Finding joy in foot washing.

Still lovers.

How can it be, still lovers. We are. She is the love of my life, and each day now grows more precious to me. Because I am not the author of the days, or the holder of the calendar, each day draws a special meaning. 

I know that she will long be gone in her mind, before her body gives up. So, when she looks at me, or gets the words out correctly, I know these are special, more precious then yesterday, or last week, or even last year. 

Knowing that her days are slipping away I have to find the joy in each and every one of them. 

Saturday 

It seems to be her habit now, to wake early. I'm not worried about her getting up and walking about, it is just I know that she needs more sleep then she is getting. Because of that, I now just get her up, and change her, then back to bed and she will go back to sleep. Simple solutions to simple problems. 

When it was time to get her up, I thought, it is going to be shower day. Eagerly looking forward to see how her takes to the shower chair. 

She seemed to be more sensitive to the water, or it was me, not sure, so I slowed things down. Got her wet, and shampooed her hair. She kept her head down, and wasn't totally happy about what I was doing. One of the things that I was able to get done, first in a long time, was to wash her feet. With her sitting on the chair, she didn't have to balance while I was washing one foot then the other. Finding joy in foot washing, who would of know? 

Saturday is a free day for me. One of my caregivers is coming in to stay with Sweetie while I get out and play golf unencumbered. 

Met 3 young bloods on the first tee. One, a hard charger and most experienced. One a nice guy, plays well, and the last a novice to the game. Good company, and a good mix of players. Had a good round, me and the hard charger tied for the lowest score. Felt I represented my generation well.  

Now comes the challenge. Came home to find the garage door open, and I thought I'd closed it when I left. It wasn't until Sweetie and myself were heading out again, when I hit the button, watched the door start down, and then twisted and went back up. It had come off its rails and was just bent to hell. 

With the help of my neighbor, we were able to get the door closed, and called the man that has worked on my garage door in the past. After 25 years, I think it is time for a new door. So, next week we'll have one installed. 

The good part of the story, is that we have a car that isn't stuck in the garage, and that it didn't fall on the corvette. Not sure where the blessing is in this, I'm sure there is one. Like a new garage door, which I know we need. Its all about the timing. 

Timing is what my Driver is all about. What seems to be a delay, is meant to slow me down, to avoid a trouble brewing in the future. Driver knows what is ahead, and I have to trust Him to get us through these rough spots on the Road to Dementia Town, motoring along, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless. 

Rendezvous.

At the #1 tee.

I think this is going to be fun and challenging at the same time. To take a picture a day, to find different places to take them, to be in different locations, all that stuff, and to watch Sweetie as we are doing all of the above, slowly fading away. 

I know from life, that it will not be noticed on a daily bases, it will happen one day I'll noticed something and ask myself, "When did that happen?". Then I'll back track to a better day, and there, at that point, I'll see a healthier picture of Sweetie and be amazed at how far she has progressed down in her disease.  

Friday 

It was another wet morning. Not as bad as some have been. So, up, strip, and into the shower she went. Forgive me for saying this, but I do enjoy the little intimacy I have when I wash her. There are fleeting memories of when we were younger and loving each other happened suddenly and often. The togetherness of a shower didn't mean washing and cleaning, it was a rendezvous for some loving. 

Her skin is becoming so sensitive, it is hard not to hear her complain that it hurts when I touch her. That makes it difficult to wash and dry her, but we do the best we can. I'm always talking to her telling her that I don't mean to hurt her, and we do get the job done. 

After the last time I washed her hair and she had one of her spells, I became worried about it happening again. I bought a shower chair and it came on Friday. Put it together and waiting to see how she accepts it next time I wash her hair. In the long run, I know it is the right thing to do. 

Still having a "Golf" hangover. Continued my streak of pars, now 9 days in a row. I'm not making the consistent shots like I did the other day but they are starting to return. Had a great chip shot on the 9th hole. Pulled my drive and was about 50 yards off the green. Blind to the pin, hit the ball, and it stopped about 4 feet from the hole. Missed the par, but was happy with the overall play. 

Because we have a late breakfast, tried missing lunch, to see if she would eat a better dinner. Nope, the same reaction as before. She starts, and then the wondering back and forth starts. After about 3 or 4 attempts, I clear my place and see if she will eat some more. I give her as much time as she needs to finish her meal. By the way, I've also returned to the red plates, no change in her eating habits. 

I've gone to having some cholate chip cookies for a desert. I feed them to her, one bite at a time. I think this is a pre curser to feeding her at meal time. Just wait and see where it leads us. 

Sometimes, I don't think we are being lead, we just come along. For in the car on the Road to Dementia Town, we go where our Driver takes us. Not to worry, for we are Keeping our Shiny Side Up. C'ya, Luv ya, and God Bless. 

Sometimes the Dragon wins.

Thursday 6/2/'21

At the end of the round, I took this picture. I've decided to start taking more pictures of her.  Over this time that I've been telling our story, I've used up just about all of the "good" pictures of us from the past. Need felt that I needed to get some of the "now" pictures in play. 

It is OK to look into the past for those old memories. Now is the time for me to remember us. Here in the now, in what joy is still left. Her smile, her eyes, her beauty. 

Its one thing to remember the beach, the ball games, the BBQs. As I've looked over some old pictures, I realize that the most of the pictures I have of her, are at Christmas time. 

As the end comes closer day by day, my challenge is to take at least one picture of her or us a day. Just to keep things current. 

Thursday

As we sail around in this time of smooth, safe harbor days. It is hard to find something new to say. 

She is still having wet mornings, and then I found the curtains open when I went to get her up. That little rascal had gotten up and opened the blinds and went back to bed. I've said this before, that Dementia doesn't mean stupid.

When we leave the house and head for a known destination, she will ask if we turn this way or that. She still sees the traffic signal change before can I accelerate into the intersection, and make a motion that means, get going. She is still in there. 

Make it short and not so sweet. It seems like I had a "Golf" hangover yesterday. I went to the course with the full expecting of following yesterdays performance with something as spectacular. Well, let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. Did get my par streak extended another day, but that was about it. Golf, like life, is a up and down proposition. Or like the old Almond Joy commercial, "Some times you feel like a nut, some times you don't." Or, like Sweetie used to say, "Sometimes the Dragon wins." Yesterday, the Golf Dragon feasted on my game. 

It isn't about winning or loosing, it is about love, and how it is shown. Driver has a way of reminding me of that. Without the lows, how can you know your on a high? That is the way the Road to Dementia Town goes. Never know what or where the road will lead to, just as long as we are in the car, Driver is behind the wheel and we are Keeping Our Shiny Side Up, we will keep pressing forward this day. C'ya, Luv Ya, and God Bless.