Making plans for '22.

Simba

Another day done. Another time spent together, and that seems to be the folly of our existence. Sweetie and me. There are the joys of holding hands, the job of taking care of her needs, knowing that what I'm doing is what I'm supposed to be doing. 

As a caregiver, I'm learning to balance this crazy lifestyle. My early raising, my watching her on my phone, Always trying to have a smile on my face, wanting to be one step ahead of what she is doing. Learning that when she doesn't want to leave the house, that it is OK

for her to stay home for short periods of time. She isn't a danger to herself or the house yet. 

Making plans for '22. Because of the pandemic, the squadron reunion plans had to be canceled. There are new ones again for Pensacola in April. I've already made my reservation and am looking forward to a wonderful time away. 

One of my shipmates lives in Kingman, Az. and we are talking about caravanning there. Nice to have some company on the drive to Florida. 3 days on the road there, 3 days there, and then home. 

I hope that by next year, most of the foolishness of this Covid goes away. But right now it is, in my opinion, mostly political, not medical. So, I'll have to wait until the government "assures" me that I'll be fine to leave and travel about. 

Still don't have my Tweety back. It is taking 

forever to get the parts. It doesn't look that bad, it is the radiator behind the intake that is taking the time to get. Because there is a labor shortage, everything takes longer. I was told that if everything goes fine, I'll get her back by mid or end of September. 

Starting to seek out a respite place for Sweetie while I'm gone. My lady said that she would visit with her while I'm away so she doesn't get lonely. Sweetie will need that. 

Monday

All in all, it was a good day. Sweetie was up earlier then normal, again. So, maybe this is going to be her new normal. Having to check her and found her making the bed, I quickly went in and greeted her. 

We had our normal morning, and after breakfast, and a little cleaning up, headed out to face the day. Sweetie was very good on the course, chatting away in her Dementiaies. While I'm trying to understand and respond to her. She even tried to joke and laugh with me.

Our new friend was there waiting for us to get started. It was nice to see him there. He told us that his wife was happy for him to have a some friends to play with. 

After golf, the pattern continued. Walk about then home for lunch. Sweetie seemed tired, so she took a nap, and I had some work to do with a credit reporting company, not looking forward to their tactics. Did get something done, and now waiting for their report. 

Went to the zoo later in the afternoon, after 4, and it was almost deserted. All the inside exhibitions were closed and it was getting toward the heat of the day. Stopped and fed the ducks and koi, did happen upon some little boys and shared the food with them. Ended up giving the bag to their mom and headed home.

I've been doing, with some difficulty, attempting to clean her teeth. She won't let me us a brush, so I use a cotton swab in an attempt to remove food from the front of her mouth. She fights me all the way. This time, I won, and then she responded by going back to bed. 

She didn't come out to eat when dinner was ready, so I let her stay in bed. Had a meeting to go to, and that is when she came out. After the meeting, she wanted her dinner, so I warmed it up and she ate. 

We finished the day on that famous note of TV, desert, and bed. 

Just another day in the sun, watching the hills and dells go by, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

   

TWA crash site.

At the TWA Crash site.

I should explain this picture. On the westside of the Sandia's, a popular destination for hikers is the TWA crash site. Back in the '50's, a commuter jet got lost in the fog on takeoff from Albuquerque's airport. In the fog, they flew right into the mountain, no survivors. Over the years, more and more hikers began to hike up to it. It isn't an easy hike. You experience what the rescuers went through just to get there, and the task of bring what they could back down. 

As you can see, there is still wreckage at the site. Hikers will bring up mementoes to honor those who lost their lives in the crash, there is a plaque that tells of the event as you come into the crash site. It was one of my favorite hikes to get ready for the Grand Canyon hike later in the year. 

Hiking was one of the things that I was looking forward to when we retired. How Dementia has changed things. All those plans that we had, and now in the circular fine, and new ones are being made daily. I'm just happy that we can do what we can, with what we have. 

Sunday

Sunday is somewhat of a rough day for us. I don't know if it is the lack of activity that comes about, or this is the day she gets her hair washed, or what. 

This is also the day I cut her hair again. She is good at sitting and letting me hack away on her hair. I knew it had grown from our last adventure to the barber shop. It is short again, and just in time to let it grow out for the Holidays. I'm getting better at what we do, and it is easier and quicker. Have to trim her neck, just a little clean up.

While she is in a good mood, we headed for the mall. Did our walk about, took a ride into the country side, then home. 

Sunday is her not so good day, and it seems that no matter how I space her CBD, she still has a touch of sundowners. Today, I decided to wait until she was beginning to show signs of destress before I would give her another dose. It seemed to work better this way. It took some time for the CBD to go to work, and by letting her work out her behavior difficulties made it easier on me. 

