Red letter day indeed.

The way I'll always remember. 

Its those times when there is a glimmer of who she used to be. I don't think that she has called me by name in the past two years, and that is again something that is in my memory box that I miss. She does tell me that she loves me, but I wonder if it because she is afraid of something and needs to say the words to make her feel good and safe? Like the man who's love overflow with kindness, I repeat them back to her. Tell her that I'll take care of her, I'll keep her safe, and she is like a small kitten curled up in those words. These are the Easter Egg moments that get moved into the memory box.

We had the most pleasant day yesterday. I have to say that it was the best day on the course ever! Lowest score ever, for those of you who know the game, I shot a 4 over game. We play the executive course, its 9 holes of challenging golf. Started with 4 pars in a row, that in itself is a personal best. It seemed that Sweetie was on her personal best behavior while we were on the course. That is another Easter Egg event. 

When we went home, she wanted to take a nap, and that it lasted for about 15 minutes, and then the scenario started repeating it self. She would want to go to bed, then back up. This went on until we took a car ride. It seemed to center her and we finished the evening well. The only problem was bed time. She gave me a rough time getting her overnight pad in her pullups, but once that was accomplished, she was in bed and asleep. All in all, a red letter day indeed. 

I know that Driver is chuckling because He knew that I need a day like yesterday. He set me up, and I took the bait and just enjoyed the time, He is truly a fisher of men. Can't wait for this day to get started. And like on queue, He's outside waiting for me to start our journey down the Road to Dementia Town with smiles to go with the miles. Order of the day is Shiny Side Up. That goes for you too. Don't know what is waiting for you and me this day as we travel the Road to Dementia Town, I do know it is better when your traveling it with me. See you soon, Love Ya and God Bless.   

Fainting Spells.

Sweetie's DIL. 

Yes, the days are getting shorter, and I'm glad about that. Yet at the same time, it is still 24 hours in each day. I'm not sure what is going on with Sweetie lately. She seems more up lately then combative. She doesn't, it seems, that the need for CBD is curbing itself. Then again, this is Dementia, and today may need lots the less. 

She was up early, and so, change her, and put her back to bed. She slept until I woke her. Everything seem normal, our breakfast, ride to the golf course, the game, and home. Just as pleasant as could be. When we are on the course, I keep her in the cart as much as possible. Pulling up next to the ball and having her sit in the cart as I take my shot. We walk to the green for putting, and she in enjoying it. I try to keep her involved in the game as much as she can be. 

After golf, we were home, and I was preparing lunch, I noticed her fading. She almost collapsed in my arms as I was holding her. Got her back in bed for a nap. I was just so fortunate to be home and able to get her down for a nap. These fainting spells used to frighten me, now it is just something that I have learned to live with. They don't seem to be life threating, and she recovers well and at the same time, I get some alone time. If they get closer together, I might take her to her doctor for a check up. 

Driver is here and we are ready to head out. He's waiting, and has the door open for me. I see He has my cool sunglasses in His hand, and I'm ready. Close the door, buckle in, glasses on, and away we go. Cruising down the Road to Dementia Town, Shiny Side Up. See you there, on your Road to Dementia Town, with Your Shiny Side Up. Until Tomorrow, Take Care, Love Ya and God Bless. 

Smile and nod, boys, smile and nod.

Diner Al Fresco.

Last night, Sweetie just had to go to bed earlier then normal. 6:30 and she was gone. We had our normal struggle getting her into her pj's and putting on her night pad. Once that was done, so was she. Into bed and gone. I was able to stay up and watch a movie that wasn't an animation with kids in it. 

The picture I'm using if of Sweetie's youngest brother and his wife. I doubt that we will see them again this side of heaven. I was happy that we had a good time. DIL tried to engage Sweetie with conversation, as a normal person would. When she asked me questions about the "boys", I told her it is something only she understands, and to answer as the penguin's answer "Smile and nod, boys, smile and nod." I'm aware that she knows what she's talking about and my answers to her questions don't make sense to her. 

If there was one thing I'd love to have back, is her ability to hold a conversation again. Direct questions will always get a "I don't know" answer, and just asking any question is a complete waste of time. Communications with her is worse than with a new born. With a new born, you know if it is crying, it is usually hungry, tired, or the diaper needs to be changed. With her, who knows. I just do my best. 

I'm starting something new. No lunch. Because I get her up late, and we have a good breakfast, lunch and dinner, all in about 7 hours, I feel that we are over eating and not allowing her to get hungry. Yesterday, we had a cup of applesauce for lunch, and then dinner. It was different this time. She ate it up and was done before me. I liked that. But again, what worked yesterday, may not work today. 

Driver is ready and so am I, to get the day going, to live life to the fullest. Now is the most important part of the day. Now is the time when I have to center myself in taking care of Sweetie's needs. It is only with my daily drives with my Driver, am I able to have the strength, wisdom and mercy to do this great task. It is with Him, driving down the Road to Dementia Town, am I able to receive these gifts. He knows which roadside stand to stop and get them, as we drive with our Shiny Side Up. Who knows, maybe we'll see each other at one of those stops. I'll know it is you, because you'll be driving with your Shiny Side Up. Have a great day, Love Ya and God Bless.    

Feet on wet sand.

Feet on the wet sand. 

I have a tendency to go overboard when I find that something that works with Sweetie one day, I will want it to work again and again. 

Take diner, when I observed her mixing her food together, I thought, why not do that ahead of time, and she would eat it easily. It worked the first time, and then, slowly, she began to resist it. Last night, I separated the food groups and let her choose which foods went together. Of course, she watched me as I ate from my dish, and she copied me. 

Getting her to eat isn't as easy as it sounds. Take sandwiches, she will squeeze the bread so hard that the sandwich will start to separate, moving the bread and lunchmeat in different directions. Then I'll have to take it away from her and re center the sandwich. When it comes to her applesauce, she is also forgetting how to use the spoon. I maybe heading into the time when I will be feeding her. She is loosing the knowledge on how to swallow her pills, and that worries me. 

