Sweetie having a good day. 

This morning in one of my meditations, the question was asked, "Do you want to love God through your work?". Didn't think much about the opening. It went on talking about a piano turner and doing God's work. I have a good friend who  is a piano turner, and I thought of him immediately. It went on how being a turner means you have an ear for doing that work, which is a talent that God has given him. So, because of the gift of the talent, and by doing what that talent is being used for, he was loving God through the talent that was given to him.

The idea that doing something that God has given me the gift for is lost in the daily doing of life. I think I've found that gift in caring for Sweetie. It is the gifts of caring, of mercy and love.

 It seemed that for all my life, I had always been looking out of #1, me. I wanted to lead the parade, score the winning goal, present the most impressive speech, hit the hole in 1, and many other goals that right now, would only count once, when it happened. Then it would be just a memory. 

Being Sweetie's caregiver is something that is everyday. I don't get to sit back and say, "Yesterday was great because I did..." The only reason it was great wasn't because of what I did, it was great because Sweetie and I made it through another 24 hours. A day of less sundowners, less misery, more smiles, more laughs. That is what makes a day in the life of Dementia, a happy and good day. 

I know that my attitude adjustment didn't happen just because I wanted it to happen, it is only through that invisible hand of God that made that adjustment. I sure didn't want this job, I have it anyway. Since I have it, I might as well do the best job I can.

Yesterday, we did have a good day. I was watching a Careblazers video on what to do with a LO with Dementia. Dusting was one of the things suggested. I've been meaning to clean and dust my office for years. You could write your name on any flat surface in there. 

We got busy, brought in a card table, emptied my desk surfaces, got the spray polish out and a couple of hand towels and went at it. Through out the "I don't know how to do that", and much guidance, I can say, I'm typing on a very clean and polished desk. Not only my desk, but book shelves that are now their original color, not the gray/brown dusty colors. We even hung a couple of pictures. What a great day. Many Easter Eggs.   

Is today going to as great? I don't know, I do know that by my caring of and for Sweetie, I'm doing what God has prepared me for. I have such confidence in that, He has given me the keys to the car, and I've got the Shinny Side Up as we drive down the road to Dementia town. Oh yea, may you keep your Shinny Side Up, too. God Bless.  

Sweetie and her granddaughters

at Knott's Berry Farm 

How can one continue to talk about the day to day life? Life as I know it is has different for me as it is for you. Yesterday was just another sunup to sundown day. A normal day that included the joy and pain of taking care of the one I love, living through the world of Dementia. 

Trying to make some kind of a normality out of this existence called life. When I was a young man, married and we had our first child. What a change in life. A new life, that would be growing and learning and moving through life. Yes, she was a pain at times, waking and crying, having to change diapers. We learned too. We learned that we had to wait for her to grow and learn from us, as we taught her our views on life, on religion, and society. We both grew and learned.

Now, that brings me to the other side of life. As we have climbed the mountain of life, and move to the gravity pulling side, I'm having to learn a whole new lifestyle. We are not doing this side of life together, we are growing, slowing down in different ways. I'm not just her husband anymore, I'm her person, her strong man, her protector, I'm someone that makes her feel safe. 

I'm there to bath her, to help her brush her teeth, to help her dress, eat, and attempts to keep her calm. I'm also an experimenter, trying things that will keep her calm, keep her mentally here, thus the CBD Hemp oil, the Stress Relief Body Lotion, the attempts to keep her hydrated, and occupied.

Yesterday was another attempt to relieve her of her anxiety when I leave her at daycare. I stumbled upon the phrase "I'll be back and pick you up." seemed to ease her worry. I usually tell her that after we are at the center, but this time, it seemed to be a key to having a more stress-less separation.

Normally after we have something to eat, after picking Sweetie up from daycare, I head for someplace to walk around and just get some busy time. Yesterday, I took her home and sat her down on the potty, good idea. As I read to her, she became agitated, and soon her body took over and got elimination done. It always surprises me when she tells me she doesn't know what is going on. 