By knowing what was going on, and allowing her to have her own way, helped us both. I was relaxed, and she was doing what she needed to do. 

As the evening went on, we soon found ourselves, on the couch, watching "James and the Giant Peach." Then a time with Johnny, and off to bed. 

We started on a good road and then found some rough spots along the way. You know where there has been truck traffic and the road isn't smooth, but it is noisy and bumpy. Then ended the day on some smooth asphalt. That seems to be the reoccurring story lately. Driver up at dawn, ready the car, and away we go. Driver, Sweetie and me. On the Road to Dementia Town, enjoying the view, as we Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

 

And Waa Laa.

When I was a Taxman.

I'm so wrapped in the now, that I forget the past. I used to do taxes as a side profession. My plan was to build a business while I was still working, retire and do taxes for the first part of the year, use that income to support our travel plans. Back then, it was a good plan. 

Then there is a saying "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." As I sit here and ponder those plans to what we have now, I must of given God a good belly laugh. 

I mean, that, there wasn't anything wrong with the plans that I made for Sweetie and me. And at the same time, I was trusting in myself to get to retirement, to have enough money to enjoy all that we had been working for. Look at us now.

We lack for nothing, I only wish that Sweetie didn't have this terrible disease, and that we were able to travel more, see old friends, go to new places and enjoy each other. 

Saturday

I'm just going to be more aware of Sweetie's morning cycle. She is getting up at least an hour earlier then normal. 

It isn't anything that I can't handle, just that I have to make an adjustment to my schedule. From now on, I get to revolve around Sweetie, not the other way around. 

Today is my mental day off. One of my ladies is coming to sit with her. Today is our original, first lady. She has more time with Sweetie, and I think a gentler manner with her, and I like her too. A big plus. 

She was late, and I was glad to see her arrive. Chit chat about life for a minute, then off I go. 

Had a so-so day on the course. Teamed up with a couple that were good company. At the end, I talked with one of the pro's about taking some lessons from him. I desperately want to improve my game. I just feel that I can do better with some help. 

When I got home, Sweetie and #1 were sitting on the couch. I came over from behind and that was when one of the most loving moments happened. Sweetie looked up, saw me, and gently put her hand to my face and loved me. She had missed me. Even #1 felt the love she has for me. 

We did our normal stuff after she left. Went and did our walk about, and then a car ride, then home. 

Had a 5pm meeting to go to, and so off we went. It was a good meeting, friends from pre pandemic were there. It was after the meeting when a young lady that we have know for sometime came over to say "Hi." And Sweetie just smiled and glowed like the sun. She tried to greet her, but only Dementiaies came out. She smiled, listen, watched and then asked if she could hug her. Of course, and that was the perfect answer. Sweetie was made whole for those few seconds. 

Home, dinner, desert, and Johnny Carson as the Carnac the Magnificent. Sweetie smiling and laughing, then off to bed. 

Our Driver seems to have it under control these days. With just a little understanding on my part, I can sometimes see just what is what. When He takes what I think is the wrong turn, where I'd go right, He goes left, and Waa Laa, we're on the right road, in the right direction, heading to the right place for a good nights rest. He knows the way that is best for us, as we travel the Road to Dementia Town, and as always, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Me and my daughters.

Me and my daughters.

Life, no matter how hard you try to plan it, life has a way of getting out of control. 

Anything as tiny as spilled milk, to a major life event, there isn't any way I can control what is going to happen in the future. Plan for the worse, hope for the best and somewhere in the middle, I can carve out a reasonably happy life. 

As long as I can keep my eye on the now, and what is most important to me. My now is named Sweetie, and what is important to me is that she be safe, happy, and close to me. 

Friday

It started out with Sweetie getting up and coming out long before I was expecting. Way too early. So we headed to the bathroom to get things done. Gave her her morning dose, cleaned up, and put her back to bed. Which turned out to be the right choice. She went right to sleep. 

Got her up for breakfast, and she kept going back to the bedroom when I turned my back on her. Got breakfast, and after she ate, back to bed she went. 

That made my choice easy. She needs some down time and her body is telling her that is what needs to be done. 

We've been here before, and with me becoming more comfortable leaving her for a short time, the decision was made. Her in bed, me on the course. She slept, I played. 

The afternoon was a mixed bag of good and rough times. 

The good was getting her up and moving. The trip to the mall for our walk about went well. It was the grocery shopping that caused some concern. 

As we were shopping, Sweetie seemed OK, but tired. Concern, I quickly finished and was at the check out when she fainted. I felt lucky because I was there, and the friendly people at Walmart were there to help. We were able to get a chair under her before she check out for a few minutes. 

When she was able to get it together, we got one of the motorized carts to take her to the car. By then she was able to make it to and into the car. She napped all the way home, and I put her back to bed as soon as we got home.  

