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| Sweetie wearing her Christmas gift shirt. | |
There are times when I just want to stomp out the door, feel sorry for myself, to raise a fist to God, and cry, "It isn't fair!" "What have I done to deserve this?" What has Sweetie done to have her being taken away from both of us? Aren't these the question we have asked ourselves when there is this huge hole in our hearts and souls. I can't help but think that here is a big hole in Sweetie too.
Its times when I just cannot help myself every time I see her. When she walks into the room, seeing that she is a shell of the woman I married and lived with for 34 years. That it is this, love. Love and only love could give me the tools that are needed to see this job through.
When we met many years ago, I thought I knew love. For I had met a beauty that was a lustfully, passionate, lover that knew no boundaries. For love, at that time, was kept alive in the bedroom.
As time went by, the lust and the passion lost their edge and we slowed down. Such is life. Our foundation was set, and we got on with our daily lives, working, taking care of the kids, making decisions that kept us on an even keel.
I came to see marriage as two oxen pulling a cart down the road. As long as they pulled together, the cart called marriage stayed on the road. It was when something caught one of the oxen's attention and it pulled the cart over to far, the cart would turn over. When that happened, they would have to stop and right the cart and head down the road again.
Right now, I feel that I'm the only one pulling the cart. My partner ox isn't pulling her weight and I have a choice to make.
In the movie, African Queen, Humphrey's character has a choice to make, either die or get back in the water with the leaches and pull the Queen down stream. What does he do? Gets back in the water.
That is the best visual that I can come up with, and that is were we are. The Queen is going to be the Queen no matter what happens. Bogart and me, we are the ones that have to decide. I'm with Bogie, and into whatever water that we are in, so am I, leaches and all.
That is what love has come to mean. My Driver's Son once said that love is when one is willing to lay down his life for someone else. In our case, I may not lay down my physical life for Sweetie, what I am willing to do is put whatever life that could have been, I'm willing to put it on hold until this adventure comes to its completion.
Speaking of my Driver, He's at the door, with His arms crossed and tapping His foot. I'm late, EEE GADSSSS. Gotta run, the doors open and He has put my cool sunglasses on the dash, into the seat, buckling up, glasses on and here we go. Down the road to Dementia Town, and as always Shinny Side Up. You know, it isn't really that bad of a life with Sweetie, my Driver and you. I know Easter Eggs are out there, and so are you, as you drive yourself, Keeping your Shinny Side up.
Oh, one more thing. I've been asked about what Hemp Oil and Lotion I use on Sweetie. I get my Hemp Oil from Amazon and the brand is New Age, and the Lotion is Aromatherapy Stress Release Body Lotion from Bath and Body Works.
3 comments:
Thank you Mr. Artemus for your words of love and hope. As always you're doing great!
Thank you for your kind words. I'm encouraged by messages like yours.
I just found out that my mom has the quick progressing disease. She was diagnosed almost 1 year ago, but within the last few months, it seems to be progressing quicker. I have 3 siblings who are lucky enough to live closer to her than I do. I live 2 hours away, but have been trying to go home and help Dad as often as possible. Between work, helping dad with mom & taking them to dr. appointments it can be very trying. My husband has been very understanding and helpful. Our 3 children are struggling with it. We were lucky enough to spend Easter with them at the farm and our children got to spend time with mom also. It was very hard for them to see how the disease is killing her loving self. My sister & I will be visiting a nursing facility tomorrow to see if we can get her in. It is something I thought I would never have to do. Mom is under the impression when she goes to a facility that Dad will be going with her & that is not the case. I'm sure we are going to have a bit of a struggle & I don't know how we will handle it, but the good Lord willing, we will get through this. Thank you for your blog, it is helping me tremendously. God Bless You.
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