This may sound silly, but, I cleaned up and put away the hair drier and my beard trimer. They have been sitting on the sink for years. Because of Sweetie's short hair, she no longer needs the hair drier, and because of the new hair clippers, I don't need to keep my beard trimer out either. What a difference it made. More space, less clutter. 

Sweetie is going more and more without her glasses, and she doesn't seem to notice that she needs them. I was told that this is a progression that is normal. One of my fellows told me he replaced his wife's glasses accouple of times, before he realized that he was doing it for him, not her. She was just as happy with or without her glasses. I think I'm just holding on to where she was, not where she is. 

My Driver understands what is going on, and He knows which path to take today, as we head down the Road to Dementia Town. A short side trip to a pool of refreshment, where I can relax and get ready for the next stretch of road ahead. For the Road it full of ups and downs, dark tunnels, and twisty mountain passes. I know, if I just keep trusting Him, we'll make it there, safely. Ready, Set, Go, and go we do, me in the passenger seat, checking out the view as we go, Down the Road to Dementia Town, with the bright sun reflecting off our car, because we are driving with our Shiny Side Up. Maybe we'll see you at the pool of refreshment, as you Drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya, and God Bless. 

Dementia is like a python squeezing its pry.

Dad, meet my Sweetie.

It has been 60 years since my dad died, and it took 34 years for me to introduce them to each other. I'm so glad that I did this. With the demented mind, you never know what is going on inside of it. At the same time there is an understanding that Sweetie knew how special it was for me. 

There are rivers on memories that some flow with the swift current in the middle of the river, and then there are those that keep circling around near the shore, sometimes being caught up in the swifter currents, or slowly in little pools near the shore. The memories that mean the most to me, tend to stay near the shore, to be seen in my minds eye more often. This is such memory.

Sunday morning was just as nice as could be. I got Sweetie up, and we got on our way. After breakfast, we took a walk around the neighborhood and talked with some of our neighbors. It was nice to renew our contact with them. I was worried about Sweetie, she seemed to get fatigued faster then normal. We cut our walk short because I didn't want her to pass out on me again. The progression of this disease is amazing. How it wrings the very strength out of her, Dementia is like a python squeezing its pry. 

We got home and rested, then out to the back yard, and some yard work. We also went to the grocery store, and this time, Sweetie pushed the cart, with me walking on the side directing where we were to go. It worked well. Sweetie just has to do something to help. Pushing the cart was just what she needed. 

Come to the conclusion that I have to wake Sweetie up and not let her sleep most of the day away. When it is time for us to retire, she goes easily enough, but then she will toss and turn well into the night. With the applications of CBD and Stress Relief lotion, we can have our normal day. I can extend our meal times just by sitting outside, break up TV watching with car rides, or mall crawls, or any combination of the fore mentioned activities. 

Because I never know what is going to happen, I have to trust the one who does. Driver and me have this deal, I ride, He dives. What I have to learn is how not to fret. Fretting is the worse trait I can have. If I'm always stepping on that imaginary brake peddle on the passenger side, it means I don't trust in His ability to get me back safely. The more I trust His driving, the deeper our friendship goes. Its like walking, left, right, left ect. You can't walk left, left, left, without the right moving in step with the left, you have a hard time getting ahead. So, its left, right, left into the car, cool sunglasses on, and down the Road to Dementia Town we go. Shiny Side Up. There you are, I see you got your Shiny Side Up this morning, don't let the day dull you down. See You Later, Love Ya, and as always, God Bless.  

Diamond mine of memories.

Still liking her sweets.

You don't know how much I'll be loving these new pictures. With her haircut, she looks so much different. I can see her face, and no matter how bad her hair is, she is still the most beautiful woman in my life, as it should be. 

Thirty four years, seem like such a short time ago we were standing in front of the preacher, saying our vows. Not knowing where the rivers of life would take us. We were so in love with each other. It would be our second marriage and we both thought we had it all in control. Little did we know that there were going to be times of the rapids of boiling arguments, swift moving waters of passionate lovemaking, and the calm, smooth waters of the boring times of just life that were still ahead of us. We were in love and that is what counted. 

Over the years there was much sifting of emotions that had to be made. Figuring out what was important to us, and not just are own selfish motive. As life grounded us down, and the fires of passion purified our hearts, we come to this. We are still in love, we are needing each other to be whole, and my job is now the keeper of that love, that life story, for I am the keeper of two, hers and mine.

Driver has a special place for us this day. Somewhere that we haven't been. Its the Diamond mine of memories that we are going to stop off. Says there is something precious for me there. Knowing Him, I'm sure there is. So, we better get going, a slight detour on our travels down the Road to Dementia Town, making sure that we are Keeping our Shiny Side Up. Come along to the Diamond Mine with us as we travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. God Bless and Love Ya.   

My freedom day.

7/21/'20 At the Beach. 

It took me some hunting, I finally found where my new computer put these pictures of our trip. Here we are on the only time we got near the water. I was thinking that the walk down to the water would be fine, it wasn't. The sand was hot and we almost didn't make it. So glad we did.

Sweetie just enjoyed herself as we would past children making castles, digging holes, and discovering clam shells. The beach is such a place of discovery. She told me that her father call the shore line, the end of the continent. Some of the things she used to frame in speech are one of the things I miss the most.  

Yesterday was my freedom day. One thing I did differently was to tell her I was going out before our Angel arrived. There were the questions of where I was going? Why I can't go with you? I answered them as softly as I could and when our Angel showed up, she was prepared to spend time with her. This time, the young lady was more experienced and I felt more at ease leaving. 

Four precious hours by myself. 

Upon returning, Sweetie was taking a nap, and all was well. Had to get a oil change on the car, and so off we went. Oil change, a short mall crawl, and some grocery shopping. The rest of the day was just a pleasant as it could be. 

