Sundowners and Recovery.

Sweetie at Carlsbad Caverns.

I find it strange that what the keys, or impetus that will start a sundowner's event. 

We had been having a good day. From breakfast to the afternoon. We didn't get out to the yards for the wind was blowing. I've learned that Sweetie doesn't like the wind, even a soft breeze will sometimes chill her. So, why push the chances of setting her off. We spent most of the day in the house. 

I had ordered her some sweats from Amazon and the pants were too big. So, I planned on us going to the UPS store and returning them. We made it there, practicing social distancing, only to find that my email app wasn't working. So, we left and took the long way home. At home, I was able to download a new email app and headed out again. Got to the store, pulled up the email, scanned the code, and we're good. Then another long ride home. Anything to kill the hours in the day. 

Sweetie had been good with little troubles. It was around 3 when I received a call from daycare. They have to make phone checkups daily on us. Busy work for them, to prove they are doing something to earn their paycheck. Anyway, I digress, after the call, Sweetie was worried that I was going some where and it bothered her. She went quickly into full sundowners mode. I quickly gave her some CBD, and held on. When she wasn't responding, I put on some Stress Relief lotion on the back of her neck and within 20 to 30 minutes, the slow trip back started. There we sat, on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, her head on my shoulder, holding on to me for dear life, she bottomed and came back. 

As she came out of the darkness of sundowners, I could encourage her, tell her I loved her, and she would respond in kinds. 

When she was right with her world, I could say, there she is, and she would smile and look at me with lonely, loving eyes, as if she knew what I was talking about. We made it through the rest of the evening without another trip down sundowners road. 

I am so grateful for the discovery of CBD and Stress Relief lotion. I remember the hours of confusion, yelling, and trying to get out of the house, and the heart ache it caused. At least I now have some tools that help both of us to counter act sundowners when it strikes. 

Again, its that time. Driver's here and He's ready to roll. So, my friends, I will be off, down the Road to Dementia Town. Today, I know I'll just sit quietly enjoying the scenery as it goes by. Need the rest to recover from yesterday. Driver knows what I need without me even saying a thing. He know what will restore me for another day, a day full of Easter Eggs and adventure as we drive down the Road to Dementia Town, and as always, keeping our Shiny Side Up. That goes for you too. No matter what, there are Easter Eggs to be found on your journey as you Keep Your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya and God Bless. 

Irises, yardwork, failing. Life goes on.

Sweetie and the Rainbow.

How's it going? Getting more yard work done this past couple of days. Amazing how much gets done when your normal activities are shut down. 

We have filled our trash containers and pick up isn't until Friday, so I have a couple of smaller containers that I can use as we pick, prune, pull, and trim the flower gardens in preparation for spring. 

Sweetie was never one for pruning the flower, the roses, and other plants we have and because of that, we sometimes didn't have a good crop of flowers. Last year, our irises didn't bloom at all. Now it could be that they are not getting enough sunshine, hopefully we will get some this year. If not, it is transplanting time. I love irises they are so easy to take care of and so beautiful when they bloom. It would be nice if they would bloom all summer long and we'd have flowers in the house all year long. 

Sweetie did really well yesterday. We tried a walk, but she got cold right off and so we had a quick walk. Met a neighbor working out in his garage. Sweetie just had to say something to him. He came out and she just rambled, and I told him about her dementia. He told me his grandma had it too, and he understood. Amazing how many people this damn disease touches. 

I've tried to make a list of what room to clean and when to clean it. I saw a mime the other day on Facebook and it went something like this: "I always wanted the time to clean my house. Now that I have the time, I realize that time wasn't my excuse." I have to say, I'm the same way. I just has a lazy butt. Right now, it is getting easier to get motivated and get things done. 

One of the things I've noticed about Sweetie's failing is this. When we do the dishes, she needs more and more guidance in putting the silverware and dishes away. Or now, she doesn't know what milk is, or where it is in the refrigerator. She is also having a difficulty from time to time swallowing and of course her balance worries me. 

So far, she still recognizes me as someone special in her life. Just who I am, I'm not sure. I know she depends on me and she will tell me she loves me all the time. I'll take that anytime. I miss my Sweetie. Knowing where we are now, I wished I'd treated her better when we were younger. As it is now, I'm making a living amends to her and she doesn't even know it. All she knows is there is someone that is with her all the time and she feels safe. 

Its that time, Drive just walked in and is ready to go. What do you, He brought my sunglasses in so I won't have the excuse to waste time looking for them. These are precious times that I get to spend with you, my friends. Thank you for letting me bend your ear. Now where is my hat? Of course, I left it in the car. Off again, with my Driver setting the course and speed as we head down the Road to Dementia Town. Doing the speed limit, avoiding the bumps and cracks in the road. Driving with our Shiny Side Up. You too, have a day full of Easter Eggs as you motor down the Road. Love Ya, Till Tomorrow, Shiny Side Up. God Bless.   

War Movies, a Big NO NO.

Out of a hike.

Never know what will cause a sundowners episode to kick in. We were having a great day. The morning went well, she was a little cranky and just not herself. We worked through it. Normally she is easy to persuade to get her to do what needs to be done. Shaving her chin every morning can be a hassle. I have to sweet talk her into letting me put on a warm wash cloth to soften and moisturize her whiskers, then the shaving cream, and hardest of all, to keep her from moving while I shave her. Most of the time it gets done without problems. Then having her take the wash cloth and wipe her face as a way of washing her face. Then, brushing her teeth. We use battery powered brushes and she has a difficult time turning hers on and brushing. I take what I can, some is better than nothing. 

After our morning ritual, it was in the back yard to do some yardwork. Unless she asks what to do, I let her figure out how to help me. I think it makes her feel more like herself that way. I don't know about you, but when we were done for the day, I could see the difference and I told Sweetie that very thing. Told her how much help she was, and I could not of done it without her. She likes hearing that. Easter Egg. 

Now come the bad part. We went in to watch TV. One of the shows I wanted to watch was from the History Channel about WWII. Shortly into the show, about the Enterprise, she went bonkers. Weeping, and carrying on about the boys and she couldn't help them, and just scaring me. I was able to calm her down with CBD and lotion on her neck. Changed the show, watched "Coco" and that did the trick. 

Then I remembered that Dementia doesn't like violent shows. Even if it is in a historical show, Sweetie cannot tell the difference. The other part of this, is her dad was on a carrier in the Pacific during the war. She was just over whelmed and it was a great lesson for me. So, we are now going to watch a lot of funny, uplifting shows. We have Netflix, Prime, the Disney Channel, and a movie channel. Lots of good choices to choose from. 

