A fitting farewell.

When we were young.

I've been rummaging around and found this picture of Sweetie and me. We had been married for about a year when this was taken. 

I had won a company performance prize, with which included a trip to Las Vegas. This was in a casino, and the photographer ask if we would like a picture. Being close to our anniversary we said yes. 

Over the years, I had forgotten how beautiful she was. As we grew old together, and as time went bye, we change. I have many pictures of my Sweetie, but this one, this one, tells me how much I loved her and how much she loved me. It was there for the whole world to see. 

I was so blessed by this beautiful woman, and I didn't even know it. There is a saying about men who marry beautiful ladies, "They married above their pay grade." And boy did I do that.

Thank you to all that have been with me as we traveled together on the Road to Dementia Town and back. It was the out pouring of love from you who were there with me in your own car. 

We found joys, laughter, and sadness together. You put up with our down times, celebrated with our good times. When on the road together, to the beach, and of course, the golf course. You have been my constant companions on this sometimes difficult journey, and I was blessed by your participation.

With Sweetie now in her new home, and I'm on the Road to a New Life, the purpose of this blog has been fulfilled, it is time for me and Driver to say farewell. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.   

 

Sometimes you just have to know, when it rains, it pours.

The top is my youngest, and the bottom is my oldest

with granddaughter and husband.

Here I am just minding my own business, taking care of my end of this life thing. Sweetie must be settled in in her new digs, and I'm still learning how to take care of things down here. Reading the book "Never Alone" A man's companion guide to grief. Going to my meetings, and playing a lot of golf. You know, "normal stuff for me. 

 

My girls are very good at being my new caregivers. They call often, scold me when I'm not eating right, in their opinion. They mean well, and I love the attention they give me. 

 

It is because of the great communication we have developed, that I've learned about their mother. It isn't good news. 

 

After she had cataract surgery, she notice something that wouldn't go away. After returning to her doctor, and then being sent to another, she was diagnosed to have cancer. 

 

With the strom clouds forming, and some rain on the windows, she is sent to another doctor for some more test, and the results are back. Stage 4 lung cancer. Treatment is being scheduled as I write this post. 

 

Even with our divorce, because she is the mother on my daughters, she is someone special in my life. We haven't spoken in years, yet because of my daughters, she is still part of my life. I feel like I'm going to go through another loss, different, yet the same. 

 

Right now, my prayer is for her and my daughters, they will feel her loss first. Second is for us to speak and becomes friends one more time. 

 

Driver told me that I can never keep what has been given to me freely. Sweetie gave her love to me daily, now it is my turn to give it away. He hasn't lead me in the wrong direction yet, so why shouldn't I try. Isn't this part of my journey to New Life, and this is a stop that needs to be made. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.

 

Together again.

Tweety and me on Route 66

I know it has been a couple of weeks since my last post. Things are moving along at what I feel is a good pace. 

Lets start off with my missing my Sweetie Pie. It sometimes is worse than those first days. I believe that is the way I process things. Using the imagery of a BBQ. Putting the charcoal in the pit, adding the lighter fluid, and then the match. 

The coals explode in a fireball, and in a short time, the fire goes out. What is left is a pile of bricks with a ting of gray on their edges. If you stay and watch, or walk away, the gray areas grow, and in time, you have a hot bed of coals ready to cook on. 

After Sweetie passed, my tears, my broken heart, the waves of loss pour in and out and on me. No matter how much I had prepared for that time, it wasn't enough. For those of you who have been through this stage know exactly what I'm talking about. Those who are still in the waiting room, you will find out soon enough. When the waiting is over, there are not enough words of comfort that will comfort the hurt that suddenly arrives at your hearts front door.

For me, my mourning is about where the BBQ is. A bed of red hot, ready to cook, and waiting. Here is where I put my memories, my pain, the regrets, the resentments, the amends to her, all go on the grill and with careful turning, take them from a cold plate to a meal of delights that refresh the soul and give strength for another day. 

