Her love eyes.

Morning Glories, one of Sweetie's favorites.

Sweetie was always a green thumb woman. Plants, green, she loves anything that would grow out of the dirt. That includes weeds. One of the benefits of her Dementia, is that she doesn't have that same drive to let it grow. Over the years, I have been able to reduce the number of wild plants growing in our yards. 

These morning glories, and there are some wild daisies mixed in with the morning glories. She just loved them. She would get up, and walk over to them, touch, smell, and tell me how beautiful they are. When we are at the zoo, or bio-park, she will still do that. I'm getting eager for spring to see if she still has that enjoyment of touching, smelling and smiling at God's gift. 

Learned something new. Yesterday was my freedom day. When my lady came and stayed with Sweetie. The relationship between her and Sweetie is improving. She told me that she noticed her pacing, walking around the house, and to her, it meant potty time. 

By closing off her bedroom and directing her into the bath room, she was able to get her to sit and go. Muscle memory took over. She said that if she is directed to the bathroom, she will go. Because she doesn't know what is going on, she wants the safety of her bed, her comfort place, and she will relax there. What the heck, I'll give it a try. 

Sweetie was so enjoyable when I got home. She just smiled and smiled. She missed me, and it showed. She shone like the sun when I got back from my golf game. It was so nice to see that look on her face, to see those "Love eyes" looking at me. Those non verbal emotions coming through. She is still in there.

It turns out that lunch seems to be her best meal of the day. She will gobble down a sandwich, and a cup of applesauce in nothing flat. Which is also one of the reasons I've gone to putting her Oil on food. It is easier, less combative, and we both enjoy its effect. 

In the morning, I've mentioned all the stuff we do while she is on the potty, and one of those things is giving her her first dose of Oil. It has become part of the morning routine, and boy is it nice. 

Also, her elbow is getting better, lady even mentioned it. So, with that encouragement in my pocket, I continue with some certainty, I'm doing something right. So, it will continue. 

Sweetie is trying to use her right hand more and more. Soon she will get it down and working. I know when that happens, I can't just stop what we are doing, I have to keep it up until her arm is healthy. 

A good day on the Road to Dementia Town, that is what my Driver tells me. I already knew that, and His words confirm it. I know that there time ahead, hard time, and this respite will be looked back upon, and I will draw strength and hope from it. Sometimes the past is a place to draw from, as Driver, Sweetie, and me head down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.      

 

Like waking up on Christmas morning.

At the Vietnam Memorial.

Spent most of the day, watching TV. Sweetie just wouldn't get out of bed. After I got her up and ready for the day, She came out and watched some TV, I tried to get her to eat some breakfast, no interest in doing that at all. She keep wanting to get back in bed. 

I knew that it would be a recharging day for her after the walkathon we had the day before. I shouldn't be surprised with her down time, and yet I am. I'm always worried that if she spends all day in bed, she will be up all night. So far that hasn't happened. 

I am so thankful for modern technology. With all the choices I now have. Staying home isn't as boring as it could be. Streaming TV, in my opinion is better than cable. Plus what the kids hook us up with. At least, I can watch some of the shows that interest me. Plus the shows that will entertain Sweetie. 

Lunch was good, with Hemp Oil on the sandwich, and in her applesauce, she was very manageable. I was able to get her up and we went for our long car ride. Home and attempted to get her some dinner, and nothing. She would take a bit of food, and head back to bed. She came back out a couple of times, and I tried, and tried, nothing. She did eat the cake I gave her, again with the Hemp Oil on the bottom of the cake. 

As the evening went on, she attempted to got back to bed, came out, went back, and the last time she did that, I put lotion on her hands and neck. That did the trick, she stayed down and out. 

Today is my freedom day. My lady is coming to give me a break. Looking forward to a round of golf. The weather is co-operating with me, sunny and warm for January. Almost like waking up on Christmas day. 

Driver knows I need some time, so He told me that there is an oasis ahead. He's planning a time there, just to get out, stretch my legs, a warm rock to sit on, and just watch the water. Oh My, what a joy awaits me. It is just what I need as we drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Very good day.

Talking to Dad. 

Sweetie is mumbling more these days, and it is getting harder and harder to understand her. While in the house, in the car, walking the mall, I know she is asking something, or is telling me something, but I just can't make it out. 

In the pass, there were times of her mumbling that I could make out some of what she was trying to say, now a days, it is impossible for me to do that. 

Over all, yesterday was a banner day. We were able to have a list of good things happen. One was a bowel movement in the morning, and one in the afternoon. Two in one day and that hasn't happened ever. I would of never guessed that I would be praising the fact of a bowel movement. I can remember being at a baseball game, seeing a man with a t-shirt that said, "I pooped today." and thought it was discussing. Now here I am all a twitter about Sweetie having two in one day. 

We were able to have a shower, clean clothes, improvement in her elbow, more movement. Lunch with the grandkids, with mom and dad, a nice time in conversation, with the just the right amount of time stealing attention grabbers from the grandsons. We talk about different things, and now that the election is over, politics don't dominate our conversation. We found many threads of conversation available for us to pull on and see where they lead to.