After getting her back level again, we had a good finish to the day. There is an old saying about married couples, and with Sweetie it is so true for me today. It is, When Mama's happy, everyone is happy. The more I can keep Sweetie happy and level, the happier I am. And that my friends is one of the best Easter Egg of them all. 

Driver just told me to take my time this morning. He said there isn't any rush. I know He is just being kind and loving. He knew what we went through yesterday. Rest is sometimes the best cure. He is a kink and gentleman who looks out for the best for me. So, its time to shut this down, get going, "Now where are my sunglasses?" If I don't put them away in the same place, I can never find them. "Oh, there they are." OK, ready to go. Into the passenger side, glasses on, as we head down the Road to Dementia Town, not worrying about, potholes, detours, or traffic, that's because we have our Shiny Side Up. I hope you keep learning on how to find your Easter Eggs and Keep your Shiny Side Up. Enjoy your adventure as we travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Sides Up. Love Ya, God Bless.     

Prayer, Eating, Simple Meals.

My Sweetie Pie. 

This morning while I was doing my morning prayers and meditation, when a line came to life in front of me, its from Saint Francis, and my eyes were opened as I wrote it out:

Lord, may I seek, rather,

 To Comfort then to be comforted

To Understand, then to be understood;

To Love, than to be loved. 

The realization that I was doing just that as I live being Sweeties Caregiver. It was one of those "Duh" moments. I've talked about how gracious I am with Sweetie, and didn't know how I became so willing to put up with her disease, the willingness to help her all the time, doing that which I wouldn't do for anyone else. Well, here it is, the way to a soft heart in the daily living with Dementia. 

Had another wonderful day with Sweetie. From the dawn to dusk it was as normal as it could get. I've notice that she is loosing her ability to grasp those words that seem so easy for her just last week. The face, the smiles are still there, just a little slip, a consonant missing, and I'm still able to translate what she is trying to say. 

As we go shopping, I'm having a difficult time with her wanting to touch people. I don't know where this came from. Lately she will start talking to some stranger and want to touch their shoulder, hand, or face. She just doesn't understand why she shouldn't do it. I think I'm going to attempt to get her some gloves to ease that difficulty. Even after this crisis is over, people will be less willing to touch anyone in public for a long, long time. So, I'll need to be aware of her need to reach out and touch. 

Meals are getting simpler, last night had cut up chicken, rice cooked in chicken broth, and mixed veggies. She is still copying me as we eat, and I noticed that she starts to divide her food up into group, especially the mixed veggies. Got her to finish her meal by putting food on the spoon and handing it to her. I wonder how much more time will pass before I feed her like a infant? Or will it be encouraging her from now on? 

Her sundowners didn't show up last night, and I was thinking of the difference of the evening from the day before and last night. It was windy and the sun was shining. Compared to the gloomy weather on Thursday. So nice. 

That about sums it up for this morning. Driver is waiting, and I have to go. Yesterday was a good Easter Egg day, and it sure would be nice if we had the same today, but that is yet to be seen. Life is a day by day affair, you can't take yesterday into today, and today isn't a measure of what tomorrow will bring. I'm learning that from my Driver, He is always planting His seeds of wisdom in me, I just never know when a harvest will happen. "Enough already, I'm coming, I'm coming." Boy, Driver and be pushy sometimes. He's excited to get going down the Road to Dementia Town. He brought the convertible this morning, Better put on some sun screen, as we motor on life's highway. We'll keep an eye out for you, as we go, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. Till tomorrow, drive with care, keeping your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya and God Bless. 

Gloomy evenings, long sundowners.

2012, Tucson, Navy Squadron Reunion.

 

I know I've said this before, so I'll say it again. Going through old picture albums and finding these pictures of Sweetie bring back so many memories. To see her strong, mentally alert, and alive and whole. You know, I really didn't know how much I love her until these days of her depending on me. In the darkness of Dementia, the one bright candle is my love for her. Even now, she can stop me and that love for her will grab me and I'm hers. 

Yesterday started shaky, I had planned for showers for us, Sweetie did pretty good. Got her hair washed, that is the biggest goal to get done, and washer her lower regions is even bigger goal. She has been getting red and tender on her bottom and I just don't know how to protect her. I've been thinking about a diaper rash cream. Prep H is good, helps a lot, not really made for what she is going through. 

We did some yard work and pulled weeds. Sweetie would help, then get anxious, sit down, then come back to help some more. I talked about this yesterday, her need to help over whelms her and it is in her nature to be helpful. Years ago, I used to get upset when she was helping me because I felt she was just getting in the way, now I cherish it. 

Two things about yesterday. The weather, it was blowing and raining so we couldn't go walking, and the long gloomy evening. Because we couldn't walk, we went on a car ride, just to get out of the house. Drove around for about an hour. Then the evening. It seemed to drag on forever. I was giving her some CBD oil about every 2 hours. She struggled mightily with her sundowners. To calm herself, she cuddled up to me, head on my shoulder, whimpering
about how dumb she is and how she isn't worth anything.   Oh how I hate those nights. Knowing that it is going to get worse as time goes on. 

If I know Dementia's patterns, I believe that Sweetie is about to move to a new place in her travels to Dementia Town. She's showing some attitudes that would make you think she is getting better, that sliding scale of degrees of Dementia. When I recognize it, it means she is getting ready for a move. Where she will land is yet unknown, I just have to be ready to adjust to her new normal. 

Golly, I've been rattling on and on and it is time to wrap it up. My Driver is in the kitchen getting a cup of coffee and is ready when I am. Of course that means, get your butt in the car and lets get this show on the road. I've learned to follow His suggestions, things always turn out better when I do. So, off again, down that Road to Dementia Town. Oh, yea, I did find some Easter Eggs yesterday. They came early in the day, yard work, if you can imagine. Tank is full and my Driver is eager to get going. Wonders to behold are waiting as we go, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. We always have room for one or two more if you care to join us. Just wave and we'll stop by. If not, make sure you keep an eye out for your Easter Eggs as you go, driving down the road Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Till tomorrow, Love Ya, God Bless.  

Screening, helping out.

My Sweetie. 

There are days and there are days to remember. Yesterday was one of those remembrance days. From the time Sweetie got up, until we went to sleep last night. It was also the day of timed amount of CBD, not systems, that seemed to make the difference. 