Now that I have my Sweetie Teddy Bear, when I travel I take her with me, sitting on my hip, while we car seat dance to the music. 

Driver, Sweetie and me on the Road to New Life, together again. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.  

 

Fast cars, lonely heart.

Dream time class. 

I know I haven't posted lately and it just isn't the same with Sweetie being gone. As I settle into my new life, things have begun to happen. 

As you can see, I went to my race car school. Learned how to drive on a professional course, did some drag racing, and what is cauld autocross racing. It was a blast. Had my son join me, just so I wouldn't be alone, and to have him take some pictures. He is all set to want to do this again, but with his wife. I too am ready to do another class. This one was just for beginners, and the next is for more serious drivers. 

As I write this, Sweetie has been home for 134 days, and I do miss her so. It seems like, and is, a big piece of my heart left with her. 

I've slowed down my desire to find someone new. A healthy woman that can be a comfort to me. It seems that when I was in Orange County last month, I started to become more comfortable being a widower. I need this time to marinate in my being alone, to draw in the memories of our years together. Not to rush and find that on the outside I'm OK, but on the inside I'm crying.

It doesn't do me any goods to seek out other relationships, it is just best to let them happen. I've been talking with a older couple at church, and found out that it is their third marriage, for both of them. They both lost their second spouses and now have been married for over 20 years. Right now, I think they are very good for me. 

Driver and me are now deciding which car to use. We've been in Tweety exclusively for the past 3 months and now we have the other car to drive. Just got it out of the shop, and I am making plans for two more trips. One out to Texas, and the other to central California. The one to California needs the taller car. I was told that Tweety just couldn't make the road, too rough. Driver and me are still out there, on the Road to New Life, but now we have two vehicles that have to Keep Our Shiny Side up. C'ya, Luv Ya and God Bless. Arthur. 

Dementia is a evil nasty disease.

She's back 

Say hello to my new Sweetie Pie. I don't sleep alone anymore. Sweetie is a gift from the Hospice company. She is made from Sweetie's favorite sweat shirt, the one with the elephant on it. It is now like a tattoo on her leg. Now much like the last year of her life here on earth, I can talk to her without expecting her to talk back. 

Now when I leave, I tell her I'm going and will be back soon. When I get home, I can tell her I'm home, and she is safe once more. In the morning, when I get up, I put her on the pillows, so she can see me get up and leave the room. When it is bed time, I pick her up and hold her close to me, turn her towards me and put her little arms around my neck. Kiss her good night and off to sleep I go. 

I'm reading a book sent to me from one of my followers, to help me with my grieving. It is different then what I thought it would be, for it has opened up some old wounds. About me, my marriage, and our sex life. 

The author's wife was a sexual abuse survivor and a normal sex life with her was impossible. The middle of the book is about their sex life and how they overcame the challenges that lay in front of them. 

As I read this chapter, memories of my life with Sweetie flooded on the scene. You see, when we first starting seeing each other, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. In the car, in an empty room, on a picnic table, just about anytime or place would do. Then I did the unthinkable, I stepped out. If that wasn't enough, I told her about my unfaithfulness, and used it like a club. 

It took awhile to manifest itself, but she began to loose her enthusiasm for sex. She never denied me, but then again, it wasn't her full participation in the act either. I would call it "Maintenance Sex", just enough for me, but never again the full fireworks, toe curling love making. It is only now, thanks to my reader, that I can see that she felt distract from our love making. I had in the back of my mind that even with us staying together, and she said she had forgiven me my indiscretion, she still held it against me. At the same time, I wasn't easy to get along with either, by then, I was drinking heavily which only poured more gas on the fire that was burning down our marriage. 

By the time I joined AA, and started acting sanely, Sweetie's dementia had taken her too far down the Road to Dementia Town for us to attempt to make up the time lost. What it did was give me the opportunity to make a living amends to her. She became the vessel I could pour my love into, to see it work with her eyes, smile and the surprising "I love you." That bouquet of love flowers that decorated our lives together. 

