Living with the monsters: Dementia and sundowners.

She had me from the first look.

Moved on my thoughts. I've been in a praising mood about our son and his family. On what has been going on with them. The hard work, the success of his career, and the times we can just come over and talk. A great respite for me and letting them see his mom. I've also been muttering complaints about the 2 girls. Thinking that communication is a two way street, I took it upon myself to knock on the doors and see what will happen. 

Texted the oldest daughter yesterday about coming over and seeing her. I was shooting for a Saturday, because Monday thru Friday we have pretty much set a schedule. She would like us to come over on a Wednesday, her husband works on Saturday, I guess she wants him there too. Anyway, there is movement there and I'm happy. 

Maybe I'm doing it for myself too. I don't want any one of her kids to feel that I withheld her from them. I know the oldest daughter has a hard time with her mom's decline and doesn't know just what to do. You see it is easy for me to pull back because I didn't have a close relationship with my mother, and it seem the further apart, the better it was for us. I've learned that it isn't necessarily so. There are regrets that I have, so I have learned that if I don't at least make some effort, there may not be any done and resentments can form a scar on the heart that will never go away. 

Living with the monsters Dementia and sundowners has changed so many aspects of our lives. Not just the most obvious ones, but the more subtle ones. The family as a whole. The communications that are no longer there, the comradery of the Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, they are all different. This is part of the loneliness that I feel. 

The loneliness of doing all the heavy lifting, of all the caring for her. Yet, at the same time, it seems so easy and natural for me to do those things that have to be done. To speak softly and help her. To let her know, it is alright, that I'll be there to care for her. 

On her mirror, I wrote years ago a message to her and I see her attempt to read it almost everyday now. It simply this: 

 I will take care of you;

I will protect you;

and I will love you;

No matter what. 

With this promise, I have set my life's purpose before me, that no matter what, I have a mission statement that will guide us to the end of our trip. 

We had a good day yesterday. Was able to get her medication timing down and there wasn't much of a disturbance the whole day. She did wet through her pullups at the golf course, but I now carry extra pullups in the golf bag for just this. Amazing how when you plan for emergencies, they are not as bad as you think then they happen. 

Getting long in the tooth here, and my Driver is starting to get a little impatience with me. And at the same time, He knows I have things to say and we won't leave until I get done. I'm ready now and the smile is beaming on His face. So off we go. On to another adventure as we travel the Road to Dementia Town. Together, me and Driver, singing praises and hymns, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. I hope your adventure is a fun one for you to. As you drive down the Road To Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya and God Bless.