Letting her sleep until dinner time, this time I didn't get her up until I had dinner on the table. I put together another chicken, rice, veggie meal and again she ate more than normal. 

It was a birthday meeting this night, and I knew there would be people there to cheer her up, and boy was I right. 

From the moment we walked into the meeting room, people came up and greeted her, and she was beaming. It lifted her spirits right up. Had cake and ice cream as the meeting went on. I feed her, and she ate. We had a wonderful time. 

Home to sit and watch Johnny Carson's old Tonight Show. Sweetie sits with me smiling and laughing when Johnny is at his best. Then off to bed we went. What a wonderful ending of the day. 

It looked like there were storm clouds at the beginning of our road trip this morning. Drive was able to either out run the storm, or knew how to go around it. Didn't matter which way He went, all we know is that we had another day of twist and turns along with smooth pavement this day on the Road to Dementia Town, and this too, we were able to Keep Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Thunder and Lighting.

Sweetie's tribe.

This is the core family unit on Sweetie's side of our blended family. There have been additions and subtractions since this picture was taken. One of the of the best is the addition of one more grandson. From left to right, DIL surrounded by her kiddies, Son, Youngest Daughter, Us in the middle, Oldest Grandson (now in the Navy), and her first born. 

I was thinking about our history and what we did as a couple. One of the things was, taking care of my work clothes. After the wash was done, we'd go upstairs and I would iron my slack and shirts, Sweetie would sit on the bed and read to me as I'd ironed. 

I'll never forget the time she read from "This Present Darkness" the part describing an evil shadow. She stopped and left me hungry for more. She was still reading it, so I had to wait until she was finished before I could pick it up and read it for myself. I finished the book on the beach, covered with towels, so not to get sunburnt, and finished it. The only place I didn't cover was the top of my feet, oh what a price I paid that following week. 

On a vacation to Oregon, we didn't have anything to read, so we went to the local drug store, found some new authors' to read, and went back to our hotel and read. Funny that we found reading an intimate time together. Now a days, I don't read like I used to, just don't have the same desire since I've lost my reading buddy. 

Thursday

In trying to establish an new day pattern for Thursdays is going to be touchy. Sweetie knows what we do, and this Bible Study may or may not be good for her. I'm pushing for it, because it is another outing around people of like beliefs. 

Even though Sweetie doesn't remember each day, she has something that tells her, this is new. Sometimes new scares her and will take a few times to get used to it. 

After the study, we headed for the course. I've noticed and noted that she will get a stone face on, and not be as animated as the game goes on. I think she is getting over heated. 

After we get back to the car, and on our way. The A/C starts to cool us off, and she will begin to act lovingly towards me. By the time we get to the mall, she is almost herself again. 

After our walk about, and home, she is back to being her loving self. 

We didn't finish well. I wanted to head out for a meeting, and when it was time, she wasn't in the mood for anything. CBD had worn off, and I missed it. Too late to try to give her anymore, I let her alone. For there wasn't anything I could do to help her. 

When I got home from the meeting, we were back at being loving again. Just when we relaxing and enjoying ourselves, we had a loud thunders and lighting storm come over our house as we were watching TV. It was right over us. That is when the  thunder scared her the most and there wasn't anything I could do or say that would help her. She was frightened by the very loud claps of thunder. 

It was shortly after that she was back to being mean again. Knowing that anything I tried would be rejected automatically, so I had to come up with something to help her. When it was time for us to go to bed, I knew that if I said anything to her, she would just go the opposite way. I knew if I got her agitated, she would head for the bedroom. 

Got up, got some stress relief lotion, sat back down, took her hand and began to rub it in. Sure enough, the get away from me, and stop it, started. She quickly got up, headed for bed, and I felt, mission accomplished. 

Another day, another 24 hours in the can. Driver had found the place to park the car for the night. Over all, it was a good day to be on the Road to Dementia Town. Traffic was light, and we had some nice vistas to enjoy. For we were traveling with Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

The Road of Life.

My Lady on her steed.

I was wondering in the past, aka, looking at old pictures, when I came upon this one hidden in a folder with many other duplicates that the computer has created for me. This is while we we're on vacation 07/2011. Just over ten years ago. How things have developed since then. 

I was asked what Sweetie was like before Dementia. 

Yes, she played golf, she was a veracious reader, and she loved the beach. Born in Pensacola, Fl. while her father was still in the Navy, she grew up as a military brat. She talked most about her life on the military stations. Her favorite was Pearl Harbor, in the '50's. She said that the superstructure of the USS Arizona had not been removed, and was still a sight to behold. 

Her parents were God loving, and when dad got out of the Navy, he joined God's Army and became a preacher. Her history is rather sketchy on this part of her life, she didn't talk much about her younger self after they got out of the Navy. 