My time with my Driver is the one that set the tone for the rest of the day. He is there with a smile and a twinkle in His eye. Refreshed and ready for this day's ride. Where will it lead? Only my Driver knows, and He always lets the mystery unfold by itself. Here we go, Driver and me, with my cool sunglasses on, on the Road to Dementia Town, driving with our Shiny Side Up. Be aware that your mystery is unfolding for you too, as you drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Drive safely, Love Ya and God Bless. 

A-

Hopefully new pictures soon. 

We are back and what a good trip it was.  We had times of smiles, walking, taking pictures, see the kids and only one granddaughter. With an dinner with Sweetie's brother and his wife. There were times of Mr. Sundowners appearances usually followed by a naps, If I was to grade this little getaway, it would be A-, simply because of the things we didn't do. 

The Inn that we stayed in was across the street from the beach, down the street from the pier and Main Street with all its souvenirs wear. There is a coffee shop that has the best muffins and scones. There is a carnival atmosphere while we were there. It is a show of surfers, pier fishermen, young families taking their children to the beach of fun and relaxation accompanied with the occasional sunburns. 

There were the disappointments of not getting Sweetie to put her feet in the ocean, I am the one that will miss that part. She did walk on wet sand, so not all was lose. 

Our trip home was mainly uneventful until we hit some rain. This was so different from anything that Sweetie had experienced on the trip, it freekeh her out. She was so afraid, and I spent the whole time talking to her, telling her that she would be safe, that I was going to take care of her, and just over and over again, reassuring her she was safe. It worked and when we drove out of the storm, it took sometime before she settled down, and relaxed. 

When we pulled into the garage, she was happy to be home. Quickly up to bed and asleep, a good ending to a good trip. 

Today is my free day with our person coming in to watch her so I can have some "Me" time. I am ready for that. After being in the car with her all day yesterday, I'm ready. 

My Driver is ready too. He's got some new roads to explore this morning, and is eager to get on our way. Gulp down the last swallow of coffee, and out the door we go. Driver behind the wheel, me in the passenger's seat, cool sunglasses on, and we're off. Driver and me, on the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. Got your cool sunglasses on? You just might need them with sunshine bouncing off the hood, as you drive your Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. See you later, Love Ya and God Bless.       

Recovery and reset.

Didn't get feet wet, but we were on the beach. 

We are heading back home  this morning. We've made all the points that were possible to make. Spent as much time on the beach as possible, only bought on sweatshirt for me, there is still a "June Gloom" here in the mornings. So, it is too cool for me, and a double shirt day for Sweetie. I know that those with Dementia, are always cold, or cool. She wears a long sleeve shirt and a sweat shirt even at home. 

We went sight seeing yesterday, and we returned, Sweetie wanted to walk, and walk we did. She will get a head of steam, and she is off. There is a determination for a direction, not a destination, and off we go. She was upset about something and had to walk it off. Which means a nap is also on its way. When she gets going like that, she burns a lot of energy and needs a nap to recover and reset. I think it was the traffic that got her upset. Hoping that the drive home will be uneventful. 

Had dinner with her brother and his wife last night. The best event of our little vacation. We walked to the restaurant, while they found a place to park their car. Sweetie's wanting to be in control and me knowing where to go was something to watch. We made to the restaurant and then we had to wait for them. Again, Dementia doesn't understand waiting, she want to go look for them, and I had to keep her still. What people don't know about Dementia can fill volumes, anyway that isn't the important stuff. We had a good time and I think I had the best time of anyone at the table. They asked questions about how long she has been like she was last night, can she understand what we are talking about, does she speak? All the "normal" questions people have who don't know about Dementia. I guess that is the same with anything that you don't normally have any personal close encounters with.   

I'm going to wake Sweetie soon, and we will be off. With one more stop along the way. My youngest daughter wants us to stop by and get some Poppa hugs before we leave. All in all, we have had a very good memory making time here. Lots of Easter Eggs were found while we were here. When I get home, I'll be uploading my phone pictures and have some new ones for the post.

Really need some time with my Driver this morning. My drive with Him will set the tone for our drive home. He knows what I need to see, hear, and be aware of this day. The day lays before us, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, as always, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. See you on that Road to Dementia Town, as you too, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Talk again tomorrow, Love Ya and God Bless.

Phobias

Sweetie at the pier '17

Day two, at the beach is about to begin. I got her down to the water, but she wouldn't get wet. For one of her "things" with her dementia is getting her feet wet while she is outside. I've heard of some of the phobias that people have as they follow Dementia. I've notice also, while we walk the pier, she is afraid to get near the sides, to look at the surfers, watch the waves, or just enjoy being at the beach. As of yet, we haven't made it to the end of the pier. At first I was thinking she was tired. Now, I think it is her Dementia that is afraid, and so she is acting accordingly. 

We had a good day, After getting donuts for breakfast, went and saw my daughter and all. The oldest wasn't there, she is at drama camp, took pictures. Then went to visit my dad's grave site. While we were there, I introduced Sweetie to my dad. I think she understood what was happening and we both felt good about it. While we were there, I realized that my dad has been gone for 60 years now. This was only my 4th time I visited his grave and the first with someone else. I was thinking how sad it is that I'm the only one who still comes to visit. 

I think Sweetie is getting settled here, and she is doing fine. I don't push her to do anything too stressful. What is stressful at the beach? After we returned from our outing, we took a walk. It seems to be her thing now, walking. Tried the pier again, no luck in reaching the end, and I thought she'd faint on me, so we headed back to our room where she napped. It was just what she needed to reset herself.

Dinner, we went to the IHOP because I knew that there are items that she can and will eat. I got her some chicken tenders, with mash potatoes and corn. She ate the mash and corn with delight. She didn't like the chicken that much, so I gave her some of the meat I'd ordered, she ate that. I even gave her some of my mash potatoes and corn. I'd not seen her eat like that in a long, long time. I think we'll go back there for dinner tonight. 

To tell the truth, I'll be happy when this day is over and we head back home. We're making many memories for me and those we have been with. I will look back and remember our last time at the beach. The walking, the dad introduction, and family. For me, these are the Easter Eggs parts of being Sweeties caregiver. 

