Tranquility.

Sweetie and granddaughter.

Times they are a changing. As I search for pictures of Sweetie, I get sentimental. Wanting to turn the clock back, and as I've said before, there isn't a reverse gear in life. Sometimes life just swoops you up and moves you faster than you want to go. Wanting to stay and savor the moment, and like a vapor, it's gone. Then there are the times that I'd wish life would move faster then warp speed, and yet, life seems suspended in front of me, taking forever to go by. 

Most of the time, I'm happy to have Sweetie with me, then there are the times when I ask the question, "How much longer?" I understand that question is for my convenience, not hers. Is my wanting to be free from the weight of taking care of her a wrong question to ask? Understanding that I am her whole world, that she cannot survive without me taking care of her, and what would I do if I didn't have her to take care of? 

Imagining a life without her is a scary thing. With her in my life, and needs that I take care of for her gives me a sense of accomplishment. Simple things like waking her up, brushing her hair, all the needs of life are mine to give. Like a job that is secure and I'll never get fired. 

Last night, Mr. Sundowner came around, he didn't produce anger or wandering, he brought his good buddy, Fear. She was just fearful most of the evening and it didn't stop until we headed upstairs to bed. Once there, and with me beside her, she went to sleep and I could relax. 

Driver knows all about fear, for He knows what it produces: worry, anxiety, and depression. Driver also has the answer, it is His warm hugs, a comforting blanket I can snuggle up into. He knows the questions before I ask, and His answer is the same, His blanket is enough for now, and it is. He says we have a side trip this morning, to Lake Tranquility, going to stop and take a walk around it. Care to join us, in the caravan as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, as always, with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

  

 

Possessive.

Sunrise out my back window. 

You know, I can be a selfish kinda of guy. I know what I want, and I also know when I want something. If it is a hot cup of coffee, I can get up and get it. If it is sleep, I know where I can lay my head down and go to sleep. I also know the facts of life and that there are things that no matter how much I try, or how much I pray, do or say, it will never happen. 

Then there are the things that will never change, and with that come acceptance. For acceptance is the answer to so many of the facts of life. I know that without it, I'd go crazy. 

Sweetie and acceptance go hand in hand. For I have to accept the way she is, the way she'll be today, and where she will be tomorrow. 

Our son came over yesterday to do some work. His home is getting a new circuit breaker box installed, and he needed power to run his laptop for a meeting. His presence caused Sweetie to have a strange reaction. She knew she should know him, and at the same time, he didn't belong here. She was irritable and flighty, it wasn't until we got out of the house and at the golf course did she settle down. 

When we returned, I took us out for lunch, first time in what seems forever. Again, that semi happy, angry, little girl came about, and no matter what we did, son or me, she was just on edge. It wasn't until we got back into our car and away, did she return to herself. 

I know that I am her lifeline, and that she is getting very possessive of me. She will share time with those around me, and yet if she feels that I'm spending too much time away from her, she can get mean. Not violent, just, I don't know, short with me and those around us. Others may not see it, or notice, but I do. I know it because I'm always around her, 24/7 and I know her moods and body language. 

After lunch, we had a good day, did some walking, and driving around. Had a light dinner, and to bed. I've decided that I need to read more, and with Sweetie wanting to go to bed early, it is the perfect time for me to curl up and do some reading. I've noticed that I'm sleeping better after reading for about an half hour. Rested body and mind will be an assets later on as demands will build.  

Demands, that is one thing that I know Driver doesn't put on me. He such a gentleman. I don't respond well to demands, and He knows that. He talks while I listen. I have to concentrate on Him while He is talking. He has such a still, quiet voice, and I can miss words if I don't pay attention. When He has all my attention, the words are crystal clear, and my heart of light. That is how it is, as we drive Down the Road to Dementia Town, with our Shiny Side Up. The caravan is forming, we'll be off soon. Come join the caravan, driving together on the Road to Dementia Town, as we help each other Keeping our Shiny Sides up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

 

Coconut Oil.

Balloon Fiesta

For whatever the reason, I was thinking about when we first began to consider that Sweetie was having problems with her memory. In discussing it with friends and family one of the things that was suggested was Coconut Oil. In my earlier meetings with my support group, the conversation turned to internet legions on what helped Alzheimer's and how we eat and drank gallons of coconut oil to no avail. 

I'm now a believer in TCB Hemp Oil, I know it isn't a cure, but the effect it has on Sweetie is amazing. She is calm, she doesn't fight me, and She seems happy. I know that there isn't anything that will bring her back and at the same time I know where we are going. It just makes the trip easier on both of us. 

When she gets into an emotional state where she isn't holding my hand, I know that her dementia is getting the better of her. So, out comes the Oil, and within about 30 minutes, she is back. She can track well. It is my job to keep her as active as I can. I don't force her to do things that don't make much of a difference. I've found the whatever we are going to do, can always be re-introduced within a few minutes, and get the right response from her. Planning ahead, and keeping a routine is most important. 

Yesterday, when we took our walk, I didn't check on her shoes, she was wearing her house slippers. We were close enough to go back and get her flipflops on, but the thought came to me, what difference does it make? Am I embarrassed because she is wearing house slippers? Or does it really matter what she wears? I went with, what the hell, she is my wife with Dementia, and I don't care as long as we can walk in the mall. It is comes down to this: If she is clean, and she has clothes on, and something on her feet, we're good. 

Driver approves of my growing attitude about what is important, and what is socially important and do the two mix? What mixes is my love for Sweetie, and does it show? He is teaching me about being a duck, and to let the little troubles roll off my back, like water on a shiny car's hood. Choosing is the key. Time is the other ingredient. Choosing what is important, not at the second, but time for eternity. Love is the key, and my Driver knows that. For He is my resource for the unending love that I share with my Sweetie, and He is there refilling my love tank everyday as we travel together down the Road to Dementia Town. Keeping our Shiny Sides up. That is the rule to this caravan. Got to keep your Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.