After lunch, and a drive around town, went looking for the herd of buffalos, they were no where to be seen. Then home. 

I could tell that Sweetie was running out of Hemp Oil, and when I tried to get her to take some, she went full sundowner on me. I was able to get some lotion on her hands, and then she wanted to walk. This time I was prepared for that, and we walked, and walked until either the lotion, or sundowners kicked in or out. 

With her energy levels drained, she wanted to go to bed. While I cooked her something to eat, I let her sleep. When I woke her up, she wouldn't get out of bed. I left her meal on the table incase she would get up and eat. She did come out, but didn't want her dinner so we had dessert. It was cake, and before I put hers on the plate, I put a dropper full of Oil on the place where I was putting her cake. Sneaky, but effective. So, she had cake and cookies for dinner. The way I looked at it, it was better than nothing. 

After dinner, stress lotion on her hands, watched TV, and she relaxed and went off to bed. All in all, a very good day. Full of Easter Eggs. 

Driver has found a nice straight bit of road to travel on. It was nice, just heading down the Road to Dementia Town, listening to the soothing sounds of the tires rolling over the pavement, with the occasional crack adding to the rhythm of the road, as we Keep our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

 

The board is balanced.

I love it when she looks at me.

I'm not sure on just what to do today. For, you see, I've got plans to renew our pizza lunch with the grandkids today. I want to take Tweetie over to their house to show off her new top. It will be the getting in and out of the car that worries me. Then again, will she remember the difficulty she had last time we went out. I doubt that, so, the worrying is on my part, and not hers. 

I'm finding that by putting the Hemp Oil in her food, is so much easier. I can even put more than I ever could while getting her to take the dropper. Which in turn gives us some extra time of peace. 

We had a good day yesterday. Ran out of milk, which prompted a trip to the grocery store. Small trip, just milk, cottage cheese, cookies, and bananas. Because of the need to get out of the house is something that helps with her mental balance. 

She got out of the house and I wasn't prepared for her getting out. I chased her down, and told her that I needed to get my shoes on, so we could walk together. Dementia wasn't buying it. A change in direction just isn't in the cards with Dementia. All she knows is one way, full steam ahead, not knowing where she is going, just that she is going. When I got her back into the house, she went back to bed. It seems to be her default position. 

Here is where I put the lotion to work. I can get her to let me put some on her hands, and when she isn't expecting me, I'll sneak some on her neck. She gets the idea, that I shouldn't touch her, and so, I have to make it known to her, that it is OK for me to touch her. 

Sometimes it is the emotional bouncing that gets me the most. From, don't touch me, to looking at me, with eyes that are sending me the message that I love you, please protect me, care for me. Those extreme seesaw of life, and hoping to have some special time when for that short time, the board is balanced. 

Driver is my most dependable counterbalance to these times. He allows us the time to stop and regroup at the rest areas as we travel the Road to Dementia Town. There we get out, stretch our legs, and refresh ourselves. We both know that the Road is call us and we have to move on. As always, we are Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.

Calmness.

Sweetie at the penguin exhibit at the zoo.

Here is something you won't find her doing much these days, wearing her glasses. As she fades to the past, somethings are just not become important to her. I know I've mentioned her not wearing glasses before. One of the funny things is when she sees me wearing my readers, she will sometimes put them on when I take them off. Then the fun begins to try and take them away from her.

 It is so much fun, when she gets it in her head that whatever she is holding, is hers and there is no way in hell she is going to give it up. So, the easiest thing is to let her have it, as long as it isn't dangerous, and wait until she puts the item down. Then go get it. 

We took Tweetie out for a drive. It had snowed the night before and the snow changes the scenery and wanted to enjoy some of it before it melted. Because the Corvette is so low, it makes getting in and out difficult, and with Sweetie's bad arm, even more so. Which means until we get her arm mended, our drives in Tweetie will be few and far in between.

Dinner was a re-play from the night before. She didn't want to eat what I prepared for her, so I made her a sandwich with CBD on it. Helped her as the evening went on. At bed time for her, she wanted me to sleep with her. That was a big change. Afraid of hurting her arm, I laid there until she went to sleep, and went to my bedroom. Is this going to be the new sleep pattern for awhile? Just have to wait and see. 

I'm finding that by putting her Oil on her food, is an easier way to get it in her. I was worried that she wouldn't like the taste of it on her food, and then again, just what does she taste and does she like it? It takes a little while longer to calm her, but it works. What I like about doing it this way, is there isn't those times when she just refuses to take it, and we fight to get it in her. 

I'm finding that in the morning when I have her sitting on the potty, I can undress her easier and get to her arm, apply lotion to it, and re-dress her without much trouble. It seems that mornings are when she is the most compliable. and I need to take advantage of that calmness. 

Calmness, that is what I recover when we are in the car with my Driver. He handles all of my cares, and when I try to take them back, like the true gentleman He is, he lets me. Until I cannot handle them again, and again, He is there ready to take them and put them on the back seat. Oh if I'd just let them stay there, but there are times when I just can't leave well enough alone. As it goes, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

A new pattern.

Want to buy a timeshare in Hawaii? 

