My heart just melts.

The Look that melts my heart.

The funny things about living in a blessed moment of time, that many times the blessing isn't seen, felt, or realized until after the time has past. Like this one, the capture of the way Sweetie is looking at me. When I turn and see her face, her eyes, her love watching me, my heart just melts.

I was talking to someone about Sweetie, and I used the term "I serve her." I'd never thought of that. I know I do just about everything for her and to her, but never thought that I was serving her, just taking care of her. 

To me, a servant is an underling, a non seeable entity, that takes care of those they serve. With Sweetie, I serve her love. For it is that which stays, even after the body is gone. Love with humility makes the best servant, for there isn't expectation of something in return. When there is a acknowledgement, it just lifts me up. For me it is her eyes, her smile, and the words: "I love you."

Friday 

I was hoping for a good day, it was suppose to be breezy, but it wasn't. 

When I got Sweetie up, she had wet her self, the bed, and drop cloths. In other words, a shower was needed. 

As I washed her, I could tell that she was going to, at last, have a bowel movement today. Sounds icky to say that, but I'd never thought praying for a BM and finding that the answer to that prayer would happen this day.

After breakfast, got ready, and out the door we went. Off to the golf course. 

Sweetie has been acting weak lately, and the ride in the golf cart seems to help. This time, she was nodding off in the cart. This is something new for her. I accept it as just another step down into the darkness of Dementia. 

When I was at the car, getting ready to get her out of the cart and into the car, I was very fortunate that two me saw Sweetie and asked if they could help. It couldn't of been at a most opportune time. As I was helping her out of the cart, she collapsed, and they jumped in and got her into the car. In the car and home. I put her in bed, and waited. Knowing that her batteries were down to zero charge.    

I let her sleep for about 90 minutes, woke and off to the grocery store. I rushed through our shopping, keeping a wary eye on her, thinking that she could go down at any minute. She didn't and we made it through that adventure. 

When I made dinner, I was hoping she would be hungry and eat. She was not and did not eat that much. I got her to eat the meat and some of the vegetables. I know about this stage of not eating and there isn't anything anyone can do. 

I had been giving her ensure occasionally, and I think this is the time I should start giving it to her daily. And so the story continues. 

It seems that we have hit a rough part of the Road to Dementia Town. Driver and me know what is happening, and I hold her tightly to me. As He always says, "Don't worry, I'll take good care of her, until then, you're doing a great job." He is my comforter, my strength, and shoulder to cry on, when needed. As we move down the road, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

    

Be patience.

5/13/21 Sweetie and Me

Have you ever thought of your life in a Biblical way? How many times I've wonder if my life, Sweetie's life, our lives together can be found in scripture. There are times when I felt like Job. Problem after problem befell him, and even with his friends and wife condemning for some forgotten sin that he needs to confess and at the same time he says he is sinless. Or Joseph, he seemed to be born into privilege, then sold into slavery. Only to prosper in the end. Telling his brothers that what they meant for evil, God meant it for good. I believe that these two examples are capsulations of my life with Sweetie. 

Both of these men never took their eyes off the prize, the object of their faith, the God of their understanding. It is at the end of their journey that the joy of their trials were made know. As it is with Sweetie and me. Be patience for I'm not there yet. 

Thursday

No golf today, and make plans for lunch with the son's family. 

We had our normal morning, up, wash, breakfast, and then wait tell lunch time. 

I'm not taking advantage of these times. Instead of getting out and doing outside things, knowing that Sweetie will either come out with me, or sit safely in the house. I choose to sit in front of my computer and either play computer games or watch stuff on YouTube that entertains me. Then later, I get so mad at myself for doing nothing. 

When it was time to go, I had to wake Sweetie up, she was down for another nap. She is sleeping more and more. As to worry about it, is like willing the sun not to raise and shine during the day. It is just the progression of the disease.

I talked about making a appointment at the Social Security office to resolve our Medicare dilemma. As it turns out, Social Security offices are closed because of the pandemic. Crap! So, now begins the paper trail to resolve the conflict.

While having lunch with the kids, DIL asked if I could use some help. She volunteered her small tribe of boys to come over and help. So, we now have them coming over on Sunday to do some yard work and move some furniture. Now that school is out, and they have time to do this, who am I to stand in their way? 

There are times when my Driver just out does Himself. Then again, is there anything too difficult for Him? Every time I get down, He is there to lift me up. He has done it again. Family coming over to help. Like wings of eagles, He lifts me up. As we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.     

Joyous Memories.

A memory of better days. 

I loved and miss those days. The pre Dementia and Pandemic days. Sometimes, I see these pictures and see just how far we have come. Sweetie hasn't lost her smile or those wonderful blue eyes, that twinkly and shine at times as she looks lovingly at me. 

As we were putting away her sweatshirt after a our outing. I remembered that it was July, 2017 on the flight home from Oahu, that we made a stop over to Maui. We off loaded and walked about (we can say we have been to Maui). Found her a light sweatshirt to wear on the plane home. That was almost 4 years ago. I put it on her almost everyday, and by doing that, that memory stays alive. It is stretched and shabby and alive with the past love moments that can never be taken away. It's been washed, stitched when the hems come apart, and I have to help her put the zipper together so she can zip it close. I don't think I'll ever let it go. 

Wednesday 

Sweetie is getting used to her morning shower. She doesn't fight me as much, and with warm water, softly flowing on her, and with me talking softly and sweetly to her. Letting her know what I'm doing and tell her that it is alright for me to wash her. Whether she understands or not, I tell her how much better she is when I wash her bottom. Soft, gentle, and slowly washing her privates, she understands. 

We've slept on two pillows for years and because she has been moving more and more to the edge of the bed. I thought I'd try removing one of the pillows, for both of us, and see if it helps. It does. She doesn't move off the pillow and to the edge, and she isn't hurting as much when I get her out of bed. Now to see if it helps in the long run. 

Came home to a message on the phone about a medical billing and Medicare. Upon investigation, the home hospice visit and evaluation of Sweetie, Medicare rejected. It seems that Medicare thinks Sweetie is still covered by my employer's insurance from when I was still working. 

After calling Medicare and was told to mail into an office, her POA with the rest of the story and they will take care of it. In what century? So, I'm going to make an appointment to go to the Social Security office, and get it done in person. Otherwise, the possibility of this becoming a marathon back and forth, writing this and that, has a good chance of happening. Face to face works best. Questions asked and answered then, not 3 weeks later. 

We're heading over to the boy's home for lunch today. Taking KFC for us, DIL is baking a anniversary cake, also, for us, and we will celebrate our wedding anniversary's together. Hoping to have a fun time, take some pictures, and make some memories. 

Memories that we have and what Driver tells us that we should cherish them. They are the fabric for which we use to cloth ourselves with in times of sorrow. Joyous memories can brighten the darkest day. He will make sure we see the beauty of the day, helps me find the Easter Eggs hidden in those sad times. For there are days when those memories are needed more others. As we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.