I never met her father, he passed away from cancer. I did meet her mom. It was hard for me to know her, she was a stroke victim. We did our best to get to know her. We would get her once a month and take her on outings with us. I smile, for it seems that what we did with her mom, I'm now doing for Sweetie. How life goes on. 

On her cooking, she was a baker. At Thanksgiving, she would be the Pumpkin Pie Queen. That is one trait that she passed on to her kids. 

Thanksgiving was her day, the turkey, stuffing, and all the fixings. That was her time to shine. She loved it. Getting the house all decorated, getting on our Holiday cloths, the house filled with family and friends. 

She loved making banana nut bread. As proof, we had small glass loaf pans, just right for the bread. We have cookie sheets, stone baking plates, all in all a well stocked kitchen. 

We moved to Albuquerque in '95. All the kids had moved out of the house and didn't want to leave California. It was hard on her to do that, for her kids were her life. 

Our plan was that she would stay home and I'd work. That didn't work out so well, and she did have to go back to work. It saved us. It gave her something to do, and made new friends.

Sweetie wasn't as outgoing as I am, and it was difficult for her to find new friends. At church, we had our church friends, but never real close friends. She wasn't one that wanted to have friends so close that we "lived in each other's pockets." Her idea of good friends was at arms length. 

We had each other, and that was enough for both of us. Soon after we moved, through different circumstances, one by one, her kids moved out of California, and in with us. She was so happy to have her kids with us, here in New Mexico. 

As life is, the kids moved out and started their own lives, and would call her all the time. Life was good.

Fast forward to today, I guess we have always depended on each other, for that is all we had. As I look back, taking care of Sweetie was and is my calling. We were two people looking for each other and we found us. Took some reshaping of corners until we fit each other.  

As I look back at our life together, there were times we were up and excited, and then there were times we were down and we have made it this far and there is still much life left to be lived. 

Before we knew we were on the Road to Dementia Town, we were on the Road of Life. Our Driver is the same one that we had long before I knew He was in the driver's seat. There was all those twist and turns, bumps and dips, flat tires and every now and then running out of gas, a time to pause and walk. Yet we were always going down the road with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Dinner.

What our love looks like.

If you could just look at this picture, you'd think something like, what fun, how happy they look. You wouldn't think of the life that is being shown here, as a life with Dementia. We're too happy for that and we seem to have so much more than the life that is being shared here. These are the moments that I want to capture and cherish. 

These are the times that make all that we are going through worth it. There is joy and I know it. There are times when I want to just pull my hair out (what little I have left.). There are the battles in the bathroom, in the car, and home. That is to be expected. I've learned how to minimize them, to ignore those that won't stop, and realize that it is her, not me. Those brief times are the ones that I can balance with the walks, the sitting next to each other, holding hands, watching her try to sing along with the music on the radio. Watching old Tonight Shows with Johnny Carson, seeing her laugh at the right times, knowing that she can still understand comedy. These are the joys that make life worth living. 

Tuesday

It wasn't the joyous awaking that yesterday's was. It was OK as far as getting Sweetie up. A trick I've learned is that when she sees her shoes and wants to put them on, I tell her we need to change her underwear first, and then we'll put the shoes on. She understands, and comes with me. 

You know our routine, and so, with no further delay, on to the day. 

She wasn't as much fun on the course as the day before and that is expected. Happy at the front, not so happy by the 9th hole. She is the trooper though, being good by not running off, and smiling when I sink a putt, or hit a good shot. 

Took my phone with us to get some more mall pictures. The mall has different background sheets set up, like the one I used this morning. It gives me a visual of how she is doing and I get to see her smile as we take the pictures. 

Yesterday was yardwork day. Sweetie is good sitting on the couch and watching me, and me watching her. If I plan to get outside and work on the yards, and if I can get out before 3pm, Sweetie is good to sit and watch without getting the wandering urge. 

It seems that she gets that way between 3 and 5 pm. It feels like a short visit from Mr. Sundowners and it doesn't last long. This time she got up, went to the front door, looked at it and went up the stairs. Finding the door locked she came back down, and headed for her safe place, the bedroom, where I let her stay until dinner. 

Two nights ago, I finally cooked the rice all the way through, no crunches. Had some left over, so I made a chicken/rice/veggie meal. It turned out well, well enough to try it again. 

Got Sweetie up for dinner. Concerned that she may not eat it, I led her to the table, and she started in, and she ate, and ate, and ate. Then when her dish was empty, I put some more in, and watched. She kept on eating, some more, and she ate, and some more, and she ate. She finished all that was left, and I think she could of eaten more, if there was more to be had. 

After dinner, she went back to her safe place, and I did the dishes. If she is happy to be there, and I can do what needs to be done without her pacing, I'm happy. 