Sorry to say, no, but that is what we did. To get some of the best tourist deals and discounts while we were there, we had to sit through a timeshare pressure cooker. Believe it or not, Dementia was a great way to say no to the pressure. Even if we could afford it, and had the time to enjoy it, something that takes that much pressure cannot be all good. 

Where was I? Oh yea, yesterday, it seems to be the theme of these blogs, and rightly so. For it is a review of what happened and how it is shaping my thinking on how to get from sunup to sunset, and we made it. 

I'm finding that Sweetie is awake when I go get her. It doesn't matter what the time is, she is usually awake, and there are the mornings that when she sees me, she is smiling, and then there are the mornings that she has a bewildered look on her face. Those are the mornings that turn into difficult mornings. 

Those are the times she just refuses to help. It isn't that she knows what she wants to do, it is just she doesn't want to do what I want her to do. The adult child not wanting to do what she is being told what to do. There never seems to be any reason, just doesn't want to be told what to do. When it comes to changing her, and cleaning her up, I do force her and get things done. 

There seems to be a new pattern setting up. When she has to submit to my authority, she will go back to bed for awhile. Then up, and smiling. Her fighting me takes a lot of energy out of her, so she refreshes herself. 

Adding Hemp Oil to her food seems to be working out. As the same with laxatives. Got a movement out of her yesterday, and was happy. I'm hoping for more action today. It has been 3 days before something happened, I'll slow down the laxatives today, and see how she does. 

Senior care called yesterday, wanting to know if we will still be wanting to use daycare when the pandemic is over. Of course we will, I think Sweetie will be able to handle it better now. She isn't as headstrong as she was before the pandemic hit. To be honest, I think it will be '22 before the senior care centers open again, so I won't worry about it till then. 

Who knows where we'll be, as we are traveling down the Road to Dementia Town. One of the things is that there are not any mile makers, or travel distances between each day. We get in with our Driver, and He whisks us away, down the road we go. Keeping our Shiny Sides Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

 

Had a scare last night.

It's official, one year posting.

This is number 366 posting. For those who are still following my ramblings from before, while I was posting directly on the Dementia 

Facebook page, it has been longer then that. 

When I started this journey, and was wondering, could I be dedicated enough to keep it up, to find things to say that would interest others? Would there days of nothing, and therefore nothing to say? So far, I've proven myself wrong. 

Yesterday was a on and off again day. Sweetie was giving me grief most of the day, and the real bad stuff was when we had to do something and she just fought me all the way. It is when I am insisting that she does something, and at that time, she is pushing against me just as hard not to do what needs to done. It quickly becomes a battle of wills, and I got to stop myself, and back off. That is something that I have to practice, backing down. 

I have to remember my rule of thumb, if it doesn't cause her any harm, leave it alone. I'm a straight line thinker, and Dementia is a whirlwind. Dynamic difference and I need to do more of practice what I preach and do what I know is right and is safe for her. 

Good news, the swelling in her arm is going down, and the brace seems to be relieving some of the pain. She is using her arm more, and even made attempts to eat with it. Getting closer to her mouth. Rub, Brace, and physical therapy seems to be doing what I'd hope it would do. 

Had a scare last night. While I was watching TV, and Sweetie was in bed, I let my guard down. Next thing I know, I heard the front door open and close, I had not yet set the alarm. Quickly up and out, and sure enough, Sweetie was standing there. Fortunately, it was cold, windy and raining, and she quickly wanted to get back into the house. Where she went straight to bed. And I locked and set the alarms. 

When she gets up and wanders, she is like a ghost. She doesn't talk that much, so she doesn't greet me in a room. Looks like I'll be getting a pressure alarm for when she gets out of bed, so I'll know she is up and moving. On the other hand, it is a sign of her arm getting better. She hasn't been able to get out of bed because of the pain in her elbow. Good and bad news, if you catch my drift. 

One last note, I've decided to put some Hemp Oil in her food. Last night, mixed in her mac and cheese, this morning, going to put it on her toast. This is a test to see how it helps her, keep you posted.

Needed time with my Driver, for sure. Around and around the day went with Sweetie, and it seems like we were driving in circles. Driver tells me that sometimes we need to "box our compass." so we can find our true direction. So what may seem like a useless day, in reality, it is a boxing day. For there are many off ramps on this Road to Dementia Town, and it doesn't matter which off ramp we take, there will always be one that will leads up back to the main road, as we travel, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.     

 

Liked in the past.

My Sweetie.

I think this is the best picture of Sweetie on all of 2021. I'm sure there are more to come. As we swing from day to day, always looking for those times when we are happy, and scrambling when times are not as happy as they could be. 

When I think about the times that are gray and shadowy, I try to get through them as positive as I can. Simple things, like, last night's dinner. I thought I had made something that she would like and could handle. It was a rice stir fry. Easy to make, all in one dish, and eat it with a spoon. Sounds easy, and it is was something that she enjoyed in the past. 

That was my first mistake, something that she liked in the past. As it turned out, that wasn't a good idea. With all the ingredients in one bowl, it was too much for her to understand, let alone eat. Which brings to mind now, that she is separating food groups on her plate. That old idea of observation and putting into practice are two separate things. I now know what not to do, and at the same time, what to do. 

