Holding hands.

Us

I try to look at my days of yesterdays and somehow summarize my feelings, what happened, how it affects me, and what have I learned from it. Was there something new, or just a repeat of the day before? Did I loose it with Sweetie, or did I grow? 

There are times, as you all know and can understand, that I will go through all of these emotions and question my intentions each and everyday. I know I get selfish for myself, and want to fling off all the responsibilities I have, put Sweetie in a facility, close the door and run away. 

I can't do that, not now when there is so much living yet to do. That is not the answer, and I know it. 

May 10, 1986, I made a contract promise to her, to love her through sickness and in health, until death do us part. When I made that promise, I had no understanding of the full weight of it and now I do. It is time for me to fulfill my end of that contract promise, with an open heart, to love with. and open arms, to hug her with, and hands to hold as we walk to the finish line. 

Monday

Our morning was about the same, accept for something that I find myself doing each morning. When I get her to the bathroom and ready to step into the shower, I used to just take off her pants and pullups. When I did that, her shirt would get wet, no matter how I hard I tried not to let that happen. Now, I take all her clothes off of her. Then when I get her into the shower, I can was from her arm pits down. 

The other advantage is, I get to put clean cloths on her each day. Almost like when we were working, living a "normal" life. Shower and clean cloths were the order of the day. Sure it is a little more work for me, but what the hell, she looks good each day. 

For breakfast, I gave her a big bowl of cereal, and she ate it all. Which is now my growing belief that I need to start her day with a full stomach which means a bigger breakfast.   

When I told her I was going to the golf course, she wanted to go with me. Why not give her another try at it. 

I now have Gatorade to keep on hand. To see if it will help her, strengthen her, as we play. Plus she did have a good breakfast and I felt she just might make it. 

Off we went, and when we got to the course, it was packed. All over town, there was a statewide tournament. It didn't affect where I usually play, except all the carts were out. Parents were there to watch their kids play, had used up all the carts. 

So instead of just going home, we went to the mall for our walk about. 

As we were walking, I slowed the pace down just a little. I don't think Sweetie understands just how fast she is walking, and I wasn't ready to set some sort of speed record. 

Home, to watch TV, eat lunch and to put her down for her nap. 

While she was down, I headed back to the course, did a quick round and then home. She was still napping when I got home, so I just let her sleep. 

For dinner, we had left overs. I've found that shell macaroni is something that she likes. Bigger than elbow, or the small shell, and it is easier for her to put it on her spoon. Always good to find something that works. Now, we can have "spaghetti" more often. 

Had one of those loving evenings, which make this all worthwhile. If Sweetie didn't have Dementia, this is how we would end our days. On the couch, watching something that didn't mean a whole lot, holding hands until bed time.  

I think my Driver is getting to me. "Now, just what are you missing these days?" He asks. Not much, maybe a bit more conversations. "Isn't she talking to your heart?" He would ask. True, the heart has a conversation that is beyond words. Behold the Easter Egg. Surprise after surprise awaits us, as we motor down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.