The day was a day of nothing special, who can plan special events in a self quarantine. I just knew we had to do something. I had a project to get done, and for a change, it was completed. I was able to get Sweetie involved as much as she can be. 

One of the things that has helped me with this, is this. She needs to find worth in doing. So, if she reaches out in her attempt to hold, open, lift, you get the idea, I don't brush her off, I allow her to do what she needs to do. Even if I could do it for myself or that what she is doing is a little bit inconvenient at the time, I let her do her effort in helping. Dumb stuff, like locking and unlocking doors, dividing up stuff to take out to the trash, what ever the chore, she has to help and when I realized this and let her help it makes our days better. 

We went to the screening for the Virus, and found that because we did not have any symptoms, we were good and didn't have the nose swabs done. We are now at the head of the line, if we show signs of illness. 

It was a nice day, so we took Tweetie out for that little spin. When we were going through the screening, people tell us how much they like Tweetie, and asked about her. When I got her, I did expect some fawning over her, but not this much. Tweetie is 15 years old now, and she gets a lot of attention. I would be lieing to you if I told you I didn't like it. I waited 50 years to get a corvette, and loving every minute of it. 

We watched "Jungle Book" and "Jungle Book 2" yesterday. I watched Sweetie smile and laugh as the movies played. After the movies, we took a long walk around the outside of our neighborhood. It was good for her, because she was getting bored just sitting there. You know that Dementia cannot sit still for 6 hours, it needs some physical activity. Walks are good, she gets to look at the clouds, and contrails. Then she tells me her story about them. All is good. 

Talk about all is good. Its time for me to get ready. I know my Driver will be here any second, if He isn't here already and I just don't know it. I'm sure it was His navigating our drive yesterday that made the difference in my appreciating everything that happened. He seemed to know just where and when to find Easter Eggs as we drove through the day. I'm ready for a copy of yesterday, as me and Driver drive down the Road to Dementia Town, keeping our Shiny Side Up. Need a lift, just give us a wave and we'll stop by. If not, remember as you drive yourself this fine day, Keep in your lane, and Keep the Shiny Side Up, that way you won't go wrong. Till tomorrow, Love Ya and God Bless.  

   

Sundowners on the golf course.

There are days when I have to remember who she was. 

Our Governor has deemed that only groups of 5 may gather, and because of this, she has now completely closed our recreation. Sweetie and me were able to get in our last round of golf till the Corona Virus threat is done. 

I was really worried about our last outing on the course. Things were going well for awhile. Then she started acting like her sundowners was acting up. Was it too long on the course, and of course, I didn't have any Hemp Oil with me, so we struggled to finish. 

When we got into the car, I was able to give her another dose of "Happy Medicine" and she was able to calm down again. Her sundowners are like the waves that come onto the beach. 

As an old surfer, I was able to sit on my board and watch the for waves. I learned to see where they were, how big they were going to be, and if I was in the right position to catch it and get a good ride. It is the same with Sweetie. I can usually catch her sundowner wave approaching and get her her CBD and stop the crash before it happens. Then there are times when the wave has already built enough energy, that now matter what I do, it is going to be a tsunami. Oh how she suffers through those crashes. My heart just breaks as I hold her, or just talk to her, reassuring her everything will be OK. Then, there is a lifting, small at first, then it grows until she is back again. 

We're going to try some more yard work today, and I have some other projects to try. My fear is, that right in the middle of whatever we are doing, she is going to take off, and I have to drop everything and chase after her. There are days when I would wish she wasn't as mobile as she is. Then on the other hand, walking with her, hand in hand is one of the greatest joy the we have left. 

Speaking of joy, my Joy Master is here and is ready to go. He has some new sights for me to see. Something about a relaxing drive today. I sure could use one of those after yesterday. He's got the door open and is ready to go. So, down the Road to Dementia Town we go. Me and my Driver, tunes on the radio, cool sunglasses on, and as always, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. Remember, there will always be Easter Eggs out there, if you look for them, as you too, drive yourself, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. See you tomorrow, Love Ya, God Bless.     

Life isn't all doom and gloom. There are Easter Eggs to be found.

Here's Sweetie with youngest daughter and
oldest grandson. 

Well here I am again, staring another day in the face. No, wait, the day isn't up yet, so I'm facing a dark window and that's my reflection I see. You ever feel that your the only one that cares? That what you have in your lap is something that you just want to stand up and clear it off you? How your heart is so heavy that if you would loose your balance its weight would topple you over and never let you get up again? 

Then there are the times when your heart is so lite and airy that you can't keep your feet on the ground? When your day just fly's by, that all you see is happiness, that there are smiles wherever you go? That these days seem few and far in-between and when they happen, you don't want to let them go. They are gone before you see them and they are just a happy memory waving at you in the rear view mirror. 

Yesterday was one of those days. It started as always, me up at this ungodly hour, talking to you and waiting for Sweetie to get up. But this time, I had a golf lesson and had to get her up and going. I find it easier to get her on the move if I wake her. Letting her sleep has its advantage, and so does waking her. I find that she takes directions easier if I wake her than when she gets up by herself. 

Down to the golf course we go. I keep a folding chair in the car for just these outings. I can set up the chair so she can sit and watch. Works out quite well. After my lesson, I was thinking about playing around. That didn't work out. Sweetie was acting a little irritable and so we left. Headed to Walmart for some shopping. 

While at the store, Sweetie was automated and wanted to talk to people. I find myself doing the same thing. Being cooped up like we are these days, conversation with another person seems automatic. We met a Messianic Jew working there, stuck up a conversation because he was wearing his Yamaka. He was using hairpins to hold it in place. I've always been curious on how they kept them on. We had a nice talk. Sweetie felt she needed to add her spice to the time, and she did. I've said this before, that most people when they meet her, and she comes out of left field, they think she is just strange and accept her as that, strange. 

I know that timing her taking her CBD oil is making the difference. We had some before we left that house, before coming home, then at 3, 5, and before bed. I know her pattern and I know the time she starts her walk into the dark Dementia Zone. Instead of waiting for the systems to show up, I'm more pro active in giving it to her. It paid off in dividends. 