Tried something new, brushing her teeth and I now know why she has stopped brushing, it is her elbow. She cannot reach her mouth with her right hand, and I just thought it was her forgetting what she was doing. I was wrong. It was and is pain in her arm. So, yesterday, I decided to try and brush her teeth for her. I was able to brush a little, and right now that was a whole bunch better. I have a soft brush and will keep at it, now that we have started. 

Got her an elbow brace, and got it on her. It is also a Tendinitis support. I got it on her and she left it there. Yea. I feel better that she will wear it. I've noticed that she is trying more and more to use her right arm and hand. That's a good thing. 

Last night, with her not wanting to eat my stir fry, she got up and went to bed. Not wanting her to go to bed without eating. I made her a sandwich, poured her a glass of milk, then got her to come back to the table and eat. And eat she did. With two cholate chip cookies as dessert, I was satisfied she eat something good for herself. 

When I did put her back to bed, I left the brace on. It would be too much of a battle to get to it, and off. I don't think it will hurt this one time. I'm just hoping that with some relief from the pain, she might renew some of her strength. 

Day in and day out, sitting with my Driver, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, worn down or lifted up, it is never the same. For as the road changes, so do I. He teaches, I learn, and life goes on. For we are always Keeping our Shiny Sides up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.     

 

Downward spiraling staircase of Dementia.

My Life in a smile. 

Just another day in paradise. What else could I say when it comes to my daily living with Sweetie. We've settled into a routine lately, that feels good, and seems to have mellowed out. 

I'm getting more worried about her right arm. It doesn't seem to be getting better. I know it is a strain on her elbow, and because I can't get her to support it, it isn't getting better. I'm going to look into getting her an elbow brace, and elastic type, in the hope that it will relieve some of the pressure of her holding it down all the time. I will get a doctor's appointment if this doesn't work. Right now, I'm working through my life experiences I've had with sore muscles and joints. 

We got Tweetie back Friday afternoon, and her new top is looking good. I'll have to get out and have some pictures taken, with Sweetie, of course. When she was delivered, we took a ride in her. The cab was quiet, and barely any wind noise. The problem that occurred was getting Sweetie out of the car. With her bad elbow she struggled to get out. Looks likes taking Tweetie out will be dependent on how well we can get her arm better. 

It was nice yesterday, weather wise, and we attempted a walk in the neighborhood. Started good, a good pace, and she soon tired and was struggling to make it home. My belief is that her arm is just sapping all her energy out of her. She watches TV without me seating next to her, and she isn't trying to get out of the house either. Under different conditions, I would accept this, yet at the same time, I just can't feel I'm not doing enough for her. 

After dinner, I got her some applesauce and had to feed it to her. She couldn't hold the container and spoon at the same time. This is a first, and I feel, more to come, being more dependent on me, again, just another step in the downward spiraling staircase of Demetia. 

It seems the more Sweetie depends on me, the more I depend on my Driver. He tells me that here are more mountain roads to climb and then there are the trips down the mountain. Just stay where I am, in the passenger seat, and He will get us down this mountain safely. For it is just another day on the Road to Dementia Town. As we Keep our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.

Into the Memory Box.

Sweetie, daughter at Disneyland.

Yesterday couldn't of gone any better. From the time I got her up, to the time I put her to bed. It was just a day of joy and remembrance. Nothing special, just a nice day. 

When I got her up, she was a little wet, not enough to change the sheets, enough to put fresh pants on her. She didn't fight me at all when it was into the bathroom, and changed her pull ups, cleaned up, shaved, and did some work on her elbow. Clean underwear, clean pants, and out to breakfast. 

We had scrambled eggs and spam. Haven't had that in a long while. It didn't take much encouragement to get her to eat. Toast with jam, and ensure. She is starting to sit at our table and from where she is sitting, she can watch me in the kitchen. We have our demented conversations, she mutters something, and I answer with what she is trying to say. Every now and then, she will put together two or three words, and I get some idea of what she is trying to tell me and I answer. She smiles, and that is always good.  

We found Veggie Tales on Netflix for kids, and started watching them. She really likes Veggie Tales. Always has, even before the onset of Dementia. She likes the fact that they refer to scripture as a theme put into the show. 

We got out, and did an abbreviated walk around the mall. I can see that she is having difficulties walking the mall like we used to. I started working her arm as we walked. I would slowly pull it up towards her shoulder, and back down again. I felt this was getting two things done at one time. Stretching our legs and her elbow at the same time. At the end of the day, I told her what a wonderful day we had, that it was such a jewel, that it was going into the Memory Box. And we smiled at each other. 

I don't know why I started to exercise her elbow just then, and I remembered, stuff like that isn't of my own, it is something my Driver must have put into my head. Answers to difficult problems become so natural because I listen to that still small voice. He's behind the wheel, and He is my guide on this journey, as we travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.    

 

Just a part of life with Sweetie.

Yesterday is gone.