We finished our evening with feeding her some lemon cream pudding, and watching TV. Another day done and in the books. 

Driver keeps on motoring down the Road to Dementia Town, knowing that this day will lead to tomorrow's road trip. Each day brings with it its own trials and treasures. Easter Eggs to be found. My job and joy is to look for them, as we travel with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Sweetie's sleep cycle.

"I luv U."

It is a wonder when all that I plan, all that I hoped for happens. Those observations that will pry open my understanding, to get me out of the same rut, to move me and find an understanding and then a plan to resolve it can and does happen. 

It seems that I was right about Sweetie's sleep cycle. That she was resting too much during the day, and being awake during the night was what was causing our rough mornings, and some upsetting evenings. Sleep at the right time is the answer. 

Monday

It is time for me to get Sweetie up. Opening the door, I'm greeted with her sitting up, beaming her smile at me, being ready to move. She was already getting out of bed when I walked in. What a difference a good night sleep makes. 

There wasn't any sign of resistance to what we were doing. From the moment I opened the door into the bedroom to finishing breakfast and heading off to the course. 

I couldn't help myself in feeling some what freed by her morning. In the car, singing along with the radio, holding her hand, made everything just fall into place. 

This morning, there was a young man at the first hole, asked if he was a single, and would he like to join us, my golf partner and me. He would and did. 

He was a big bull of a man, with a gentle spirit. Which, as it turned out, he is part of the music ministry of a local church. Which fit right in with us. Like most churches, Monday's are a day off for him and his wife told him to get some exercise, so here he is, walking the course, and getting exercise. Funny how that works. 

Sweetie was just a much fun as she has been in a long, long time. Smiling walking to the tees and greens. Holding my club when I carried two clubs to my next shot, and having a great time. Even to the point of talking to our new friend. 

It was for the first time, I didn't tell of Sweetie's Dementia, thought I'd let him figure it out for himself. Sometimes I think I tell people about her Dementia to make myself look like the suffering saint and get favor in their eyes. I need to get a grip on the fact that Dementia is our normal, and be comfortable in that normal. 

At the end of the round, extended an invitation for him to join us. His answer was he might. Monday was the time to drop the kids off at school, and the wife wanted him to get more exercise, and golf was his answer and we fit right in that slot. Hope so. 

The rest of the day went as well as the morning. Did hit a rough spot later in the evening, that trap of relaxing and watching TV, missing a dose, and having to play catch up. Outside of that, it was a wonderful blessed day. 

The Road to Dementia town was a super highway yesterday. The time and miles just flew by. We were not going faster than normal, it was just so nice, the time didn't matter. Driver was relaxed behind the wheel, and we copied that feeling of being relaxed. What a blessed time it was, being relaxed, resting comfortably, moving down the road, with Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.  

To the zoo.

To the Zoo.

The idea to plan a day and to have that plan work to completion is a thing of wonder.

Wonder why this day is so good? Why can't all days be like this one? Question that come with life that cannot not be answered this side of heaven. 

It has been said that nothing happen without a reason. If that is so, why does Sweetie have Dementia? I think I can answer that question this way, because... I know now that I would never be the man I am turning out to be. There is so much about my past life, my family, that does not support me. With Sweetie, I have someone that I can pour all my love, all my attention, into without any regret or sorrow. 

She is the one thing that won't change my love for her. Her moving down that dark tunnel has given me the perfect mission of showing her just how much I love her. She, in turn, shows and tells me how much she loves me. 

Sunday

You do know, that I'm up early. I mean early, like 3am in the morning early. Long before the sun gets up early. I have done this for so many years, that even when there is a time when I won't have to get up this early, I still will, why change it? 

It is here that I try to get myself ready for the day, to set my priorities and flush out the negatives from the day before, and clean the slate in preparation for the day ahead. 

Its Sunday, and that means some skin time with Sweetie. It is shower day. I look forward to this day, when I get to be soapy with her. So far, she is still letting me shampoo her hair. With it being as short as it is, it just takes little effort to get it done. 

She has a habit of lowering her head and resting it on my chest as I shampoo her hair. I have to tell her to look up as I rinse the shampoo out of her hair. I find her head on me is soothing for both of us. Once, then twice, and we're done. While she is sitting on the shower chair, I get the rest of her body clean. Then, standing her up, get out and towel down. 

Getting rather good at this, and as long as she is willing, we will continue with this bathing schedule. Even though she may not understand the intimacy's of the showering with me, I do, and that is all that matters to me. I hope that I will never stop wanting, needing, and enjoying what intimacy we have left to share with each other. 

Remember, I told you that I was going to attempt to keep Sweetie active today, to get her tired so she can sleep at night?

So, let us begin with the morning routine, then I got tickets for us to go to the zoo right after we were ready to leave the house. To make sure we had all the supplies needed for the outing. A bottle of water, some wet wipes, and a bag of fish/duck/goose/children food. 