My Driver has a big smile on His face. When I see what He is doing and the blessings that come with this job. Looks like He's got the car ready for some windshield time. Off it is and down the Road to Dementia Town we go. Watching the sun coming up on another day, being thankful that there is going to be another day as we motor down the road Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. You can join us anytime you'd like, the only requirement is that you too Keep Your Shiny Side Up, as you travel down the Road to Dementia Town.
See you there, Love Ya and God Bless.

California

New pictures to come.

We made it. The drive went well until we arrived in California. Made for interesting times, which led to Mr. Sundowners to show up. I tried to give Sweetie a dose of CBD car, she fought it and I forced it on her. That set in motion a rather unpleasant scene in the car. She kept trying get out of the car, and I was forcing her to stay in the car. I won, but it was a poor beginning to our stay. 

We did go out to eat, that too wasn't fun. The place we chose wasn't good for us. They didn't seem to care, and were expecting usr to just sit. We left before our food arrived. Walked the pier for a little bit. Sweetie was still not settled from the drive. We ended up going to McDonald's for a couple of burgers and back to our room to eat. 

We both scarfed them down, and then off to bed. All in all, it was a good day. Different, but the same. While driving across the desert, with no radio, put on a CD, and as we drove, we sang along with the songs. That part of the brain that won't let go of music kicked in and for a song or two, it was like old times. 

Going to let her sleep most of the morning, I know her brain needs to recharge to take on the rest of the day. No real plans for the day, just take it one step at a time. 

Time for me to spend time my Driver. I know He was with us all the way, and now it is time for me to spend some alone time with Him. It is good to relax in the passenger's seat, head back, and  let the cares ooze out of me. Down the Road to Dementia Town we go. Driver driving, me relaxing, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. May you have a good time today on your travels to Dementia Town, KeepYing Your Shiny Side Up, too. TTFN, Love Ya, and God Bless.      

The abyss of nothingness.

Soon, very soon. 

Reservations in hand, car all gassed up, most of the packing done, now it is the countdown to waking Sweetie. I'm going to try and get her to pee before we get in the car this morning. It would be nice. Then breakfast and off we go. 

I'm so looking forward to a change in scenery and a change in our daily living, I can hardly control myself. I did get the old lap top out, and set it up, so you will be getting a post, and some new pictures, while we are gone. 

It looks like we are going to spend sometime with her brother and his wife while we are there. When we spend time with them, we are mostly the audience. It is a trait that runs in the family and it is this, they just cannot stop talking about themselves, and as it turns out, we just happen to need to be entertained. I'm sure that this will be an education for them, to see how far removed from daily life his sister is. Most people don't know how Dementia affects people, loved ones, and family members, it just maybe a shock to their idea of what and how Dementia works.  

If you'd like, that is one of the specialties' of those of us who care for our loved ones with Alzheimer's and Dementia. We live it. I don't think anyone who reads my post, that doesn't live with this disease, can fully understand what I, we, are going through. I guess you can say that about anyone that has a life threating disease as they battle for life. With Dementia, the patient doesn't know that their brain is dying and life is slipping away. We observe it first hand, for me, it is a daily progress. Like a child gowning up, and putting marks on the door jam, you can see the progression, and with that progression, she slips again and again to the abyss of nothingness. 

What waits for us, Driver knows. He's ready to take the wheel today, I maybe physically driving, but it will be Him that is really the true driver on this trip. I know He's already hidden some Easter Eggs for me to find, and I'll be watching for them. We'll be off soon, driving the Road to Dementia Town, with our Shiny Side Up. Hope to see you on the road as we go bye. I'll know its you, 'cause you'll have your Shiny Side Up, too. On the Road to Dementia Town, waving as we pass. Love Ya, and God Bless.     

Sweet things in life.

Just 4 years ago.

Instead of thinking about yesterday, and we'll get to yesterday, I thinking about tomorrow. All the stuff that I have to get done, the packing, the planning, the gassing of the car, what snakes to take, and to make sure I have CBD and Stress Relief lotion at hand. Over the years, we've made so many of these trips that it should be automatic. Throw a change of underwear, razor, toothbrush, and off. This time will be taking extra stuff to keep both me and Sweetie on the move. 

With all the road trips that we take on almost a daily bases, I'm fairly sure that Sweetie will be able to handle the time in the car. She likes the moving scenery, and from New Mexico to California, the scenery is always changing. 

I think I must be oozing something about the trip and Sweetie is picking up on it, or she is just moving into a new stage of her Dementia. She hasn't been hard to handle, just different. Lately she has been defiant when it comes to me checking her pullups, giving her her CBD and she is forgetting on how to take her meds and vitamins. She has problems with sandwich cookies, not sure if eating them whole or halves. We'll sit on the couch and I'll get the cookie jar, hand her one, and she not sure, but once she gets going, it is fun to watch her eat them. Cholate is the same thing, one bite at a time. 

It is the sweet things in life that my Driver is trying to get me to see, the Easter Eggs in everyday living. He shows me the good stuff, and how it balances all the other stuff that is going on with Sweetie. Its our daily drives down to Dementia Town. There are times when we are going through areas that look burned and wasted areas, but they too will come back to life the next time through. That is what I'm learning, that yesterday isn't a permanent, it was yesterday. Today is a new day, full wonderful things, Easter Eggs, it is my job to find them. So, sharpen my eyes to see what is coming up, sit back and relax as Driver takes the wheel. We're off for another adventure as we navigate down the Road to Dementia Town. Me and Driver, making a joyous noise, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. That's right, you can join us, as we travel together to Dementia Town. Just remember you too have to Keep your Shiny Side up. TTFN, Love Ya and God Bless.    

Normal is only temporary.

Sunflowers 

After last night, I'm now having second thoughts about our trip to California. Then, today may just go perfectly well. If I was seeking normal, I'm living the wrong life. I should know better by now. That the only normal thing for me is getting up early, spending time by myself to gather my marbles back into their bag, so I can loose them again. 