Here is some news. Sweetie no longer wears her glasses. That is also a step in her progression of this disease. She can't read, and what she sees is a mystery to me. I know she see, how well, that is the question. She still looks at the sky, see the contrails from the jets. Points out objects around us, watches TV, and all of that, so why do I worry? 

It just seems like just yesterday, I was forever trying to get her to take off her glasses when she would get into bed, worried that she would bend or break them. Now, she doesn't even put them on, or let alone remember that she has to wear them. 

Over the years, the things that she doesn't do, or wear would fill a library. It seems simple, and to a non watcher, the changes were not obvious. It was makeup, then her watch, ear rings. Remember the bouts about her wearing a bra? The episodes of sport bras, and then finding it easier to just go braless. From panties with liners, to pullups, from jeans to sweats, from shoes that have ties, to slip on. As we strip down to the necessities of life, it just makes it easier.

She still wears a "wedding ring" for how long, is anyone's guess. I'm hoping that it will stay with her forever. Like it is the only things that binds us together. It isn't, and I know that, it is just something I cling to. 

I've been giving Sweetie milk of magnesium to help her. Well, if finally worked. When I went to get her up, she was a terrible mess. Her, her cloths, and the bed. The only real answer was a shower. So, strip her down, and into the shower we went. After getting her rinsed off, and shampooed, I was washing her, when she went limp on me. Able to get her out, somewhat dried, pullups on, I put her back to bed. I don't know if it was a mini stroke, or just weak from not eating, still I worry, but I don't panic like when she did it for the first time. Funny isn't it, how quickly we adjust, it is now just a part of life with Sweetie.  

After she recovered, we had some breakfast, still not eating as she did just a week ago, and changing the bed, she went back to bed again. It seems to be her pattern now. Up for awhile, back to bed, up again, try to get her to eat, then back to bed, repeat. 

Keeping up with the CBD and even though she isn't awake as much, it keeps her waking time more enjoyable, she is so much more agreeable when she is on the oil. 

We're heading into switch back area, so Driver wants me to make sure I'm buckled up. As we drive through the mountains, and the roads become tricky, Driver just wants me to be safe while we're in this part of the trip. He knows the road will narrow, and have some blind corners to go around, and as long as I'm safe with Him at the wheel, we'll get through it all. For after all, we are on the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.    

Up

A day at the zoo.

Watched "Up." yesterday. I remember the first time we watched it. It was at the end of the entro, and Eli had passed, I was saying to myself, that was a short movie. How wrong I was. Carl was stuck. His whole life had become so intertwined with her, that he forgot how to live. Live with the memories, and to move on with them, not as a anchor, but as balloons. Lifting him up, as she did in life. That, my friends, is what I'm trying to prepare myself for. 

For me, it is the Easter Eggs that I find with Sweetie. Those quiet moments, those "Love eyes" that she will look at me, her smile, and every now and then, the correct answer to a question, to a situation, and for that instant, she is back. I sound like I'm repeating myself on this point, but like the house in Up, I cannot pull myself away from it. 

I mentioned Sweetie's elbow was showing some improvement. I began to do some bending therapy with it. The swelling is going down, and by manipulating it up and down, to stretch it just a little, plus with some pain relief cream and vibrating it, we should see some more improvements by this time next week.   

She is sleeping more, and eating less. I know that it is a progression of Dementia, and with the sleeping as much as she is, I have to consign myself to a watcher. I do make sure she gets up and gets cleaned up and fed. I still make sure we get some walking in. That I feel is the best for both of us. Getting out and stretching our legs, so to speak, is keeping her alert. Last time out, she tried to speak to a woman with her children, and no matter how much she tried, she just didn't make any sense to her. She looked at me, and I just said, "Smile and nod." and in a flash of understanding, she knew, and smiled and nodded. 

With Sweetie having mini strokes, I'm on my guard when we go out. I am fearful that she will go down and not get back up. That would be terrible for us. So, I'm thinking of shorting our distance when we are out. 

As it is always, I'm at the pleasure of my Driver. He is the one that lets me know how and when change is due. I trust in His leading, and the walk about at the mall is some of His understanding. If she is content to sit and watch, then I should be too. It is just another day on the Road to Dementia Town, as we go, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.    

Sweetie just smiles.

Sweetie and her elephants.

Sweetie was in her bedroom and was looking at some of the pictures. She has a group of pictures of elephants. She didn't know what they were, or that she liked them. 

Last year, when we went to the zoo, her favorite place to visit was the elephant exhibit. They have a couple of youngsters with their moms. As you could imagine, she was aglow when they were out. 

It was later that year, when we were directed to the back of the exhibit where the elephants were staying, and could watch from another direction. It was fun until the pandemic, we cannot go back there now. 

To borrow a line, "The thrill is gone." The thief Dementia, has stolen that. It has been gone for a long time, and yet we still go to the zoo, and walk around. Sweetie has something new to watch and smile about. The children at the zoo. As I watch her watching the children, she will turn to me and point or make known the innocence behavior of them. The thrill of feeding the ducks, to see the joy in their faces, and Sweetie just smiles. Makes me happy that some of her is still in there. 

