New paint.

Sweetie

1945-2022

My love, My Lover, and Best Friend

She died in my arms, such a bitter sweet passing. She knew I had to have that once in a life time special time with her, It was just like the life we had, when it was just the two of us.

I loved her so much that I could feel my heart being torn in half as I felt her heart slowly stop. I know all the words, all the sympathies that are said at this time. She is in a better place, she doesn't hurt anymore, and all the rest. Words, they are nothing but words. 

Words are all that we have, and if you're brave enough, hugs, and shed a tear with me. But even when I knew this day was coming, there isn't anything that can tell me what I would truly feel. 

There are men in my support group that have found love again, and that is wonderful. I don't have any regrets and hope that they are whole for the rest of their lives. As for me, like Tom Hanks in Cast Away, I'll learn how to breath in, and breath out. To take one day, just one day, at a time. 

Tuesday

  I've taken to the internet in my attempt to get the bed out of my house. I've done this before, posting on websites. Amazing what happens, it seems that businesses don't like your complaints on the web. 

To make it simple, we are bed-less. I was told that I'd get a phone call from the driver, and I did, and he have me an ETA, and met it. 

I know that he isn't the reason for all the heartache that I was going through with the bed still in the house, he was the one to resolve the problem. 

As we talked, he showed me his tattoo, a cat, and I said I'd show him my Tweety. Love it, as a car person does. After he was gone, put the room back to the way it was, and a feeling of relief came over me. 

Before this, I'd dropped grandson off at the mall so he could get himself a new tattoo. While he was being drawn on, it was my turn to get cleaned up. 

Went looking for a place for me to get my hair cut short again. I ended up at a shop where there were two beauticians, with one free. Sat down, and the conversation began. I told her about Sweetie and her passing and she cut my hair, trimmed the beard, and eye brows. I didn't know the man that walked out of the shop. 

Timed it just right, grandson was done and waiting for me. Only about 10 minutes away, went a picked him up. 

He was in some pain from the new tattoo, so we made a stop at the neighborhood drug store. While we were there, I got a 8x10 picture of Sweetie developed for the service. (it is the one at the top of the page, if you were wondering which one I choose.) 

Home, I made dinner for grandson and myself. It was the first meal served at the table since Sweetie passed. I was happy that I wasn't alone for this event. 

Grandson turns out to be the handyman. He wants to strip the old paint off the kitchen's counters and repaint them. He thinks it will take us about a day and a half, maybe two at the most. New paint in the kitchen just might be the tool we need to build upon. 

Driver got me up, and we went out walking. Grandson joined us, as we explore Dementia Town. Getting things done while we are here, and learning how to laugh again. For after all, we are Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

 

Sweetie and me.

A heart felt reminder.

Day 12, and it hasn't gotten easier, just that I've gotten a little more comfortable with her not being here. I'm becoming more acceptable with the emptiness that fills our home and my heart. 

I am so grateful that I have my grandson with me. He is helping me get through these early days of widow-ship. Widow, it isn't a word that fits in my mouth well. 

I have this concept of words that "fit" in my mouth comfortably. The new title of Widow doesn't seem to fit just right. It is like the word Lover, Husband, Father, these are words that I put on, and they fit well at first. Then as time went on, they needed some alteration and repair. These are the word-clothes that I wore while being married to my Sweetie Pie. Now,this new suit is a bit tight and stiff, yet as I wear it, I know it will grow soft and more comfortable. 

Monday

It is my first morning with me having a house guest. He's not going to be here long enough to become a pain in the butt, just long enough for us to begin the hard work of re-building a relationship that will endure the times of life. That is my hope. 

It is also day 11 that I still have that bed in my house. They are supposed to be here around 2. I'm taking bets that there is again, another no-show. 

Don't want to dwell on that, so it is time to get pictures together to send to the pastor. I told him I had a ton of pictures of Sweetie, and was going to let him have just a few. 

It was fun for me, looking at them again for a different reason. I know I share with you some of my pictures of Sweetie and Me, you just don't know the amount of pictures I have of us. 

I loved taking pictures of her, it documented our life together. Between this blog and the memorial, I had to live my life over again with her. To be reminded of the wonderful life we had. 

To the movies we go, this time for the Spiderman's movie. Again, OK for me. Because they are now making movies over two hours long, they have to fill the time with dialogue, and stuff that just doesn't seem to fit the movies. Over all, I'd give it about an 7 or 8. 

Seeing the time, we rush home hoping for the miracle of the men to show and take the bed away. About 4 when it seemed obvious that they were not going to show. Another call was made. This time, I left the person a message, that if they didn't get the bed tonight, tomorrow it would be on my driveway. If they didn't want it stolen, they would come and get it. Also, went to their website, found the comment page, and told them the same thing. What I don't understand is this simple idea, that if they missed a pick up that day, why isn't it a priority the next morning?

Grandson and me set up the X-Box, and found a golf game to play. Unfortunately, it is a one person game, like most games are. So, he played his game, and I played mine. 

Awake to another day in Dementia Town. This time will give me time to learn how to live without tears, in public. I found out that I'm going to be speaking at a ceremony that will honor Sweetie. So, this is a good time for me to gather my thoughts, and somehow tell the story of our life, our love, and my sorrow, as we walk the streets of Dementia Town, Keeping my Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.    

 

Grandson

I wear her ring.

I told you about her ring and the chain, when I look at it, I feel like an old fool, caught up in the past. I know that I'm not. I'm just a man that loved a woman so much, that I had to keep something of hers that will be with me to my end. 

At my age, I feel that I have some years left, and I don't know what awaits me and as for now, I am quite content in living where I am. Then again, I know that I am not the decider of what tomorrow holds. We will just take it one day at a time. 

Sunday

It is the beginning of daylight savings. Oh how I hate this time change. My prayer is that these silly politicians get there heads out into the sunshine, and get rid of this stupid, non-useful rule. 

And for the first time in a long time, it is Sunday, and there is a church service I'm looking forward to. 

After my morning with prayer, reading, meditation, and zoom meeting, I'm getting ready for church. It is a small gatherings, and I need to check with the pastor about Sweetie's memorial. We were so blessed and now I feel lead by my Higher Power to this small congregation. 

After service, we chat, talk about what we want to do, the music and the photos for the slide show. I ask him to make a small, short message about Sweetie and her walk with the Lord. He is pleased hearing about her faith, and wanting it to be the point of his message. 

Yesterday, Jonethan and made plans to get together and watch "The Batman" movie. He comes down with his backpack, and away we go. 

I wasn't too impressed with the movie. Maybe because there have been so many before this one, and the stretch to set this one apart, well for me, was a stretch. 

After the movie, I told Jonethan about getting a video game player for me. I like to play games, and now that Sweetie isn't with me anymore, it can be a way to pass the time. And with him being with me, I can use his expertise to assist in getting something that will be good for my ability, Old Man mode. 

That is when I find out that I now have a house guest for the rest of the week. Surprised and happy that he wants to spend the time with me. A chance to mend some fences and build a new relationship. 

He installs the X-Box, and I make dinner. He gets in done, and we have dinner. 

Finish the night watching something, and head to bed. 

Since Me and Driver have time on our hands, we decide to see what there is to see. As we wonder about, looking to fill our time, we head for the movies, and run into my grandson. He too is looking lost here in Dementia Town. Ask if he'd like to join us. He does, and off we go, looking about, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up as we wonder. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.