Had a good start to the day. When I woke her up, had breakfast, went to the course, played until Sweetie thought it was a good time to wander off and talk to someone. Of course when I went to round her up, she made a scene. When she asked who I was, I knew it was time to leave. 

Later, when we did our mall crawl, she is getting more and more eager to leave. Every time she sees a door that can lead to the parking lot, she wants to head there. I'll tell her it isn't time yet, that we have more laps to go. She nods, and then again the same old push at the next exit. I have a feeling that it won't be long until walks at the mall will be a thing of the past. 

Another new behavior is her going without her glasses. One of the members of my support group has said that her wife quit wearing her glasses, and was happier without them. Could it be that Sweetie will think blurry vison is normal? One of the mysteries of this disease. Normal is only temporary. 

I know I shouldn't, but I've been wondering what the future will hold? Not the year or more down the road, but in the near future. In less then 5 months, Christmas will be upon us. When I was working I called September the start of the Holiday Season. From Labor day, to New Years Eve, we have a holiday, OK, Halloween isn't a holiday, but it feels like one. How is she going to react to Christmas? To Thanksgiving? I'm already planning on gift cards all around, send a few greeting cards, maybe getting the tree down and decorated, for my enjoyment, and hopefully Sweetie's too. Its the older memories that last the longest, and because we have celebrated them all our lives, she may still remember, how she processes them, I'll have to wait and see. 

Driver just poked His head in the door, so I know I got to get going. Time to hit the Road to Dementia Town. Going to put some Oldies in the player this time, just for a change. I know He has His reasons to do that, so just who will He put in? It won't matter, 'cause its all good. Down the road, Shiny Side Up. Don't let the day get you down, find some music that brings you good thoughts for the day, as you drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Sing loud as if no one is with you. Love Ya, and God Bless.   

Some weird memory recovery.

Heading Back, Yea!

It just seemed so right yesterday, after I made up my mind to book a room for us. On the Pacific Coast Highway, just across from the beach, and a short walk from the pier. I'm so excited to be going. I told Sweetie what we are going to do, and she seemed to understand, time will tell. Haven't told the kids, on leaving or arriving, what we're up to. 

I think I'm going to keep Sweetie in her all day pads while we are there. Less time to miss with her toiletings, and more time just being there. This is going to be a bear necessity trip. Change of underwear, toothbrush, and her "stuff" to keep Mr. Sundowners away. I'm hoping that she will be at ease while we are there. 

With the pandemic, I'm not sure how my daughters will react to us coming. Both are afraid of catching the virus, and may not want to see us until it has all passed away. 

I'm going to get out an old lap top and see if I can get it to co-operate so I can post while I'm away. If not, I'll update you when we get home. 

Yesterday, I thought I was going to have some hydration problems. When Sweetie came downstairs, the first thing I do is to take her and change her pullups. She was dry as a bone in the desert. Knowing I kept her watered all day, I was surprised to see how dry she was. It wasn't until later when we went upstairs to brush our teeth and when I picked up the toilet seat and found out why she was so dry. She went all by herself. Amazing. 

Now I'm wondering if she is doing a short bounce back in some weird memory recovery. I know that will happen, it is usually a short period of time, then the enviably crash, some kind of free falling memory dump. As if she is able to use that part of her past one last time until it is gone of good. 

This trip is something that I've been asking my Driver about. With the lifting of cares that came from making the decision, then acting, makes this feel so right. I know we are going to be talking about this for the next couple of days. He knows the twist and turns ahead, so it won't surprise Him. For He know that it is all on the Road to Dementia Town, and a side trip to California isn't out of His way. We're good, driving down the Road to Dementia Town via a detour to California, with our Shiny Side Up. If you can make it, that's great, if not, just remember that when your on your Road to Dementia Town, you've gotta Keep Your Shiny Side Up. TTFN, Love Ya and God Bless.       

The benefits of Sweeties Dementia.

Sweetie's Home. 

The idea of a trip to the beach with Sweetie has become so appealing that I've already have it rolling around in that big empty space where my brain used to live. I think it is safe to share with you that I've been praying for a respite for us and travel for me. If this doesn't sound like a answer, then I'm not sure what one looks like. 

Sweetie's decline is becoming more obvious to me. With each day, something new has begun. Where to put things away, there are even times when she will sit on the couch while I get up and go somewhere. She will then notice I'm gone and come looking for me. I try to keep her engaged doing things that she would has done in the past, like folding the laundry, things that she was able to do without much supervision. Even now meals are becoming more and more simple. Which is good for me, because I'm a simple cook.

We picked up those frozen hamburger patties, the 1/3 of a pound type. they make a great, easy meal. Last night, I fried up 2 of them, warmed some baked beans, and sliced up half a Beefsteak tomato, and cottage cheese. Using a large soup bowl, put the beans as a base, cut up hamburger patty into bitesize bits and put that on top of the beans, put the cut up tomato on the meat, and toped up the cottage cheese. Eat with a spoon, and we had dinner. Simple, hitting all the needed food groups and best of all she liked it. 

I have to admit to my benefits of Sweetie's Dementia. If nothing else, I'm becoming more creative. Lets face it, if I'm becoming bored with what we are doing, I've only myself to blame. There is nothing stopping me from trying out new stuff with her. I know that scary movies are out, and roller skating is out too, but what about things like walking a shopping mall, oh yea, we already do that. I know a lady who lives in Taos, and she has horses and is wouldn't mind if we pay her a visit. Its about 2 hours away, and a nice drive. 

I know I can't push Sweetie because she just might take off and Mr. Sundowners would show up. With the help of CBD and Stress Relief lotion, gentleness is the answer to keep her in an agreeable mood. As we go through this day, I know what will be churning in the dark areas of my imagination.

