Twilight sleep mode.

Sweetie at work

Somedays it is hard, then again somedays are  harder. Gathering my thoughts for this posting is a mixed bags of what is going on in my life. They are separate and yet again, they all contribute to my mental health and my caring for Sweetie. 

Since it was Sunday, I got to watch my men of God giving their messages. One is always giving an uplifting message on how God is empowering me, to put a positive outlook on the day, for the future is bright. The second is more about my Christian Character and how I project it, and who is watching, and the last is an expository preacher, a verse by verse divining of the the scriptures. It used to be, I'd wouldn't spend much time watching, but because we don't go to church anymore, this works as a replacement. 

I'm looking for a sitter. Since I fired the company, and have talked with a friend that does that for a living, I'm still not happy with what I'm doing. This is going to be a whole new avenue of learning. I know there are people and others that will help, it is just getting the information that is a bit difficult. The damn pandemic has shut down many streams of information gathering and is frustrating.

I let Sweetie sleep, or rest as long as she wanted. Her first rising was later then normal, and she wasn't functioning well. Was able to get her ready and downstairs for something to eat. Her new eating habit is to start strong, than about halfway through the meal, she starts her can't do it routine. I know now, that no matter how much I try, she is done. She isn't eating enough to keep herself strong, and keep the weight on her. So, I substitute Ensure for milk, and try to get her to eat some snacks. She just isn't interested in eating. She went back to bed again, and I just left her alone. I would go and check on her, and she seemed to be in the twilight sleep mode. Not awake and at the same time, not asleep. When she got up this time, she seemed better. 

I'm going to try something with her, instead of showering, of course I will when we can, I'm going to try using wet wipes as a way of giving her a sponge bath. In the morning, I'm already wiping her privates down with wet wipes, so I'm hoping doing her underarms will be an easy addition to that time. I've said something is better than nothing. I just have to get creative. 

Where do these ideas come from? Left up to my own understanding, I am just a lump of clay, waiting to be molded into that which I am not. Driver knows these things. I can't do it by myself and He knows that. That is why our daily car rides are not just for relaxation and recovery, they are where he can whisper a idea into me, as He breaths the breath of life into my soul, and a fertile idea arrives. It is crazy as we spend time together, He's behind the wheel, I'm sitting back with my cool sunglasses on, as we drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Love ya, and God Bless.        

 

The darkness of Dementia.

I miss us

I know that I'm not the only one, not someone that is so special that people won't understand what I mean by missing us. As I age, as I grow old, I had always thought that we would be walking down the road of life together. Holding hands, leaning on each other, resting on the wayside, and just enjoy those autumn years of your lives together. 

Children, grandchildren, and if we are lucky enough, great-great grandchildren. As it seems that I am the one in this partnership, in this life journey, with Sweetie, that I'll be the one that has that pleasure. For Sweetie has moved one more step into the darkness of Dementia. 

I was rummaging around the house looking for some more pictures to share with her. When I couldn't find any, that old brain of mine went to work. Working in the background and wa la, the thought came to me, up in the attic, there is a box full of pictures. And as it so happens, I have to get up there soon to get Christmas down. Looking forward to be sitting with her as we share those pictures.

Yesterday was a weird day. From the time I woke Sweetie up, to when we went to bed, it wasn't the same. She was argumentative all day long. She ate little, wondered around the house, and even with extra Hemp Oil, it didn't seem to help. The only time she was "normal" was when we went to the mall and walked. 

Saturday is her normal shower day, that didn't happen. No matter how much I tried, to sway her, to maneuver her, it just wasn't going to happen. Even checking her pullups, and cleaning her was a battle. I think she was tired. 

She doesn't like the dark and will stay next to me. I don't think she is sleeping very well and when I wake her, she just isn't working right. Her brain stays in the half asleep mode, even though she is up and moving. This morning I'm going to wait for her to come down. She seems to function better that way. 

We seem to have hit some pot holes yesterday while we were on the road. Don't know if Driver was hitting them on purpose, to wake me up, or just to get my attention. It seems that when I get lazy in my riding with Him, not paying attention, He does these things, just to let me know who is driving. As we head into the sunrise, I am can see, faintly at first, what is ahead. Driver and me, heading into the sunrise of today, knowing that there are curves yet unseen, beauty untold, and life to be lived. As we travel the Road to Dementia Town, with all of you, Keeping our Shiny Sides Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.   

 

The long road ahead.

Disneyland

Wow, I look at these pictures and it seems like such a long time ago. If you think that 5 years is along time ago, it is. Yet at the same time, I look and think that was just a blink of the eye.

We were both fat and happy. I knew what was waiting for us, or should I say, I had a good idea of what was in our future. I'd been going to my men's support group. Had heard the stories, and was preparing myself for the long road ahead. 

As of today, I'm still doing what I need to do, one day at a time. I'm learning the grace to attempt to get Sweetie to do something, and if she won't, take it in stride. Take the simple task of brushing her teeth. Normally, I've been able to get her to use her brush, maybe not as long as I'd like her to brush, some is better than none and that is my thinking. For the past couple of days, she is just refusing to even try. 

Then there are the times when she will refuse to do anything, and I can still talk her into doing it. Like taking her balance medicine. We go through this unwritten script of why, who, what for, and at the same time either pulling away or brushing the dropper away as I attempt to put it in her mouth. Normally, I can penetrate the wall that Dementia puts up and get the task done. 

For lunch, I prepared fried hot dog sandwiches. Not only was the continued "can't do this." happening, something else. She squeezes the bread so hard, that it squeezes everything out that is between the bread. I don't think she understands that the sandwich isn't going to run away or fall out of her hands. Again, how do I want to her to eat, or do I want her to do it "right"? Anyway, it is just her and I at the table, so what difference does it make? Just get the food inside of her is the quest, not how it is done. 

How is it done? That is what my Driver has to ask me. He wants me to do it with love and honor. To find ways that show love to Sweetie. He is there, filling me up with His love, so I can transfer it to her. Sweetie still tells me she loves me, and that I believe is because of the love that I've poured into her. And the love that I pour into her is from my Driver filling stations. We make regular stops along the way. Even stop every now and then, just to top off the tank just to make sure we have enough love in the tank for what is coming around the bend. It is like that when we are on the Road to Dementia Town, just can't run low on fuel, as we drive with Our Shiny Sides Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God bless.