Speaking of dividends, the Provider of my peace dividends just walked in and is standing in the door way. Ever so watching me peck away on the keyboard. He's got a twinkle in His eye and a smile on His face that tells me He's has something special planned for today ride. Time to finish my coffee, put the dishes in the sink and out the door we go. My heart is lite when He smiles at me and I know everything will workout for the best. As my Driver and me get in the car, now where are those sunglasses? Got'em, I have a feeling they will be needed as the sunshine bounces off our vehicle, as we motor on down the Road to Dementia Town. Trusting my Driver, as we motor down the road, keeping our Shiny Side Up. My I suggest you do the same, you know, wearing those cool sunglasses of yours, driving down your life's road, keeping your Shiny Side Up. Until our time tomorrow, remember, I love ya, and God Bless.  

Dementia Zone, Poop, and the crazies.

Grandma and youngest grandson.

How did Sunday go, you ask? 2nd day back on CBD and to tell the truth, not bad. I know she is failing at a good clip now, and her behavior is baffling at times. 
With this new stage of Dementia, she wants to be more independent, doesn't want to eat, and her emotions are up and down. One minute she is sitting next to me, then she is up and moving, then telling me she has stuff to do, and then not knowing what the stuff is and wants me to help her. Enough to drive me crazy. I know it is the disease talking, and only the disease. 

I don't know where my calm comes from, yet at the same time, I do know. I just wonder where it comes from. This is not the normal me. Before Dementia, I always used anger as a tool to control, and there are times when I still do use anger in attempt to get her to do something when she is in her "Dementia Zone." It doesn't work all the time. 

Yesterday, her inconstancy was a bit of a problem. I got her into the bathroom, but to get her to take down her pants and sit on the potty was a mystery to her. At the same time, she started dropping turds. Not knowing where they came from, she wanted to pick them up. Just like a child playing with their own feces, I had to tell her to leave it alone. Gees, a 75 year old toddler. 

We did some yard work and tried to take a walk, but it was too windy for her. We stopped at a neighbor's because they were out washing their car, and Sweetie was just delighted to stop and "talk" with them. They know about her dementia, and smiled and chit chatted with her. Easter Egg. 

Thanks for letting me chat with you again, but the time has come for me to get going. I can hear the quick horn honks as my Driver is trying to get my attention. Wonder why He isn't coming in? I'll find out when I get out there. You know, riding in that bright shiny car, with my cool sunglasses on, as Driver and me head out down the Road to Dementia Town. As always, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. That goes for you too. The sun will come up, and it will set, during that time, Keep Your Shiny Side Up as you motor through your day. Till tomorrow, Love Ya, God Bless. 

CBD, timing, Lots of Easter Eggs

That's my Sweetie, sweater, long pants
and her flip flops.

What a difference a day makes. I returned to my normal scheduling of CBD Hemp oil. 

After Friday's sundowners, I knew I had to return to giving her much more Hemp Oil then I though I could get away with. Starting in the morning, I gave her a dose, than again around 1pm, and in the "Sundowner's Zone." A dose about ever 2 hours. What a difference. She was calm, and had only a short light episode of asking the questions of "Am I going to stay?" or "Are we going to go somewhere (Never know where that somewhere is.)?" No confrontation, no unsettling arguments, it was wonderful.   

This may sound strange, but while she was acting aggressively, I couldn't get her on the potty. She reverted back to "I can do this by myself" mode. This makes me shutter because I know if she is wet or dirty she won't know it, and that will make it even harder for me to clean her dirty sore bottom. 

Got into a cleaning mode yesterday, and it was a good way to get her into helping me. Some simple tasks, like sweeping and dusting. We tackled our bathroom. Floor, closet, toilet, sink and all. I'm ashamed to say this, but it needed a good cleaning, and it got what it needed. Sweetie was a trooper, dusting, and even pushing the vacuum cleaner. While at the same time, telling me she doesn't know that to do, or how to do it. If it wasn't so serious, it would be funny. 

I hope you could tell that yesterday was a good Easter Egg day for me. With the decision to increase her dosage of Hemp Oil was the right one. So, now I know, and will not ever decrease the amount that I give her. Not only the times, but, I've increased the amount of Oil. We are about 3/4s of a dropper with each dose. I use the lotion now at bed time. It does help her to fall to sleep. 

Good new all around. And with that, I see my Driver coming in through the garage door with a smile on His face. He just brightens up any room He when he walks in. So, its time to go, now where did I leave my shoes? There they are. Time to head out. Down the Road to Dementia Town. You know, being the passenger, I have free time to watch the scenery go by. I know He will always stop when there is an Easter Egg to pick up. Out on the highway of life, watching the sun come up, as we are Keeping our Shiny Side Up. And that goes for you too. Never forget, there are Easter Eggs out there waiting for you to find, as you too, head down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Till next time. Love ya and God Bless.    

CBD, sundowners and fear.

Sweetie, Strawberry Funnel Cake and fun. 

I have never felt so helpless as I did last night. I know it wasn't me, but I did have a hand in it. I have been cutting back Sweetie's CBD oil, as a test to see how she her sundowners progressing. 

We had a good day to start with. My golfing buddy couldn't make it, so we went out by ourselves. I shot a good round, best in awhile, and towards the end, she was wearing out, getting irritable, wanting to go in. I was able to distract her and finish the round. 

I can usually tell what is going on with her by her breathing and body language, and of course, her "boys" stories. 

After we got home and had lunch, we watched some good old TV. Then about 3 in the afternoon, she started down the sundowners path. Gave her her dose of CBD, and Lotion. Instead of getting better, she kept going further and further into sundowners. I knew I was in trouble, just how much I didn't know. 

I tried walking the neighborhood, that didn't help. We went on a drive, and that was even worse. She wanted me to pull over so she could help those boys and was getting mad and crying when I wouldn't. We did stop and I let her out, she didn't know where she wanted to go, and was just wandering around. I was able to give her a shot of oil before the ride and was hoping that the combination of the ride and oil would start her back on the recovery road. 

Got home, and she was just a bouncing ball of nonsense. Gave her another shot of Hemp Oil, while she was protesting all the time. As her sundowners gain steam, she would ask me questions, and my answers didn't mean a thing to me. For the first time, I thought she was going to hit me. She sat between me and the TV, getting belligerent, I couldn't move without her getting in the way, fighting me if I moved or if I stayed still. It was terrible. After about 2 hours, she slowly started back to me. 

I learned my lesson. She just cannot do without her Hemp Oil. The only time we had it this bad was before CBD. I was able to calm her down enough for her to go to bed and get some sleep. 

This is another reason I enjoy my 3-4 hours in the early morning, by myself. Doing my prayer time, meditation time, and you. With daycare cancelled, I have to find more ways to get my me time in. I find that talking to all of you who read my rantings seem to identify with my journey for I am not alone. I gives me strength to keep going. 