After our stop, we went to the mall and did some walking. I want to get her some slip on tennis shoes, the problem, she will not push to get the shoe on. Will work on a solution, keep you posted. 

Found that putting her stress lotion on her neck seems to be an improvement over having her rub it in on her hands. 

The sun is isn't up yet, the sky is letting me know it will be up soon, so, I'll be tooling down the road, keeping my Shinny Side Up. You too? God Bless.                                                   

Sweetie and me did a small easy hike into the foothills of the 

Sandia's. 

 

 Think, think, think, just how do I start this post this morning? Do I comment on the pictures of Sweetie, or do I tell you how I feel? Just what is it that I want to expound upon today.

 

Lets start with the morning, Tuesday is our movie day, so I let Sweetie sleep, the less she is up, the less I have to be on guard. That may seem like a mean thing to say, and on the surface it is. Consider this, I'm the only one taking care of her, I'm the only one that is constant contact with her, and I am the only one that, in my opinion, really loves and cares about her.

 

This disease takes capture those who are the closest to it. For us caretakers, we are there for them and because of our closeness, we get attached in ways that sideliners never will.  Caregivers know about the mood swings, the cursing, the depression that can come with Dementia's victims and we deal with it. 

 

Don't get me wrong, I know my family has lives to live, children to take care of, and lives of their own. They aren't there for the wet pants, the dirty depends, the sitting with them while they sit on the toilet, not really knowing what they are there for and then cleaning them up. Trying to find a meal that they will eat, getting them to drink water. The tricks we learn on deflecting and redirecting conversations so we can calm them down, and get some peace for ourselves.  

I don't have time to hold resentments about this love-job I've volunteered for. I can't, I took a vow:

 For better or for worse;

In sickness and in health;

Until death do us part. 

 

No one else took this vow with me. It was a lifetime contract between me, Sweetie and our God. The only way I can keep this contract is with my God's help. He is the one that gives me the strength, the love and mercy I need to love, take care of, and show her mercy everyday. If left up to me, there are times when I just want to turn and walk away. When that happens, I get this tug in my heart, and something beautiful happens and I am reminded, that I'm not doing it alone, I have supernatural source that is just waiting for me to tap into.  

Because of this, I can look for and find those special Easter Eggs as time and days go bye. 

Gotta go, I have some polishing to do, cause as you know, I'm keeping my Shinny Side Up. God Bless.

 

 

 

 

My Sweetie from 2016

 

I've enjoyed looking through old pictures and see my Sweetie. We're were on vacation and stopped in for some ice cream. These were the days when word loss was about the only sign of her Dementia. 

Yesterday, it was suppose to be daycare and my day on the course. When we left the house, it was a mixture of snow and rain. Very light but it seemed more on the way. So, I decided to keep Sweetie home with me. No sooner than we got home the rain stopped. By then it was too late to change again. 

We spent the day, it was a good day. Because we have been using the shower in the downstairs bathroom, made the decision to buy and install a towel rack next to the shower. We had remodeled the bathroom years ago and took out the rack that was originally there. Just needed one close to the shower or easy access. 

I started to put the Stress Relief lotion on Sweetie's neck instead of having her rub into her hands. As of one day using this technique. It seems to work quicker, and because I'm putting it on my hands, I'm getting relief too. By my rubbing it on her neck, I get to touch her in a way that is pleasing to both of us, a little intimacy. 

Today is movie day, so we'll be doing that which we do at home, but share it with our friend. I get to eat some popcorn at the same time. I don't keep popcorn or just about any snacks at home. I'm a great grazer, and my waist line cannot take the easy availability of waist exspanders. If I get a bag of chips, cookies, or any other grazing food, I'm sure to eat 90% of it. 

Sweetie just doesn't eat very much now a days. When she goes to daycare, I'm told she eats her whole lunch. One of the workers here has a way of getting her to eat. Then, when we get something to eat after I pick her up, she eats that too. So I know she gets enough to eat 3 days a week. Because of this, I'm thinking of cutting meals down to 2 large meals a day when she doesn't go to daycare. When we have 3 meals, she just picks at the food, I think she just isn't hungry. Will keep you posted. So far, the red dishes haven't helped. 