It is really blowing today, gust of 20 mph. I don't know what we will do, I may try to get her out to a mall, driving will be a challenge with the wind, and keeping her inside will be the same. 

As I read your comments about yesterday's post, I hear my own advice coming back to me. And yes, thank you for those reminders. As far as seeing a doctor, until the pandemic eases, that is nearly an impossibility. With the Covid protocol, Sweetie will just have to wait, she just cannot handle what she has to go through. We tried that earlier. Her elbow seems to be improving with rub and massage. 

As far as keeping her on Hemp Oil, that is the only thing that makes her happy. I just get tired of giving it to her. I think it is just as hard on her for me to give it to her, as it is for me to remember to give it to her. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, but, just to constantly give her something wears on me.

That is why I depend on my Driver so much. My time with Him allows me to rest on His shoulders. There are even times when I'm with Him, I can crawl into the back seat, and take a nap. He doesn't mind, for we are on the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.    

Dementia has a habit of lulling me.

Just us. 

How do you not say, I miss her, without missing her. It has been said, that the further you move past the bad time, the less you think about them. It is the good times that move ahead and grow in remembrance. I know that we didn't have the perfect marriage or relationship in the history of mankind. What I do remember and want to remember, is the good times we had. 

The pictures are the memories of the good times. How many people want to take pictures of fighting, yelling, and in your face times? We had our share of them. And there are still happening with her Dementia. 

Dementia has a habit of lulling me into a false belief that she is doing fine, that she has grown past the need of CBD, and then Bam, it strikes. It is always the same, we are sitting, enjoying TV, when the "Don't touch me" starts. From holding hands, to not holding hands, and then the out the door. By then, I have to shepherd her around the neighborhood. After a bit, I guide her into the house, and get her to take some Hemp Oil, and off to take a nap. When she gets up, she is as friendly as ever.

Have to make a grocery run today, out of milk, and that means I'll need her to want to go with me. Yesterday, I tried to get her to go for a car ride, and she just sat there, not wanting to go anywhere. That was without her having her Happy Medicine. I'm not going to make that mistake today. Starting her off with a dose, and putting some in her cereal, see how that works. 

So far, no improvements on the elbow, but then again, it was the first day of trying some therapy on it. After my lady mentioned the swelling of her right arm, I could see it. Good to have a second pair of eyes looking. 

Time to wrap this up this morning. My Driver is here, and that means another exciting day with Him, as we head on down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.    

Sweetie's birthday buddy.

Birthday cake.

I'm so glad that someone came up with the idea of having candles in the shape of numbers. I remember those days when there would be so many candles on a cake, that it was almost impossible to blow them all out. For the youngsters that turns into the game, for Sweetie, she doesn't know what to do and it is OK, sad, but OK. 

Yesterday was my "freedom" day. My lady came over to relieve me of my duty. Headed for the one place where I can forget about the pressures of life for a couple of hours. 

While I was on the course, son texted me. They were having a birthday party for the youngest. He is Sweetie's birthday buddy, they share the same day. I felt terrible. With all my attention on Sweetie, I had forgotten his. I told my son that I didn't have anything for him, and he understood, and expressed that back to me. Our present would be our presence. Love is the best gift of all. 

When I got home, Lady said that she had a wonderful day and that she felt it isn't her shoulder that is giving Sweetie trouble, but her elbow. She noticed that her forearm is swollen and it is when she moves it at the elbow, the pain, grimacing begins. So, we are moving the medication rub from the shoulder to the elbow, and see if that helps. I just might do both areas for awhile, won't hurt. 

As of things to do today, I'm going to measure Sweetie's bed and order new sheets for it. I found that on Amazon, I can order sheets, fitted and top, separates. Less expensive, and don't get the extra stuff that comes with a grouping. Won't have to rush the laundry this way. 

Time to get going, Driver is here and the dawn is coming. Another day, riding in the passenger's seat, watching the scenery go by, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.     

 

Days ahead.

Sweetie n Me, B-day Pic. 

It is getting harder and harder to get a picture with Sweetie. I know she doesn't understand, and when I use the flash, it scares her. As it is, I'm thankful for these new ones. 

One of the things that her daughter mentioned was the length of her hair. She had never seen her mother with such short hair. She told me, or should I say, asked me, not to cut it any shorter then what it is now. I agreed, but that doesn't mean I won't cut it any shorter than what it is now. As of now, this is the length it will, until the next hair cut. It is easy to keep, to comb, and shampoo. As for me, I have to like it also, and I do. Like I was told, the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is two weeks. 

Not much to report from yesterday. The excitement she had from having her daughter over taxed her system. I was able to get her up, changed, and put her back to bed. She stayed there for most of the day, and when she got up, she didn't want to do anything. I couldn't get her in the garage, let alone in the car. So we watched TV, had breakfast and a lite dinner. It was in the middle of dinner, she got up and went back to bed. I think she was up a total of 5 hours, and just couldn't wait to get back to bed. 

I'm hoping that she will be recovered enough to make a short trip to the store now and then. Her movement is getting slower and slower. Her bed time is getting longer and longer. 