Off to the zoo for some walking around, with me as the official Sweetie guide, and a chance of some fun times. 

When we got there, the parking lot told us that we were not the only ones that had this idea. There were many families here today. Park the car, grabbed my "Sweetie Bag" and in we went. 

I sometimes wonder just what she sees nowadays. She quit wearing her glasses long ago and I'm not sure what she sees is in focus, so I point things out to her thinking she can see what I'm talking about. 

We walked the same path as in days past. The Reptiles house with alligators sun bathing in the sun. To the birds of other lands, then the Eagles and birds of prey. Stopping off for a quick look of the Polar Bears sleeping in their pools. Over to the lions and smaller cat exhibit, stopping at a bench next to the Tiger exhibit for a short rest. 

Then to get a bowel of ice cream. I knew that Sweetie couldn't handle a cone. It was the best ice cream for both of us. We sat, and I spooned it to her. She is taking to me feeding her as if it was suppose to be that way. Missed getting a picture of us, then again, there will be a next time. 

Off to find some kids feeding the fish and ducks. Opening up my bag of food, and offering it to a little one to see of their parents didn't mind me sharing my duck food with their child. Both Sweetie and me enjoy the happy face when they get a handful of extra food for the ducks. 

After all of that, it is time to leave. Sweetie is starting to wilt in the heat of the day, and so, out to the car we go. But, I'm not done yet. 

We took a little bit of time, but headed for our walk about at the mall. Sweetie recovered some, and as we headed in to find the coolness of the mall a welcoming embrace from the heat of the day. Keeping a careful eye on her, we did our walk about. Stopping to rest just to be on the safe side and we made it. 

Back home, we finished our day in our loving manner. It was the day I had planned for us. 

It was a long day on the Road to Dementia Town. Driver was at His best today. We were able to enjoy not just the ride, but seeing other cars, the smiling faces of those with up. Motoring down the road, as we went, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Sunrise, the promise of a new day.

Sunrise, the promise of a new day.

The more I learn about Sweetie and her walking with Dementia, the more I feel less threatened by it. 

These are the things I know about her. One, she will never be the same each day, from the time I get her up, and to the time we go to bed. There will be a change in things that she forgets, or in her emotions. 

There are mornings that she will not be co-operative, and then the mornings that I'm greeted with that bright and beautiful smile. There are going to be days of silence, and times of chatty Cathy. As these times happen, there will be longer times of the negative personality traits and less of the loving friendly traits. 

Saturday

I thought it was going to be a good morning, I was wrong. When I came into the room, I stood by the door and greeted her. She was smiling, and it seemed all was well. That was until I told her it was time to get up. As I tried to take the blanket away and move her, she grabbed it and wouldn't let go. Trouble from the start. 

Being one not to let her have her way this early in the morning, and with a little authority, I was able to get her up. It seems that it is after we have her feet under herself, she starts to be more co-operative. 

On mornings like these, I will give her her first dose of happy medicine right off the bat. Get it into her and let it start doing its magic. She has an empty stomach and it goes to work sooner then later. 

That is when the morning began to come undone. A text from my lady, she woke up with a cold and could not make it. Texted my other lady, and she cannot help either. 

So, plan "C", get Sweetie ready, and we go out together. Accept for one small part, Sweetie won't budge. She isn't going out, she doesn't want to move off the couch, and she just doesn't want to do anything, accept sit where she is. 

Finally plan "D". Make sure she is safe, as she always is, tell her where I'm going, and go. I've found that this is the best for both of us. Because when I return home, she is ready for me to be part of her life again. 

I believe that she isn't sleeping well at night. So when I go to get her up in the morning, she is at that point of going back to sleep. She wants to sleep the day away, and is awake most of the night. The answer for me is to get her going and not let her stop until bed time. I got to reset her body clock to a more agreeable wake/sleep schedule. That is going to be my goal this week. Even if we are to take walks around our block once an hour, or to the mall for our walk about, or make plans to go to the zoo, anything that helps her burn up her energy and forces a reset. 

It looks like there is another tunnel ahead. When I was a kid, and I still do this, we'd honk the horn while we are in the tunnel, just to hear the sound bounce off the walls. Even though the tunnel is dark, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Driver keeps up with the traffic, turns on the headlights, and shyly honks the horn. In the tunnel, on the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Out of the tunnel.

Her smiley self.

Like the river of life, there are not two days that are the same. There are the days that are close, the schedules fit together, it is the behaviors of each person that makes the difference. 

There are days when Sweetie seems to be misnamed. For she is anything but sweet. Then there are those days that makes honey blush because she is so sweet. I tell you, if I knew how to keep her this sweet, I would bottle it and give it away. 

