Loneliness.

Rugged landscape of the Sandia's.

Have you ever had a moment when everything becomes so crystal clear, that you were amazed that you couldn't see it before? You see, I have this character defect that is driving me crazy. I do what I don't want to do, and yet that which I want to do, I don't. 

In my program there are acronyms and one of them is H.A.L.T. 

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

As I was pondering this acronym, it hit me. This character defect is being driven by being loneliness. Once I realized this, it seemed that the power of this defect seemed to loose its grip on me. As if that weighted back pack was removed.

I've had these AHHHs before, now let see how long the wonder last. 

Tuesday

This is the morning that I have a conversation with a friend of mine. We meet every Tuesday morning for about an hour. We talk about life, about nothing and everything is general. 

For a while now, we are going through the book Living Sober. We have developed a way of letting the book guide our conversation. By reading one or two paragraphs and then we let what we read to trigger our conversation. 

I've heard the acronym HALT before, but this time it wouldn't go away. It kept marinating in my head, all day long. Now I know why. Even with people around me, I'm lonely, and because I'm lonely, I give into my character defect. 

Now it is time for me to get Sweetie up. She seems awake and happy, but that only last until I try to get her up. 

Up at last, and we go and get the day started. I've started something new, again. I put her on the potty before we go to bed and let her sit to see if she will pee. At the same time, in goes her overnight pad, and off comes her sweat pants. 

It makes it so much easier for us in the morning, and one less item to be washed when she pees through the overnight pad. I keep the house fairly warm during the night, so she doesn't get cold and I think she sleeps better. 

At breakfast, her appetite comes alive, and she goes after her cereal. She seems more at ease this morning, she is smiling and her eyes are dancing. I love these mornings. 

It is off to the course, for another round of golf. Met a young man and his sister. He is watching her, because there is day off from school, and he is babysitting her. Nice kid, plays well, and oh that swing of youth is very apparent in him. He plays on one of the local High Schools golf team. It was fun for me. Sweetie was liking the little girl. 

Game over, and back for lunch, then the mall for our last outing of the day. Check list completed, we settle in for the evening. 

Dinner went well, and we went to bed shortly after that. Another day in the books that ended up being written in gold. 

Driver seemed very relaxed today behind the wheel. He had his cap on the back of His head, and an arm across the front seat. His attitude rubbed off on us, and we sat back and enjoyed the day. Just the three of us, driving down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  Arthur.     

 

Emotional bushwhack.

Pretty, but don't touch. 

Cactus can be very pretty, but don't touch. I feel that way sometimes. Right now is one of those times. 

I was having a good day, then, like the mysterious breeze in a movie, comes in and blows the candle out. 

Emotional ups and downs can spoil the whole day. A emotional bushwhack, having a good time then pow, it happens, the light goes out, the door slams shut, and a chill comes over you. 

Monday

Started with Sweetie not wanting to get out of bed. She didn't get that much sleep from the night. It was a toss and turn night. I told you about the blanket, my pushing, and all of that from yesterday's post. This is the consequence of that night. A sleepy, cranky Sweetie. 

Do get her out of bed, and into the bathroom. After those chores are done, out for breakfast.

After breakfast, time to get going. Making the bed, getting myself dressed and ready to go. Returning to the living room, I find Sweetie asleep in the chair. From the time she got up to now, it is apparent she isn't in any shape to leave the house. 

Get her up, walk her back to the bedroom where she heads right to her nest, pulls back the covers, lays down, and is asleep. Just like that. 

Its "Yea and Boo" time. Yea, because I get to take the Corvette to the golf course and Boo, because I'm leaving her home. 

At the course this morning, run into two other golfers and we form a threesome. These two guys are great competition for me. Then while on the course, a fourth shows up. For the first time in forever, I'm playing with 3 very good golfers, which of course pushes my game. 

I don't have the best round, but one of the most fun in a life time. 

Game over, go get Sweetie, for we have a lunch with some old work buddies today. 

She is up, and we are off. Taking Tweety today to show her off to the guys. Lunch went well, showing off the Corvette went good to. Up to now, we've are having a good day. 

After lunch, and a long drive around town, we in up at the mall for our walk about. That too went well. 

It isn't until we get home that the wheels begin to fall off the day. 

Sweetie seems good, we're watching TV, and I get up to make dinner. I got a head of lettuce last trip to the grocery store. I want to make a salad for us. You know, get some ruffage into our systems. It turned out that Sweetie wasn't in the mood for a leafy dinner. Back to her nest she went.  

Knowing that she wasn't in the mood for our Monday night meeting and knowing that she would be safe, off to the meeting I went. 

Here is where a what a good thing went bad. In the parking lot, a couple I know show up. They are always warm and friendly. The lady is very outgoing, and loud. In our greeting, she spoke to me right in my ear, and I asked to if she could tone it down, just a little? This is the juncture place where it all came tumbling down. 