Dementia is an evil nasty disease that robs its victims of their dignity, this I know. But this time, it gave me the time to show Sweetie just how much I loved her, how much she meant to me, and will now, carry her in my heart until we meet again. 

Driver is looking over my shoulder, putting His hand on my head, and agreeing with me. I will see her again, yet in the mean time, it is time to get back in the car, and motor down the Road to a New Life. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.

 

 

Ride of his life.

On the beach.

 

I'm home again. Got home last night, and was glad to be home again. I would consider my trip successful. Which is easy when you don't have very many expectations while I was there. 

The one thing I wanted to do was to return to Huntington Beach pier, and say good bye to Sweetie again. So, on Friday night, I headed to the pier, with Sweetie in my pocket. It was cold and windy and I was glad I had brought a long sleeve shirt to wear. 

California is famous for its June Gloom with foggy mornings, warm afternoons, and chilly windy evenings. Knowing this I planned ahead. 

As I waked the pier, talking to Sweetie, watching the folks bundled up or huddled together on the rails of the pier. Because the wind was blowing on shore, the fisherman were on the south side of the pier. 

When I got to the end, it was empty, so it made my saying good bye was easy. As I stood at the rail, ashes in hand, with a tear in my eye, I took the top off, and added her to the ocean one more time. 

With my mission completed, I headed for the shore. Two things happened that night, the first, I felt good about adding her to the ocean again, and the idea that this will be a deed that needs to be done every time I come here until she is all gone, to be waiting for me to come to her. 

Daughters and Tweety

As for the rest of my visit, it began with the entry into a neighborhood car show. My youngest told me about a neighborhood car show, and wanted to add Tweety to the show. So, on Wednesday evening, we were there. Had a wonderful time. Didn't win anything, but the admiring looks of those wanting to see the newest Corvette. 

While I was here, played 3 days of golf, went to meetings, and raced Tweety on  P.C.H., attended an Angele game with family. 

Sunday, took oldest to church, because she was singing, she needed to be there for rehearsal. She told me that she hasn't had a chance to ride in Tweety, and wanted her turn and wasn't going to miss this opportunity to get it. 

So much happened when we got to church. One of the best was the Pastor's son. He has autism. Turns out, his favorite car just happens to be a Yellow Corvette. When asked if I would show him the car, no problem. It was when he got into the passenger's seat, buckled in, and was ready. 

OK, off we went. Before I got to the street, asked if "You want to go fast?" "Yes." and off we went, burning rubber as we went. He was hooting and cheering as I took him for a ride of his life. Then a trick speedy move back into the parking spot to finish the ride. It was great for both of us. 

After church, oldest granddaughter and her boyfriend wanted to take me to lunch. We went to In&Out. Two young kids, and it was her boyfriend who wanted to get to know me better. I was flattered. Talked movies, life, finances and what they are planning. I listened and told them what Sweetie and me went through and the life lessons I learned. After lunch, I got my hugs, and handshakes, and headed home.

When I left for California, New Mexico was very dry. No rain in over 6 months. When I came back, I drove through rain and thunderstorm. It seemed that while I was in California, New Mexico has been experiencing rain for the past week. Needless to say, my lawn is lush and green and in need of a mowing.

From the time Driver and me got into the car and headed to California. I was excited to make the trip. We had planned this together, when to leave, what to do, and when to come home. I trusted Him to keep me safe and have a adventure to remember. After all, we are on the Road to New Life, and Keeping My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur. 

 

Honor her memory everyday.

Sweetie is home with me. 

I now have something that I can talk with, hold, and sleep with so I am not alone anymore. May I introduce you to my Sweetie Bear. She is a gift from the Respite company. They work with a lady that will make a bear from the clothing of your loved one. 

She does them all by hand and gives the first one away and charges for any other after that. I've talked with her children, and there were only two takers and they will be made in about a month. I think that this is something that I can support, so that others who cannot afford the extra bears, maybe I can pay it forward so they can have a keepsake. 