Friday

I thought that if I could get Sweetie up just a little earlier, get her CBD earlier, more time to work, we would have a better day then yesterday. 

Got her up, she had soaked through which mean, at least, dehydration isn't the problem. It means, I got to change the sheets, again. Oh well, with each blessing, there is some work that needs to be done. 

In the bathroom, I found evidence that might of caused her bad mood from the day before. She had a very loose and mess movement. It was as if she wasn't feeling too good the day before. That could explain her crankiness and wanted to stay home. 

After we got cleaned up, she started with that million dollar smile, clear and sparkling eyes, and her good vibrations filling the room. 

From the get go, she was on top of the world, which meant for me, that I was there with her. The holding hands, the Dementia conversations, knowing she was pouring her heart out to me, I sat and gave her my whole attention. I must of hit the right answers at the right time, because the more I answered, the more she talked. 

We had one of the best days together in a long, long time. I was so uplifted, that at one point I turned to her and told her what a great day we were having. One of the memory books. 

Coming out of the tunnel, the sun seems so much brighter then when we went in. Driver had to put on His shades so He could see what was on the Road to Dementia Town. It seems that the tunnel emptied out into a valley full of wild flowers, soft green grass, with birds and butterflies. What a joyous day, full of beauty and Easter Eggs. There we were, in the middle, sparkling, because we had our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.

Another tunnel.

What a beauty she was and still is.

Excuse me for loosing my thoughts for this post. I was counting the years, and she is 70 here. What a beauty she was, especially for her age. There are so many times that I've been blessed and have missed the blessings. This one here, I can now look back and see what I was given, and a one point in time, ready to give it all up. 

Our marriage is like a river. It is always on the move, flowing down stream to the ocean. There are times when the river runs fast, and then slow. Where there are rapids, swift, rocky, and dangerous. And then there are times when the river slows down, broaden, and forms a lake that is calm, but still moves onward.

Thursday

When I went to get her up, I could forget about her being dehydrated. She had soaked through her overnight pad. At the same time, she was cranky to get up. I've come to expect this behavior, it is more and more her normal state when she is getting up. 

Everything seemed to be going normally, that is until it was time to head out. We were going to go to a Bible study, Sweetie had different ideas on where we were going. 

She wouldn't get into the car, and when she was in the car, I had to fight to get her buckled in. 

Once in, she had her great stone face on, and wouldn't let me touch her. Hoping that when we got to the church, her CBD would kick in and we would have a good time. 

Nope, nothing doing. In the parking lot, she wouldn't get out of the car. No matter how much I tried, she wouldn't budge. To make things worse, on the way home, came to a stop, and my Bible, that I had put on the roof of the car, came sliding down to the street. Quickly putting on the flashers, jumped out and rescued it. 

When we got home, she wouldn't get out of the car, again. She didn't recognize where she was, and no matter how much I told her where she was and she needed to get out of the car and into the house, she just sat there. 

We've been here before. It seems that she is just so confused that she doesn't know what to do, and won't let anyone help her. After letting her sit in the car, with the door open to the house, thinking that she would come to some sort of sanity, and come in. 

With my frustration levels rising, I want out and got her out of the car and into the house. Where she immediately went to her safe spot, the bedroom. 

Knowing that there isn't anything I can do to help her get out of her funk and knowing she is safe in the house, headed for the course. 

I kept a close eye on her, and she stayed in bed all the time I was gone. 

When I got home, checked in with her, she seemed better but not herself. So, I left her where she was and went out to the living room. 

When she got up, and I'd talked her into going out for a drive and walk, is when I found something that might of been the cause of her distress, she had a huge BM in her pants. 

Off with the pullups, into the shower, and got her cleaned up. Clean, dressed, and into the car. She was still her stone face until we got to the mall. She seemed happy to be there. We did our walk about, and that had a effect on her. She was happy for the first time this day. 

After we got home, she was every unsteady. Up and down, and I was on edge with her too. I would give her extra doses of CBD, and that didn't seem to help, or if it did, I can only imagine just how bad it would of been if I didn't have it. 

We ended up staying in all night and that kept her happy. I'm beginning to wonder if we are moving into the stage where she just will not leave the house. Because it is too big and too scary for her to be out in it. 

It seems we've gone into another tunnel on this part of the our travels. Driver has the wheel in hand, and knows the way. For the Road to Dementia Town seems to change from day to day. I may not know what lies ahead, that is not my job. My job is to take care of Sweetie, while trusting in the faithful hands of our Driver. Tunnel or not, we will still have our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.      

Her old flipflops.

In the shadow of His wings.

As the sun comes up and a new day begins, the question that always faces me, is what are we going to do this day. What new and different awaits us. 