I think my Driver has been doing His magic again. He doesn't come out and say do this or do that, He just plants the seed. So, does that mean He is more than a Driver? Maybe a Gardener too? Either way, He knows how to get me thinking, and I just love it. I'm learning to give credit where credit is do. Our drives to Dementia Town do so much for me. Changing a difficult time to a challenge, not a problem. Driver sets the pace, He slides His tool box over to me so I can find the right tool for the  job. Sometimes He'll hit a bump and the right tool will pop out of the box. 

Its time, out of the house I go, just look at that Shiny Car! In and gone, me wearing my cool sunglasses, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, and as always, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. Good advice wouldn't you say? So, drive safely, come join us, my Driver knows the way, as we travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Sides up. TTFN, Love Ya, and God Bless.  

 

Being worn down.

In the backyard, son's house. 

There are times, when I'm fearful of what this day will hold and then I find myself looking towards another day with my Sweetie. For me it is both a fearful and joyful day that lies ahead as I'm spending it with her. 

Yesterday's morning, I found Sweetie with a dry pad and that meant she didn't pee all night, none, and that could mean trouble with hydration during the day. I normally put new pullups on her, but the thought came to me, why? These are perfectly good and with them on, I shouldn't have any problems, check her during the day as see just how she is doing. I'm pleased it went well. 

That night, she got a new pullups and pad to sleep in. I then began to think, with these overnight pads, I might be able to drive to Cali for a couple of days and we could walk on the beach, stroll the pier, go to Knott's and just be with her. I am pondering one more trip to take her where she has always hungered to be, near the ocean. 

It would also be a chance for our granddaughters to see her one more time. It would be a quick in and out visit, and the drive home. I think it would also be a good change of scenery for me. Yes, I'd still be with her 24/7, but with memories of better times whirling about, it just might be a good release for me. 

Didn't play any golf yesterday, no carts, and I went to another course, no open tee times. So we spent the day walking the mall, shopping and a long car drive. We took Tweetie out this time and, you what, it wasn't as enjoyable as it should have been. I think I'm being worn down by the day in and day out challenges of being the only thinking partner of this partnership. 

After having a Friday off, I'm already looking forward to the next carefree Friday, only 8 more days to go. Before, I was afraid to get this time off, not realizing how much daycare was doing for me, and now, WOW, no strings, no shadow, no constant watching out for 4 to 5 hours. Like a bird out of its cage, even for a short time. 

Time is one of the things my Driver doesn't worry about. He told me that time is for me, a way of going from sun up to sun down. That is why I have an enjoyable time with Him. Time seems suspended on our road trips. Speaking of time, it is time for our continuing journey on the Road to Dementia Town. Off I go, got my cool sunglasses, buckled in, and in a cloud of dust, we're off. Down the Road to Dementia Town, through the twist and turns of the day, me and my Driver, smiling as He takes the wheel, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. Come along, He knows the way, and you too can motor down your Road to Dementia Town, with your Shiny Side Up. TTFN, Love Ya and God Bless.   

Opens the door for Mr. Sundowners.

This is the only ride she would get on.
The Carrousel. 

Sweetie has motion sickness and she never got over it. If we went on a drive up the mountain, or along any twisty road, she would have to drive because otherwise she would feel sick. When we would go to Knott's Berry Farm or Disneyland, I always thought it a was of money to take her, for she would never get on any type of rollercoaster or adventurous ride. Me, I loved them all, we were not a match at amusement parks. 

I would love to have just one more day with her at an amusement park. We can still go, but the difference from then to now is just too great. I think it would just overwhelm her, and I'd pay a price for it. One of the most important thing I've learned about Dementia is that it like balance, light heartedness, easy going. Anything that upsets its balance, it opens the door for Mr. Sundowners to come in. Living with Sweetie is sometime living on a razors edge, one nudge and Sweetie retreats and Mr. Sundowners comes in. 

Yesterday was a good example of what I'm talking about. We were at the mall doing our walking and when we were getting ready to leave, the car wouldn't start and the battery died. "Oh great." Called the insurance company for roadside assistance, use our online app for that request, it faster and easier. That maybe true if you already have the app on your phone, for me it wasn't easier or faster because I had to do all the set ups first, then I got to call a center that handles roadside assistance. Oh Gee, still a phone call. Enough of my complaining, and on with the tell of the battery. It took about an hour to get back on the road with a new battery and all that time, Sweetie was just as good as she could be. 

When we got home, it wasn't a flick of a switch this time, it was a slow-motion switch. I could see it coming, and no matter what I tried, Mr. Sundowners seemed determined to pay us a visit, and he did. 

When we went to the bed room, Sweetie went up first without me, and I knew I had to get her before she went to bed, otherwise I was going to be into a battle to get her overnight pad on, and I was too late. 

Her ability to hear and then do was really obvious during times like this. Always the question "Why?" and "I'm doing that." when she isn't. The biggest battle came when all she needed was to pull up her panties, and she kept pushing them off her, and no matter how gently I'd say pull them up, she would say that is what she is doing and push them down. What fun. Then, she wanted to "go help the boys." and I had to play door guard. After that as we retired to bed, she wasn't going to let me sleep with her. Then I must of said the right thing, and she let me in bed. We haven't had a night like that in a long, long time. 

Gotta thank my Driver this morning. It looks like I need to head for the oasis and some time of refreshing. What is amazing is that He knows just what I need and I don't have to tell Him, He just knows. As I drag my sorry butt out to the car, He's smiling cheerfully and I know He's already has a plan for the drive this morning on the Road to Dementia Town. Better make sure I have my cool sunglasses on because the sun is going to be reflected off the hood, because we are driving with our Shiny Side Up. Got your cool sunglasses on to protect your eyes from the sun bouncing off your Shiny Side Up? Good. TTFN. Love Ya, and God Bless.  

Quickly to the refrigerator.

Huntington Beach

Yesterday was weird. Sweetie slept in, and that was OK, it was only after breakfast that's when things got off track. 

We were going to do our normal morning routine, when she chocked on her morning pills, and spit water all over the place. Which upset her, and her default is to go to bed. That was OK, and she slept for a couple of hours. 