I know that some of you have wondered how I'm doing because I don't post everyday. As of now, I doing OK. Keeping myself busy, playing golf almost every day, and taking in movies when something comes out that I want to see. Plus it is less expensive with matinee prices. 

As of now, I'm making plans to head for California next week. It is my birthday event. I try to take in a Angel game as a way of celebrating my birthday. At the same time, I get to see my daughters and granddaughters, and oh yea, my son in law. 

Today, I'm giving a friend a ride to the hospital to have a lump removed from her upper arm. Out patience's surgery, and I'll just drop her off, and in a couple of hours return to pick her up. 

She is someone I knew when I worked doing taxes. She is a good friend, but now replacement material. Not a good fit. Which is good, because she is getting ready to move back to her home state. I'll be sorry she is gone, and yet, that is OK. 

Getting ready to join the men's golf association so I can get a handicap and start playing in some of the local tournaments. I think that will keep me busy and grow my circle of friends. It will also teach me to play in competition mode. As of know, I play against myself, and I don't do that well. I'm just slowly learning to get my feet under myself, to balance myself, and to move on. 

I feel that my blogging has been a help with my grieving. I realize, that with my daily posting, I was preparing myself for what I happening now. I feel lonely, as I should. I cry when I should,  and when I get ambushed, and  I honor her memory everyday. 

Life is getting easier as Driver and me get into Tweety and motor down the Road to New Life. As for now, it is very easy to Keep My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

 

 

Up, up, up passed the speed limit.

Home

Came home a day early. It seemed the right thing to do. I was planning to spend Sunday with my friends, go to church, breakfast and spend the day lounging around, and stuff like that. 

I seemed to take more out of them then they thought it would. And I got a message that they didn't have the same plans for them as I had for me. A last, I headed home. 

One of a good note, was that I decided to not wear what I was going to wear, simply because it seemed like I was going to be over dressed. 

Because of the temperature, it was hot and muggy, I didn't wear my long sleeve dress shirt with tie, I decided that my Hawaiian/California shirt would work better and I fit right in with the rest of the crowd. 

While I was at the anniversary party, I was quickly known as the corvette driver. The second generation wanted to know about it, and as you know, I'm very easily swayed into showing Tweety off. Even gave a couple of young men rides. 

After the pictures, the food and cake, the bride came to me and told me about her brain scan. I told her I knew, and would be there for them, and she was so glad to know that. Then it was time for me to head back to my room, and get some rest. 

It was in the morning when I got their message of about staying in, and I made my mind to leave for home. 

I had a good time, and am looking forward to going up and stay with them again. 

The drive home was uneventful and arrived safety, picked up some supper before I got home, and finished the day at home, eating my dinner, and watching TV. 

Driver and me had a good day on the Road to New Life. We did a speed run, and got Tweety up, up, up pass the speed limit, and finished well. So, until next time, when I travel, it will be with my Shiny Side Up, C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.  

 

Sweet memories of my Sweetie Pie.

Forever in the shadows of my heart. 

Just an update. I haven't posted because I've found that there isn't anything to say. For now, I'm just letting the loneliness of me being without her just flow over me. 

I make plans for the day, then I find myself just not doing anything. If it is something that I must do, and have to do, I will get it done. If not an urgent need, it can wait.

This morning, I'm getting ready to head out, a road trip to Texas. Been looking forward to this trip from the time I made my plans. Will tell you all about it soon. 

The days go slowly by, and then it is bed time. Still getting 6 maybe 7 hours of sleep each night. It doesn't seem to account for when I go to bed, 6 hours later, I'm up. There are times when I wished I could sleep 10 to 12 hours a night.  

Driver is waiting for me to get going, so I'll close for now. Have to pack, feed my bird and fish, set out enough food so they make it while I'm gone. Take some of Sweetie with me, to give to her best friend, then in to Tweety we go. Me, Driver, and sweet memories of my Sweetie Pie. For we are on the Road to New Life, and for this day, I'll be Keeping My Shiny Side Up.  

 

Sweetie Pie and me.

Sweetie Pie and me.

