Tapping His fingers.

Picture says it all.

When I was younger, and girls were keeping diaries. I thought, how stupid. That someone would think that their life was so special, that they would makes entries in a book, talking about the their day, the people in their lives, how the past is influencing them today. The ups and downs, the surprises, the expected, how a mundane day turned into a wonderful experience. Then to let people read it, not keeping it a secret was so boastful, so prideful, what an ego such a person must have. 

Then look at me, right now, am I not doing what I thought was stupid? Am I not putting my life out so that I hope there are people who find this interesting enough to read it. 

When I first started, my ego went through the roof, to see over 100 people read my post, I thought, gee, I am important. Now, that number has shrunk, and so has my ego. I am now down to my right size, that and what I do now is for you and me to share and find some comfort in. We are going through this road trip together. 

Thursday

It is Bible study and pizza day with the grandsons. I was goofing off and letting time slip bye when I noticed it was crunch time. Too much slipping had gone bye. 

Getting Sweetie up, wasn't too much of a problem. Morning duties done, and only enough time for toast, with me getting mad at myself for not thinking of that which we had to do. 

Toast done, grabbed her shoes, and out to the car. If there was going to be problems, it would be getting her into the car. That is something new with her. She can be willing to go with me, then at the car door, she will stop, look and say she doesn't want to go. At that point there isn't anything I can do. Not this time, in she went. 

When we left, we wouldn't see the garage for the rest of the day. After the Bible study, we went to pick up our pizza and spend the afternoon with son and daughter in law. 

To kill time, we drove the city streets. It turned out to be the best idea of the day. Arrived at the pizza place, got our order, love the order ahead, and off to the son's home. 

Lunch went well. Get a side order of meatballs for Sweetie. She has forgotten how to eat pizza, and even when it is cut up, she has difficulty with it. The meatballs are more up her alley. She can either use a fork, or fingers. Don't care as long as she eats. 

Conversation was lively, here is where I get my full of adult talk. Like minded people bouncing liked minded thoughts off each other. By the end of lunch, we have come to conclusions on the world problems and solutions for them. 

Son is growing veggies and we ended up with a jalapeno plant, with red and green peppers on it. I like hot peppers as much as the next guy, but not that much. Hope I can find a outlet for them, just hate to see good food go to waste. 

As the day went on, had plans to make an evening meeting. The sad thing was, we were the only ones that showed up. With the church locked and us without a key, we went home to finish our day. 

Watched John Wayne's "They were expendable." A war movies that Sweetie could watch, which was a nice break from what we have been watching. Then to bed and asleep. 

Can you just see it, Driver sitting in the car, tapping His fingers on the steering wheel, wondering just where we were? Once in, we were off. Driver doesn't like being put in a time crunch position. Stern looks my way, as the day went on. Just maybe, I've learned my lesson. Be on time! By midday, Driver slowed down to His normal speed. Down the Road to Dementia Town, with Our Shinny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.   

Still learning.

Us

I have no choice but to love and take care of her. For all those years that she poured herself into me, teaching me, showing me, how to be a better self then where I was. She saw in me more than I saw in myself. 

For those years, she kept teaching me a better way. Now that she can no longer teach, I am  still learning from her. Her love for me is still overwhelming. Her eyes, her face, the way she holds my hand are constant reminders of her love for me. She may hug others, and smile at those who she recognizes, but for me, there is something else, something more meaningful that sets me apart from all others. 

Maybe it is the way she stays close to me, or always holds my hand, it is just different. I feel it is her love that draws me like a magnet. That is the power that keeps me caring for her. 

Wednesday

When I came in to wake her, I found that she had bundled up her top sheet and was cuddling it. I was very thankful that she didn't wet through her overnight pad. She was more willing to get up and get going. 

After getting her cleaned up, we headed out for breakfast. Again all went well. 

It was after breakfast things went somewhat astray. It was cloudy and chance of rain. I was hesitant to take her with me and as it turned out, she didn't want to go either. 

Instead of forcing her to come with me, I repeated my offer to her. Every time it was refused. I offered her my hand to help lead her to the car and she wouldn't take it. 

She was content to sit at the table and watch TV. I've come home before when her sitters would be there at the table, with her, and tell me she stayed there all that morning. Another morning without her, and another morning watching her on my phone. 

When I got home, she was still at the table, the difference was she was happy to see me. I think it took her brain longer to recognize me then it has in the past. 

After that it was just as it has been in the past. Same old stuff until dinner time. She still gets anxious when I'm not sitting and will fret about not knowing where to land. I've given up on telling her where to sit, because she just cannot understand why I'm doing what I'm doing and not sitting with her. It is like a dance, and she is looking for her partner. 

Dinner, dishes, desert, and a movie. Then to bed to finish the day. Another good ending. Love those good endings. 

Getting used to starting out my mornings by sitting in the shotgun seat with Driver. We will chit chat about the day before, and I'll ask what does He have planned for us today. He never tells me the full detail, says I need to let it unfold for myself. So it goes, as we make our way down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Just worn out.

Hello Sweetie. 

September already. Where has this year gone to? I want to look forward to the end of the year, but it isn't that easy. Most of my time I just think of today. 

Yesterday, I told you of the plans about going to Florida, which are 7 months away. In those 7 months what will Sweetie be like? How much further down the rabbit hole will she go? These are where all of my planning can goes astray. 

I don't know where she will be in 7 months, let alone this morning. Will she be further down, or will she come back just a little? Only the day will know. One day at a time.  

Tuesday

Was greeted with her wonderful smile this morning. When I asked if she knew me, "Mister Man." was her answer. I haven't heard her say that in years. Mister Man was one of her pet names for me. 

The morning went well, wake up, bathroom, shower, and breakfast. In trying to keep as much of a regular schedule as I can, I got ready to head out. Sweetie had different ideas. She headed for the bedroom and to bed and asleep. 

I've noticed a pattern beginning to take shape. When we have a good day, and active day, like Monday. It may run her down more so then I know. 

With time to spare, leaving her in bed so I could finish getting ready. 

When is was time to go, she was so sound asleep, I closed the door, grabbed my phone and out the door I went. 

When I returned, she had not moved from where I left her to now. I made an attempt to wake her, and found it to be fruitless. She was just worn out.

She came out to the living room around 3 and was not sure of where she was. With loving care, I got her changed and sitting with me on the couch. As she worked on waking up, I made some attempts to get her up and outside for some exercise. She didn't want to do anything. So we stayed home and finished the day in the best possible way, which is almost scripted, holding hands, watching Johnny Carson, and then to bed we go. 

As the day got started, I was worried that it was only Driver and me. "Not to worry, we'll get your Sweetie later." It seems that I needed time with Driver by myself this morning. He drove around some familiar neighborhoods before returning and getting Sweetie. This day was a drive in town, and short bust of distances down the Road to Dementia Town, where it is always fashionable to Keep Your Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.