Speaking of going, guess who's here? Yep, my Driver has shown up just as I'm finishing here. I hope you don't mind, I need some alone time with Him. But, then again, the road to Dementia Town is always better with friends, anyone up for a road trip today? Driver and me are heading out, just let up know, for we always have room for one more. Here we go again, got my cool sunglasses on, just relaxing and looking for Easter Eggs. Yesterday's Easter Egg was the lesson I learned. So, you see, there always will be one if you look for it. As we head on down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. You too, even if it is a short drive, or a all dayer, just remember Shiny Side Up, and you too can find Easter Eggs. Later, Love Ya, till tomorrow. God Bless. 

Pizza, Coronavirus, and sundowners.

My Love in all her colors. 

Its Friday and we've made it through another day. News, news, and more news about the Coronavirus, its all over the place. There is good news, there is bad news and worse of all, there is fake news. Because of all the news, all the closings, that life is getting boring. 

Yesterday was going to be a day of fun with the outing with the grandboys, and their parents were going to get a day off. As it turned out, the place we were going to go to was closed. 19 strikes again. We did have some face time, it was a rerun of last week. Pizza and conversation. As we gathered, we were all bemoaning the fact of what came down from Santa Fe, the closing of almost everything. Parks, concerts, shopping malls, and just about all the escape places that were normally available. 

They decided along time ago to home school their children. Because of that fact the boys are used to being home. The difference is, there is only a limited place to burn off energy. They have been taking taekwondo lessons and has been a great escape of the monotony of everyday classes. That option is no longer available to them. Sometime it gets the best of them and frustration flair up and it isn't pretty. Cabin fever isn't pretty in difficult times like these. 

Mom is into origami  and has many more creations now then before, shall I say that she too has a lot of time on her hands. 

Sweetie had a good time while we were there, she didn't eat much of the pizza, before she would eat at lease a piece. We sat and talked about, what else, the virus and what is going on, how it is to be handled, and what to do at home. 

When we go out for any reason, I'm beginning to either hate or love coming back home. There are times when I feel our home is more of a prison then a place of comfort and safety. Then there are the times when Sweetie doesn't know where she is and who's house we're pulling into. When I tell her we're home, she looks bewildered, and then she will start spinning one of her dementia tells about her dad, the "boys" (who ever they are.) and I just listen, because those stories will be gone, and she may not be able to speak and I'll be missing the sound of her voice. 

Last night was a bad sundowner evening. I've been lighting up on her CBD oil, and we had a good reminder as to why I've been giving it to her. It took almost 45 minutes before she was able to come out to the light. The good thing is we now have a tool that will allow her that path back to some sort of normal life. 

We're going to play golf again this morning. It is going to be cool and I have to dress Sweetie accordingly. I may have her put on two pairs of pants and really layer her tops. The warmer I can keep her, the better chance we have of staying out on the course. That will be good for both of us, the longer we walk the better it is for us. 

Hey, hey, hey, looks who's here, Mr. Driver. Didn't hear Him come in. "How long have you been standing there?", Ha, He said long enough. He caught me in my comfies and I'm not ready yet. So, gotta go, brush the pearly whites, comb my sideburn hair, and out the door we'll go. Driver is so good to me, He always know when the right time to show up. I'll be right down, brushed, combed, and dressed for the day, as we get going, driving down the Road to Dementia Town, keeping our Shiny Side Up. Need a ride? Hop in, and we'll enjoy each other's company. As we drive the Road to Dementia Town with you on board, definitely keeping our Shiny Side Up. Take care, Love Ya, and God Bless.   

Golf, and a walking date with Sweetie.

Sweetie and son at grandson's soccer game. 

Coronavirus is affecting us and maybe that is good. Yesterday, was my normal golf day, and her daycare day. Because daycare is closed until this virus ends, has made us make adjustments to what we do. As for golf, we tried teaming up and it was successful. 

We started off while the weather was on the cool side, and Sweetie got a new sweater to keep her warm. For about the first half of the game, it was breezy and cool and overcast and she was a trooper. I should of taken her photo of her wearing her new sweater and some oversized gloves to keep her hands warm. She was so cute. I kept up an encouraging conversation with her all the way through, and told her how much more or less we had to play. It was great having her with me. What a better place to find an Easter Egg, then on a field of green. 

I have concerns about when daycare starts up again, that when I take her there, and on to my game, will she remember those times she went with me? Here I go worrying about the future, when each day has enough to worry about.  

I've mentioned that Sweetie isn't eating enough, stopping half way through her meal and putting it aside. I have decided to start modeling eating to her. I know she is watching me eat, so why not use that as a way to get her to eat more? I tried it with more cookies our neighbor gave us, homemade cholate chip cookies (OMG! Homemade cookie during the Coronavirus outbreak?) . I offer, she takes, then I'll tell her where to take a bite, then show her as I take a bite. She then copies, and if she isn't sure, I'll tell just where and how to bite the cookie. It worked well. So well that I did the same thing with our dinner. She ate everything. When she tried to stop, I wouldn't let her, and we did finish bite by bite.

It is such a shame that we have to be closed up during this crisis. So, in the late afternoon, we took Tweetie out and did a little drive just to get out of the house. She seemed to enjoy it and so did I. Maybe I should do that more often. We used to take day rides until her sundowners cause such a disruption that I felt it was too much of a difficulty. Plus her incontinence is another difficulty that we have to deal with. For now, we just enjoy those moments that are repeated over and over. Simple pleasures like sitting on the couch, turning and smiling, winking, head knocking and soft sweet words of "I love You." being offered and accepted. Those small Easter Eggs will be with me for a long, long time. Until eternity passes. 

We have a day planned with the grandsons today. Going to take them to a fun zone park, video games, miniature golf, go karts, and stuff. Called yesterday and they said they are still open. As for me and Sweetie, we will basically be chaperons. Watching them trying to burn off as much energy as possible, while we sit and wonder why they have all the energy and fun. Growing old had some disadvantages, being around energy burners is one of them. Or is it? On the other side, because of some planning that went well, we can afford to take them to this outing. Life, so rewarding when you look for the good stuff. Attitude. 