I was pleased that she went back to bed after I got her up the first time. I think that will be the measuring stick I'll use to whether I keep her up, or let her go back to bed. As long as I can keep the bed dry, it shouldn't be a problem. 

With her in bed, I'm just not sure of what I can do. I have some yard work that needs to be done, and don't feel confident enough to go outside while she is in bed. I'm just going to test the limits. Keeping the house locked up, alarms set, and just keep checking on her will be the watch word of the days ahead. 

Days ahead, don't look too hard ahead. Just relax and sit in the passenger's seat, let my Driver lead the way. Today, rest with what I have, don't fret about what didn't get done yesterday, and don't worry about what is to come. Driver tells me, that just keep going, one block, one street, one intersection at a time. For there are more to come. As we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

 

76th Birthday.

Happy Birthday Sweetie.

I thought it was going to be a stressful day, with her birthday and all. I must say, that it wasn't. I had a good day, and so did Sweetie. I tried to get her up, and she just wasn't having any part of it. So, I gave her a dose, and let her go back to sleep. When I did get her up, we showered and got her going. 

Dressed and out for breakfast. I put some Milk of Magnesium, just a teaspoon, in her insure, and she drank it without complaint. I had given her some the day before, and there was evidence that it was working. None for today, don't want the opposite reaction. 

In yesterday's mail, she received cards from family and friends. I read them to her. There was one I want to share with you what her cousin wrote:

A birthday of memories.

    Remember when we rode horses to the             Coast?

    Remember the Tellamuck Cheese Factory?

    Remember Shore Acres with our friend             Linda?

    Remember "The Adobe"? Swimming in the         pool? 

    Remember making your mom's homemade         donuts & watching football?

    Remember Family Dinners & eating "roly-            poly" rolls? We laughed our heads off while      gobbling them down!

    Remember our trip to Yuba City to visit             Grandma?

    Remember our family vacation in the '51            Chevy? 

    I hope this year will crate another beautiful     memory!

As I read this to her, there was an emptiness in her eyes, and a tear in mine, as not knowing any of those things. The horse back riding, I remember, for she did it when we vacationed in Oregon. They rode, I went fishing. I'm going to write her and let her know how thankful I was to read those memories.   

I've come to the conclusion that Sweetie's swoons are mini strokes. Like much of the information on the web, you have to piece together the information so it can apply to what I'm looking for. Just like talking to a doctor, it can be this or that or any combination of the systems. I'm keep track of when they happen, so we will know. Just what it will mean, I don't know. 

Last evening, the youngest daughter came over for dinner and birthday cake. Sweetie just lite up and almost cried when she saw her. It was as if she hadn't seen her in forever. They went to the couch, and just adorned each other while I did the cooking. 

It was during dinner, Sweetie got up, walked around, and then went to bed. Daughter and I sat and talked. I told her how happy I was that she came over. I didn't want to be alone on Sweetie's birthday. She told me how hard it is on her, because she felt that her mom was her best friend, and watching her, knowing how it is all going to end, is hard. 

Her father passed away from Lou Gehrig's disease 10 years ago, and now her mom. Before she left, we are going to try to get together, at least, once a month for dinner. It was so good to have conversation during and after dinner. 

Driver has shown me, not to be angry with Sweetie's kids, for they have their own road to travel. Last night was a short time when our paths merged together for a short while. It was what we both needed. Driver smiles, I smiled, and so did the daughter. That for a short time we were all together on the Road to Dementia Town, and there was an extra shine on the Shiny Side. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.       

Just a nudge.

Sweetie's Birthday 2016.

When we lived in California, we had a circle of friends that we would celebrate special days with. We had many a birthday party for each other. It was when we moved to Albuquerque, we never seemed to find that group of people again. So, in 2016, I asked folks and friends from church to send her a birthday card. This was the result of that request. I seemed to make up for all those other years. She loved it. 

This year, we get the card from our insurance agent, our financial agent, and maybe one from a friend or two and that is just fine. She doesn't know, and is happy to get anything addressed to her, even though she can no longer read it. 

I told you about asking her oldest daughter to be her caregiver. Got the answer, and at the same time, it is a way for her to say no. She wants to know what I have in mind. Start off with the primary reason is my support group meeting. We will work from there. Keep you posted. 

Had another fainting spell yesterday. Twice in two days. Usually they have some time in-between incidents. I had tried to get her up at my scheduled time. She just wouldn't go for it. I could tell that maybe it was going to be a re-charging day. 

After letting her sleep some more, I did get her up, and changed. She had leaked through her pullups and I had to wash the sheets. After she was up, changed and had breakfast, I was getting her ready to head out for the mall and a walk, then she swooned on me. So glad she did it at home, so sorry she did it again. So, I laid her down, covered her, and put a pillow under her head. She breaths so shallow it is scary. I've learned that when she does this, covering her, and let her recover is the best thing I can do for her. I don't try to get her up until she ready to get up. 

I'm going to check with my lady to see if she can provide some training for the daughter. Have her spend some time learning on how to handle her mother, without me being there. I think my absence with encourage her to accept the job. Start with one day a month, or two days a month, and see how it goes from there. 