Today is a sleep in morning for Sweetie and I get a me morning. When she comes down, and I ask how she is, her reply it "I don't know." and she really doesn't know. This is just another step into darkness. The blessing is she comes to see me, it doesn't matter to me who she thinks I am, she still comes to me. That is my Easter Egg in the morning. 

Time to head down the road, if you see me, I'll be the one keeping the Shinny Side up. Hope you do the same, God Bless.

 

Singing Roads, Hemp Oil, Stress Relief Lotion.

Sweetie and Me

Still dark out, not a hint of the sun. I'm sure by the time I post this, the sun will be peeking over the Sandia's and I'll watch the sky turn colors. It is a reminder who is really in charge. Its not simple walking this road, for it is full of ruts, loose stones, and then the brief sections that are smooth and life is good. 

Here in New Mexico, we have "Singing Roads". Someone with too much time on their hands came up with a system of lines on the side of the road, that with at the right speeds, you can drive and hear American the Beautiful. The trick to be able to hear the music, is the speed at which you travel. 

Living with Sweetie follows those rules. I know there is a time, place and speed at which I can get our relationship singing. 

Yesterday, Sweetie woke up early, and I thought this would be a great time to go to church. We haven't been there for along, long time. Basically since I retired and have allowed Sweetie to sleep and recharge her brain, I've found other ways to hear a Godly message. TV can make my church very comfortable. But I digress, as usual, I didn't plan the timing of our arrival well. We were early, very surprised at the changes there. But again, I digress. The only person was our friend JJ, he was so happy to see us and we had a great conversation.

I tried not giving Sweetie her Hemp oil, kind of a timing and effect effort. Decision, to keep with the regimentation that we have seem to fall into. A dose shortly after she gets up, then in the afternoon and in the evening. Some new I'm trying with the lotion. I'm putting it on her neck, along the Carotid Arteries instead of having her rub it in on her hands. Going to see if the absorption by the Arteries will improve the time of it taking affect. Tried it last night before bed and it seemed to work. 

Yesterday, bought red dishes, bowels and plates (2 each) to see if the "Red Dish" works. Last night wasn't a successful test. One time doesn't make for a good test results, will keep trying. We have so many dishes in the cupboard, what the hell two more make. 

Over all, Sunday was a good day. I'm starting to use Teddy as a tool to help Sweetie with her sundowners. If I can give her something that is familiar and have her focus on it, she seems to calm down easier. 

Like looking for Easter Eggs, they are never hidden in the same places. We had to look hard for them yesterday, but we found them. Simple ones, knowing where to put away the forks from dinner, knowing which trash/recycle lid to open, eating enough to make me happy, and not having any accidents at all. Something that you and I take for granted, something that I celebrate with Sweetie.  

Sun is coming up, that means, what? Nothing except, The Creator of the Universe has given me something beautiful to start my day. What I do between now and sundown is yet to happen. All I know is if I keep the Shiny Side Up, the is one huge chance of finding Easter Eggs. God Bless. Keep your Shiny Side Up. 

TV watching, Hemp Oil as a savior.

 My Sweetie Pie from 4 years ago.

Saturday, it is a day that we have to figure out what to do. The weekends that used to be times of relaxation, housework, working in the yards, visiting with the kids, is now a day that tax's my imagination. I'm grateful when she sleeps in. It gives me less hours to find something to do. I'd be happy to sit and watch TV, eat and be happy. 

What I've found out, is that Dementia can only watch so much TV before it becomes bored. Being bored is a dangerous place to be. Dementia soon creates images, stories, desires that have to acted out, and now is the time to act out. When I try to counter or put to rest her imaginary stories or plans, it just quickly takes that disk out of the player and puts another story to be acted on. This is when I thank God for CBD Hemp oil and Stress Relief lotion. In about 30 to 45 minutes, Sweetie is back down and out of the tree. 