It has been 86 days since Sweetie went home to be with her Lord. As each day passes, and my heart his getting used to the emptiness of her exit, I stop and remember the times when she just filled my heart with love and joy. 

As summer comes, and days get longer, my feeling of loss is the same. Thou I walk each day without her physical presence, she is with me. And that gives me comfort. 

Thank you, my followers, my friends that stayed with me on this journey as we went on our daily trip driving the Road to Dementia Town, and back. From home to the Roll call in the Stadium, where Sweetie was called home. To my tears and lonely days and nights, as I struggled with the loss of my Lover, my Best and life long Friend, and Wife. 

This trip isn't over yet. I know that all of my readers know that. There are still struggles yet to work through, there are new people to meet, and there is a new love waiting for me. 

Driver will not let me finish my life as an empty shell, for He knows the end of this new Road to a New Life, and is keeping it a secret from me. For you see, yesterdays is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a present, so I must open it and see what wonders are to behold. I will check back in from time to time. In the mean time, you can see me and my Driver as we head down the Road to New Life, all the while Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.   

 

Cockroaches

President Nixon's Library 

It looks like my life is going to have a new twist to it. All the time I was taking care of Sweetie, I didn't have time to help others.  

Then, I was still grieving Sweetie's passing, and wasn't in the right mental state to get involved with others. Well, it seems that My Driver has other plans. 

Monday

Had a appointment with my dermatologist for a skin check. But in the meantime...

It was time for me to fog the house. I started fogging the house with home bug bombs. I started when I found cockroaches in our pantry. I tried the roach motels, and sprays. Plus there were the ants that kept showing up. Out of frustration, I decided to use these home insecticide foggers. 

How successful are they? Well, in the past years I thing I've had two crickets in the house, no ants, and a few spiders. In the garage, which I also bomb, I find bugs halfway to the house on their backs legs up. Yea, they work. Do it twice a year, spring and fall. 

Knowing that I still had things to do, it was time to do them. One of the brake lights was out on my mini suv. It was time for me to fix it. I knew that there wasn't any auto elves that would come in a fix it for me. 

This was also a good reason for me to unpack the new battery powered screwdriver I bought over a month ago. Was disappointed when I open the box to find that the saw didn't have a blade with it. Which means I'm going to have to get one before I start working on the flooring in the attic. 

The battery had some charge on it, but I don't think enough to get the job done, so plugged in the battery, and headed for the auto part store. 

While I was there, I also got some polish for Tweety. When I go to California for my birthday, daughter knows of a car show and wants to put Tweety in it. So, I'm preparing to keep her shiny bright for her first date. 

Back home, got the drill out, and went to work. Soon I had it working, and back together. It felt good to be working again. 

Had a good rest of the day, and went to bed tired. Driver wants to be ready for the next day. So, until then, I'll be traveling down the Road to New Life, Keeping my Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God bless. Arthur.    

 

...out of the corner of my eye.

Smells so wonderful, she just resist it. 

That's my Sweetie, loving God's creation.  Everywhere we went, if there were flowers she wouldn't even attempt to stay away. If there is one thing that I will never forget about my lover, is the draw of the flowers on her. 

She is with me more now then right after her passing. It seems that when I'm in a drozy state of mind, I feel her presence more than ever. That glimmer out of the corner of my eye, that almost seeing her walk by in the living room when I'm watching TV. I don't feel so lonely. 

Saturday and Sunday

Over the weekend, I was busy to the point that I didn't have enough time to do any posting. 

Saturday, I was having brunch with guys from work. Some retired, some still working for the company, and some that moved on. It was just a lovely time. 

After the brunch, went a played golf, and met up with friends I used to play with. They asked about Sweetie, and were sorry for her passing. As expected. 

After that it was home, dinner, and off to a meeting. I'm now taking a new man with me. He has asked me to help him stop drinking, and I will help as much as he will allow me to help him. 

Sunday, was church, then went to Blake's for the best breakfast burrito in town. Haven't had one in years, and so, being single, why not. 