Yep, its time. Just heard a door close from outside. You know what that means? My Driver is here and it is time to hit the road again. I never tire of these day trips. Driver is always sharing with me the good stuff. You know, I don't have to look at Him while He's driving and talking. Sometimes it is just a whisper, so softly, I can barely hear Him, yet His words are comforting and encouraging at the same time. Knock, knock, there He is, with that great big smile, so I gotta go, as He hands me my cool sunglasses, opens the passenger door, slipping in and buckling up. Down the Road to Dementia Town. Basket in hand as we go, keeping our Shiny Side Up. Need a ride? Just wave and we'll stop and let you in, otherwise, you too, keep on motoring down the road, keeping your Shiny Side Up. See you Later, Love Ya, God Bless.  

Huntington Beach Pier. I know I'll cry next time I go to California.

Huntington beach pier. One of
Sweetie's favorite places. 

It appears that we saw our last movie yesterday. Got the information that as of today, the movies will be closed until further notice. So, I was very happy that we were able to go. I was surprised how well the movie was attended. Maybe, the audience was just tired of the what was available and this was the best least choice of what was showing. "I still believe" was a great movies story, as a believer, it just flowed over me and refreshed me. Go see it if you can. 

I'm trying something with Sweetie and her CBD Hemp oil. I don't want to have her getting use to it to the point that we have diminishing returns. I was using it as a vitamin to keep her calm, to make my life better, and all those conditions, that as a caregiver, I have to deal with. Now, I want to know how she is doing and don't want to mask her symptoms, so I'm now giving it to her only when her sundowners start up. She seems to be doing OK for now. As we all know, Dementia doesn't have a set schedule and everyday is new. 

Last night, I made her eat her dinner. She has been, if I may say so, like a child who doesn't want to eat what she is given. She will huff and puff, and tell me how "Big it is". Then after only a few bits, put it aside. Because she is loosing her balance when she gets up in the morning, and doesn't feel well, I think she is just doesn't have enough energy to get going. She is lite headed. The only answer is to get her to eat more. So, with a firm voice, told her she had to finish her meal and she did. 

We still have some Boost in the 'fridge and I've gotten her to drink about a half a bottle, and I do the other half. It is the chocolate flavor and I'll cut it with milk and she will take it. Half is better then nothing. Of course she takes her Centrum for women daily, outside of not eating enough, she is very healthy. 

Daycare is closed for the duration, so, instead of not golfing, I'm going to take her with me. I don't know how long it will last, but she can use the walk, and who knows, we just may have some fun. That is, if the course is open today. The zoo closed Monday, that means the Bio Park is closed, and there goes some of our best walking areas. To tell the truth, the mall walk doesn't sound too interesting either. So, it maybe time to pull the something out of the old playbook and try walking around the neighborhood. Fresh air, sunshine, and Sweetie, worked before, so why shouldn't it work again. I have to remember that it is exercise, not excitement that we're after. Walks can get so boring that I just don't want to do them anymore. It's systems, not goals that make things work. 

Tomorrow, we are planning to get the grandsons and take them to an amusement park. The oldest has a birthday next week, 14, and this would be his present and the others just get to go along for the ride. I'm going to call and see if they are even open. With all the business and venues closing, it just may have to wait until the crises has passed.

How did yesterday go? you ask. It went better than I expected. I gave her one dose of CBD in the afternoon and later, around 4, I gave her the oil and put some lotion on her neck. She did struggle a little going to sleep, but that is normal. If I was to say anything, I'd say, Easter Egg of a day. 

That just about covers it for this morning. Now, where is my driver? Excuse me as I check out the front window and see if I can spot Him... Yep, He was just pulling up around the corner. If I hurry I can beat Him to the door. Car looks good and shined up. We'll be making it known when we go by. If you need a ride, just wave and we'll stop and let you in. 'Cause you know where we're heading, Down the Road to Dementia Town, and as always, Keeping our Shiny Side Up, looking for Easter Eggs as we go. I hope you'll be doing the same, Driving down the Road, Keeping your Shiny Side Up as you go. Take care till next time. Love Ya, God Bless.    

Daycare, movies and Coronavirus.

@ Meteor Crater

I am enjoying going through old pictures to find those of Sweetie and the travels that we did before Dementia started taking her away from me. I may sound selfish in these post, but then again, I'm the one taking care of her. I get very little help this past year. There hasn't been any request from the kids that would like to have their mother over for a day, or come over and take her to lunch. But, that is not in the make up of her kids. 

I could be that for along time, I wasn't one that was fun to be around, and that image of me still exist in there minds. Or, that they are worried on what to do if she gets into one of her "Dementia moods". I get depressed sometimes when I think about it, then again, I don't want her to get confused by one of the siblings takes her without me. I don't know. When I'm alone, I want help, and at the same time, I afraid that it would cause more problems then it is worth. 

Well, the Coronavirus is now affecting us personally. Got a message that Daycare will be shut down for 4 weeks. That means that if I want some alone time, I will need some help from the kids, and at the same time, I don't know where they have been and who they have seen, and the worry goes around and around. One thing in our favor, we are both physically healthy. We don't take any prescription drugs for health reasons and we do get out and walk a lot. I feel that if by chance either one of us contact the virus, we have a better than average possibility of surviving it. 

Yesterday, was my golf day and Sweetie's daycare day. It went well for both of us. It was also a light CBD day. I didn't giver her any after I picked her up, just to test to see how she would react for the rest of the day. We got home and worked on our puzzle for awhile, and then spent the evening watching our cooking shows and the Big Bang Theory. I've found that she will watch the cooking shows quite well. Short bits of cooking different dishes doesn't tax her too much. She doesn't have to try to watch something for 2 hours to come to the end of a plot and understand the beginning for the ending. 

I'm planning to take her to the movies today, and that will depend on if the movie theater will be open today. Going to see "I still believe." A love story and Sweetie can still follow a love story movie. So, I'm hoping that the theater will be open. It caves about 3 hours out of our day. If not, I'm sure we'll get through the day. I was told that the zoo has been closed, so there goes another place to visit. If nothing else, there is always the walk around the block. Thank goodness the weather has improved enough that walks are now possible and enjoyable. 

I know that like time, this pandemic will pass, just how soon? When it has run its course. I've heard 3-4 months, I'm hoping that the peak will happen in 2 months, or sooner. Its the recovery period back to what will be a new normal will take much, much longer. As a society goes, we will be like a soldier who just got his orders home, and is trying to survive the next 24 hours. Even after the all clear has been sounded, people will be slow to resume normal life activities. For those of us who will be bold enough to venture out, we will be observed by those who will say we are acting dangerously, 'cause you can't trust what or who is in charge to be telling you the truth. My philosophy is, I'm not getting out of this life alive, so I might as well enjoy it as best I can, and those that don't, that is up to you. 