I didn't know that her loud out going was a fragile facade, and she was wounded terrible. When I realized that she was hurt, I tried to make an amends then and there. She wasn't having anything to do with it. 

Her husband tells me later, that she is very hard of hearing, and won't get hearing aids. Which explains her loud persona. Hearing loss is one of those invisible handicaps that, if you don't know about it, can cause you difficulties. 

She was so upset, they left shortly after the meeting started. I felt so bad. 

After the meeting, home again, and Sweetie had pulled all the sheets off the bed. It was time to put this house in order. Got her up, out into the living room where she stayed while I remade the bed. Once that was done, into bed we went. Prayers, a kiss, and "I love you." off to sleep we went. 

Driver was on His toes today. Some good twist and turns on this potion of our journey. All in all, the good points outweighed the low points. For after all, we are on the Road to Dementia Town, where we expect of find tricky parts around each turn and sometimes it is work to Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.   Arthur.     

 

 

True Love.

True when written, true today. 

I've never been to Scotland, or even to Nova Scotia. I do read about Scotland, and I try to understand my heritage. Knowing what they fought for, how it ended, and how men like Arthur Smith was able to form a way to bring the world into a modern age is amazing. A good read is "How the Scots invented the modern world" by Arthur L Herman. 

Days like Sunday can be a drudgery day. It can lead to a feeling of being sorry for oneself. At the same time, it can have sprinkles of happiness and joy and that is the life we lead. 

As the days get shorter, which means that the nights are getting longer, which means the possibility of choppy waters on which the evening sails upon happening. 

Sunday

Hoping for a good morning, I peek my head in the room knowing that she is awake. In my attempt of get her to smile and be easy to direct. 

She is smiling and we have our introductions, and with that, out of bed she comes, and we head off to the shower. We've begun potty training, and with that, I keep her on the john for at least 10 to 15 minutes. We are beginning to have some success within that time limit. 

This morning wasn't any different. She produced some evidenced of success. So, I put her in the shower, along with myself, to do our Sunday shower and shampoo. She seemed to be cooperative as we went. It was when she got out and was drying her off, that there was a tilt to the not-so-good area. 

When I swiped her butt, the towel came back with some poo on it. Swell. I swear, she can sit on the potty for whatever amount of time, and do nothing. But as soon as I put clean pullups on her, she poops within the first 10 minutes. 

Anyway, she gets in a funky mood, not a friendly mood at breakfast and stays that way for most of the morning. She's mad at me and no matter what I do or say won't change that. 

Knowing that we need to do some grocery shopping, it is ready, set, go time. At first she doesn't want to go with me, and then she does, and then again she doesn't. I'm not going without her, so it doesn't goes without saying, things in the car are tense. 

It isn't until we are walking into the store that she is now holding on tightly to me. Now, lets get the shopping done and home again. I've created a shopping list on my phone, and know what we need to get. 

Walmart has redone their store, and new look. At the same time, what was here, isn't. And what was there, isn't either. So it is a scavenger hunt some of the times. Then, of course, because of the supply disruptions, there are the empty shelves. Seek, search, and maybe find what we are looking for. 

Because it is Halloween, we might as well get some candy for the kiddies. That was a mistake. Like others, we went to the candy row, and, amazing to our "surprise", there wasn't a bag left. Oh well, it was after all a last minute idea. 

Home again, unloading and putting away our groceries. With the refrigerator full and the pantry re-stocked, sit down to relax and watch something foolish. Don't want Sweetie to get upset. Watched the "Princess Bride." 

The part in the movie where the priest says "True Love." I have to smile, because at our son's wedding, they asked and got that line added to the ceremony. Cute, and it spoke volumes about their love for each other. That was 20 years ago and it is still true today. 

The last time I checked Sweetie, was a bad check up. I had to put her back in the shower to get her clean. She was not happy, but it had to be done. She was so unhappy with me, it spilt over to dinner and afterwards. It took extra Happy Medicine and lotion before she warmed back up to me. 

When it was time to go to bed, she was better and I was hoping for a good night sleep. It was until I woke up with her all next to me and hogging the covers. It wasn't until I got up to straighten the cover, that I found out it was me who was pulling the covers off of her. Re arranging the covers, she moves back to her side, while staying asleep, and I went back to my side to and to sleep. 

I didn't see the last turn off Driver made. It was the off ramp to "True Love". I thought we had used that turn off before. Driver tells me, that there are many "True Love's" on the Road to Dementia Town. Some are small rest areas, some are rough roads that are under construction, but they are all named True Love. It is there anytime I need a reminder. Rough or smooth, True Love is present. With that in mind, we motor down the road Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.   Arthur.