Later met with my new man, and did some AA studies. Then we went to a meeting, and home to finish the day. 

All in all, Drive thought it was a very good weekend. So did I. Didn't stay home too much, was busy enough to keep me busy, and just enjoyed the weekend on the Road to New Life. For it was an easy time Keeping My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur. 

 

 

 

 

 

Sweetness of the berries.

Almost shortcake time.

I can remember the days that strawberries were a seasonal fruit. That in late May the strawberry farmers would open their street stands, and we would go and pick out our berries. The sweet aroma of walking into the fields to get to the stands, seeing friends and neighbors waiting in line and the bushels of delicious red strawberries just waiting to jump into my waiting mouth as I would savor the sweetness of the berries. I can't tell you just how many never made it home. 

It brings back those memories of Sweetie and me living in California. I am native, and she was a transplant, but a native to the beach. We lived in what was call "The Strawberry Capital of the World." It was a big tourist draw, and over the Memorial Day Weekend, we held the Strawberry Festival.  Old time Americana. Sweet memories. 

Friday

I felt it was another time for me to get out of the house. What better way then to make my old morning meeting. Dawn Patrol. They meet at 6:45am, and this way, I'd be out and be letting the day sweep me along with it. 

The meeting was good, and afterwards, went for breakfast with a friend and two new people. 

First off, I headed in the wrong direction because that was where we had always met. It turned out that location had been closed during the past 3 years, and there was a new restaurant going the other way. Turned around and found it. 

After breakfast, called and made a tee time. It gave me just enough time to go home, get the other car with the clubs in it, and head to the course. 

While I was with a threesome, I ran into some old friends just starting out. Excused myself from the other group, and went to play with them. 

Hadn't seem them in awhile, and they asked about Sweetie. They were saddened by the news of her passing, and then lifted me up with a comment on how well I took care of her, which I took my comfort in. 

We had a great day, playing, talking, and just the joy of being around friends. 

Encouraged by my golf game, went home, and rested for a bit. Still working on building up my endurance. I think I've turned a corner with wanting to get outside more. 

Went to my Friday meeting, and met a young man who is taking care of his mother, who is on the Road to Dementia Town, and after the meeting, we talked. Told him about the blog, and sent him a link. Hope they read it, and find strength in it. 

Driver was full of surprises this day. See, you can get out and have fun. I know life is moving, for I can see the scenery go by as we travel this Road to New Life. Sometime fast, sometimes slow, but we will get to where we are going, in the right time. All the while I will be Keeping My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.   

Pizza day with Grandpa.

Highland games, maybe.

 Was up early enough to get most of my morning routine done. But not early enough to make my posting. So here it is. 

Decided to go to a meeting. Just get out of the house. 

It was a good meeting, and went for breakfast afterward. Met a couple from out of town, and we started talking about taxes. She hadn't filed in two years, I told her to go to my old tax company, they can help. 

Went home, and went out to play some golf. More on this tomorrow.

Thursday.

Started the day, determined to get outside and more the lawn, but it would have to wait. 

It was going to be a busy morning, if I was to do all that I had planned. After doing my morning routine, I had other things that I used to do with Sweetie. One of which was our Thursday Bible Study. 

Out into the garage and off Tweety and me went. I found myself being involved with the study. I wanted to let the comfort of the fellowship pour over me, and it did. 

Then it was time to head out to the grandson's, for it is Thursday Pizza day with Grandpa. 

As each of the boys reported on what had happen since I was over last. 

The oldest has a summer job with the City, counseling young boys. It is more of making sure the children in the parks don't get into trouble. 

The middle got a job at a veterinarian clinic. He is a animal lover, and it is up his alley. 

The youngest, learned how to play poker, wanted to know if I'd play with him. So after lunch, that is what we did. 

Home, meeting, and to bed was the order of things to end the night. 

Driver and me had a good day, got out and felt like the drive on the Road to New Life was getting better. Because of that, it meant that Keeping My Shiny Side Up was also easier. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur. 