With Sweetie I never know. I can't track the losses, I can only see where she is at the end of the day. Those times, like the waves on the shore, that come in and wash away her memories of the day before. She is like a cork floating on the todays. Not remembering the yesterdays, and not able to comprehend tomorrows. There are times when the cork gets pulled under by the current, but then it pops back up to float again. 

Wednesday

It was difficult to get her up. She just didn't want to move. Knowing that it will take some persuasion to get her going, I got her up. Once up, the rest was easy. 

To my surprise, she was dry this morning. A bit of concern because it meant that she might be dehydrated, which could explain her unwillingness to get up this morning. So, with that information tucked away, with the plan to make sure she gets water into her this day, it is time for breakfast. 

Brain flakes and SunnyD is on the menu this morning, and of course her toast and jelly, this is where I put her second dose of CBD without her knowing it. 

I found her old flipflops and showed them to her. Oh how she lit up. It was like finding an old friend. She slipped her feet into them, and it was like a she had found an old friend that made her feel complete. 

Out of another day of golf and walking about. Golf is becoming more of a concern for her. She seems to get out of sorts about half way through the round. She isn't trying to wander, she just sits with a stone face on. 

I've found that once back in the car, she seems to recover. Then again, while we are doing our walk about, she seems to be loosing strength. Towards the end of our walk about, she becomes heavy footed. That is when I call to her, to have her look at me and smile. When she can't smile, I worry. Then she will start leaning forward and she is taking heavy steps to keep going. I know that drill, it is one that I would do when out hiking. Energy is low, but I have to keep going. It is at this time I get so worried that she might pass out, I had her sit down for a minute to regain her strength and help us continue to the car. 

Home and lunch, and then we both took a nap. I kept waking myself up by snoring, how silly of me, all I had to do was turn over, and I would be out like a light. Felt good. 

Had to get back our and do some grocery shopping. Our trips are beginning to become more frequent and quicker. There is a nagging concern that she just not make it. Nothing that I can put my finger on, it is just the idea that she has to be near me, holding my hand for dear life, and the thought of her having one of her fainting spells scares me. 

Today was our TP and Napkin day. Got more cereal, and just the normal. I get only on gallon of milk, which last about 3 days, so we have to go again. Usually it is milk, bread, and bananas. Got to have bananas, because she is so use to having them on her cereal, she will mix it until she finds them. 

Got home, put away the groceries and then we spent the rest of the day inside, and watched TV. Glad we did, for a thunder storm came and went. We're getting a good monsoon season this year. 

Driver saw the clouds on the horizon and took a turn to avoid them. There are days when we have to face the storms straight on, then there are days when we can avoid them. This was a day we were able to avoid the storm clouds. I'm thankful that my Driver knows different ways to go around storms when we can. For we are on the Road to Dementia Town, and as best we can, we are keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

We're doing just fine.

My Pretty Girl.

While I was looking for a picture of my Sweetie, this one came up, and I love it. It captures her just as I see her everyday. 

The love that I have for her seems to grow more each day. I find her more and more attractive as we grow old together. It is like taking care of a kitten that can't take care of itself. So fragile, so delicate, so innocent that I cannot but grow to love her more each and every day. 

I know that this is a love forever, the type that stories are written about. To see the look in other women's eyes when they see the way I love and take care of her. That unspoken of how lucky she is to have me care for her. Or where can I find a man like that to take care of me. What love they share. 

I remember that while I was working, the saying that if you love what you do for a living, you'll never work a day in your life. 

I can say the same thing about a love like ours, that if you love the one your with, you'll never find what you're doing to be too hard or to messy, it is life and we move on. 

Tuesday

We started out the same way as usual. I am now so use to the script of this play, I have it memorized. The coming into the room slowly, getting her attention, seeing her eyes lite up when she recognizes me and we begin. 

As I pass the window, I open the drapes just enough to let some light into the room. Not enough to blind her, just to lighten up the room. Sitting on the bedside table, we talk. I tell who I am, and what our plans are for the day. 

One of the judgement calls come from how she gets out of bed. If she gets up easily, then we are in for a good morning, it is when she fights me for the blanket, and bemoans her moving, I know we are going to have a ruff time of it. 

This morning was a easy time getting up. 

After we got to the dining room table, she sits and I get food. I've moved a stool to her side of the table. This way, I can sit next to her, and she likes that better than across from her. I think it works well. in between bites, she can hold my hand, again touching for us is good. 

After we went out and returned home, had lunch, and was going to go to the zoo. When she went back to bed. Before she went to bed, she was excited and wanted to go to the zoo. But when she went back to bed, all of the zoo's interest faded away, maybe today, we'll see. 

As we round the bend and head for the evening, Driver looks back and sees that we are doing just fine. Me sitting in the corner of the back seat, Sweetie snuggled up against me as I hold her tight. We drift off to sleep, as Driver steers the car down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.