Right now, I don't have time to worry about those around me, my whole world is centered on taking care of Sweetie. If there was a reason not to get sick, she is it. No one can care for her like I can. I just pray that when the Lord appears at our door, its for her first. 

That is one of the things that me and my Driver talk about. He never gives me a straight answer on that. It's always something about that intersection and getting there when the time comes. Frustrating but at the same time comforting as we drive down the Road to Dementia Town, watching out for pot holes and Easter Eggs. Here we go, I'm the one with the cool sunglasses on, in the Shiny car. If you'd like a ride, always got room for one more. Smiling as we go, keeping our Shiny Side Up. Take care, catch ya tomorrow. God Bless.   

Two days in a row? WOW.

Hi Sweetie. 

It was almost like a repeat of Saturday. The togetherness, the calm, the little or no sundowners.

Sunday mornings are usually spent waiting for Sweetie to get up, and we have breakfast and, well, let the day unfold. For some reason, it was different. Was it a leftover from Saturday, and the good feelings? Was I still feeling the light heartedness from the day before? Can a good day carry over? Who knows. It was just as if we had moved somewhere else on this Dementia day. 

We had our breakfast, and then Sunday shower time. I've learned that if I turn the shower on when we get into the bathroom and let it run, it is easier for her to follow me in. I have her stand behind me and feel the water, asking about the temp, too hot or too cold. She will let me know, either verbally, or by body language. It is confusing when she says its too hot, and at the same time splash water on herself. 

I've been told that it is muscle memory that will take over on somethings. Washing her hair is one of those things. I'll put shampoo in her hand, and she will start washing her hair, and at the same time, tell me she doesn't know what to do. In the shower, I get to touch my lover in a loving way, slowly washing her back, legs, and chest, knowing that she doesn't see of feel it the same as I do, to me it is a way to keep me loving her. Here's something else I've learned. When I get done washing her, I have to wash too. So I keep her under the shower to keep her warm. Using the handheld shower head to wet, wash and rinse makes it easier for me to get the task completed. 

Drying her off, and something else I've learned and really enjoy, blow drying her hair. Now that we had her hair cut, it is easier and harder at the same time. Sometimes I'll be too close to her ear, and she doesn't like it. Like anything else, there is a learning curve to go through. 

Clean body, underwear, dried hair, brushed teeth, and we are ready for the day. She has been a good helper so far. Time to wash the sheets, and so strip the bed, down to the laundry, into the washer they go. 

Have to make a trip to central office to buy some 24hour coins. This time we'd take Tweetie. Its a short drive, spent some time talking with the person standing duty for that morning. Talked about the virus and how people are staying home, and off again. Back home to do some yard work. Sweetie is a real trooper. She is pulling weeds and we are making progress in the weed patch. 

It seems that she doesn't have sundowners too much when she has been busy during the day. As you know, today is my golf and her daycare day. I've already planned for us to get busy again in the back yard after I pick her up and take her to lunch. I just might bring her home and make sandwiches for us, and then into the yard we'll go. 

I put a plastic cover under the bottom sheet this time when we made the bed, its time. 

Now, its time for the day to get going. The sun is up, and my Driver is looking at His watch, wondering when I'm going to finish. I know its just a show, He is always kind and doesn't mind me writing to you. I don't want to test His patients, so I'll be signing off now. Out the door, into the car, now where did I put those cool sunglasses, oh there they are, got them. Off for another day, driving down the Road to Dementia Town, keeping our Shiny Side Up. Hey, if you'd like a ride, we've got room. If not, remember, keep your basket close because you never know when you'll see an Easter Egg, as you drive your car, keeping  your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya, God Bless.    

Easter Eggs, the Backyard and the Zoo.

My two greatest loves. Sweetie and Tweetie. 

Ah, Sunday morning. Sitting in my man cave, waiting for my bagel to toast. Tuning on some jazz from YouTube, and thinking about what a day Saturday was. Had to get a fresh cup of coffee. 

I was thinking about my coffee habit. When I was young and started drinking coffee, it had to be black. A truest at heart. I can't tell when the transition happened and I don't know why it did, I turned into a coffee with cream guy. First it was half and half, then the flavored creamers, and now I'm hooked on coffee with Sweet Italian Creamer. Its so bad, I sometimes have two bottles in the refrigerator, in case I run out. 

Yesterday was such a good day. From her waking her up and coming down stairs, to the end of the day when we went back upstairs to bed.

A friend gave us a jigsaw puzzle because I had mentioned that we were doing them as something to do besides watching TV. To make a long story short, the puzzle was bigger then our table. Found that out as we were doing the outside frame of the puzzle. I like to work from the outside in. Once you get the frame done, you have something to build on. Anyway, I found some plywood in the garage that wasn't doing anything and brought it in. Transferred the puzzle on the plywood, and at that same time, finding a couple of pieces that worked on the frame, and whoa la, we now have a top to fit the puzzle. Now we have something to do. Sweetie enjoys the game we play as we put the puzzle together. I find a piece, and have her put it in place. Team work, high five, and we're having fun.  

Friday we had some rain, so the next day was perfect for pulling weeds and trying to get a grasp of spring cleaning and elimination as many weeds as possible. Don't you just hate it when you think you can work for hours on end. Using the hoe and rake and other tools to clean out the flower beds, and only after a short time, I'm huffing and puffing realizing just out of weed pulling shape I'm in. I think I spent more time going back and forth to the shed and getting different tools out trying to make the job easier. 

Sweetie tried to help, she just doesn't have the strength to do much of anything now. We first tried pulling, then I'd pull and hand her the weeds to put in the trash can, and eventually, we got a chair out so she could just sit and watch. Instead of pulling, I'm thinking of just cultivating the ground and raking what I can of the loose weeds. I know that what is spring up now is from last year when I cleaned out that area and planted Rosemary there. If I keep on it, next spring will be less, and progressively less the following year. 

After we called it a day, we were watching Ratatouille, and not wanting to spend the day watching TV, I said we're going to the zoo. Two outings in one day, OMG! I had bought a large bag of pond fish food to feed the ducks and geese at the zoo. Into a sandwich bag, into the car and off we went. I was hoping to send about an hour, and at the same time wondering if the zoo was closed. It wasn't and we hit the Polar Bear exhibit as they were feeding the bears. Sweetie was so tickled to watch them eat the fish being tossed into the ponds. Almost like watching a nature film. 