 

 

No ifs, ands, or buts.

Then there were two.

Sweetie and her two younger brothers. Don't know why I picked this picture, I just did. I've told you how much I miss her, and that is normal, a broken first, then a tender heart that is left. 

Today, I'm again, going to attempt to mow the lawns. I've moved in that direction yesterday. Big step, went and got some gas for the mower, forced myself to stay outside and finish pulling weeds. Now the lawn is ready for the mower, and I'm ready to do the mowing. 

If all goes well, I've got a stuff planned for this day. When I'm done here, outside, and mow the lawn! No ifs, ands, or buts, it has to be done this morning. 

After that, it is heading to the church to the Bible study. It doesn't take much to get that done, and to finish the morning, it is pizza day with the grandsons. 

If I get all of these accomplished, it will be a Gold Star day for me. Life, it seems, is seeping in whether I want it to or not. Life isn't a snapshot, or a still life painting, it keeps moving forward. 

Wednesday

I did plan on pulling weeds this morning, but found myself easily distracted from that idea. The only real thing on the agenda today is having a movie date with a old buddy of mine. Many years past, when Sweetie and me were separated, because of my drinking, he stepped in and we would go to movies on Saturday mornings. 

Now that covid is in it less and the movies are opening back up, we are reviving this tradition. But, because we are retired, it is discount Wednesdays for him. I'm good, company is good, and I need to keep in-touch with him. Friends are my life source. 

Over the years, movies with male friends have been a part of my social life. Before the pandemic, my blind friend, Sweetie and me would go to the movies almost once a week. 

It was when the pandemic hit, theaters closed down, and our whole life changed. Yesterday, meeting with my old friend was a good reminder of what it was like before Covid. 

Got home, pulled weeds, and got gas for the mower. It seemed that I spent all my energy pulling weeds. I had to sit a couple of times, but made it through. I had to fight the urge to go back inside and rest. I knew if I did that, the weeds would be there in the morning. 

For me, it is a time to push forward, a time to step up and quite putting life off. Driver is ready to help, and so, I'll tap into His strength so I can do that which needs to be done. This way, there will be a better day on the Road to New Life, and it will be easier to Keep My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur   

 

My lady friend wept.

Ribbon falls, Grand Canyon.

After visiting with my old Hike Master, I seem to be getting the itch to hike again. It would be easy to do, and healthy for me, too. 

I have all that I need to do some short walks into the foothills. Water bottles, hat, energy bars, and a hour or less to start. Just to see how out of shap I am. 

Before I do anything, I first have to go outside and do that which I've been putting off, that which I didn't like doing when I was a boy, mow the lawns, then wash Tweety. It is time to re-engage life. 

Right now, I know that if I don't do this stuff, it won't get done, and the longer I put it off, the more work I'll have to put into it to get it done. 

Tuesday

Up in plenty of time for the day. Have one thing on the calendar, lunch with old friends. 

Got to the resturant earlier then expected. Had to wait for them, outside. The resturant wasn't open, so I sat and played solataire until they came. 

It was good to see them. they are here visiting old friends, and I was on their list. Yea! 

As expected, we talked about Sweetie, her passing, my life, and how it is. As I was telling my story, my lady friend wept, they wished they had been here for the memorial, and this was the time for them, their private memorial with me. 

As we ate, and talked, the years melted away, and we got caught up and just like that, time was spent and time for us to go our ways. 

On the way home, I became very drowsy, and fought to keep awake. Strange, if felt that way, I had plans for that afternoon to keep busy. But right now, it was a nap that was calling me. Got home, got undressed, and down I went. 

I napped for about 3 hours, which surprised me. I felt that I've been sleeping well lately, and to be that exhausted makes me wonder if I'm in as good of health as I think I am. Or, this is still the effects of my last Covid episode. If nothing else, I'll put it on my list for when I do see my doctor. 

After I got up, finished my day with a meeting, and headed for bed as soon as I got home. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get to sleep, because of the nap, and that was quickly put to rest, for it seems as soon as I put my head on the pillow, I was back asleep. 