We had a couple of Oatmeal explosions yesterday, and  I found out something that will work, and work well. Sweetie is into shadowing phase of her Dementia and I can use it to get her into the shower. I tell her I'm going to take a shower, and ask her if she would like to join me. One heck of a way to get her cleaned up, and a full shower at the same time. 

We've talked about sitting on the toilet and the urgency to get off and out. I tried something different. I read to her while we were there. I found an old Bible, the Message, translated into modern language, more like love letters, and read from the Book of Psalms. She relaxed, and kept looking at the pages as I read. She loved it, and so did I. (Easter Egg.) 

If nothing else, life is differently not boring. I have to be on my toes when I'm with her. When we are driving somewhere, I have to talk to her, answering her ever circling question, which I in turn ask back to her. When we are walking the mall, I've started making little limericks. Make up poems, that make her smile, her eyes twinkle, and it seems for that short time all is well.  As for now, I'll be heading down the road, You'll know me, I've got the Shiny Side Up. God Bless.

    

Well, well, well. Here we are on my first out of the box blog. I am new to blogging not posting. I've been posting on a closed Dementia site for months and have been encouraged to go public. So, here I am.

What is a day like with a spouse that is walking the path down to Dementia Town. It is hard, not just for the person, it is most difficult for the people who are their caregivers. I'm Sweetie's caregiver, I'm also her husband. We've been married for 32 years as of now. Soon, in May, it will be 33 years. As of now, the clock on our marriage will continue to tick even when there isn't a reason to wind the clock.

I've been posting about our daily lives as I accompany Sweetie on her journey. I see the difficulty in her face when she has those moments of clarity when she tells me she "isn't any good anymore.". I cant tell her the truth, because the truth doesn't make sense to her. But I try. To comfort her, I'll tell her that she is good for me, she is all I need. Sometimes it works, sometime it doesn't. I've learned that truth isn't her truth. Dementia doesn't play between the lines. It erases the line and may or may not redraw them.

Friday is a day that never starts good. I know that I need my time away from Sweetie, so I put her into daycare 3 days a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday,  and I head to the local golf course. I don't leave her there all day, only about 4 hours, so I only play the executive course. 9 holes are better than nothing.

Sweetie is really into shadowing now. For her to be away from me for any time is devastating for her and when she realize that is where I'm taking her the cries of terror and tears flow. She knows she will be without me and that just scares her almost to death.

Once inside and a worker comes and greets her, she's fine. With a kiss and a promise to get her when I'm do, she pushes me out the door.

When I pick her up, usually around 1, I take her to McDonald's for a quick meal. As soon as we are in the car, I give her a dose of CBD Hemp oil, and by the time we've eaten and reconnected, she is calmed down enough that we can do something. Usually its heading for the nearest mall and walking the mall for about an hour. Yesterday I got the idea, go home and put her on the toilet, so she can pee before we go.

I've been worried about her being constipated, we've been on a diet of oatmeal for 2 days, and I found the reaction to our diet. Oh my what a reaction. So, we sat there and I read to her so she sat happily being the center of attention. Afterwards, it was shower time, new "underwear" and off for our walking.

I've been using CBD Hemp oil and Stress Relief aromatherapy body cream to help with her sundowners. Before we started using the oil and lotion, sundowners was a terrible time. There was her getting out of the house, trying to get into neighbor's homes, thinking she needs to help the kids inside. I had to block her from going into homes, it was just terrible.

On the Facebook site, I learned about CBD Hemp oil, and decided to give it a try. What did I have to loose? After the first dose, what a difference. The affect in her calming was a miracle. She didn't try to get out of the house, but anxiety was apparent and still is comes into play every now and then. 

We added Stress Relief Lotion when the daycare crew told me about it and how they use it to calm Sweetie. I got some and added it our regimentation to help with her sundowners. We now have evenings that are almost sundowners free. And that, my friends, are my Easter Eggs of blessing that can be found, if you look for them.

I think this is enough for this first time out. If your out, look for me, I'll be the one keeping the Shinny Side Up. God Bless.