When she woke up, she was still cranky and out of sorts. It seemed like no matter what I did, she just wouldn't relax. 

As a last resort, we went for a drive, I created a new way to go and watch the scenery go by. Brought water to drink to keep her hydrated, and things were getting back to normal, she even pointed out some clouds and yammered on about them. 

When we arrived back home, is was like Mr. Sundowners was waiting for us. Up and down, back and forth she went, just as restless as before our drive. It was as if the drive had never happened. 

Then I remembered she had slept through our lunch time, and I was beginning to prepare dinner. Quickly to the refrigerator, pulled out a container of applesauce, and gave it to her. Down it went, and a second one, the same. Soon, a calm came over her, she was hungry. How I wish for the days of "You know, I'm hungry, do we have anything to munch on?" It would make life so much easier. 

We went to a meeting, and then back home and to bed. Sweetie had said good bye to Mr. Sundowners and was ready and willing to go to bed. We had a small struggle getting her overnight pad on, but nothing compared to the earlier part of the day. Snuggled, kissed, and good night. 

Tell you what, if I hadn't spent the morning with my Driver, the day could have been an explosion of emotions. Trusting on His wisdom and guidance in tough situation is becoming mandatory. Even when I want to through up my hands in frustration, He's there to guide me through the situations. Like now, He's here waiting for us to finish, and off we go. Out the door, into the shiny car, buckled in and gone. Down the Road to Dementia Town. With all the twist and turns awaiting us. I have no fear, for I know Driver will navigate us through, and as always, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. Are you facing those mystifying times when hands are up in frustrations? Just keep both hands on the wheel, and easy does it, as you too, travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. TTFN, (Ta Ta For Now) Love Ya and God Bless.      

Dementia, the unseen disability

Hi, my Sweetie

Sweetie is sleeping more. Yesterday it was 11 when she got up, then she took a nap, then went to bed around 6 and has slept through the night, and at this time still sleeping. 

Yesterday was hot, hot enough for Sweetie to mention it. One of the things about Dementia, is it likes hot weather, so if it comfortable for her, it is way to hot for me. 

I wanted to go to the mall and walk around, but because our governor has made mask mandatory, and added a $100 fine for not wearing one, people now feel they can say or make gestors about Sweetie not wearing hers correctly. It is so frustrating to the point I don't want to go out in public.

Dementia is the unseen disability and people don't know that she cannot comprehend the need for wearing a mask, let alone the why. 

I've been asked why I don't put her into a senior care facility. As I have thought it through, I've come to the realization that caring for Sweetie give me purpose. I am so wrapped up in caring for her, and being retired and needing something to fill my waking hours, she provides all of that. That includes doing all the other things. Such as the laundry, cooking, yard work, and house work. At the center of it all is Sweetie. 

At the center of my willingness to do all of that is my Driver. After our rides, He just doesn't go away until the next morning, He hangs out with us all the day long. When He gets the car out and we head down the Road to Dementia Town, His word are comfort to my soul, He strengthens me to finish the day strong, and at the same time wipe my tears. Strength for today and hope for tomorrow. As we head down the Road to Dementia Town, you'll know it is us, because we'll have the Shiny Side Up. Same goes for you, as you travel your Road to Dementia Town, Keep your Shiny Side Up. TTFN, Love Ya, and God Bless.      

An amazing day.

Shopping in Hawaii. 

For the longest time, I couldn't get her to wear her Hawaii hat. Now, because I don't give her a choice, she is will wear it. The same goes for other clothes that she wouldn't wear, I can get her to wear now. I'm finding that if I tell her to wear this or that, she will just put it on. Of course the phrase, "this is your favorite." helps. 

Yesterday was an amazing day. It started off a little rough. When I went to wake her up, I found her pull up on the bathroom sink and a turd wrapped in toilet paper next to it. She had gotten up, tried to clean herself the best she could and went back to bed without a pullup on. I though it an Easter Egg, because I knew the daycare person wouldn't have to encounter that while I was gone. Cleaned up, and had breakfast. 

I wasn't sure how this person was going to work out. When Sweetie met her at the door, she met her with open arms and the lady backed off, acting very not sure of how to accept Sweetie. I really think that we were her first clients she had after training. We talked about what to do, how to check Sweetie, and what she might do. How to give her her "Happy Medicine". After I reassured Sweetie I'd be home soon, a kiss and off I went.  

Had a wonderful time, met with my support group and found that I'm very lucky that I have Sweetie with me. The men whos wives are in a nursing home and having a terrible time. They can only see them, and use a phone to talk to them. Most of the wives have long since lost the ability to use those devices and much is communicated, accept love, during those meetings. One man said it was like his wife was in prison and he so wanted to be with her. 

After the meeting, there was enough time to play a round of golf, and because my phone didn't go off. I felt everything was fine, so I did. 

When I arrived home, Sweetie was so happy to see me. She just lit up and hugged me. Oh how she missed me. The caregiver said she was so close to calling me. I told her that she might get aggressive but she doesn't hit. When I left, she was OK for a short time, and then she acted up. Instructions were not to let her out the front door, to just block it. She is safe to go out the back door because I've secured it, just don't let her out the front. That is what happened, and while she was acting out, our new lady was reaching for the phone when she settled down. After that, things went smoothly. 

I think that separation did both of us some good. Sweetie was as sweet as she could be for the rest of the day. A pleasant evening, and dinner. So, all in all, it worked out well. 

In my meeting, I was warned about having too many ladies stay with Sweetie. As we know regularity is the best was to deal with Dementia and if we keep getting different ladies, we are asking for trouble. I'll address that when the time comes. As for now, I'd say I've got a winner.

Winning is what my Driver does the best. He is always there, with winning ideas, winning advice, and just so positive. He is happy about yesterday, but then again, He already knew it would be fine. And so it goes. I type, type, type, and He waits for me to finish. Then, with a flash, and the closing off the car door, were off. For another amazing day, riding with my Driver, heading down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. I hope your day is an amazing one too, as you travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Drive carefully, Love Ya, and God Bless.  

