There she is, My Sweetie Pie. |
Here's my secrete, I don't plan too far ahead, but again, I do plan events months in advance. Does that make sense? To me it makes perfect sense. Planning is a way for me to try and have some say so in what is going to happen, and at the same time, knowing that my plans have to go through the approval method of a Higher Power. If I'm open to the adjustments, and then make my plans according to His adjustments, things usually work out better then my original plans.
Life is cyclical and before Dementia, in one way or another, they were pretty much points to hit each year. Birthdays, Christmas, Anniversaries. The calendar was and still is filled with them. When you add in the grandkids, it fills the calendar even more. Like the movie "The Lion King" we are in the circle of life. With Dementia, that circle isn't a perfect circle anymore. It is more like a oval then a circle.
It's the time between the events that is different. Instead of any arc to the next point on the circle, the time seems to flatten out and moves in a strange, slow, sometimes fast, direction to that next point. It is how things change that were never thought of before, to common things that need to be done. Its checking her depends in the morning, or helping her brush her teeth, putting the paste on the brush, and we use power brushes, have her turn it on. I never thought telling her to rinse and spit after brushing would be a thing I'd have to do.
When I was a young man, and could observe older couples, especially at church, growing older, grayer, in most cases, fatter, and then, those couples you could tell seemed to love each other differently, deeper, and as if there was a sign on them, handle with care. How they would talk about their lives, their younger years, how things have changed, and they lived through it all. I'm going to miss half of that life talk with others. Because Dementia has taken that away from us.
Went to a church dinner last night. I just wanted to see some of our old friends and I felt it would be nice for Sweetie too. We sat with friends, and they talked about living in a retirement facility, what they were doing, about a prayer ministry they were doing in the community, and how active they were. Both of them were doing well. Again, this morning when I think about it, I tried to participate in the conversation and at the sometime, it was disjointed participation because Sweetie couldn't join in. As the evening, I had to concentrate on how she was doing. It was at that time her sundowners would kick in. It did, but thankfully I had planned ahead and had given her a couple of shot of CBD oil before we arrived. One in the car when we parked. So, it wasn't bad, but it happened. Over all we had a good time, food was good, and friends did come up and give Sweetie a hug, told they were praying for us.
It was nice to see everyone, to let them get a glimpse of what we are going through. I don't think anyone hardly noticed because we walked, we talked, we held hands, seeming quite normal. Its when I'm here, at 3 in the morning, writing my story for you, that the blanket of loneliness comes over me. I ask my Driver, how much longer? He's response is, relax, there is many miles yet to travel. Hills and valleys to travel yet. There will be good days, and bad days. Sun shinny day, and raining days ahead. Not to worry, because He knows what He is doing. For He is the Driver, and He always keeps the Shinny Side Up. I just have to ride and look for Easter Eggs. By the way, last night was a good Easter Egg. Hope you have a basket full yourself. Remember, when on the Road to Dementia Town, you have to stop every now and then, and look for those eggs, you never know where they are unless you stop, look and find them, and then keep on driving with your Shinny Side Up. God Bless.
2 comments:
I really needed to read this. Had a sad time with Mom last night. Lost my patience. Sometimes it’s hard to find the Easter Eggs! Thanks for the inspiration. Love to Sweetie and huggs to you.
Sorry to hear that you had a sad time with your mom. I know those feelings. Sometimes I feel like that cartoon with the stressed out person who says "I have one nerve left and you just stepped on it." Just try to remember why your taking care of your mom, not the way she is treating you.
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