Sleep, it is what I need, and Driver is there watching over me. Sleep seems to be the medicine I need to refresh me, and keep me going down the Road to New Life. Keeping my Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.    

 

Emotions dont go away.

Me and my Hike Master.

Yesterday was a good day. My health seemed to be much better. Did a covid test first thing, and only one line appeared, which meant, I wasn't carrying the virus anymore. My cough seems less and I don't ache as much. All in all, good for me. 

Have a busy day ahead. Lunch with some old friends from church are back in town. I'm sure the conversation will be more or less about how I'm doing. Taking care of myself, and sharing stories about Sweetie and times with them. 

I don't want to prepackage the time with them, it is just that I have come to the realization that it is for them as much as it is for me. The love of a lost one isn't a beam of light, it is like the sun and brings light to all that are out in it. 

That was my Sweetie. She could brighten a room just by being in it. Of course, that is how I see her. 

Monday

Over the weekend, I sent a message to the towing company, requesting payment for the damage done to Tweety. This morning, I received a phone call from them. They wanted to know how I wanted to be paid. Easy, I'll come and get a check. Getting their address, off I went. 

It turns out that they are not that far from my old church. Wondering if Hike Master was there, headed over to pay him a visit. 

Happy to see me, we set up a lunch date for later in the day. I wanted to deposit the check, and get some cash, so off I went, to return at his lunch break. 

Having the need to reconnect, I was back and we headed off for lunch. We talked about his divorce, and sequence new love, and that he had a new grandchild. He wanted to know about Sweetie, and I shared with him the passing, and how blessed I was to hold her when she shrugged off her mortal gown, and was issued into her heavenly home.

As we sat and ate lunch, the time seemed to pass too quickly. Before we knew it, it was time to take him back to work. Where we sat and talked some more. He told me of a lake he found in northern New Mexico, around Taos, and asked if I might like to join him. A fairly light hike/fishing trip. Sounds like fun. Thinking about it. 

Home, and relaxed, for it was a good start of the day. 

After my evening meeting, I stopped off at my neighbor's house. She was out working in her yard. I like her, she has been a widow for 17 years, and a good one to talk to. I told her about my heart being tender, and she shared with me about her husband, the emotional ambushes, and the loneliness it prompts. The emotions don't go away, they just become less prominent. 

Our drive on the Road to New Life, took a unexpected turn. It seemed that we were turning into the sun just a little. The Road was lit up, and seemed friendlier, and it seemed that it was easier to Keep My Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.         

 

 

Don't want to loose her.

Need to tee it up.

Two lives became one, and now there is only a half left. We were so inseparable for those last years of her life that I can't do anything that doesn't remind me of her. 

From the simple of meals, to doing the laundry, playing golf, shopping, doing a walk about, everything I do today, I did with her. 

When I was a boy, I tripped and fell into the milk bottles on our front porch. I have a scar on my left wrist from the accident. When the doctor took the cast off my arm, the scar was almost as big as my wrist. Now years later, I have to think about it, and look just to remind myself on how lucky I am to be able to use my left hand. 

This is the way I am with Sweetie these days. With me talking about her so much, I don't want to loose her. I don't want to move ahead, yet by the nature of life, I will, and with that, I skip back a groove or two on the record of life, to play my sorrow again and again. 

Sunday

There just wasn't anything new for the day. The one thing I wanted to do was finish watching the new program, Lincoln Lawyer on Netflix. So, I did. 

Sunday was also pasta day for me, and so it was, and I enjoyed my pasta. 

Keep telling myself, get up, do something, take Tweety and get her a bath, mow the lawns, do something, then the spirit says tomorrow, for there is always tomorrow. 

Driver is here, and then I get out, and head to the house. My security blanket, the house where all my memories live. Where I greet her when I come in, and at the end of the day, sleep with her. I find my comfort there, as I hold on tight, driving down the Road to New Life, Keeping Sweetie close, and my Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. Arthur.