road to Dementia Town. With a few bumps along the way, nothing serious, Driver made it to our resting spot. You could see it was us, for we had our Shiny Side Up when we pulled into the parking lot for the night. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.