Upside to Dementia

Hawaii, July, 2017

If there is a upside to Dementia it is this. Love. I have found that my love for my wife is deeper than anything that I ever thought possible. At this stage of our relationship, I can only wish that we were one person again. In the struggles of daily living, to have a partner to turn to, to talk to, to hold and be engulfed by that love is something that truly puts a hole in my heart. 

Today, we have a caregiver coming to watch Sweetie so I can go to my support group meeting. I think that it has put a strain on her emotional security. 

I'd shared my enthusiasm at lunch with the kids. On how I'll have time all to myself and I think Sweetie was effective by our conversation. She just wasn't right for the rest of the day. 

Her behavior was off, to the point I was getting worried. She struggled with her dinner, and wanted to wander shortly after that. None of the normal fixes seem to help. She went to bed earlier then normal. The CBD and lotion helped her some but not enough to make things "normal."

After she went to bed, I stayed up for about an hour hoping she would be asleep when I joined her. She wasn't, she was waiting for me. Here's the strange and wonderful gift, my special Easter Egg, from last night. As we laid in bed, she began to stroke my beard and face, as she used to do long ago. "I love you." whispered from her lips. Those words were very telling. She was telling me that she was sorry for how she was acting, that she is frightened of me leaving her, and most of all, she's scared. She understands that I'm leaving her tomorrow and she was acting out her fears. It also told me that in her way, she understood what is going to happen today. 

My hope is that it will be easier on her today then when I used to take her to daycare. Here she will be home, someplace that is a comfort to her. The other problem is I don't know what she will be like with the new person in the home while I'm gone. How she will behave and will I come home to the new caregiver sitting outside the house because Sweetie kicked her out.  

Only my Driver knows for sure. This is the main subject we are going to talk about on our ride this morning. He always has a open ear when I have cares and worries. With the car going down the Road to Dementia Town, the engine purring like a well oiled machine that it is, and of course, with our Shiny Side Up, we face the day together. I hope you too can have a smooth road ahead, as you travel down your Road to Dementia Town. Keeping your Shiny Side Up. TTFN, Love Ya and God Bless.     

Ravished by Mr. Sundowners

My Sweetie

Do you know the feeling of knowing that the decision you made was the right one? How it can lift the weight off your shoulders? That is what I feel like this morning. 

Having made plans for a caretaker to come in and be with Sweetie on Friday, seems so freeing. And now that I've made that decision, I'm thinking of doing it every two weeks. At least until daycare opens up again. (which I don't think is going to happen anytime soon.) It gives me an opportunity to have some "Me" time. 

During the interview, we talked about giving medicine, and what they are trained to do, and what they don't do. I told them about CBD and the Stress Relief lotion, on how it works in concert to relieve sundowners symptoms. They were impressed and said that they never heard of this before. Who knows, may have opened up another pathway of comfort to someone that is being ravished by Mr. Sundowners. 

Yesterday was adding another pearl on the mundane neckless. No real ups or downs. We even played some extra holes on the golf course. which was nice for a change. If this new caregiver works out, I just might be able to play a complete 18 holes for a change. 

Well I've got my plans for the day, and the first and foremost plan is to spend time with my Driver. He is the one that puts my plans into prospective. He knows what is down the road, so He can equip me to make the best choices. And as if on que, here He is. The car is shinned up and off we go. Got those cool sunglasses on, and safely buckled in, with a roar of the engine, off we go. Motoring down the Road to Dementia Town with our Shiny Side Up. Hope you have your seat belt on as you go, remember, it is the Shiny Side that needs to be Up on your Road to Dementia Town. Drive safely. Take care, Love Ya, and God Bless. 

Trying to catch a lizard.

Just 5 years ago. 

I did something yesterday that I hope will work well for me and Sweetie. With the first face to face Alzheimer's support meeting coming this Friday, I needed someone to care for Sweetie while I was attending it. Not knowing what to do, I texted the daycare group, got a suggestion, and acted on it. If all goes according to plan, I'll have a trained professional over to take care of her. For the first time in 4 months, I'll be without my shadow. I feel like a kid the night before Christmas. 

Yesterday was a good day for us, things went well. I've decided to keep Sweetie in the golf cart as much as possible while we're on the course, keep the cart positioned as to keep her in the shade. Again, watering her, the age old trick, I take a swallow, and hand her the bottle. If she refuses, I wait a few minutes, and hand it to her again, very non shallot and seems to work most of the time. If she feels that I'm forcing it on her, she push the bottle away. That's when I'll put it down, wait, and then do it again. Most of the time it works. 

Last night, her ability to follow instructions became quite clear. I put some Stress Relief lotion on her hands so she could rub it in. What happened next was a page out of confusion. She would say she was trying but her actions just didn't match what she was doing, and the more I tried to help her, the more she fought me. It was like trying to catch a lizard, just when you think your going to get it, it would switch directions an on and on we go, until she finally got it done. Whew, what an adventure. I'm going to go back to putting it on the back of her neck, that way she won't have to do any of the doing. 

Happy to report that Mr. Sundowners didn't come calling at all yesterday, but that doesn't mean everything was hunky dory. A snippet here and there, but nothing I could handle. All in all, there were Easter Eggs scattered though out the day. 

Well, Good Morning, Driver. Time for us to head out. And head out we will. I know it was His prompting that lead to the solution of someone to care for Sweetie, I just wonder what He has up His sleeve today. I'll never know sitting here, so up and at them. What a gentleman He is. He's got everything I need waiting for me. In I go, sliding into the passenger's seat, glasses on, and buckled up. Got the radio on, sings praises and hymns as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town. Being careful to avoid the bumps as we drive with our Shiny Side Up. Where ever you wander, I'll know you because you too will have your Shiny Side Up, as you motor down the Road to Dementia Town. Have a great day, See ya, Love ya, and God Bless.