As we were leaving, it was time to feed the ducks. Sweetie kept telling me she didn't know how to do this, all the while throwing the food at the ducks. While we were doing our thing, I spied a little boy and girl, and their grandma. No food for the kids, so I offered them some. It turned out the little boy is in remission for a cancer. I told the grandma about Sweetie, then gave the bag to the kids. What fun is there to had if you can't feed the ducks. It made both of us happy, and grandma was very grateful. Hey, its good to do something neither one of us had planed to do. 

Went home, watched the rest of Ratatouille, made dinner, and she ate quite a lot. It was then I started giving her her happy medicine, because she was starting to show signs of sundowners coming on. 

Another opportunity to get out of the house. My meeting and away we went. Back home, some cheese cake and up to bed. 

My basket was heavy with Easter Eggs. My Driver knew we needed a day like yesterday. Oh, one other thing, my trip next month has been canceled, the virus. Which is kinda a good thing, which is, not having to put Sweetie in Respite care, I hope my June plans will work out. Keep your fingers crossed. 

Time to get going, Drive just told me not to cross my fingers, He'll take care of June, when June comes. Time to get my Sunday face on and head out the door, sliding into the passenger seat, putting on my cool sunglasses, as we head off down the Road to Dementia Town, and as always keeping our Shiny Side Up. Gee, best of times for you are ahead, and remember, it is up to you to keep your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya Guys. God Bless.        

A mixed bag of goodies.

The Beach.
Sweetie's at home. 

Saturday morning, good morning to those reading this. Friday, we had some difficulties and will talk about that later. 

Yesterday was my support group meeting. It was lightly attended, and I'd say it happened because of the Wuhan Virus fears. I missed last month because daycare was closed for employee training. It was a surprise for me when I pulled up to the building and found it closed. This time I asked to make sure they would be open on Friday. 

At the meeting the conversations covered everything from men who lost their wives six month ago, to what is going on with those of us who still care for their wives at home, and those who have wives in a facility. The men who are in that situations have said that visiting privilege's are cancelled, again because of the Wuhan Virus, AKA the Coronavirus. 

Those of us kept our discussions as to what is happening to our wives, not mentioning what phrase they are in, more of where they are compared to last month. Sometimes there won't be a noticeable decline mentioned, just what is getting done, in home help, daycare, and for those who are newly widowers, wanting to be alone, not interested in restarting their lives yet. One man who lost his wife two years ago, met someone, and is interested in life again. As we speak, we help each other, some seeing where they are and what is up ahead. Always I find my path has pioneers that keep sending the message back, come on, We've been there, you can make it. So it goes one foot after another, one day at a time. 

Last evening we had a tough bout with sundowners. Sweetie was fine until she got off the couch and walked into the kitchen. It hit her hard. Gave her her Happy Medicine and lotion. She just kept getting deeper and deeper into her paranoia and depression. I gave her another dose an hour later. We finally took a drive until she settled down. It timed out that there was a meeting not far from where we were, so I drove around to our regular place, and spent time with some other people, which I find can help her out of her sundowners. 

There are times when I know I can't do anything to help her, so I do what I can, and wait for her to slowly come back from that dark place she is in. This is one of the things that makes me feel so helpless when she succumbs to her sundowners. 

On the side, my trip in April has been cancelled. The Virus strikes again. The reunion has been postpone till next year. Disappointing, yes, but at the same time, I don't have to worry about putting Sweetie into respite care next month. Later in June, when I make my pilmagridge to California for my birthday Angel game. I'm hoping that we will be on the downside of the virus panic, and a place will be open for me to put Sweetie. 

Yesterday it rained and now I'm wondering about the shine. I know my Driver is a very diligent man and I shouldn't have to worry about the car. He'll have it all cleaned up, polished up, and ready to head down the Road to Dementia Town. I know I'm ready for a ride, wearing my cool sunglasses as we motor down the road one more time. As always, with basket in hand to pick up my Easter Eggs, as we head down the road. Keeping our Shiny Side Up. See you on the road. Love Ya. God Bless. 

This one made me cry. Can you find the place?

A lighthouse, one of Sweetie's passion. 

As far as I can tell, it's a rainy morning. I'm down here in my "Man Cave" wondering what will come our way today?

Sweetie doesn't do well in the rain. Almost the same reaction when we shower. Getting wet can best be described, to use a visual, as the Wicked Witch of the West, having water poured on her. A little dramatic, but the reaction is about the same. 

For whatever the reason, the movie "Casablanca" and the line "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine." That is how I feel about my Sweetie and Dementia. Of all the diseases that are in the world, Dementia walked into Sweetie, and here we are. 

I have friends that have lost love ones to different diseases, lost children to leukemia, to auto accidents, and one lady who lost her husband to Alzheimer's. Dementia/Alzheimer's to me would be the last disease I would choose, if I had the choice to make. Unlike a automobile accident, it isn't a quick surprise, and like so many diseases today, there are either cures, or possible remissions. With this nasty friend, the Eddie Haskell of diseases, that has no cure, for it only elongates the suffering and it draws you into the hope that there might be something out there on the horizon that will open the door to either bring it to a stop, or back to some recovery. 

To say, so and so had a good life, they passed away at, say, over 80 years of age. For the person who doesn't know that for the past 10 15 or even 20 years, that person was walking around in a cave that kept getting darker and darker. And I was the one holding her hand for all those years. Learning what it is like, if only from the outside in, to have to walk that same path day after day, not knowing that she was just there just 24 hours ago. 

In my meetings, those that know Sweetie and what we are going through, tell me I'm such a good man, that she is lucky to have someone like me taking care of her. But DAMN IT, I don't want to be that person, I want my Sweetie back. I want that life we had talked about, the trips we had planned, and just the sitting around as old retired couples do. 

Now with the Wuhan Virus, or if you prefer, the Coronavirus, is now putting in jeopardy my plans for April. If the facility closes until the crisis is over, I will have to cancel my plans. There is no way that I'll take Sweetie on a cross country trip like the one I'm planning. Right now, there are mixed reports coming in from all over the world and some are good, and some are not so good. I just have to put all my trust into my Driver's hands. 

Speaking of my Driver, He's at the door, with an umbrella in hand. It is still rainy, and after He put all that effort into keeping the car shiny. He says it doesn't matter, its so clean, waxed up and shiny, that the rain will just run right off and we'll still be as we should be. Driving the Road to Dementia Town, with our Shiny Side Up. Don't forget to use your windshield wipers as you travel down your road, keeping your Shiny Side Up too. God Bless.