"Just look how far you've come." is what my Driver has told me. From being upset because family isn't helping, to ways to encourage them into the picture. There are always ways to get things done, that I haven't thought of yet, and then there's Driver, just nudging me along. Sometimes that is the best way, a nudge. The same with the kids, no demands, just a nudge or two in the direction that is most helpful for the both of us. Isn't that the way it is, driving on the Road to Dementia Town, just a nudge to keep in the middle of the road, as we keep our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.    

 

The seesaw of life.

Hi, Sweetie.

Can you believe it, it will soon be a year that I've been posting. Tomorrow is Sweetie's birthday, she will be 76. I've been telling her that her birthday is coming, and she just doesn't seem to know the significant meaning of it. It is just a day, of getting up, and doing that which will make the day go by. Sun up to sunset.  

I was talking with a friend, and we talked about how to get one of the daughters to help. Hire her. Offer her a job as caregiver. I know she is out of work, and some extra money would come in handy. I glommed onto that idea, and sent her an email with that proposition. 

We are going to have company tomorrow for Sweetie's birthday. The youngest is coming over. She gets off work at 3:30 and will come straight over after work. It will be nice to have someone from the family over. I don't know what we'll have for dinner yet, but I did get some extra cake and bought a #6 candle. I still have the "7" from last year, so she will have 76 on the cake. 

I've told you that I feel that this will be Sweetie's last year with us. She keeps fading, and I don't know if I should be happy or sad, I think both. For her and me. The freedom and the loss. This is the seesaw of life. I'd love to see her oldest daughter become more involved with the rest of her life, but then again, I'm not the one in control. Oh well. 

Yesterday, we went to both of the malls for our walk. We went to the one across town first, and on the first outing, Sweetie did one of her collapsing action. I felt her hand, and then she had the "look", and down she went. I knew she would be OK, and had to refuse help from a kind lady that offered to help. She quickly recovered and we headed home. Soon after that we headed out again, to the familiar mall, did our two laps, and left. This time we took a long drive home. 

I did get her up at what a time that was much earlier then what she wanted, the regulations of mornings are on. I tell you what, I'll be glad when the weather gets warmer. We can walk the neighborhood in the morning, or head out to the zoo, many other outlets become available. I know Sweetie still has many days of living to do, and I just want them to be as enjoyable as possible for her. 

I read Jesus Calling every morning, and I found my Driver this morning in the reading. "A life lived close to Me will never be dull or predictable." I tell you that is how I feel everyday. I don't know what to expect when I wake Sweetie, and what maybe dull, can all of a sudden be exciting. When I see that we are heading into a valley, I know it will be a time of refreshing, for in the valley, there is shade, groves, and beauty. I love my Sweetie, and hold her close to me, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, holding her tightly, with our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.  

Those simple solutions.

One of our stops while in California.

I'd say, it worked. Yesterday, getting Sweetie up and treating it as if it was a normal day. I know that if I'm allowed to do nothing all day, there are no reason to get up. OK, so we do the same thing day after day, week after week, to the point where we need a day off from doing the same things. Right now with our limited choices, I try not to get too bored while doing them. 

Sweetie has moved herself to the downstairs bedroom. So, now it is my turn to accept that move, to bring some of her things, clothes, grooming aids down with her. She just will not go up the stairs anymore. I'm wondering if there is some visual hallucinations with the stairs. I've heard of things that will stop a person with Dementia from going to doors, like a blanket in front of the door, or a rug will keep them from stepping over to the door, to keep them inside. Maybe it is the same with the stairs. 

As of now, if it true that she has moved, I need to get another set of sheets for the bed. It was meant to be a guest room, and one set was sufficient. With her staying there, I'll need a second set, one to wash and one to replace while the one is being washed. Just another life goes on type situation. 

I'd say we had a good day. Up, and changed, feed, and out the door. I have come to the conclusion that front loading her with Hemp Oil when she first gets up, is the best. I'll give her some before she has to get up, then another dose shortly after she is up, and then again after breakfast. Because of the fact her Dementia is growing, and it does take time for the Hemp Oil to kick in, by front loading the doses, we can have a better afternoon. 

She is at the point, where I now have to open the car door for her, help her in, and put on her seat belt for her. If I don't buckle her in, we sometime have a discussion on how to do it. With treating her like a lady, we avoid a fight.  Again, a simple solution to what could cause a fight. Find myself, without thinking about it, moving in those direction, you know, those simple solutions directions. 

We had purchased a pair of sweats from Target that didn't work, so we returned them and spent some time walking the store. 

One of the light bulbs went out in the bathroom, it is a decorative light, and we went shopping looking for a replacement. Which gave us some more time away from the house. 

The end of the day came early for Sweetie, she headed for bed around 5. With her sleeping down stairs, I'm not required to sleep with her, so I get to stay up. You know it is hard when your programed to go to sleep at a certain time. Did manage to stay up for an hour more. Now the wake up time...

Driver tells me that I did a good job. The day went without too much hassle, and today might need some extra care. She is going to fight the change, and that is where the care comes in. All I know, is that while I'm with my Driver, all that I need is found with Him, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless.